The Psyche of the Late Bloomer

[USMCHokie]

Also, only a couple of them were really good at math.

 

Well at least I have that going for me... :p

[TouchedByViolet]

I'm not even sure if I am attracting anyone at all, let alone a specific type of girl...

 

And it would be nice to meet someone that doesn't necessary freak out or run away when they find out that I do want something significant out of a relationship...the only problem is that I might reveal that part a little too soon...

 

Wow, this is exactly how I feel.

[USMCHokie]

SO how do you feel when you come in contact with "The Psyche of the Early Bloomer" You know girls you date who have been screwing and having good times since early high school?

 

Great question, Green...I honestly don't know...I mean, I certainly wouldn't hold it against a girl if she has had lots of dating and relationship experience throughout her life...it's just the way it is...people are meant to date other people...but sometimes I can't help but feel like I'm just "another guy"...almost like I'm expendable to them...actually, that'd be the perfect word to describe it...expendable...

[somedude81]

Late bloomer? At 29, I feel like a plant that is wilting before it even got a chance to bloom.

 

In regards to the first post; 1, 3, 4 all strongly describe me.

 

I get attached way too quickly and fall much to hard for girls that give me just a little more attention than normal.

 

I can not tell at all when girls like me. That just may be because no girls have ever liked me, so it's kind of hard to see signs that just aren't there.

 

Valuing myself is impossible. When I absolutely hate my life, I have no idea how can I value myself. That ties back into number one because I live off of female attention and when I finally get some, I get a huge crush on the poor girl. What really sucks is that deep down, I know that these girls don't give a crap about me, and that if I stopped making contact, I'd never hear from them.

 

Unless something changes, I won't be around much longer.

[Green]

Late bloomer? At 29, I feel like a plant that is wilting before it even got a chance to bloom.

 

In regards to the first post; 1, 3, 4 all strongly describe me.

 

I get attached way too quickly and fall much to hard for girls that give me just a little more attention than normal.

 

I can not tell at all when girls like me. That just may be because no girls have ever liked me, so it's kind of hard to see signs that just aren't there.

 

Valuing myself is impossible. When I absolutely hate my life, I have no idea how can I value myself. That ties back into number one because I live off of female attention and when I finally get some, I get a huge crush on the poor girl. What really sucks is that deep down, I know that these girls don't give a crap about me, and that if I stopped making contact, I'd never hear from them.

 

Unless something changes, I won't be around much longer.

 

why don't you calm down. So not to be insulting but is this a suicide threat?

[AD1980]

Late bloomer? At 29, I feel like a plant that is wilting before it even got a chance to bloom.

 

In regards to the first post; 1, 3, 4 all strongly describe me.

 

I get attached way too quickly and fall much to hard for girls that give me just a little more attention than normal.

 

I can not tell at all when girls like me. That just may be because no girls have ever liked me, so it's kind of hard to see signs that just aren't there.

 

Valuing myself is impossible. When I absolutely hate my life, I have no idea how can I value myself. That ties back into number one because I live off of female attention and when I finally get some, I get a huge crush on the poor girl. What really sucks is that deep down, I know that these girls don't give a crap about me, and that if I stopped making contact, I'd never hear from them.

 

Unless something changes, I won't be around much longer.

 

I undertsand where youre coming from im 30 only made out with one girl a few yeasr ago who later said it was only because of alcohol..Women just arent attracted to me which hurts and makes me sad at times BUT you are going to extremes...

 

I still find life worth living even without women..Looking at relationships and going on sites like these theres tons of whackjob women out there i want no parts of..Id rather be alone then in a bad relationship..

 

Would i like to find someobdy or finally have a feeling of a women attracted to me for once?? Of course but you shouldnt base your whole life on wheter or not you are in a relationship...

[somedude81]

why don't you calm down. So not to be insulting but is this a suicide threat?

No it's not a threat, a thought, but either way I'm freaking out.

Women just arent attracted to me which hurts and makes me sad at times BUT you are going to extremes...

 

I still find life worth living even without women.

Is there?

 

Nobody, man or woman, wants to be alone.

 

My worst nightmare is to be in my 40's come home from work and have nobody to greet me. Sleeping alone every night.

 

What's the point to life if you have nobody to share it with?

[Green]

I undertsand where youre coming from im 30 only made out with one girl a few yeasr ago who later said it was only because of alcohol..Women just arent attracted to me which hurts and makes me sad at times BUT you are going to extremes...

 

I still find life worth living even without women..Looking at relationships and going on sites like these theres tons of whackjob women out there i want no parts of..Id rather be alone then in a bad relationship..

 

Would i like to find someobdy or finally have a feeling of a women attracted to me for once?? Of course but you shouldnt base your whole life on wheter or not you are in a relationship...

 

You technicaly arn't living a life with out women. Even looking at them and not being able to touch is great haha.

 

You have a good attitude but seriously though don't hide from women. Don't be afraid to just walk up to one and totaly CREEP her out haha you know what i mean TRY... u'd be suprised at how easy it is to find a nice gf if you just walk up to girls and talk to them as yourself, not being afraid of rejection... heck its funny to be rejected its happened to me countless times.

 

Having a gf is nice but you're still the same person and it doesn't make life perfect. A relationship has its own chalenges and worries to it.

 

No it's not a threat, a thought, but either way I'm freaking out.

 

Is there?

 

Nobody, man or woman, wants to be alone.

 

My worst nightmare is to be in my 40's come home from work and have nobody to greet me. Sleeping alone every night.

 

What's the point to life if you have nobody to share it with?

 

Look don't let this "Psyche of the late Bloomer" stuff depress you. I had ZERO gf experience until the summer I graduated college. I was 22 when I had my first KISS. And you know what all that taught me.... it taught me that having a gf or sex or a girl finding you sexy or loving you... Your still the same person. You can't let that **** define you. In fact when you are in a relationship you have to be tough in order to not lose yourself...

 

If it takes you till after 40 who cares. 40 year old virgin is a great movie (AND YOUR NOT A VIRGIN) The point is live in the here and NOW not the PAST or FUTURE.

 

PM if you want to talk outside of this thread but you shouldn't think about suicide over things like this. Girls, Money ect. none of it really matters. You just got have some fun and enjoy life. Smell the flowers ect. There really is no trick to getting women. OVERTHINKING is the KILLER. Seriously ever notice that back in HS jocks got all the women? (at least at my hs) Its not cause they over think its cause they had fun doing what they liked (playing sports) this made them confident and they weren't afraid to act horny (be themselves) in front of girls.

 

Like I said PM me if you want to talk and stop feeling sorry for yourself and thinking about things like suicide... no late bloomer should feel that way

[Floridaman]

Several have asked about previous dating experinces on first dates. It really unnerved me and I tried to avoid the subject.

 

Even if I get past a first date and have something great going, I know I may be asked questions about my dating history and will be fearful that she'll run from me when she finds out about my inexperience. I want to be open yet at the same time I'm afraid to be. I don't have an answer. I think this may be common among late bloomers.

Hey, Gamma, I want to respond to some of the dating experience threads you've started but they're not taking new posts (timed out?).

 

Can you start a new thread... I can PM you but this info. isn't highly personal and might benefit other LS readers, so I'd rather post it to the forums plus some other faces might be able to provide you some other perspectives.

 

I really feel for you.

[Floridaman]

Most people aren't going to question your level of commitment on a first date, so you shouldn't worry about that. Besides, there is no need for anyone to disclose their entire life history during a first date.

 

Several have asked about previous dating experinces on first dates. It really unnerved me and I tried to avoid the subject.

Even if I get past a first date and have something great going, I know I may be asked questions about my dating history and will be fearful that she'll run from me when she finds out about my inexperience. I want to be open yet at the same time I'm afraid to be. I don't have an answer. I think this may be common among late bloomers.

The other posters are right. That kind of question doesn't really belong in first dates and those women were wrong to drill you on that.

Would be like you asking your date her sexual experiences on the first date. Theyu're not gonna answer that early. It's none of anyone's business that early in the relationship.

 

If you do get questions like that, don't go into specifics or try to honestly answer her questions on this topic. Remember, you're not with her to tell her everything. She doesn't need to know everything so soon. Save the deep stuff for later.

 

Say something general like, "Well, no one's perfect. We all make mistakes..."

Or... "We're all learning..."

 

You could say "I like dating a number of people (which is true)..." "I find meeting people is a good way to...." (also true. You're not lying. You do like meeting people.

 

If you get a personal question about your supposed "inexperience," you could say, "That's kind of personal and I'd rather not talk about it so soon..."

 

Or, conversely, turn the tables and ask her about her experience. See how she reacts to that.

 

^^^^^^

 

You've been in job interviews and have read the books on how to answer the tough Q's and what to say and what not to say.

 

For example, you're asked in a job interview, "Tell us your biggest weakness..." or "the biggest mistake you ever made..."

 

This ain't confession! You'd be a fool to disclose something you really messed up on or call attention to a weakness with you (I'm too shy...etc).

You don't want to not get the job!

 

Instead, you're supposed to say, "I try to learn from all my experiences. I learn from mistakes and use that knowlege to improve my productivity and help the company do X, Y and Z...." That kind of thing.

 

If they keep pressing, say, "I can't recall right now... (which could also be true).

 

I'm a writer and interview people for a living for a business publication, and was formerly in TV and radio news.

You'd think I'd be very comfortable asking questions.

 

Get this: on dates, I flopped often and wasn't always great with conversation, primarly bec. of lack of self confidence and being a late blomer as well. I think I tried but often your date won't talk much.

 

That also happened on my first date with my now wife, which was a blind date. Thankfully, the other couple was more talkative. (We did talk more privately later at the scenic overlook we visited as part of the arranged date).

 

Another one clammed up and ruined the evening. Later, she told me she knew we "weren't right" and just couldn't say anthying...

 

But that's what dates are all about: conversation and getting to know each other and hopefully attracting the other person.

 

I would find that asking a lot of Q's and keeping the talk focused on your date is a good idea, one I tried frequently. If you get bored, just say so, that usually revs up interest.

 

You could almost never run out of things to talk about. OTher posters have suggested this.

Edited November 15, 2010 by Floridaman

[studiomuffin]

To be fair i'm only 18 now and starting to get into the dating world. I though do strongly agree that experience is the key that educates all of us when it comes to finding interest and going through new experiences.

 

I'm kind of a late ish bloomer, I was the loner type of guy during my school years and a few of my colleges ones. I've only broken out of that after a pathetic online relationship which opened my eyes about the flaws in my life and what i was doing to myself emotionally by closing off all my friends and family. Only when i fixed that i solved my problem and now i've regained my social life and starting to venture out to meet women.

 

Though right now i see myself are amateur which won't attract many. I still carry some of the triats you claimed now and i believe it takes at least a few years or more to truely break through them and rediscover yourself and attraction through dating and social events.

[Floridaman]

Yeah, dear god. I feel like I have just read a massengale promotional in this thread. It is as if this is a Ricky Martin concert without the hot chics. I see a few Budweiser tents, Radio tents, a swag tent, even a Jagermeister tent. What I dont see is a tampax tent for some of the pussys that have posted here. Including you.

 

Pal, why do you possibly need the approval of anyone? Especially a chic? Are you kiddding me? Know who you are, first.

 

You do yourself a favor and realize you have a set of hairy boys and you are a man. Thats right!! A man! You are a man, arent you? Then get your ass up tomorrow and KNOW IT! You do not need the approval of anyone! Ever!

 

Goddamnit! Seriously, do you think someone on this forum is the hottest piece of ass you could ever get? Raise the bar my friend. Next time you go take a piss you can either sit down or stand up. I recommend standing.

Reminds me of a drill instructor... but maybe that's the point..

 

I know that's just an expression in the context of the post, but I usually sit.

I prefer that as I have to clean that bathroom in my home office.... and often the master bathroom as well.

I'd rather make cleaning as fast as possible...It's not something enjoyable...

Hope that doesn't disqualify me as a man...

Edited November 16, 2010 by Floridaman