"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[edu]

Wow...Wonderful thread... Let me share my experience...

 

1. Boy Meets Girl

 

2. In relationship for 5 years.

 

3.Boy cheats on girl

 

4.Girl finds out

 

5. Boy promises to change and he does. Commitment to the gal 100%

 

6. Girl cheats on Boy.

 

7. Boy finds out.

 

8. Quarrel

 

9. Girl breaks up to be with the boy she was cheating with.

 

10. Boy Begs & Pleads. (Break happens on his birth day) Boy gets admitted in hospital for Hyperventilation and single episode depression.

 

11. Girl calls him a dog and tells him to go and die

 

12. Boy goes NC.

 

13. 3 month later gal calls and cries and says she is confused but is still in the relationship.

 

Dear Friends....What should he do???

 

14.

[TheHurtProcess]

Wow...Wonderful thread... Let me share my experience...

 

1. Boy Meets Girl

 

2. In relationship for 5 years.

 

3.Boy cheats on girl

 

4.Girl finds out

 

5. Boy promises to change and he does. Commitment to the gal 100%

 

6. Girl cheats on Boy.

 

7. Boy finds out.

 

8. Quarrel

 

9. Girl breaks up to be with the boy she was cheating with.

 

10. Boy Begs & Pleads. (Break happens on his birth day) Boy gets admitted in hospital for Hyperventilation and single episode depression.

 

11. Girl calls him a dog and tells him to go and die

 

12. Boy goes NC.

 

13. 3 month later gal calls and cries and says she is confused but is still in the relationship.

 

Dear Friends....What should he do???

 

14.

 

Boy gets on with his life, because girl is not stable

[coltsfan1]

edu- HP is right, either be with boy or keep cheating. You will on this guy too, soon as he lets you down........

[SILVER SURFER]

Thank you Homebrew. I read the original post and it has answered a lot of questions that were unanswered.

 

I sometimes look back and wonder why things happened and why nobody could answer the questions the questions I had.

 

My story began well over 20 years ago. I was in my last couple of years in High School when I met this beautiful young lady. We fell in love and became High School sweethearts and our first experiences were with each other. We were both from European families and over time we started sleeping together at both homes. Both families figured it was a done deal. After 3 yrs she went on vacation with her family to visit relatives. When she returned she was acting differently towards me. She took up smoking and hanging around different groups of people. The situation became progressive worse over 6 weeks until she eventually dumped me. I took all the photographs of myself and us without telling her. I figured that the best thing would be to wipe myself out of her memory. Out of the bitterness I had I established NC. High School friends kept me informed as to what she was up to. It was not long before she started dating but get this, the guy looked sort of like me!!! Whats the deal with that? My parents changed our phone number and unlisted it but friends still had my number. Anyway 15 month pass and its just after New Years when I receive a call. The voice sent chills down my spine. It was her. She was at university in another state. She was telling me how much she was enjoying it. We caught up on family issues. She invited me down to visit. She though that I would like the town. I do not know what she was implying? At the end of the conversation I wished her the best in her future and that was it.

So after that our family moved and we changed our phone number (did not give the number to any of my high school friends). I dropped off the face of the planet (started working out and going college) and was pretty much impossible to find. 18 yr pass and some friend track me down on Facebook. Its incredible how much some people change in 18 yrs. Friends tell me that the ex still lives in the university town and that she is successful in her career. That at one time she was living with someone but the relationship fell apart and now she is single. One of my friends is a neighbour to her parents. He informed me that she is a bit psycho and set in her ways (I do not know what sort of baggage she is carrying).

Last year while visiting (I live and work overseas) my aging mother, on three different days the ex called but did not leave her name or number. Caller I.D. and the state area code was what tipped me off. Why is she calling? My current girlfriend is very understanding and mature. She told me that I should speak to her. If she wants to meet that I should meet her but just be careful as she (the ex) is a single 40 yr old lady and we do not know her intentions.

I do not think she would recognize me if she saw me today. I go to the gym twice a day and take care of myself. I'm very successful in my career and I have an awesome girlfriend that travels with me around the world.

 

Do you think she will try calling me again if she finds out I'm in town?

 

Do you think she thinks of the past and our old relationship?

 

Do you think she is bitter/regrets about the decisions she took in the past (G.I.G.S.)?

 

Thanks

[pink24]

Hi Homebrew can I just say you are a total inspiration & your posts are so truthful and honest I wish I had a friend like you! After reading through your G.I.G.S. Thread my ex-fiance falls in to every bracket other than the fact you said it is mostly females well he is male. So I'll tell you my story which is still very raw and any light you can shed I appreciate in advance. Another perspective is most definitely what I need....

 

So here goes, I'm 22 and was with my partner for 5 and a half years. We were each others first loves and went through A LOT together. It sounds strange but we didn't have the whole 'break up and make up' relationship... yeah don't get me wrong we had petty arguments and disagreements like everyone else but nothing major. However, I lost my grandma who I was extremely close to and my fiance was also very close to her. When she passed he was my rock. We grew a bond I didn't think was possible. He was there for me through it all... I could not have asked anything more from him. During our time together we had spoke about marriage and children and our future but never in any great depth or seriousness then when this happened we realised how strong we were ... or should i say how strong i thought we were. We spoke seriously about getting engaged and he popped the question. I was on cloud nine... after so much unhappiness for the past few months I could have burst. He was perfect, we were perfect and our relationship was going from strength to strength. However he had started to play golf a lot more, going out with his friends etc but it was never a cause for concern for me as we were always very independent. He had his work and his friends as did I.. if he wanted to do something he did and vice versa. After getting engaged 10 weeks ago he told me one morning that he couldn't be bothered with work and all he wanted to do was spend the day in bed with me to which I would have loved but unfortunately the bills had to be paid LOL. He went off to work and I was excited for 5pm to come for him to come home however I got a phone call from him on his lunch break and he sounded different. He said that he had been thinking about the 'petty arguments' we had been having recently and he wants it all to stop... what???? where has this come from was my first response!!!! I could not understand this. Every couple has petty arguments do they not. Disagreeing is what makes everyone different, you will never go through life having the same opinion surely? But in my opinion it was no way nearly as big a problem as my fiance was portraying.... I asked what he meant and could he explain more to which he said he was unsure and confused. I asked well why say you only want to spend the day with me to telling me a few hours later that you are confused.. my heart sank! I was so afraid and anxious as to where this was going... anyway we met that night to which he said that he was confused and he was sorry for saying what he did in the morning but he had more time to think.... what a whole 4 hours and this was your conclusion I thought. Anyway I asked where this came from as I was oblivious.. he couldn't answer. He couldn't answer any of the questions I asked him.. he said he was confused and 'did not know' ... I kept myself together but I actually felt like my insides were falling apart and shutting down. The pain was unexplainable. He never actually told me on that night it was finished, till this day those words have not crossed his lips. He wanted more time with his friends... he couldn't see us stopping the arguments if we didn't know what started them.. what?? I will be honest I put my cards on the table and told him there and then how i felt and that I wanted to try but if he wasn't then was there really a point? I was looking for 100% .. 99% was no good! I left and came home and cried uncontrollably as to why this was happening. How he could be so cold and distant towards me....I could not understand at all. This happened on a Wednesday and my birthday was the Friday. My birthday came and went and he did not contact... nothing! His mum messaged me saying she was sorry and his dad called me saying he was confused. Well how do you think I feel??? The following Monday i received a message from his asking to see me that he had some things to give me... i had reached the conclusion that this was over! Yet why??? he could not give me answers so how on earth could I??? anyway i went and I met him and I cried a little and so did he. He told me we had been through a lot together, we had grown up together but it was no longer what he wanted. He said 'YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG' and I really do love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you.... I was in bits inside but kept composed. Anyway after the split he done a few things that I honestly never though he would. Things like asking for the ring back, wanting money for our holiday, ignoring my sister, taking cash from my mum, booking a holiday with friends... it was like I have never known him. The person who had told me 10 weeks prior that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me had now decided he didn't want me and threw me away like I had never mattered. I couldn't understand... my mind was boggled with question after question after question. All of these questions were torturing me as he couldn't give me a straight answer so how on earth could I answer them. Confusion and anxiety set in... I simply couldn't understand how I had went to bed that night thinking my life was the most perfect thing ever to waking up to a nightmare. My world had been flipped and I couldn't take it. I spoke to my mum, my sister, my friends the lot. Every single person who heard about us splitting were gob smacked and genuinely could not understand it. Not one person seen this coming. Everyone honestly thought we were bulletproof. His own parents did not even see this coming.. it was unexplainable. As far as I and everyone else was concerned we were besotted with each other – we were made for each other! So... its been 4 weeks and the last time I heard from him was the phone call he made to me about the holiday. I have not messaged him, text him or called him – Nothing! Don't get me wrong it has been the hardest 4 weeks of my life. There have been times where all I have wanted to do is hear his voice...but I know that is not the answer. He has took everything else from me at the minute, I feel so low. My self confidence my self esteem my dreams the lot have been crumbled and crushed therefore I am pretty sure he is not taking my dignity along with it. I can't help but think that there has been no contact made therefore is he missing me? Did I mean anything? Did what we have ever genuinely mean what he said it meant? I honestly do not know. Yeah I have heard he's going out and enjoying himself blah blah blah... to be honest I cannot stop him moving on with his life and if he feels he has made the right decision then so be it and in time I will move in but I believe the reason it is so hard is for a few reasons. Firstly, I believe, I genuinely believe that he has made a huge mistake! I believe he has lost a diamond. What I offered him, what we had together was special and I genuinely feel that he will find it hard to come by... the fact that I had no sense of us ending, of him walking away from me like I meant nothing kills me. But I do hope he finds in life what he is looking for. He feels he is missing out on something so is he a suffer of G.I.G.S. ?? I will never forget what we had because it will make me the person I am supposed to be. However, I cannot help think what if????????? …..... has he made the right decision??????..... help!

[wilsonx]

Man, I hate this thread. I really do, I enjoyed it as I first came here to give me insight into whats going on but I start moving on and accepting that shes not coming back and I see this thread.

 

My ex steamrolled our relationship and gaslit me twice to keep me from breaking up with her. Then she gaslit me again when she did break up with me saying that everything was my fault with the emotional cut down of things that made no sense at the end. Only to find out later that she wants to date some guy that was 14 years older then her and go out and party more. I confronted her a week after the breakup and brought up the 2 times she did this to me and she admitted it but could not look me in the eye nor apologized for it.

 

She is immature, a liar, a cheater, bottled everything in, and I for one and am glad the relationship is over. Hopefully she respects my wishes and leaves me alone.

[without]

can you answer this thread?

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3519272&posted=1#post3519272

[lovebug5502]

deleted. i posted elsewhere.

Edited July 20, 2011 by lovebug5502

[lovebug5502]

I am completely torn apart about this. First off, let me tell you a little bit about who we are/were. I am 26 and he is 29. We began dating when i was 19 and he was 22

 

Him and I met 8 years ago online. what a wonderful beginning into our relationship. It felt like a fairy tale to me. after 3 years we moved in together. We went through ups and downs and highs and lows. He was/is my best friend. As the years went by, we fell into a rut. Sex was rare, and we both gained weight. We both changed but yet we meshed well. He graduated college for a few degrees and I was so very proud of who i was with. He was so driven, he knew what he wanted. Well, not for long. He wasn't able to figure out WHAT he wanted. Where did he WANT to work. or WHAT he wanted in life. I tried to push him and help him as much as I could. I picked up the slack finacially when he couldnt make enough at his job as a server and picking up the slack seemed to be an every month thing. I tried. I really did try to make him less stressed. But it wasn't enough.---now about me. I know my faults. I gained weight along the road. 40 lbs to be exact. After working as an entry level accountant, tired of working a 8-5,6,7 i didnt want to do much than veg out and slip into pjs. However, I did like going out, him, not so much. he enjoyed being at home. He didn't like going to bars, or clubs or hanging out with my friends. He said "im a loner". I got messy, didn't clean our house, and felt drained. Now, i think i might have been emotionally drained.

 

This past year he fell into a depression. Our solution, not live together. He decided that he would go back to school, get another degree and hopefully get his life on track. Here we thought this would help us. We would start to "date" each other again. It would get fun again. We love each other, so we know we will make it. Wrong! He moved back into his parents home last month. I had to find within two weeks a new place to live. switch my whole life around and deal with moving expenses...alone. Even though i supported him in his decision to move and find himself and we said we would try to make it work living apart now and 35 miles away from each other, my love quickly turned into a bit of resentment but i still very much love him. I felt he bailed on me. I felt he gave up on us and took the easy way out. And he said so himself, I'm being selfish but I need to do this for me. So after a month of "trying to make it work, today, i spoke to him. I told him how i cry every night missing him even though i see him once or twice a week. How angry I am that we dont live together. How i resent him so much i can't stay in this anymore. It hurts. He's been my best friend, but we were in a really big rut. It's time to live and grow individually. I wonder how long before i feel less pain and can smile again and not think of how much i miss him and break down.

[FinOuch]

Homebrew - when I first read this thread I thought it was absolutely profound and described my recent break up perfectly.

 

But now, I'm starting to wonder if it really is GIGS...or something all together different. Mainly because of his age and a certain phrase that was never once uttered by him.

 

 

Rather than retype the whole story, do you mind if I link it?

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t288636/

 

While I know it doesn't change a thing, I'd still love some input as to what may be going on with this man.

[wilsonx]

The truth hurts...

 

I nuked this post serves no form of healing

Edited July 23, 2011 by wilsonx

[wilsonx]

Just for the record, the torch has been passed on to me to help those in need and answer any questions about GIGS, I thought about making a new post but this post helped me to start heal/cope and start moving forward so I decided not to rewrite it for the time being as it

 

I can tell you all personally that this has been one of the worst breakups I have ever been through, if you read the symptoms of what homebrew posted, its word for word what I went through. For those of you that do not feel like reading through this entire thread, my 23 year old ex gf left me for a 37 year old guy that she works with. I honestly knew something was not right about 2 1/2 months before the actual breakup but did not want to believe my intuition on what was going on. My breakup was 2 months ago this coming Thursday. I am 36 days NC

 

Also one of my good friends just got broken up by his girlfriend of 3 years Friday night. I told him that night that this day would come that he needs to go end that relationship ASAP. It would have been the most painful experiences of his life but I saw the same signs in her a month and a half ago that I did in my ex.

 

My boss at work is a female that exhibited GIGS like actions throughout her entire dating career until one day she got pregnant and had a kid. She has helped bring me to where I am mentally today. She gives me advice on what her train of thought was when she did what she did, why she did it, how she coped with it, and what she did after she woke up one day and realized she made a terrible mistake.

 

This by far is one of the most devistating breakup that I can imagine going through. I have been cheated on before and that wasn't even this bad.

 

If you have any questions/comments/concerns feel free to ask. I have analyzed my relationship to almost every second. There are TONS of redflags that this was going to happen to prevent it from happening in the future. There's almost a psychology to it from the 3 most recent experiences I have posted here and those that replied to my last post of my friends gf haveing GIGS.

Edited July 26, 2011 by wilsonx

[marqueemoon4]

 

Not every relationship is a “forever” one. Until we both say “I do” in front of our friends, family and God. Only then, will I have any hope or faith that our relationship is a “forever” one.

 

 

 

"forever" meaning 3-5yrs, or until they find someone better..

[Southofthebay]

This is about 50% completely wrong.

Dont send your a text telling they will "always be your baby"

How attractive do you think you are to someone when they have been out ****ing people and you lie there like a doormat and insinuate that you want to get back with them.

You know what builds attraction? Chasing, thats is, the only thing that will make her attracted to you here is your value going up, and he wanting it.

And that is when she will chase

If she does not think you are over it, then she does not have to balance the feelings of being broken up.

because in her head she knows she can get you back at any point

 

And besides that, we are men. GIG syndrom. What the **** ever.

If she wants to go out an **** other guys fine. But dont take her back.

 

Dont even contemplate taking her back and dont play all this stupid nice guy bull****. Tell her to **** off and blank her calls.

 

She is ****ing other people. She doesnt deserve to be pampered and "understood"

Im sorry, but she wants dick, she is out there trying to get as much dick as possible. And the only reason she will ever want your dick again is if the dick she is currently getting gets boring.

 

Are you going to sit there and wait for that to happen?

Or are you going to man up and go and **** some other women?

 

****ing hell, what happened to being a man, its becoming embarrassing!!

 

And i would just like to add, that this whole post is made to make the author feel scientific about their weak behaviour.

You dont sound clever, you just sound hung up

And everyone agreeing. be honest. You are only agreeing because you want reason to forgive your ex if she ever takes your pathetic ass back once shes got tired of getting boned by everyone else

 

MAN UP!!

 

 

I completely agree with this post, but I also agree with the GIGS Symptoms. My girlfriend of 4.5 years left me over a text message from a girl that was an old friend, all I said was yeah you look beautiful in some picture she sent me, and that was that. She said I was hitting on her and trying to get with her. It was a completely bogus excuse(she told her friend she believed me about the whole thing two weeks after the break up). She asked for a small break for 4 days. I was supposed to pick her up from work on my bday according to the "break" rules so we could patch things up. I picked her up from work, she seems excited to see me until we got to my house. She broke me down and I cried like a little bitch. She consoled me while she was tearing me apart, it was so lame on my part. I tried to get her back for a week after this. Then I went NC after no progress, went 10 days before I got conflicting advice to text her. I texted her she seemed happy. Her friend(which is my brothers girl) said she wanted to be with me and loved me still. We set up a double date for the following friday. She calls the night before and stands me up, but asks if she can reschedule the next weekend, I let her, she tells me she is still on the same page as I am, we're getting back together in the end. We text back and forth, she seems nice until the night before where she started to act real cold. The next day I had nice plans to take her out to the pier to a nice retaurant. She text me right before I pick them up and says she's too cold to go to the pier. Then comes outside, everyone is dressed to impress except her, she looks so casual. She says "I have to work tomorrow so I can't be out late" also says," I don't even want to drink I don't want to go to a bar". We end up going to a sleezy local bar anyway by the request of my brother and his girl. At the bar she acts complete cold with me, as if I don't exist, I feel like a needy puppy trying to get her attention by scratching her leg. Her friend for some reason brought up her sister getting cheated on by text messages, and my ex goes off indirectly bashing me for 5 minutes straight. We didn't even have a real convo. Eventually I took her to the side and broke it down to her, I told her I love her, I miss her and I want to get back with her, but I noticed that she is not on the same page and I no longer will wait around and I no longer want to try to salvage a relationship with someone who is not ready(she was crying through out this whole conversation). I told her if she does move on to thoroughly think about it before she ****s another guy(She was a virgin when we first had sex). She said she understands if I can't be with her if she were to do that. I also bitched at her because she was on facebook acting like a whore taking pictures of some guy writting over her breast on some paper thing(two weeks into our break up), it was just not the girl I knew. I would hear stories of how drunk she would get and blah blah blah. So I ended it that night, I told her I wanted to be friends and keep in touch with her and go out as friends and chill, but that's not possible for me.

 

I realized she is going to **** another guy before she realizes what she did wrong. I know she is, exactly like my last ex(who ended up pregnant and beat by her new boyfriend, after this she would call me and tell me how she ****ed up by leaving me). She will get ran through by a couple dicks and then realize that no one is willing to do the things I did for her, to compromise and commit to taking care of her the way I did. The way I would pick her up at midnight from work and drop her off at 5am. The way I payed all the rent and had a home all just for her. By then it would be too late for her to get back all I offered.

 

I was actually considering taking her back if she were to call me months from now even if she ****ed other dudes. Honestly, I can't ****ing do that. If that's the case, I can just find a prettier girl, one that I don't have to fight my emotions and thoughts of who ran up in my ex while I was out trying to become a better person for her.

 

I think of wanting her back, I thought our relationship was going to be fixed. I was her first in anything sexual, and she has my name tattooed on her body, I actually thought our relationship was different because she was so loyal to me(if getting my name tattooed is true loyalty). But she did me dirty, she dumped me on my bday a day we both planned for, she stood me up date one, date two she just ignored me and bashed me indirectly, all while she's acting like a complete slut on facebook. When I tell people this, they tell me how a month or two from now I will look back and feel like a complete sucker for being so nice and compassionate with her. **** that, SHE'S a ****ing bitch for what she did to me. At least end it and end it, that's that. Don't dump me, and string me around for weeks only to completely re-destroy me all over again a month after you broke up with me. I feel like a fool for even trying to chase her.

 

But there is one last thing. I have a box full of some belongings and memories of her, I don't know what to do with them, I'm not sure if I should throw them away or keep them or give them to her. I don't want to see her, I honestly don't. I stopped signing in my facebook just to stop myself from seeing her page(she still wants me as a friend on FB). I know it would hurt so bad to see her anytime soon, the last time was brutal. And when should I give her this stuff back if I do? now? next week? a month from now?

[wilsonx]

Give her stuff back to her asap. Mail it to her if you can. Get it over with so you dont have to deal with it ever again. Getting dumped on your birthday is rough, nothing like a nice dinner out, drinks at a bar, birthday sex and being dumped. Been there done that have the t-shirt.

 

Block her and all her friends from facebook. Just login and block them all. It automatically removes them. Then go NC like she doesn't exist, if she texts you delete it immediately. If she calls you ignore it, if she leaves you a voicemail, delete it. Go out, have fun be single and enjoy your freedom. Nows your chance to work on goals that you have always wanted to do. Do them, have fun with your life. The only person you are responsible for now is you

[Southofthebay]

I didn't even get the birthday sex! We had planned a small keg party, she held me up for hours just bashing me all afternoon until I couldn't take it anymore. I dropped her off and went on my sour way. I Get to the party and all my friends are like "WTF is wrong with you man? It's your ****ing birthday, wheres your girl?". That night was the hardest, I couldn't help but be miserable.

 

And about FB, that's true, that's basicaly giving her a pass to make me feel worst. Yeah, go ahead keep posting slutty pictures because I'll sure be able to see them and you know that, yeah I don't mind. It's basicaly saying my doors open and I'm willing to take abuse.. I just didn't want to seem "childish" or make it seem like I got spite towards her that I couldn't handle being her FB friend. I guess deleting her shows assertiveness In the fact that I can live without her friendship, let alone existance in my everyday life, or social circle. And all in all it shows I'm ready to move on and don't need to linger around..

[wilsonx]

I guess BLOCKING her shows assertiveness In the fact that I can live without her friendship, let alone existance in my everyday life, or social circle. And all in all it shows I'm ready to move on and don't need to linger around..

 

Smart man, this is one of the best posts ive read all day, just keep it up, i changed deleting to blocking for you

[TheHurtProcess]

I no longer have the free time that I once did and due the fact that I have healed and moved on from my Ex... I think it's time for some new blood so I have passed the torch to Wilsonx.

 

Like me, Wilsonx has had G.I.G.S. and been a victim of it himself... He is a straight shooter and knows his stuff. So you are in great hands!

 

Going forward, if you have any questions concerning G.I.G.S... Wilsonx is now your man!

 

I will check in from time to time and still will respond to any Private Messages I receive (Note: It might take a day or so for me to reply)

 

This thread tells you about G.I.G.S. and does have some answers... but make sure you check out this one too:

 

Dumped by someone with G.I.G.S.? All your Questions are Answered within this thread!

 

Personally, I believe that HOMEBREW couldn't have passed the torch on to anyone better. There are a few others that are right up there with Wilsonx, but he definitely would have been my number one choice.

 

I'll be sure to lend the torch-bearer a hand whenever possible. I've acquired a decent amount of knowledge pertaining to breakups, GIGS and so on over the past few months, since my most recent breakup. I'll share the wealth of information whenever possible.

[TheHurtProcess]

I completely agree with this post, but I also agree with the GIGS Symptoms. My girlfriend of 4.5 years left me over a text message from a girl that was an old friend, all I said was yeah you look beautiful in some picture she sent me, and that was that. She said I was hitting on her and trying to get with her. It was a completely bogus excuse(she told her friend she believed me about the whole thing two weeks after the break up). She asked for a small break for 4 days. I was supposed to pick her up from work on my bday according to the "break" rules so we could patch things up. I picked her up from work, she seems excited to see me until we got to my house. She broke me down and I cried like a little bitch. She consoled me while she was tearing me apart, it was so lame on my part. I tried to get her back for a week after this. Then I went NC after no progress, went 10 days before I got conflicting advice to text her. I texted her she seemed happy. Her friend(which is my brothers girl) said she wanted to be with me and loved me still. We set up a double date for the following friday. She calls the night before and stands me up, but asks if she can reschedule the next weekend, I let her, she tells me she is still on the same page as I am, we're getting back together in the end. We text back and forth, she seems nice until the night before where she started to act real cold. The next day I had nice plans to take her out to the pier to a nice retaurant. She text me right before I pick them up and says she's too cold to go to the pier. Then comes outside, everyone is dressed to impress except her, she looks so casual. She says "I have to work tomorrow so I can't be out late" also says," I don't even want to drink I don't want to go to a bar". We end up going to a sleezy local bar anyway by the request of my brother and his girl. At the bar she acts complete cold with me, as if I don't exist, I feel like a needy puppy trying to get her attention by scratching her leg. Her friend for some reason brought up her sister getting cheated on by text messages, and my ex goes off indirectly bashing me for 5 minutes straight. We didn't even have a real convo. Eventually I took her to the side and broke it down to her, I told her I love her, I miss her and I want to get back with her, but I noticed that she is not on the same page and I no longer will wait around and I no longer want to try to salvage a relationship with someone who is not ready(she was crying through out this whole conversation). I told her if she does move on to thoroughly think about it before she ****s another guy(She was a virgin when we first had sex). She said she understands if I can't be with her if she were to do that. I also bitched at her because she was on facebook acting like a whore taking pictures of some guy writting over her breast on some paper thing(two weeks into our break up), it was just not the girl I knew. I would hear stories of how drunk she would get and blah blah blah. So I ended it that night, I told her I wanted to be friends and keep in touch with her and go out as friends and chill, but that's not possible for me.

 

I realized she is going to **** another guy before she realizes what she did wrong. I know she is, exactly like my last ex(who ended up pregnant and beat by her new boyfriend, after this she would call me and tell me how she ****ed up by leaving me). She will get ran through by a couple dicks and then realize that no one is willing to do the things I did for her, to compromise and commit to taking care of her the way I did. The way I would pick her up at midnight from work and drop her off at 5am. The way I payed all the rent and had a home all just for her. By then it would be too late for her to get back all I offered.

 

I was actually considering taking her back if she were to call me months from now even if she ****ed other dudes. Honestly, I can't ****ing do that. If that's the case, I can just find a prettier girl, one that I don't have to fight my emotions and thoughts of who ran up in my ex while I was out trying to become a better person for her.

 

I think of wanting her back, I thought our relationship was going to be fixed. I was her first in anything sexual, and she has my name tattooed on her body, I actually thought our relationship was different because she was so loyal to me(if getting my name tattooed is true loyalty). But she did me dirty, she dumped me on my bday a day we both planned for, she stood me up date one, date two she just ignored me and bashed me indirectly, all while she's acting like a complete slut on facebook. When I tell people this, they tell me how a month or two from now I will look back and feel like a complete sucker for being so nice and compassionate with her. **** that, SHE'S a ****ing bitch for what she did to me. At least end it and end it, that's that. Don't dump me, and string me around for weeks only to completely re-destroy me all over again a month after you broke up with me. I feel like a fool for even trying to chase her.

 

But there is one last thing. I have a box full of some belongings and memories of her, I don't know what to do with them, I'm not sure if I should throw them away or keep them or give them to her. I don't want to see her, I honestly don't. I stopped signing in my facebook just to stop myself from seeing her page(she still wants me as a friend on FB). I know it would hurt so bad to see her anytime soon, the last time was brutal. And when should I give her this stuff back if I do? now? next week? a month from now?

 

You need to turn the tables my friend. Do exactly as Wilsonx has told you to do. Take back control of your life and especially your dignity. Forget her. If my ex did all that to me, especially on my birthday, I'd kick her A** to the curb so fast, that her head would spin.

 

Go completely NO CONTACT and show her that you don't need her BS. Perhaps she'll finally realize that nobody is going to take her crap forever, especially YOU. Don't let her think otherwise for a second. You can do so much better my friend. Let her know that

[Southofthebay]

You're completely right. And I know this might sound really chauvinistic. I need to be the guy my ex met. Before I met my ex I had ****ed two of her friends weeks before I got with her(she knew this), and always had girls around me. She would flirt with me infront of the girl I would have with me. She did not care what girl I took down, she just wanted to be with me simply because of the law of attraction. I was popular then, I was a well-known artist in my area. I had a nicer, women-magnet car(now I have a beat up civic that she banged up a couple times driving). I was an alpha-male. I let go of all that. I just started working and looking forward to seeing her everyday. Bailed on school for those almost four years because I was so head over heals to see her everyday after work (which is strange how she dumped me now that I'm focused on my education again). I gained weight through the 4.5 years(lost a great part of it since the break up, emo-diet). I worked and payed for our home, while she lived free. She knew I had no girls, she checked my phone, she knew I had no attractive value at the time she left me. I let her have too much of my feelings. Before I was with her, I was solid. I wouldn't have cared if she walked out on me if she got mad for stupid things. But once I started showing fear of her leaving me alone, this is when she took advantage. I let her take my balls and emotions in her purse and bam! she played me for a sucker, a fool.

 

This song should be all of us Dumpee's theme:

[TheHurtProcess]

You're completely right. And I know this might sound really chauvinistic. I need to be the guy my ex met. Before I met my ex I had ****ed two of her friends weeks before I got with her(she knew this), and always had girls around me. She would flirt with me infront of the girl I would have with me. She did not care what girl I took down, she just wanted to be with me simply because of the law of attraction. I was popular then, I was a well-known artist in my area. I had a nicer, women-magnet car(now I have a beat up civic that she banged up a couple times driving). I was an alpha-male. I let go of all that. I just started working and looking forward to seeing her everyday. Bailed on school for those almost four years because I was so head over heals to see her everyday after work (which is strange how she dumped me now that I'm focused on my education again). I gained weight through the 4.5 years(lost a great part of it since the break up, emo-diet). I worked and payed for our home, while she lived free. She knew I had no girls, she checked my phone, she knew I had no attractive value at the time she left me. I let her have too much of my feelings. Before I was with her, I was solid. I wouldn't have cared if she walked out on me if she got mad for stupid things. But once I started showing fear of her leaving me alone, this is when she took advantage. I let her take my balls and emotions in her purse and bam! she played me for a sucker, a fool.

 

This song should be all of us Dumpee's theme:

 

There ya go bro... take control of your life and your dignity back! Just like you, I refuse to sit around the house moping over one girl who could possibly care less at this point when I could be out enjoying life. You can have anyone you want. So, get out there and forget this "has been".

 

One girl out of the billions out there in this world means nothing, especially if she's going to treat you the way she did. One day you'll find the one girl who will mean "everything" and that isn't your ex, that's for damn sure.

[wilsonx]

You're completely right. And I know this might sound really chauvinistic. I need to be the guy my ex met. Before I met my ex I had ****ed two of her friends weeks before I got with her(she knew this), and always had girls around me. She would flirt with me infront of the girl I would have with me. She did not care what girl I took down, she just wanted to be with me simply because of the law of attraction. I was popular then, I was a well-known artist in my area. I had a nicer, women-magnet car(now I have a beat up civic that she banged up a couple times driving). I was an alpha-male. I let go of all that. I just started working and looking forward to seeing her everyday. Bailed on school for those almost four years because I was so head over heals to see her everyday after work (which is strange how she dumped me now that I'm focused on my education again). I gained weight through the 4.5 years(lost a great part of it since the break up, emo-diet). I worked and payed for our home, while she lived free. She knew I had no girls, she checked my phone, she knew I had no attractive value at the time she left me. I let her have too much of my feelings. Before I was with her, I was solid. I wouldn't have cared if she walked out on me if she got mad for stupid things. But once I started showing fear of her leaving me alone, this is when she took advantage. I let her take my balls and emotions in her purse and bam! she played me for a sucker, a fool.

 

This song should be all of us Dumpee's theme:

 

Your ex is a bitch, straight up. I'm going to tell you something. No matter what you think caused the end of the relationship, it wasn't you, it was your ex. Did you make poor decisions, maybe. There's nothing you could do to change it now only learn from it.

 

It does not matter who you think you were, what kind of car you did drive. You took care of her. No question about it. The fact that she was checking your phone tells you that she has something to hide. Don't think you have to go out and buy a new car again and become some famous person in your town. Be the same person who you always were internally and thats all that matters. If you ever have a girl gaslight you like that again, you kick her to the curb, line up 5 more girls and say next.

[delux]

what if the grass is really greener?

 

i had rocky relationship with my ex gf for 3 years (3 major BUs) and she was always unsure if I loved her.

 

Now her new (rebound i thought) boyfriend is super romantic, chats regulary with her mother and is going through 3 countries just to meet with her, while she is working abroad for the summer.

 

I find this needy and absurd (that he is travelling to see her) but I guess she will like such kind of romantic thing.

 

I keep NC but I'm starting to loose hope. They are together more than a month now.

[wilsonx]

who knows. the problem with GIGS is it takes a long time, I mean a really long time for the person to realize the grass isnt greener. I read your first post and if I was you, I'd move on and find someone better. Why would you want to be a doormat to someone that obviously has no clue what she wants and keeps breaking up with you to go try a new guy out. That would pretty much crush me, oh wait it actually did crush me

[delux]

you are right, but don't you think that in this term GIGS is something we try to look at as a process which ends with regrets for the previous relationship, but in my case maybe there will be no regrets.

 

guess I have to take the blame here, since I wanted it to go slow and naturaly, and this chick wants to have passionate and fake romance... but again.. whats fake and whats not...