"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[sleepykitten]

Me too! My ex had me and i would have stuck by him through thick and thin, he is now "strugling" and has slept with other girls and dated but says its made him feel "wierd" and doesnt want to know if I am dating anyone as it will make him "too sad". I have re started no contact as of today as i have really moved on and dont want to enter into any game playing or find myself waiting for texts and calls. He admitted he hasnt dealt with his feelings etc and doesnt know what to admit to in terms of how he feels.....it no longer matters to me, i did my grieving and was sad for too long. This is my time to sort me out now, on my own.

[wilsonx]

bumping for seeing 3 GIGS posts in the past 2 days back

[wilsonx]

For those of you going through this type of breakup, It goes to show that they do realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side.

 

Take solace and comfort in knowing you did a great job loving and caring for your significant other.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t291183/

 

When the torch was passed on to me, I had been watching these forums for a while and spoke with people that said that had been in the same situation that not only I find myself in but my real life friends, my family, and everyone here. In the end, they do come back and try to apologize and reassure us that the grass wasn't greener on the other side. It has happened to several people that I spoke with when I first joined this site.

 

Keep moving forward!

[YuGr.]

Hey wilsonx, I'd like for you to read my probably uselessly long and dull, unique but stereotypical heartbroken story of mine: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t290521/

 

From your posts I've read, I'd very much like it if you could reply to it. I'm very much intrigued by your opinion on my own story after reading the ones on other's. Thank you!

[Ddeepprreesseedd]

Dude/Wilsonex

 

Does it make you feel more like a vigilante or like a "winner" when you read a story of someone who is sorry for how thing happened.

I don't see that as moving on on your part. I see it as your petulance that you promote as moving on. Someone who is a vigilante and feeds on petulant feeling does not have a healthy perspective about "moving on".

 

Remember this is an Internet forum and you don't know people here and anything else about their life. Be careful not to judge because you might me judged yourself one day. Life is not black and white and human feelings and situations are complicated. There is no point in keeping a "score".

[TheHurtProcess]

Dude/Wilsonex

 

Does it make you feel more like a vigilante or like a "winner" when you read a story of someone who is sorry for how thing happened.

I don't see that as moving on on your part. I see it as your petulance that you promote as moving on. Someone who is a vigilante and feeds on petulant feeling does not have a healthy perspective about "moving on".

 

Remember this is an Internet forum and you don't know people here and anything else about their life. Be careful not to judge because you might me judged yourself one day. Life is not black and white and human feelings and situations are complicated. There is no point in keeping a "score".

 

I don't think that is the case at all, Ddeepprreesseedd. Please don't feel as if anyone is targeting you specifically.

 

Many dumpees feel as if they were suddenly dumped for no reason, they were given no reasons or very exaggerated excuses instead. Many feel as if the dumper could have cared less since they seemed to go from loving the dumpee unconditionally one day to distancing themselves and running away the next.

 

Many dumpees are just looking for answers, because we usually never find out exactly "why?" the dumper ended it. They just did. Sometimes that is the only reason and many have a hard time accepting that as the "final answer" so to speak. We seem to wonder if the dumper cares in the least, since they seem to have moved on so incredibly fast.

 

Wilsonx was just posting a link to your thread as sort of a reassurance if you will or perhaps to help those who are going through the pains of a breakup understand that the dumper does still care (well, most still do for the most part). They didn't just lose feeling over night, it took a long while of thinking and building courage to finally end the relationship. They usually still love and care for the dumpee however, they just don't have it in them to keep the relationship going anymore when it isn't working, or when they have to go and test the waters (or see if the grass is greener).

 

See what I'm getting at? He means no harm in the least. Thanks in advance for your understanding

[skylinesunrise]

I read the write up of GIGS. It is EXACTLY what my bf of 3 years is going through. when we broke up 3 weeks ago, he said he lost feelings, asked me how i knew he was the one when i've only had 3 boyfriends and said he doesn't even know if he knows what love is.

 

a week after our break up i find out he's seeing this other girl that is completely the opposite of me. he used to hate drinking and now he goes out with her group of friends. he's stopped hanging out with his usual friends, they don't even know we broke up! and the disturbing thing is this girl he's seeing is someone he met the week before our break up. she too was in a LTR, 2 years, and she too has broken up with her guy, i suppose they just wanted to see each other "legally".

 

Anyway, i have had no contact with him since the break up. how do i go about telling him the changes i wish to make with myself and if I KNOW what he's going through is GIGS, how do i tell him i understand it? do i introduce him to the thread? hahaha! just need some ways to do this, or not do it at all?

[Serious_about_her]

Would someone (I guess I'm mainly referring to wilsonx/homebrew) mind checking this thread that I posted a month ago?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forum/showthread.php?p=3504467#post3504467

 

It is very long and I wrote it partly just to clear my head and vent. I think it has some signs of GIGS, but you always think your own situation is so much different from everyone elses,... Due to me being overseas when she dumped me, I don't really care about her "reasons" for leaving -- It's much easier to forget someone when they stop being around you.

 

Many people here seem to believe in not taking the dumper back. This NC time (2 months, going on 3) has made my feelings for her weaken, but chances are strong things will be different when we start hanging around each other again in school. Would I be "weak" in taking her back if she comes back? Or if I seduced her?

 

*I'm not saying I'm planning to do any of this, but my mind&body sort of go auto-pilot around her.*

 

But her hurting me so much sometimes just makes me want to tell her to f*ck off if she ever talks to me again. This might just be my logical side emerging from the NC breathing period, though. Not yet sure it's a good thing.

 

Thanks for this very interesting thread.

[wilsonx]

I read the write up of GIGS. It is EXACTLY what my bf of 3 years is going through. when we broke up 3 weeks ago, he said he lost feelings, asked me how i knew he was the one when i've only had 3 boyfriends and said he doesn't even know if he knows what love is.

 

a week after our break up i find out he's seeing this other girl that is completely the opposite of me. he used to hate drinking and now he goes out with her group of friends. he's stopped hanging out with his usual friends, they don't even know we broke up! and the disturbing thing is this girl he's seeing is someone he met the week before our break up. she too was in a LTR, 2 years, and she too has broken up with her guy, i suppose they just wanted to see each other "legally".

 

Anyway, i have had no contact with him since the break up. how do i go about telling him the changes i wish to make with myself and if I KNOW what he's going through is GIGS, how do i tell him i understand it? do i introduce him to the thread? hahaha! just need some ways to do this, or not do it at all?

 

Skyline, you dont tell him. I want to show you something. All the negative things he said that you needed to change at the time of the breakup is whats called gaslighting. It was a way for your ex to soothe his ego/conscious for the real reason he broke up with you. The real reason he broke up with you is so that he could date the other girl. I have read your posts and you were just like me when I first came to the forums, obsessing, doing whatever it took, listened and tried to change all the things my ex told me to change. You need to take a step back and just stop. Stop thinking for a minute. There is absolutely nothing you can do right now to change his mind. You can tell him you love him, you can call him a piece of ****, you can egg his car, you can buy him a vacation to disney world. Nothing you do is going to change his mind at this point.

 

Its about you healing from this point on and moving forward.

 

DO NOT SHOW HIM THIS THREAD

[wilsonx]

Would someone (I guess I'm mainly referring to wilsonx/homebrew) mind checking this thread that I posted a month ago?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forum/showthread.php?p=3504467#post3504467

 

It is very long and I wrote it partly just to clear my head and vent. I think it has some signs of GIGS, but you always think your own situation is so much different from everyone elses,... Due to me being overseas when she dumped me, I don't really care about her "reasons" for leaving -- It's much easier to forget someone when they stop being around you.

 

Many people here seem to believe in not taking the dumper back. This NC time (2 months, going on 3) has made my feelings for her weaken, but chances are strong things will be different when we start hanging around each other again in school. Would I be "weak" in taking her back if she comes back? Or if I seduced her?

 

*I'm not saying I'm planning to do any of this, but my mind&body sort of go auto-pilot around her.*

 

But her hurting me so much sometimes just makes me want to tell her to f*ck off if she ever talks to me again. This might just be my logical side emerging from the NC breathing period, though. Not yet sure it's a good thing.

 

Thanks for this very interesting thread.

 

I for one am a true believer in not taking the dumper back for a couple reasons. #1 there's always going to be some resentment anomosity from the dumpee. Always, its going to sit there and eat at you. #2 the dumper has all the power to do whatever they want when you accept them back. You have essentially became their doormat or security blanket. That means they can go out date other people hook up with other people, without fear of consequence. These are my personal beliefs from dealing with this situation.

 

I will tell you something, you are the dumpee, you can not seduce the dumper, she can seduce you though even without feelings for you and completely keep you on the string.

 

The part I bolded is definitely a good thing, stick to it.

 

As for the reason of the breakup and it being GIGS, it may be but I do not see it. I think she just wanted someone close. You did the right thing by going on your trip, dont ever let that go through your head as something you wish you could take back. Remember in any relationship that you always come first. She even told you that she would dump you if you did not go. You would essentially put her first and girls/women actually lose attraction for that. Your significant other comes a close second. I honestly think you are and will be better off with her not in the picture in your future. You kept by your word and she didn't. That's not someone you want for a long term relationship anyways.

 

Now, its about you, keep sticking NC, dont respond to her ever if she does contact you and keep doing well with school and your life. Remember that point of happiness you were at before you met her, get back there again, and you will find someone better this time around. I have a boss I work with and she told me to kick my piece of **** ex to the curb, line up the next set of girls and pick one. I am going to pass that suggestion on to you.

[spiritofjosh]

About a year ago my ex broke up with me and this was the only answer why, the g.i.g.s. After 5 years She just said out of nowhere she wanted a break and said I didn't appreciate her enough blah blah so I gave her space. She started calling me asking to hang out and still acted as if we were dating, but didn't want to be dating because she "wanted to be single and do her, not date or hook up with anybody." I got tired of this and we argued then I confessed to dating some girl during a break we had that she never knew about, she flipped and I haven't spoken to her since. She has a new boyfriend she found soon after and as far as I know she's still with him. None of my friends talk to her but a friend said she saw her in a local store and said my ex looked like crap. Now that's to opinion but she always looked pretty so if she looked that bad either she has some new bad habits or she's miserable...leading to the grass is always greener situation. I still care about her and miss her so I'm still hoping she realizes her mistake and comes around. We'll see.

[wilsonx]

She doesn't have any right to be pissed at you for dating someone while she wanted a break. A break is a breakup in the making. It just gives her time to get her ducks in a row. When a girl tells you that you do not appreciate her and she wants to live the single life, she's gaslighting you. It really means she's found someone that appreciates her more and wants to live the single life to start dating him. You were in the right to date the other girl. If I was you, I hope she is better then your ex.

 

Don't take back your ex. It's not worth it, if you do, you give her a free pass to do whatever she wants to do

[spiritofjosh]

I dated the other girl in like 07 and it lasted a month at most, while me and my ex took basically a month and a half, maybe 2 month break. Me and my ex didn't break up until August 2010 and it wasn't just her saying you don't appreciate me, I want to be single, cya. It was way more in depth and where she came from made a lot of sense, I just didn't want to make my post super long and drawn out. Either way it's water under the bridge, this was then and I'm totally not expecting her to come knocking any time soon. I just figured I'd share my experience because it basically followed the original post very closely.

[Serious_about_her]

I for one am a true believer in not taking the dumper back for a couple reasons. #1 there's always going to be some resentment anomosity from the dumpee. Always, its going to sit there and eat at you. #2 the dumper has all the power to do whatever they want when you accept them back. You have essentially became their doormat or security blanket. That means they can go out date other people hook up with other people, without fear of consequence. These are my personal beliefs from dealing with this situation.

 

I will tell you something, you are the dumpee, you can not seduce the dumper, she can seduce you though even without feelings for you and completely keep you on the string.

 

The part I bolded is definitely a good thing, stick to it.

 

As for the reason of the breakup and it being GIGS, it may be but I do not see it. I think she just wanted someone close. You did the right thing by going on your trip, dont ever let that go through your head as something you wish you could take back. Remember in any relationship that you always come first. She even told you that she would dump you if you did not go. You would essentially put her first and girls/women actually lose attraction for that. Your significant other comes a close second. I honestly think you are and will be better off with her not in the picture in your future. You kept by your word and she didn't. That's not someone you want for a long term relationship anyways.

 

Now, its about you, keep sticking NC, dont respond to her ever if she does contact you and keep doing well with school and your life. Remember that point of happiness you were at before you met her, get back there again, and you will find someone better this time around. I have a boss I work with and she told me to kick my piece of **** ex to the curb, line up the next set of girls and pick one. I am going to pass that suggestion on to you.

 

Thank you for your honest reply, wilsonx. I have read it several times and taken some time to process it properly.

 

I have thought a lot about the resentment I would feel if "I ever took my ex back". Actually, before meeting her again, it was one of the things that I realized: I didn't care about her rebound. I didn't care too much about her reasons for leaving me. I just wanted to see if there still was a connection on the same level as before I left, because if so I believed it would overcome the past. It also takes some strenght to be able to forgive, and I'm not sure I would be up to the task, but I believe it is a worthy goal in life.

 

Of course I am looking ahead. She sure might not be the one for me, and I intend to "line up the next set of girls", but as time can heal wounds, maybe the future will give us the possibility to reconnect. If so, this brings us to your second reason: giving her the power. I think it was homebrew that earlier argued for the point of view that taking an ex back that left you for GIGS may fortify your relationship even more, as the dumper might come back realising her "mistake" and appreciating the dumpee even more for taking her back. (I know this sounds like wishful thinking, but bear with me.)

I think "giving her the power" happens when you accept the dumper back in your life without any consequences whatsoever for her hurtful behavior towards you. I'm not saying you should punish your ex, but what about making them work for you? In essence whatever relationship you start should be a "new" relationship, and not jump right back into the old one like nothing happened.

This "break" from your ex should serve as a relationship solidifier if anything, (assuming you are getting back with your ex in the first place).

 

And as for seducing her... I don't know, I was mainly looking at it from the angle "making her realize how much better I am that her new bf". I didn't mean anything like taking her back or sleeping with her.

 

In any case I would be very, very careful about taking her back ever; be it she would flirt massively or even pour her whole heart out. She should know what she lossed in me; this time around it should be her turn to work if she ever wants us back.

 

Again, thank you.

[Rorschach64]

Hey Wilsonx, you helped me earlier with my ex contacting me a lot and yeah things happened after you gave me advice to go NC so not sure what happened and only thing that seemed to make sense was G.I.G.s I posted a thread about it here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t289896/

 

Additonal Information:

 

* Friends that got involved lied about stuff to her and me, but one friend she said word for word she found someone else that he was some Marine that lives in Singapore. Though she said in her e-mail that she wasn't seeing someone at all and I would be the most ****ed up person in the world to think that she was.

 

*She got in to a fight with her mother about her being out late, 3 weeks before my Annual Training, and told me word for word that she wants to go out partying, hanging out with friends, drinking and have sex. (I was the first person she ever had sex with, or so she says)

 

If you could give me some advice as to if this was G.I.Gs and if this even a salvagable situation been NC for about 4 weeks minus contacting her getting my laptop back. I'd greatly appreciate it and read the second post in the thread too forgot some info but seems like I can't edit my post Thanks in advance!

Edited August 10, 2011 by Rorschach64

[wilsonx]

* Friends that got involved lied about stuff to her and me, but one friend she said word for word she found someone else that he was some Marine that lives in Singapore. Though she said in her e-mail that she wasn't seeing someone at all and I would be the most ****ed up person in the world to think that she was.

 

*She got in to a fight with her mother about her being out late, 3 weeks before my Annual Training, and told me word for word that she wants to go out partying, hanging out with friends, drinking and have sex. (I was the first person she ever had sex with, or so she says)

 

If you could give me some advice as to if this was G.I.Gs and if this even a salvagable situation been NC for about 4 weeks minus contacting her getting my laptop back. I'd greatly appreciate it and read the second post in the thread too forgot some info but seems like I can't edit my post Thanks in advance!

 

I am going to give you some advice for the future. If you do not have a really really really good guy friend that you would trust your deepest darkest secrets too and him you, you should get one. As a guy, you should never ever talk about your relationship problems to another female. It doesn't matter how close you are with them. You should be talking them to this guy friend and he should keep his mouth shut just like you would him if he were to tell you relationship problems. Talking about relationship problems with the opposite sex can cause a lot of jealousy and animosity and playing with fire.

 

She did not break up with you because that, if she was already being cold and distant, she was on her way out. She was just looking for a reason and that was a stupid reason. I will give her credit, she did not lie about what she wanted. She did not tell you the whole truth though. She was probably interested in the Marine before the relationship was over. It's GIGS.

[wilsonx]

Thank you for your honest reply, wilsonx. I have read it several times and taken some time to process it properly.

 

I have thought a lot about the resentment I would feel if "I ever took my ex back". Actually, before meeting her again, it was one of the things that I realized: I didn't care about her rebound. I didn't care too much about her reasons for leaving me. I just wanted to see if there still was a connection on the same level as before I left, because if so I believed it would overcome the past. It also takes some strenght to be able to forgive, and I'm not sure I would be up to the task, but I believe it is a worthy goal in life.

 

Of course I am looking ahead. She sure might not be the one for me, and I intend to "line up the next set of girls", but as time can heal wounds, maybe the future will give us the possibility to reconnect. If so, this brings us to your second reason: giving her the power. I think it was homebrew that earlier argued for the point of view that taking an ex back that left you for GIGS may fortify your relationship even more, as the dumper might come back realising her "mistake" and appreciating the dumpee even more for taking her back. (I know this sounds like wishful thinking, but bear with me.)

I think "giving her the power" happens when you accept the dumper back in your life without any consequences whatsoever for her hurtful behavior towards you. I'm not saying you should punish your ex, but what about making them work for you? In essence whatever relationship you start should be a "new" relationship, and not jump right back into the old one like nothing happened.

This "break" from your ex should serve as a relationship solidifier if anything, (assuming you are getting back with your ex in the first place).

 

And as for seducing her... I don't know, I was mainly looking at it from the angle "making her realize how much better I am that her new bf". I didn't mean anything like taking her back or sleeping with her.

 

In any case I would be very, very careful about taking her back ever; be it she would flirt massively or even pour her whole heart out. She should know what she lossed in me; this time around it should be her turn to work if she ever wants us back.

 

Again, thank you.

 

To honestly move forward in the future, you do have to forgive. You have to forgive herself and you have to forgive yourself. It takes time to get to that point though. When you get there, you probably wont care about her coming back in your life. It wont really matter because you will have moved on and possibly found someone better.

 

I agree with the whole, it should be a new relationship if it were to happen again. But I will tell you something. Your break from her is making you a better person. You will see the relationship mistakes that you made and you wont make those again. She went from one relationship to another without having the opportunity to grow and change herself. You are eventually right, somewhere down the road she will realize that she made a huge mistake. But you do not know what she will do neither do I. Thats why you just have to in the long run let go and focus on yourself in the present.

 

I have no doubt whatsoever that you are at least 20 times better then her new boyfriend. If he's anything like my ex's boyfriend, I have absolutely no doubt. That's something she has to realize on her own. You can not do anything about it. I told my ex that if shes going to dump me at least for him at least ****ing upgrade. This guy is hideous, not attractive and a loser. She is so emotionally blind that she does not see it. You just have to ride out the time it takes to heal and move on and find someone way better (which isn't hard).

 

I want you to try and start doing something within the next couple weeks. Start letting go of the hope that she will come back. It only hinders your healing process in the long term. Short term it helps you cope and is fully understandable. I still have 1-2 days a month I just want to talk to her.

[Rorschach64]

Thanks Wilsonx. I figured it was GIGs, just wasn't 100% sure. Just sucks I had to waste $3,000 to actually have this crap happen to me, she probably won't even return my laptop. Guess this reinforces the choice of NC and no point in trying to get ahold of her after 4 months or so, if she wants back she will come a-knocking.

Edited August 10, 2011 by Rorschach64

[sad&stresd]

i think i am going through this syndrome

i'm 20.......my bf is 23

we are in an LDR

earlier we used to joke about how he would marry someone else in a few years time because he wanted dowry(its a tradition in his family).........

but then suddenly a few weeks back he started to become serious.......said he was just joking about that & that he was only waiting for me to finish my studies

don't know what struck me

but i started to grow away from him

he too became busy in the office during that time & we hardly talked except at night

i started chatting with another guy & at 1st i'd remove the chats but then i started leaving them in my chat box so that my bf saw them

i 1st told him that i loved the other guy.....thus i wanted to leave him

then i told him something else

then something else...............kept giving him petty excuses

but then he threatened to jump off the roof........and i stopped talking about this

nut i don't want to stay in the relationship............i don't like being intimate with except for maybe a few kisses

but i'm also afraid to be alone

i don't know what to do

is there any solution?

[TheHurtProcess]

I don't know about you. But from my point of view, where I'm staying the grass is brown during the summer and covered in white during the winter.

[wilsonx]

Solution... if you are not happy with yourself then you will not be happy in any relationship. You said yourself you are afraid to be alone. Why? Do you know why? Is it fear of abandonment? If so I would suggest talking to a therapist, counselor to help you with your problems.

 

From what you wrote, I agree its possibly GIGS but there's actually more to GIGS then meets the eye. You have to find do some soul searching and figure out why you can't be alone. I have a friend thats been in a long distance relationship for 12 years and is unhappy but she wont end it on her own because shes afraid to be alone too. I do not know what they have in india but you should talk to someone such as a Dr. /Therapist / Psychologist to help you through this and your fear of being alone

[DontWorryBHappy]

Hey all, so this sounds like what happened with my ex. I'm 22 and my ex is 21. He broke up with me around 3 and a half months ago out of the blue, saying that he didn't love me anymore. He even said really confusing things, such as that he needed to "learn how to love" and maybe "didn't know what love is". But he tried HARD to keep me around as a friend. I refused, and mostly ignored his contact until he asked me to try again one and a half months down the line. It was WAY too soon, and he was too unsure about the whole thing, but I was so in love and blinded that I didn't even consider not trying with him again.... but hey, after only a WEEK he said he felt he needed to leave again to go fix his issues, and that he would come back to me later.

 

The second split seemed to hurt even worse than the first... Maybe there was something horrible about knowing I almost had him then lost him again. He was still being kind and affectionate to me, saying he wanted me but needed to fix himself first and go experience life on his own. I had a terrible time going NC this time around though, and I went to his place to see him a couple times after he told me we should be NC. The first couple times he was still tolerant of me and even affectionate. But then while trying to be NC I sent him a text message while feeling bitter about something he had said to me (it was also a way of attempting to assert myself), then approached him a couple times in person a week later in which I chased him around wanting him to answer my questions. By then he acted cold toward me. I went NC for 3 weeks, then sent a nice text saying sorry for chasing and that I just had trouble letting him go. And telling him I was happy to let him live his life and hoped he'd have good memories of me.

 

That night some upsetting stuff occurred with family and suddenly I started crying a lot and wanting to talk to my ex, the person who used to be my best friend. I wondered, maybe I smoothed something over with the nice text and opened the door a little bit? So I called him once..... No response. It finally hit me that the door is NOT open, and there's nothing I can do to open it. So now I'm NC indefinitely.

 

It felt good to get that out.

[jchips]

 

 

... Even older people can suffer from G.I.G.S too. This isn't just for young people.

 

hi homebrew. thanks for this amazing post. i'm a little late coming to this thread but i'm glad i did. it describes what happened to me and i'm guessing i'm just about geriatric compared with the age of most of the people who post here. GIGS is not limited by any age whatsoever.

 

i was with my ex for over 2 years and it was total magic by both our accounts with a few bumps along the way. he started getting a little distant when his super-wealthy mom got sick. i figured that between our wedding coming up and his mom being terminal, he had a lot of reasons to be in the cave. after his mom died he inherited a s*** load of money. i mean a LOT.

 

i'm not exactly scraping and we had a really nice life-style. but he had mentioned in passing once that even though i'm amazingly beautiful & in shape for my age, rich guys can always get younger, hotter women. ouch!

 

so he inherited the money and he's outta here. i guess he thinks all his money will get him a hot, young woman. i miss him more than words can describe but i'm not fighting him at all because it would do no good and destroy what dignity i have left.

 

but this i do know. he's no spring chicken himself and he was a bit of an odd ball before he got all that cash. he may find some young women to help him spend his money but i don't think he's gonna find love. and definitely not the kind of magic we had. besides, even if someone puts up with his health and weirdity, he will always wonder in the back of him mind if they really love him or his money. but i don't think it'll get that far, quite frankly.

 

and yes, i'd take him back in heartbeat. because true love is so rare, so hard to find that when you find it, and i did with him, you cherish it and you never turn it away.

 

his problem now? hey, i am seriously gorgeous and hot - for a woman of my advanced years- and i'm intelligent and warm and sweet. he better start worrying about if i'll be around when he comes to his senses. you wouldn't believe all the guys my age who are more than happy to try to get my mind off of him. ;-)

 

God bless all the dumpers and dumpees. both life and love are not easy!

[LelouchIsZero]

Hi,

 

Around 4 months ago my ex & I broke up. She was 17 & I am 18.

(She ended the relationship)

 

The way things ended is a lot like what you explained about 'G.I.G.S', though the whole idea of things just seems rather stupid & hypocritical.

 

There is always going to be things that are better then the relationship you're in. Leaving someone so you can 'experience' all these things is just thoughtless & selfish.

 

Any problem can be worked on if you're willing to actually do something about it & yes I know there are the certain occasions were things just aren't meant to be, but atleast if something was attempted both sides will more then likely be able to come to the conclusion that ending it would be for the best - which is why communication is key to any relationship.

 

I know I made some pretty stupid mistakes at times, but we all do. I never did anything that was that big of a deal.

 

I also know that I was a bit of a pussy at times but it was my first long term relationship, I was slowly learning how I should/shouldn't be acting & what I should/shouldn't be taking from her.

 

Though this doesn't excuse her for what she did, sorry. She left me 3 days after my brother had died to 'tend' to her own selfish needs, aka she went and did things with some other guy.

 

And also, before anyone says that I'm being bitter, I'm not. I'm almost over her & I think the only thing that is holding me back is that I don't feel like I will ever really be able to connect with someone else. I'm only young though & still need time to heal so I'm assuming this is the cause of that.

Edited August 12, 2011 by LelouchIsZero

[TheHurtProcess]

GIGS is not limited by any age whatsoever.

 

 

You are correct. There's a general age group that this usually happens around, but at any time someone in any age group can wonder if the "grass is greener" elsewhere. Divorces happen for this reason all the time.

 

I know a couple who are getting a divorce late into their late 30's/early 40's because the wife (who is also a mother of three young girls with the husband) decided that she didn't want the responsibility anymore and she wanted to party, experiment and ultimately see what else is out there.

 

I've seen this happen in later age groups as well, so don't think that this will always pass after a certain age or a certain amount of time has passed. Look as all the people you see well into the middle of life going through a mid-life crisis. Hell, another name I give GIGS is the "quarter life crisis" since it seems to happen most often between the ages of 20-25 or so.

 

There are also some people tend to repeat history as well and may go through it several times in one lifetime. Perhaps even once a decade or maybe even as often as once every 5 years. Sometimes at the end of every single long term relationship they've experienced throughout the majority of their lifetime. I'm not saying that this happens very often, but I've seen it happen, especially this day in modern society.