The Psyche of the Late Bloomer

[LisaLee]

What what whaaat? There's a comment??!?! :eek:

 

:laugh:

 

Nothing major, she just said Malaysians are awesome followed by

 

I thought she must know quite a few Malays, but now I think she had one in particular in mind.

[USMCHokie]

I am still looking for a Marine lawyer to defend me when I go "over the wall" (since no army guys will). What's so great about Marines?

 

We have the best TV commercials. I swear, I get a hard on every time I see one on ESPN...

[USMCHokie]

Nothing major, she just said Malaysians are awesome followed by

 

I thought she must know quite a few Malays, but now I think she had one in particular in mind.

 

Oooh...I see that post now...had to stalk a little bit to find it...

 

::sigh::

[LisaLee]

We have the best TV commercials...

 

Oh reeaaalllyyy?

 

Navy seals footprints in the sand. My favorite military commercial.

[skydiveaddict]

We have the best TV commercials. I swear, I get a hard on every time I see one on ESPN...

 

 

True, the Nat'l Guard commercials have been kind of wimpy lately.

 

On another sorry note, my Colorado Buffs were ahead of Kansas 45-17 going into the fourth quarter today and LOST. Unbelievable.

[USMCHokie]

Oh reeaaalllyyy?

 

Navy seals footprints in the sand. My favorite military commercial.

 

Marines in Times Square...and then the Grand Canyon...etc...how does that not make you want to run to your local recruiter...? :laugh:

[skydiveaddict]

True, but our Katrina ads were pretty awesome.

[LisaLee]

Marines in Times Square...and then the Grand Canyon...etc...how does that not make you want to run to your local recruiter...? :laugh:

 

My favorite Marines commercial is the old Chess one:

 

 

When I was a kid it gave me chills.

 

True, but our Katrina ads were pretty awesome.

 

I don't think I am familiar with those commercials. =/

[skydiveaddict]

 

Around the clock, around the world, this is what we do

Edited November 6, 2010 by skydiveaddict

[curiousbell]

I'm a late bloomer as well--on the female end. I'm twenty and haven't even held hands with a guy. I feel like my singleness has actually helped me more than hindered me. It's allowed me to become myself and know who that is. I know my passions, strengths, weaknesses, my character, how to improve myself for myself only. I get more respect from men, too. It's quite great, really. As I may be in the first dating stage of my life, I know what I want in a man because I know who I am. You can't know what you need from a S/O until you know yourself, and I have my singleness to thank for that. As far as dating for the first time, I have been struggling a little, but I can't imagine it's not what every girl goes through. In a nutshell, I wouldn't take back my late blooming for anything.

[Sivok]

(5) You have a harder time letting go and moving on. When you've always had difficulty finding people interested in a relationship with you, you are prone to see a someone that left you as your "last shot," so you tend to stay attached to that person and that relationship longer than you should, thinking that it's all you'll ever have.

This holds truer to me than all the other points. I just dated a girl over the summer seeing her once every 1-2 weeks and I'm still somewhat hung up on her.

[USMCHokie]

In a nutshell, I wouldn't take back my late blooming for anything.

 

Me either.

[tami-chan]

I never actually suffered from any external racism at all in my entire life. I was accepted by everyone...I "created" the racism within myself and assumed that because of my race, no girl would want to date me. Unfortunately, it's something that I don't know if I'll truly get over, no matter how much I pretend that it doesn't matter...

 

So to answer your question, no, I wasn't protecting myself from anything...rather, I created something in my head that might not have ever been an issue at all...

 

Wow... the whole thread is some read...!

 

Not that you want to ever "hear" what I have to say about this, Hokie, considering....but I will say it anyway <shrug>..

 

I really believe that until you accept who you are (which includes being of Asian descent) and reconcile that truth to the life you want to live then it will always be an uphill battle to establish relationships.

 

You have to feel good about being Asian AND being all the other things you are-you cannot feel good only about how hot your bod is:o, or how successful you are career-wise-who you are includes your cultural heritage- otherwise you are doomed-but you already know that, so make the move to make peace with your truth.

 

I have never been impressed with anybody because of their cultural heritage or the color of their skin. I have never been ashamed or uncomfortable of being of Japanese descent either. I am rarely offended by racist remarks about Asians-terms like FOB, or chink-almost never faze me-why? because I am none of those. Or when someone asks me if I have tried dog meat-I make a joke of it and tell them, yes it tastes like chicken and I tell them my "wok the dog" joke ! I don't know-maybe I am the opposite of you-maybe I have a superiority complex-hard not to have that, I am afterall- AWESOME! :lmao:! I kid !

 

Anyway, I admire how unafraid you are to admit your shortfalls-here's hoping you will meet the woman of your dreams (if you didn't already) AND have a wonderful life with her!

[USMCHokie]

Not that you want to ever "hear" what I have to say about this, Hokie, considering....but I will say it anyway <shrug>..

 

Tami, we may have had our differences in the past, but don't think that I don't welcome and appreciate your thoughts and comments...

 

I really believe that until you accept who you are (which includes being of Asian descent) and reconcile that truth to the life you want to live then it will always be an uphill battle to establish relationships.

 

You have to feel good about being Asian AND being all the other things you are-you cannot feel good only about how hot your bod is:o, or how successful you are career-wise-who you are includes your cultural heritage- otherwise you are doomed-but you already know that, so make the move to make peace with your truth.

 

I have never been impressed with anybody because of their cultural heritage or the color of their skin. I have never been ashamed or uncomfortable of being of Japanese descent either. I am rarely offended by racist remarks about Asians-terms like FOB, or chink-almost never faze me-why? because I am none of those. Or when someone asks me if I have tried dog meat-I make a joke of it and tell them, yes it tastes like chicken and I tell them my "wok the dog" joke ! I don't know-maybe I am the opposite of you-maybe I have a superiority complex-hard not to have that, I am afterall- AWESOME! :lmao:! I kid !

 

And I for the most part agree with you here...I also enjoy the Asian jokes and tell them more than anyone I know...

 

However, Asian women in the US do seem to have a "superior" status to Asian men...just take for example blind dates and the common stereotypes for both Asian men and women...if a guy learns that his blind date is Asian, he's general response is "nice...:)" But if a girl learns that her blind date is Asian, you may be more likely to get a "oh...:rolleyes:" The girl can't help but associate the guy with the "traits" of the Asian man (rail thin, socially awkward, timid, etc. etc), most of which are undesirable. This is why I hate blind dates so much and try to avoid them altogether.

 

Anyway, I admire how unafraid you are to admit your shortfalls-here's hoping you will meet the woman of your dreams (if you didn't already) AND have a wonderful life with her!

 

Thanks, I hope so too...

[luvnpain]

Well. I was sort of a late bloomer but not by choice. Super strict parenting was the culprit, so I knew I wouldn't date until college. I was fine with it, and think mostly positive things came from it.

 

I don't agree that experience is the best teacher. Not always. I got to learn what I liked/disliked from living vicariously through my friends and their relationships. By the time I started dating, I had a good idea of the type of guy I wanted to date.

 

Also, I learned to be an independent thinker. I mean, everyone had a boyfriend but me, and I got the teasing and was called a "little girl" because I could not do things without permission. I didn't care though. I guess because I knew there were guys that wanted to date me, so I didn't feel inferior or like it was something about me, just that it was a circumstance I had to deal with. So what if people thought my parents sucked, or that I was a loser for not rebelling or sneaking out or whatever. I liked the order and didn't mind waiting.

 

Yes, I had to learn the best ways to communicate in relationships, and started out too idealistic because I was so cerebral about the process of dating, but I don't think being a late bloomer hindered me.

[Confusing]

I myself am a "late-bloomer" too. I'm 22 and never dated anyone until just recently. Whenever someone asked me about having a boyfriend, I would just respond with "I'm waiting until I finish school and have a career first", although deep down I felt like I was missing out on all the experiences others around me had already gone through time and time again. Eventually I got tired of it and chose to try the whole online-dating thing. I've met a nice guy from there and we've been seeing each other for a week. I personally find it very difficult to get into the whole relationship thing when I've never experienced it before. If anything, I'm constantly fighting the urge to just run and hide in a corner and stay single forever because that's all I've ever known. I don't know how to feel, what to do, and what to expect. It's very scary. Lucky for me, I found a man who understands and is patient. I'm hoping I can find a way to fight the fear and just enjoy the ups and downs of developing a romantic relationship. Then maybe things won't feel so damn awkward anymore.

[tami-chan]

However, Asian women in the US do seem to have a "superior" status to Asian men...just take for example blind dates and the common stereotypes for both Asian men and women...if a guy learns that his blind date is Asian, he's general response is "nice...:)" But if a girl learns that her blind date is Asian, you may be more likely to get a "oh...:rolleyes:" The girl can't help but associate the guy with the "traits" of the Asian man (rail thin, socially awkward, timid, etc. etc), most of which are undesirable. This is why I hate blind dates so much and try to avoid them altogether.

 

Ok...let's supposed you are right about all of the above. Still, it is your choice to live your life with that premise or live your life outside of that premise.I have a beautiful teenage daughter-her dad is of Italian descent. She likes Asian boys, but no Asian boy has ever shown interest on her. They assume she is not interested to go to the movies with them or have ice cream because she is not full Asian. It is a load of crap!

 

You do not like blind dates? so don't go to one and if you must, is it not satisfying to surprise your date that you do not fit the stereotype?

[GrayClouds]

I was still smart and caring, but people didn't notice me until I started getting the body... but now I had a way to get women to be willing to learn about the rest of me...

 

The ironic thing is now I suspect that many of the women you are now attracting are not the type who are really interested or able to handle your depth. They assume you too are a "surface dweller" and as they get to know you are surprised to find you want / need something of more substance.

 

In someways it may be even harder now to accept because you can not blame it on external reasons. Though the fact is it not about them or how you look. You just want / need / expect something significant from a relationship. And the higher your expectations the more time it usually takes to find someone who can fulfill them.

 

It is always a bit harder to find true quality. Hokie you have proven often you are yourself, so do not be hard on yourself, you will find what you deserve.

[USMCHokie]

You do not like blind dates? so don't go to one and if you must, is it not satisfying to surprise your date that you do not fit the stereotype?

 

Oh, of course that would be satisfying...but I kinda feel bad that a girl is being dragged out to a blind date with me...I'd hate to see that look of disappointment on her face...like this: ... or this: ... or even this:

[USMCHokie]

The ironic thing is now I suspect that many of the women you are now attracting are not the type who are really interested or able to handle your depth. They assume you too are a "surface dweller" and as they get to know you are surprised to find you want / need something of more substance.

 

In someways it may be even harder now to accept because you can not blame it on external reasons. Though the fact is it not about them or how you look. You just want / need / expect something significant from a relationship. And the higher your expectations the more time it usually takes to find someone who can fulfill them.

 

It is always a bit harder to find true quality. Hokie you have proven often you are yourself, so do not be hard on yourself, you will find what you deserve.

 

I'm not even sure if I am attracting anyone at all, let alone a specific type of girl...

 

And it would be nice to meet someone that doesn't necessary freak out or run away when they find out that I do want something significant out of a relationship...the only problem is that I might reveal that part a little too soon...

[Lady vs Panda]

Or when someone asks me if I have tried dog meat-I make a joke of it and tell them, yes it tastes like chicken!

 

More like pork.

[Content]

I was a really late bloomer but it hasnt hampered me in relationships much because for one im a pretty easy person to please and get along with and can compromise well with people. I also dont have that clingy or desperation thing going becasue while id like to find love im also amazingly content by myself and doing my own thing if necessary that i dont put all my life eggs in another persons basket

 

I think too many people put way too much pressure on themslves to find love or think there life will be a failure and that shows in relationships wheter youre a later bloomer or have been in numerous relationships

 

People gotta be happy with themslves and look at finding another person to love as a great positive or plus to have not a must

Edited November 9, 2010 by Content

[Tim The Enchanter]

 

But if a girl learns that her blind date is Asian, you may be more likely to get a "oh...:rolleyes:" The girl can't help but associate the guy with the "traits" of the Asian man (rail thin, socially awkward, timid, etc. etc), most of which are undesirable.

 

I didn't realise you were Asian. Maybe it's an American thing, because I'm half Chinese, living in England, and I don't think it's affected my love life that much. Yes I do think some (non Asian) women won't go for me because they aren't into the Asian "look", but there are also lots of women who do go for it.

 

When I was a teenager I had to put up with taunts and snide remarks about my ethnicity which ended me up in a lot of fights. It led to me being almost embarrassed about it - thank god I'm not like that now, as I totally embrace it. Also when I went to university was the first time I'd encountered girls who are specifically attracted to Oriental men - I say Oriental because the first girl I met like that was Indian, and very pretty too.

 

My ex told me that I wasn't her usual "type", as I don't think she'd ever been with an Asian man before, but she was totally into me in spite of if.

[Green]

SO how do you feel when you come in contact with "The Psyche of the Early Bloomer" You know girls you date who have been screwing and having good times since early high school?

[Stung]

Oh, of course that would be satisfying...but I kinda feel bad that a girl is being dragged out to a blind date with me...I'd hate to see that look of disappointment on her face...like this: ... or this: ... or even this:

 

Well, Hokie, I know this is not going to heal your deeper wounds, but FWIW I had a pretty strong preference for Asian men for a long time, and they didn't have to be musclebound, in fact as I recall most my past Asian boyfriends were lean, possibly skinnier than me . Just one datapoint, as carhill would say.

 

Also, only a couple of them were really good at math.