will_woman Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 People have been telling me that a complete family involved kids as well. When a man refused to have kids...he just wanted 2-person life together....does that make him a "bad guy"? However, i have seen guy with kids but betrayed his wife. Also seen a guy friend who is married for 10 over years with no children...he is still very much in love with his wife. Any one has any comments? Link to post Share on other sites
justagirl Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 I'm 27 and have been married 3 years. I don't want children right now, and don't know that I ever willl. I think that it's okay to not want children- some say having a family is what life is all about, but some of the people that say that hate their lives!?! My big question about having children is this....will I be remembered in this world if I don't have children? Sounds silly, but lets say I live to a ripe old age and have many caring people in my life - the stories of me and my life will die within a generation. I will know the children/grand children of friend's and relatives, but those children/grandchildren will not be passing on stories of me for generations to come. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 Neither children, nor the desire for them, are a measure of a man's goodness. Plenty of wonderful men don't want to be fathers, and plenty of craptard men have children for all of the wrong reasons--or even the right reasons, yet they remain craptards. A family's completeness rests with the desires of those involved. My uncle Greg lives alone, and his family is complete. He enjoys the company of himself, and will not seek another besides his pets. He's not reclusive, nor anti-social, he justs sees himself as a complete family unit. Additionally, some married pairs are happy with each other's company, without the distraction of unwanted children. Problems only tend to arise in situations in which one partner wants children, but the other does not--causing one to yield to the desires of another, while continuing to yearn for their preferred life with(out) children. I can't wait to have children, I plan on beginning this almost immediately after completing school. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 the stories of me and my life will die within a generation. I will know the children/grand children of friend's and relatives, but those children/grandchildren will not be passing on stories of me for generations to come. So? You won't be around to care. Besides, this doesn't necessarily happen anyway. Your kid might not have kids - and then your story stops. If you want to leave a legacy, do something concrete in your lifetime. Write something and have it published. Buy a block in a sidewalk or in some monument that's getting built. Buy a star. Develop a product. There's a great deal you can do to leave your traces behind. Then again, eventually, you yourself will be recycled and become part of the planet, which is itself a pretty nifty legacy to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 but i think given that we're biologically programmed to have kids, most(NOT all) people would not be happy without them. many try to satisfy their motherly/fatherly insticts by having pets. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 It only becomes an issue if you don't both agree that you don't want kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Helpme2004 Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 If both of you agree from the very beginning you dont want children then its fine but if for some reason one of you change your mind then it may be a prob in the relationship..I didnt want children until i was in my mid twenties and i wanted to have them before id turned 30 which i fullfilled with my 2 little girls and we dont want anymore, everyone is different... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 given that we're biologically programmed to have kids Yeah, and a lot of people who are utterly unfit to be parents have them because of this urge Not all of us have that programming. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 i guess not all, but the vast majority. the rest still have lots of caregiving instincts and have to direct them elsewhere. hey, have you heard abt the gay penguins in the NY Zoo? they wanted a baby (this was figured out by seeing them cuddle a rock that looked like an egg or smth like that). so they took an egg from some poor female penguin and gave it to the gay couple. they gladly took care of it and are raising the lil penguin, as far as i know. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 Cute tale about the penguins. Think they're the ones in Paul's avatar? Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 There are many wonderful people who've passed through this world who's good works have made them memorable WITHOUT having had progeny. Need examples? Amelia Earhart (sp?) Katherine Hepburn Oh...and this carpenter guy named Jesus. If you need a longer list let me know. I'm just not in the mood to go on and on today. There are large organizations for people who choose not to have children. Try googling 'No Kidding' and see what comes up. In this overpopulated world, many people prefer to focus their nuturing skills on people already here. I think this is wonderful and noble. And so what if you would rather spend time raising animals than humans? If that's where your heart lies, then follow it. Some people are busy doing caretaking for other's children....or mentally-delayed siblings, or sick parents. Some of us express ourselves through demanding careers; I know a fabulous pediatrician at the hospital I work at. He flies all over the world since his specialty is so rare. He does not have time to raise children and in fact, never married. But his work is groundbreaking and he will long be remembered. I think many people have children for the wrong reasons. They want to 'strengthen' their marriage: BAD IDEA. Please read Susan Jeffer's "I'm OK, You're a Brat" or Susan Maushart's "The Myth of Motherhood" before adding a child to a bad marriage. It's been said over and over again (although Hollywood would have us believe otherwise) that adding a baby to a relationship is like dropping a grenade in the middle of your house. If the structure isn't strong, things will crumble quickly. People think kids will give them unconditional love! WRONG Kids are self-centered. They DO love with a great abandon and fierceness that is delightful. However, they will also tell you without much ado when they 'hate' you or think you're being unfair, uncool, stupid, nasty, mean or 'retarded'. Kids don't really learn to see their parents as 'real' people for a long time. The parent-child relationship can be loving, but also fraught with tensions and frustration. People think having kids makes them into better people. MAYBE I've seen some friends who have kids turn into wonderfully responsible, patient people. However, they're the kind of people who would have become wonderfully responsible and patient no matter what kind of endeavor they decided to undertake. I've seen other people have kids and not grow at all. Instead, the kids get dragged out to bars and restaurants at all hours of the night (because the parents don't want their lifestyle to change). People think having kids will make their lives happier MAYBE It takes a person with the calling to love parenthood and really learn to adjust to it. I have friends who've been honest (and brave) enough to tell me that parenthood wasn't what they'd hoped. Again, please read "I'm OK, You're a Brat" by Jeffers. Parenthood is a lifelong committment. If you do not have what it takes to: *change your lifestyle *put many of your own goals on hold *scale back on your standard of living since baies are expensive *accept that your relationship with your spouse will undergo changes *face that your childfree/childless friends may not understand your new life and may fade away *deal with the reality that a lot of childrearing is tough, grinding, even boring some days Then you are over-romanticizing parenthood. My BF works with kids and families (he's a therapist). Over and over again he sees kids who have 'failed' to live up to their parents' expectations because the parents expectations are unrealistic. A lot of people really think having a baby is going to be like the movies. PLEASE If you don't like kids or want kids, think long and hard about a 'sudden' urge to have any!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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