"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

Anyone listen to the song 'Even Now - Vertical Horizon'?

 

I'm listening to it now and I feel that it basically covers how the dumper and dumpee will feel later on after the dumper realises the grass isn't greener.

 

'Even Now - Vertical Horizon'

 

Lyrics <-- for the people that don't want to listen to the song.

 

 

I hope this inspires or at least helps somebody.

[wilsonx]

I love Vertical Horizon... I saw a free concert with them last year in VA Beach with my ex... I even got my t-shirt signed by them... I thought I was going to gain gay points that night but there were 2 other guys in line wanting their autograph too and one of them was in line for his girlfriend. So who knows?

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

I love Vertical Horizon... I saw a free concert with them last year in VA Beach with my ex... I even got my t-shirt signed by them... I thought I was going to gain gay points that night but there were 2 other guys in line wanting their autograph too and one of them was in line for his girlfriend. So who knows?

 

... well if you gain gay points for liking a certain band I don't even want to know how many points I've racked up....

 

Anyway back to GIGS lol.

[amtz]

Holy FU** it took me 2 years to finally understand scientifically why my ex dumped me... The symptoms they feel that make them brake up with you are so logical and are a dead center!! She tried to establish contact with me later on, and like you mentioned in your post, I truly cared less of what her feelings towards me were since I had WAYY!! GONE OVER MY DEPRESSION AND OUR RELATIONSHIP!! Plus the fear of getting dumped out of the blue again..

 

BIG THANKS MATE!!!

[mmiller5373]

Here's a question for some of the new people on here. Anybody ever heard of a virgin getting G.I.G.S. and as soon as they leave their LTR, they F*CK the next person in line within weeks/months?

[wilsonx]

Here's a question for some of the new people on here. Anybody ever heard of a virgin getting G.I.G.S. and as soon as they leave their LTR, they F*CK the next person in line within weeks/months?

 

I think something was not right in your relationship. I have a friend that wanted to remain a virgin until he got married. Idealistic good guy. I laughed internally when he told me this while he was dating an annoying girl. The problem is that it did not last long at all. It lasted maybe a month and then he started having sex. I do not know what was wrong with your relationship or what your ex said/did. It might be something that you might just have to accept as I do not know and move forward and let go.

[Southofthebay]

If you ever have a girl gaslight you like that again, you kick her to the curb, line up 5 more girls and say next.

 

Yeah, I am beggining to realize how badly she ironed me. I mean, off the bat everyone tells me, that if they would have gotten dumped on their bday how I did, they would have made her ass walk home. I took her home like the romancer I am. She busted a classic on me, waited days, didn't give the least of a hint that she was going to break it off, just to do it on my birthday.

 

Today I got a little weak and sad. It gets hard, I have my up and downs. I think of how can a woman that "loved" me for all these years do this? how could she drop our future together? I did so much for her, sure I wasn't perfect, but how many boyfriends pay full rent, pick her up from work, drop her off from work, drop all social life for her. Was there another guy? I'm talking to a friend, and he's telling me how she was worthless to my future, I can get better, she was probably talking to a guy right before she found a good excuse.. I remember we would literally fight over her phone, while she would be able to look through my with ease. But the times I would look through it with out her knowledge I would find little slips(call from a guy at 4am for 20 min she said they talked about movies yeah ****ing right, random number call here, call there) but nothing official. My friend tells me women are masters at keeping their dirty deeds off the radar. I should have see this train coming from a mile away.

 

And in the end, like you mentioned Wilsonx and THP, all those questions don't matter. What matters is me getting my ****ing pride and dignity back. I sunk low to get her back. I mean, now I'm so out the game I can't really talk to pretty girls.. it sucks because my ex was pretty attractive, I don't want to compare future girlfriend but, it's going to take some time to get someone that was better than my ex at the peek of our relationship. It's so damn easy for a good looking girl to rebound, especially when she had tons of guy friends to begin with. I'm finding it hard to find girls right now. And the last beautiful girl(i was told she's hotter than my ex), I stood up for my ex because I wanted to be faithfull and honest about the love I had for her and a reconciliation.. I mean this girl wanted to hang out the very next day! STUPID ****ING DECISION.

 

How are you guys doing on that issue? Are you guys just trying to get any girl left and right? a certain one? just ****ing the pain away with any girl that offers herself? I don't see a girl being interested in me for some reason, I feel like I'm glowing in neediness right now..

[edu]

Wow... This thread is simply fantastic...One day when the deserter comes back, it will be too late.

[wilsonx]

It's so damn easy for a good looking girl to rebound, especially when she had tons of guy friends to begin with.

 

How are you guys doing on that issue? Are you guys just trying to get any girl left and right? a certain one? just ****ing the pain away with any girl that offers herself? I don't see a girl being interested in me for some reason, I feel like I'm glowing in neediness right now..

 

The first sentence in this quote I do not agree with. Let her rebound. Women still tend to stick to one guy even if they have hundreds at their beck and call. I know guys that would go out after dumping their ex's and slay some girls and still be miserable.

 

I am not looking for anything personally. Honestly just like you which you wont admit to yourself yet, I do not know what I want. At the same time, I do not kiss and tell but I will say its empty when it happens. Sometimes it hurts. Honestly its a destructive decision to go out and do it. Sure you get instant gratification but it does nothing to help you move forward and away from the hurt.

 

My advice to you is the same advice I give to myself. Just set some goals, go out and accomplish them. None of them involving women or getting some action. What happens along the way, happens along the way.

[Southofthebay]

"I know guys that would go out after dumping their ex's and slay some girls and still be miserable."

 

Yesterday I hung out with some girl, and it felt bad. I mean, I tried to have a good time but all I could think about is my ex. And like you said, nothing there when it came to kissing, it actually felt worst than not doing it. Honestly, I'm starting to think that the best way to forget her is to forget women all together(at this point it's almost like I need a girls attention). Once a month or two come by and I feel comfortable with myself living and being alone(and have fully accepted the breakup, meaning not waking up dreaming of her). I'll be confident and happy to date again. If one comes by then that's cool. Chasing women to me right now is probably the hardest, because once rejection hits it will hurt me double and I'm always comparing.

 

Not sure if it's any progress but, this morning I didn't wake up to dreaming of her having sex with another(been going on for over a month). I woke up dreaming of how could she have betrayed me? how could she have been so despicable after so many years? Who exactly was she?

 

How do you guys stay focused? I can't seem to concentrate on one thing more than a couple minutes without being interupted by the pain of betrayal. I suck at my job right now. I'm failing my summer class. I just can't concentrate. I feel like I'm dragging myself through a swamp. Any advice on this?

[Southofthebay]

"I know guys that would go out after dumping their ex's and slay some girls and still be miserable."

 

Yesterday I hung out with some girl, and it felt bad. I mean, I tried to have a good time but all I could think about is my ex. And like you said, nothing there when it came to kissing, it actually felt worst than not doing it. Honestly, I'm starting to think that the best way to forget her is to forget women all together(at this point it's almost like I need a girls attention). Once a month or two come by and I feel comfortable with myself living and being alone(and have fully accepted the breakup, meaning not waking up dreaming of her). I'll be confident and happy to date again. If one comes by then that's cool. Chasing women to me right now is probably the hardest, because once rejection hits it will hurt me double and I'm always comparing.

 

Not sure if it's any progress but, this morning I didn't wake up to dreaming of her having sex with another(been going on for over a month). I woke up dreaming of how could she have betrayed me? how could she have been so despicable after so many years? Who exactly was she?

 

How do you guys stay focused? I can't seem to concentrate on one thing more than a couple minutes without being interupted by the pain of betrayal. I suck at my job right now. I'm failing my summer class. I just can't concentrate. I feel like I'm dragging myself through a swamp. Any advice on this?

 

 

P.S. I've decided on burning her things! I've decided on burning her things! it feels good that I made that leap! Screw giving it back to her! **** giving her back memories of us, bitch don't care, I shouldn't either. Yes! **** you hoe, you hurt my feelings!

 

BTW didn't mean to double post, doesn't let me edit.

Edited July 28, 2011 by Southofthebay

[TheHurtProcess]

"I know guys that would go out after dumping their ex's and slay some girls and still be miserable."

 

Yesterday I hung out with some girl, and it felt bad. I mean, I tried to have a good time but all I could think about is my ex. And like you said, nothing there when it came to kissing, it actually felt worst than not doing it. Honestly, I'm starting to think that the best way to forget her is to forget women all together(at this point it's almost like I need a girls attention). Once a month or two come by and I feel comfortable with myself living and being alone(and have fully accepted the breakup, meaning not waking up dreaming of her). I'll be confident and happy to date again. If one comes by then that's cool. Chasing women to me right now is probably the hardest, because once rejection hits it will hurt me double and I'm always comparing.

 

Not sure if it's any progress but, this morning I didn't wake up to dreaming of her having sex with another(been going on for over a month). I woke up dreaming of how could she have betrayed me? how could she have been so despicable after so many years? Who exactly was she?

 

How do you guys stay focused? I can't seem to concentrate on one thing more than a couple minutes without being interupted by the pain of betrayal. I suck at my job right now. I'm failing my summer class. I just can't concentrate. I feel like I'm dragging myself through a swamp. Any advice on this?

 

 

P.S. I've decided on burning her things! I've decided on burning her things! it feels good that I made that leap! Screw giving it back to her! **** giving her back memories of us, bitch don't care, I shouldn't either. Yes! **** you hoe, you hurt my feelings!

 

Good for you. Burn that s**t. You don't need it.

 

I wouldn't bother trying to get with anyone else too soon. I tried it myself about a week ago. At the time I thought that I was completely over my ex and what was worse is that sex felt completely foreign with someone else. After it began, I realized that I had made a huge mistake. Well, I realized very quickly that I wasn't ready. It was definitely a lesson to be learned and boy did I learn it well, hahaha.

 

As far as dragging yourself through a swamp, you have to keep telling yourself that what happened between you and her doesn't matter anymore and that you're not going to let her BS ruin your future. Hell, once you get your life together, finish school, get a better paying job, she may just come running back anyways. Then you can tell her to F**K OFF, because she couldn't be there when you needed her most, but she thinks that she can hitch a ride when all is said and done. Use that as your fuel to make something so much better of yourself. Don't let yourself fail. Don't let her make you fail. You have to work on bettering yourself and accomplishing your goals right now for you... not her!

 

Let your success be fueled by pain, let the anger feed your motivation.

This is what I've been doing and it works. I swear by it!

[wilsonx]

How do you guys stay focused? I can't seem to concentrate on one thing more than a couple minutes without being interupted by the pain of betrayal. I suck at my job right now. I'm failing my summer class. I just can't concentrate. I feel like I'm dragging myself through a swamp. Any advice on this?

 

 

P.S. I've decided on burning her things! I've decided on burning her things! it feels good that I made that leap! Screw giving it back to her! **** giving her back memories of us, bitch don't care, I shouldn't either. Yes! **** you hoe, you hurt my feelings!

 

BTW didn't mean to double post, doesn't let me edit.

 

You have to concentrate on something else to stay focused. Focus on your job. Everytime you have a thought about your ex, try thinking about your job or goals that you want to do and set steps to accomplish those goals. The thoughts do ease up if you keep yourself busy.

 

Burning her things is stupid. Just box them up and mail them to her and get it over with. Don't give her a reason to contact you. My ex has no reason to ever contact me again. NONE ZERO ZILCH. She did leave a couple shirts, one says "Swallow, or else you will get it in your eye" I have never seen her wear that shirt. Its funny how its one of the shirts she left behind

[TheHurtProcess]

You have to concentrate on something else to stay focused. Focus on your job. Everytime you have a thought about your ex, try thinking about your job or goals that you want to do and set steps to accomplish those goals. The thoughts do ease up if you keep yourself busy.

 

Burning her things is stupid. Just box them up and mail them to her and get it over with. Don't give her a reason to contact you. My ex has no reason to ever contact me again. NONE ZERO ZILCH. She did leave a couple shirts, one says "Swallow, or else you will get it in your eye" I have never seen her wear that shirt. Its funny how its one of the shirts she left behind

 

Or you could listen to Wilson... for he seems to have a more rational point of view, hahaha. I know... I'm an enabler and an instigator

[Southofthebay]

Let your success be fueled by pain, let the anger feed your motivation.

 

I will take this with me. It's true, the best revenge is success. Thanks fella's(esp. wilson, THP). Reading your post helps a lot. I get a bit weak sometimes, even get the urge to contact her at my lowest points. But I come on here to read your post over and over and they completely change my mood.

 

I'm not going to make my focus raplacing her anymore. I'm not going to treat this as a race, who could rebound the fastest. If she does, so be it slut, I could care less.. My focus is going to be school, and my job. And finally getting in the physical shape that I've always told myself I would one day be in. I have great opportunities, I can't blindfold myself over some bitch that could care less about me.

 

At first I would hate reading post telling me to get over her, burn her stuff, block her FB. I used to think, these guys don't know me, her or my relationship. In the end it's all the same. One must choose logic over love.

 

Damn, I really wanted to burn her things. I mean, it's probably stuff she wont ask for. Little things she left in our home that I found here and there during my move, jewelry, a shirt and this one cheetah thing she always wore in her hair. Memories of some Door's and Roger Waters concert. But I'm sure she would like those things back. The thing is sending her that box could possibly cause her to contact me. Plus I wanted to give her back things she gave me too, like some cologne and pictures she gave me with writting on the back(I wanted to burn this). I was set on burning and tossin the rest.. Hmm... I think I shall burn most of it, but send her back one picture she gave me of herself with some writting she did on the back that says "no matter what happens keep this picture for ever" I think sending this back to her would speak a lot for me.

 

What do you guys think?

Edited July 29, 2011 by Southofthebay

[wilsonx]

Give her back all her things.. Dont write any notes or messages on anything... dont ask for your stuff back... just let her go. I mean truly let her go and move forward with your life and GO STRICT NC

[CaliBabe]

Wow, Wilson, SOTB and THP. I was reading through this post and I am so pleased to see guys aren't just going right for sex. I always figured that a guys automatic response to getting over a breakup is getting under someone else. It's nice to see that not ALL guys are like that. Kudos to you three.

[babyygirllhi]

What if during the whole relationship, the guy wsnt all 100% bc he didnt have his life in order? Then after having planned to move from Sweden to Florida together, and 2 months before it would have happened, he dumps yoU? (yea, he is swedish and im american, and he even went to florida and said its the number 1 place to live) plus that he doesnt want to live in sweden in the first place...

 

is this GIGS?? the whole relationship he was never 100% however showed to be very much in love and we became closer than anyone he has allowed and best friends.

 

he is 22 and im 24. all he says is "i need to be alone". not single, alone. to figure out what he wants in life. and says he wants to be alone for years.

 

BUUUUT..He says he is still in love with me. That im the perfect girl in every way and he has told me that he misses me but didnt want to tell me bc he cant have me waiting, or he cant do what he wants...that just wouldnt work...

 

Before he broke up with me he said "i have to figure out if i can give you 100% like you deserve and i want to give, or if i have to be alone" ... he has to be alone. In the beginning of the breakup, we cried a lot, kept seeing eachother, etc. He said that when we're apart, something always feels like it is missing, he misses me, but it also feels good to be free...

 

and to top it off ... he called a few days ago a mess about life and what he wants. then i told him im moving back to florida in 27 days and when i told him he said he can come to me on his way back home before I move (we are in diff cities now). i said no its not a good idea. and he said nervously "well we can talk about it later, dont decide now". then he sent a text after saying "your words are wisdom to me, you know me. its hard to talk but i think its good for both of us. talk to you after italy. have fun!" . (im leaving tomorrow for 5 days)

 

What to do?!

Edited July 29, 2011 by babyygirllhi

[t_i]

Can GIGS happen for a few days or even a week or so? Or is it specifically long term?

 

Thoughts?

[wilsonx]

What if during the whole relationship, the guy wsnt all 100% bc he didnt have his life in order? Then after having planned to move from Sweden to Florida together, and 2 months before it would have happened, he dumps yoU? (yea, he is swedish and im american, and he even went to florida and said its the number 1 place to live) plus that he doesnt want to live in sweden in the first place...

 

is this GIGS?? the whole relationship he was never 100% however showed to be very much in love and we became closer than anyone he has allowed and best friends.

 

he is 22 and im 24. all he says is "i need to be alone". not single, alone. to figure out what he wants in life. and says he wants to be alone for years.

 

BUUUUT..He says he is still in love with me. That im the perfect girl in every way and he has told me that he misses me but didnt want to tell me bc he cant have me waiting, or he cant do what he wants...that just wouldnt work...

 

Before he broke up with me he said "i have to figure out if i can give you 100% like you deserve and i want to give, or if i have to be alone" ... he has to be alone. In the beginning of the breakup, we cried a lot, kept seeing eachother, etc. He said that when we're apart, something always feels like it is missing, he misses me, but it also feels good to be free...

 

and to top it off ... he called a few days ago a mess about life and what he wants. then i told him im moving back to florida in 27 days and when i told him he said he can come to me on his way back home before I move (we are in diff cities now). i said no its not a good idea. and he said nervously "well we can talk about it later, dont decide now". then he sent a text after saying "your words are wisdom to me, you know me. its hard to talk but i think its good for both of us. talk to you after italy. have fun!" . (im leaving tomorrow for 5 days)

 

What to do?!

 

He clearly doesnt know what he wants.

 

I think you need to take your space from him because you said he was never 100% into it. I like how you said it was not a good idea for you to talk to him. You need to keep that up. You're going on a vacation to Italy have fun with that. Also keep your plans on moving to FL. Don't change those no matter what he says. I honestly think he's hiding something from you and he wants to keep you as a plan B just incase what he's hiding doesnt work out.

[wilsonx]

Can GIGS happen for a few days or even a week or so? Or is it specifically long term?

 

Thoughts?

 

Its specifically long term. I know people that would go out break up with someone, have sex with someone else and come back to the person they broke up with a few days, weeks later. This isn't GIGS this is pure cheating and poor judgment. Dont tolerate this ever.

[moonlight-thoughts]

I've read the original, and spent hours reading through replies and thoughts and comments.... But I'm stuck and would love some LS Advice.

 

Does He have GIGS....

Have been with my current BF for 4 years, lived together for 3. In general he is a selfish person, with the world revolving around him. I've always been giving which I'm positive is a result of low self-esteem.

Long story short, he doesn't fit all the GIGS criteria; however there are certain traits which make me wonder.

1)Never Keeps his promises (from something small to I will call you in one hour, to the big ones like gifts, making plans, or house renevations)

2) He always has time for work, and time to party with his friends, but he is "always too busy" to send a text or email. His phone will Always DIE on nights out, and he will be unreachable for hours (6+ on end). I'm usually at home waiting around for him when he returns drunk, rude and full of hate.

3) Tells me he loves me, but actions speak louder than words. He's never around, never supportive of my issues, and it honestly seems that he couldn't care less.

 

SO does he have a case of the Grass is Greener, and he's using me as a back-burner girl.... or is it much simpler.... or something different altogether?

[TheHurtProcess]

I've read the original, and spent hours reading through replies and thoughts and comments.... But I'm stuck and would love some LS Advice.

 

Does He have GIGS....

Have been with my current BF for 4 years, lived together for 3. In general he is a selfish person, with the world revolving around him. I've always been giving which I'm positive is a result of low self-esteem.

Long story short, he doesn't fit all the GIGS criteria; however there are certain traits which make me wonder.

1)Never Keeps his promises (from something small to I will call you in one hour, to the big ones like gifts, making plans, or house renevations)

2) He always has time for work, and time to party with his friends, but he is "always too busy" to send a text or email. His phone will Always DIE on nights out, and he will be unreachable for hours (6+ on end). I'm usually at home waiting around for him when he returns drunk, rude and full of hate.

3) Tells me he loves me, but actions speak louder than words. He's never around, never supportive of my issues, and it honestly seems that he couldn't care less.

 

SO does he have a case of the Grass is Greener, and he's using me as a back-burner girl.... or is it much simpler.... or something different altogether?

 

To me it just sounds as if this guy isn't ready for a commitment, period.

[TheHurtProcess]

Wow, Wilson, SOTB and THP. I was reading through this post and I am so pleased to see guys aren't just going right for sex. I always figured that a guys automatic response to getting over a breakup is getting under someone else. It's nice to see that not ALL guys are like that. Kudos to you three.

 

You're right CaliCabe. What was I thinking?

 

Bro, you need to go out there and have sex with the next "thing" that looks at you. I don't care if it's a hairy sasquatch... You have to do it. It's the only way to get over your ex.

[wilsonx]

Wow, Wilson, SOTB and THP. I was reading through this post and I am so pleased to see guys aren't just going right for sex. I always figured that a guys automatic response to getting over a breakup is getting under someone else. It's nice to see that not ALL guys are like that. Kudos to you three.

 

who says we havent? guys need physical security