"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[Rorschach64]

Wilsonx,

 

If you do not mind while we have your attention, I have a question. Why do you suppose my ex F was initally friendly towards me and willing to talk as if we were still dating but when I actually cleared my name of cheating and counter accused her of staging the break up and her seeing someone she basically hasn't said jack crap nothing to me for 1~2 Months?

[LelouchIsZero]

Wilsonx,

 

If you do not mind while we have your attention, I have a question. Why do you suppose my ex F was initally friendly towards me and willing to talk as if we were still dating but when I actually cleared my name of cheating and counter accused her of staging the break up and her seeing someone she basically hasn't said jack crap nothing to me for 1~2 Months?

 

She used the idea of you cheating in order to get out of the relationship, which she was most likely friendly at first because she had justified her actions (in her own mind) & thought that it was possible to hold onto you as a friend, possibly as a plan B, as she pursued the new guy. You then called her bluff & went on the offensive, which meant that she was no longer able to justify her actions & would feel less inclined to talk to you as you had cleared your name, thus she needed to remove her self from the picture, as there was technically no reason for the two of you to be separated.

 

Just a theory

[Rorschach64]

So basically she disappears because knows she is guilty and knows I, she doesn't want to live up to her guilt in front of me thus taking the cowards way out by running away? So that being said does that make her less prone to coming back?

[Rorschach64]

Right, I get the stand point is not to want them back or sit here with my thumb up my bum waiting for her to come back, I am wondering that is all Sorry if I cause any headaches or annoyances with this curiosity! Anyway, forgot to mention the following:

 

 

I am pretty sure she also thinks I hate her since one of the last few things she has said to me was along the lines of 'allowing' me to spew my hatred towards her which I responded with "wut?" I do plan on sending her a hand written letter saying I do not hate her and wish her the best and I only want what's best for her before I deploy for 11 months.

Edited August 29, 2011 by Rorschach64

[SillyS]

That was very brave of you, to call her out on the not cheating. But that's the whole point, it didn't matter what you did or didn't do. She needed out, and thus the justification is in the end worthless. She still obviously gets to you. There are no answers, it won't make sense because feelings are irrational and people do things that often make absolutely no sense.

 

I have been unsure how to deal with this whole situation. If we are nice to them, they think we want them back or agree with their form of treatment for us. If we are rude or express being hurt, then we are trying to make them feel guilty. There isn't really much choice to stay in contact with them. I have talked to my ex once since the epic break up, and he talked to me about his problems in his life and basically went on for two hours about stuff like I was his girlfriend. I sat there just confused, but I listened nevertheless. Then he contacted me as well to tell me he got hits things, and told me something about his situation because he felt I'd like to know. I think no contact is probably the best choice here, because he's still busy being the victim while he crushed my core.

[Rorschach64]

SillyS,

 

Well what happened was I was trying to get her to see reason and hear my side of the story so that we would get back together and I eventually came upon her friend telling me she said word for word she was seeing someone already, then I put two and two together with all the other red flags and I simply wanted the truth and her back plus my friend kept yelling at me about how I did NOTHING wrong also helped. I do not plan on breaking NC other than the hand written letter I will send her before I leave for deployment letting her know I don't hate her. I know the whole deal with if she wants back she will come running and screaming for it.

 

With your scenario I do not want to be that comfort blanket and just another reason why not to break NC. Like I told my ex f before we stopped talking, I am not settling for second best (friendship) and the relationship deserves another chance. You're right, NC is the only way for yourself to heal and get yourself back.

[wilsonx]

SillyS,

 

Well what happened was I was trying to get her to see reason and hear my side of the story so that we would get back together and I eventually came upon her friend telling me she said word for word she was seeing someone already, then I put two and two together with all the other red flags and I simply wanted the truth and her back plus my friend kept yelling at me about how I did NOTHING wrong also helped. I do not plan on breaking NC other than the hand written letter I will send her before I leave for deployment letting her know I don't hate her. I know the whole deal with if she wants back she will come running and screaming for it.

 

With your scenario I do not want to be that comfort blanket and just another reason why not to break NC. Like I told my ex f before we stopped talking, I am not settling for second best (friendship) and the relationship deserves another chance. You're right, NC is the only way for yourself to heal and get yourself back.

 

Dont send her anything no letters nothing, the relationship is over... Im going to post some psychology stuff in a little bit dealing with stress and most of our ex's in this situation.

 

Let me tell you, I did the same thing you did and called my ex out on both counts of ending the relationship because of feelings for someone else. She hasn't said **** to me in over 2 months.

 

It is a self defense mechanism as to why they accuse of you and it has to do with guilt that they have.

 

But in the end the relationship is over. You do not want a second chance, oh trust me on this. Its not any better the second time around, its actually worse.

[Coupedriver]

Its worse the second time..?!?!??! OMG..Hurry and post the psychology stuff...!!!

[Rorschach64]

Hhrmmmmm gotcha gotcha, I will not send her anything. I would like to hear this psych stuff also, I assume it will be worse than the second time because she will just repeat the same pattern but be more epically destructive?

 

I shouldn't send the letter because it'd just make me look like a fool or would she not even care or would it give her wiggle room to manipulate me?

 

Guess I shouldn't expect her to pop her head back up then or want it to for that matter.

Edited August 30, 2011 by Rorschach64

[Coupedriver]

I was told to write her a letter to explain how I hurt her BUT I thank God I didnt give it to her...I had it in my hand just about to hand it to her when she told me about the NEW guy.....Explained it like it was MY fault..glad I didnt show her the 6000.00 engagement ring huh..??..That will hurt for a while...

[Rorschach64]

Oi, well THAT has to sting. It stung when my ex f gave me back my mom's grandma's engagement ring before I last saw her when we were taking a break to respark the relationship, which she made no effort and said the type "I am not attracted to you anymore" on top of other outlandish things.

 

The letter really was my idea and I am just mailing her and I am getting on a plane to the middle east so...yeah. I guess it is a emotional closure for me by letting her know I don't hate her.

[wilsonx]

Here's what I promised for the psychology and the emotional immaturity discussion

 

Feel free to read, grasp, ask questions, and criticize.

 

 

I want to start off by saying that probably anyone going through this type of breakup with GIGS involved its pretty intense. I am 29 years old and this is my 2nd time on the dumpee end of it. The first one happened 8 years ago where I had been dating this girl for just at the 2 year mark, no real problems, talked about making this extremely more long term, I had just applied to a bunch of police forces and out of no where she disappears. My ex at the time was raised by a foster family and left the house for on her own at 18. When she left me, I was pretty much devastated because I thought the worse had happened to her because nothing worked, no cell phone, her roommate did not know where she went, she just vanished. I got a phone call from her 5 years later and she said she had moved to Montana, got married, had a kid, god divorced and now was a real estate agent and she had the nerve to ask me how I was, I hung up on her and the next day changed my number. This put me in one of the worst depressions I have ever gone through in my life. I quit a great job, left a good girlfriend, and just got a ****ty part time job and just breezed along through life.

 

I moved back to VA after a hit and run accident, dated crappy people, had my best friend and then we both one day said he we should date. And we did, but it was the worst mistake I have ever made in my life. There were so many red flags before during after during after that I just kept accepting and saying to myself it doesn't matter.

 

What both these ex's had in common, they came from completely dysfunctional families. I am pretty sure after talking to a lot of my friends (female) and some people on here that they (our ex's came from dysfunctional families).

 

There are several things that can cause this to happen: Emotional abandonment and/or abuse and/or Physical abandonment and/or abuse by either the mother or the father. This not only applies to females, but males as well.

 

I will tell you that all of our ex's are runners. They do not deal with problems in life, instead they bottle it up and until that bottle is full then they run. You may have noticed this from your ex, how they jump from one relationship to the next and when they are not in a relationship, they have some sort of addiction. Its because they have some sort of hurt from the childhood and I will explain the decision making processes that runners make. I am pretty sure that all our ex's have this one trait in common, no matter what they did wrong, they never apologized (for a year and a half I always thought that was strange). If they did something that they think was wrong, they would bottle it up and internalize it.

 

So emotionally immature/GIGS/or whatever label we have for these two type of people, I am going to walk you through the decision making process of them.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

In life, we have 3 choices to make when making a decision.

 

The first choice is called a win/win decision, this is a constructive decision. It's a decision that we make that we do not get instant gratification for but delayed gratification.

 

The second choice is called a win/lose decision, this is a destructive decision. It's a decision that we make that we do get instant gratification for the time being but will eventually lead to hurt and loss in time

 

The third choice is we do nothing. What happens when you have to make a decision and you do nothing? The decision never gets made.

 

Remember you are constantly making decision in life all the time, this isn't a one time cycle.

 

In life you always want to be striving for constructive decisions. Win/Win decisions. You can use these decisions for all types of relationships from friendships, more then friendships, business relationships, family relationships, etc.

 

Now moving on and going back to our ex's remember that they are stressed before even entering the relationship. Our love actually acts as a cast to cover up the stress at the very beginning of the relationship but like a cast, its only temporary.

 

Stress = Anger and Anxiety

These are emotional energies, they cant be created nor destroyed but replaced with another form of energy

 

I have drawn 2 decision tables, one for anger and one for anxiety

ANGER DECISION TABLE

 

ANXIETY DECISION TABLE

 

Lets look at the anger table first.

Remember we are constantly making one of 3 choices all the time.

 

In order for you to remove anger from the center, you need to start making constructive decisions. When you do that over time, you start meeting goals which lead to well being. All of us have anger issues right now, but once we start knocking out goals in our life, our well being creates happiness which starts to replace the anger. It does it gradually. The more and more constructive decisions we make, the more happiness replaces anger and the less anger we have in our lives.

 

Our ex are passive with their anger. They internalize it and do nothing. This is what leads to the "DEPRESSION" that our ex's had at the end of the relationship that everyone talks about. It has nothing to do with the dumpee at all, it has to do with stuff that the ex has been internalizing over time.

 

Now the interesting part, lets look at the anxiety decision table.

Remember our ex's are not only passive with anger, but anxiety as well. This is also a decision making process that constantly happens. So when our ex's continue to bottle and bottle and bottle everything up, at some point they had to explode and they did making an impulsive response. Usually the response is a destructive decision. Remember how our ex's blamed us for the breakup and took no accountablity at all. It's called masochism (victim thinking). Its a win/lose decision. They actually suffer a huge loss. It's us. This actually creates more anxiety then they know how to handle which in turn triggers our human nature response of fight or flight. Our exs flight like an eagle and just take off. This leads to a lot of things, usually increased smoking, drinking and drug use.

 

I did the best I could in the short amount of time I have tonight in writing this up, if anyone has any questions, I should be on tomorrow night to answer them and you can always PM me.

 

I haven't spent a lot of time around the forums lately because I have actually been healing really well, I forgot the days I have been NC, I do not remember the actual break up date, I know I never want to see my ex ever again. I do still have feelings but those will fade with time and I have been busy with work, studying and having fun playing kickball and hanging out with friends. You will all get here, just take yourself off auto pilot, have some courage to move forwards and enjoy life =)

[mmiller5373]

Honestly, I think your post can fit with a lot of GIGS dumpers, but not all of them. My ex girlfriend came from a good family. It wasnt a dysfuncationl family by any means. Her family raised her to be a good Christian woman with good Christian values. Good enough that she waited till she was 24 to have sex. The thing about my ex is that she is an illegal Hispanic woman who went through a rough time from the age of 12-17 while she was living in Mexico. Her family was homeless and starving, and they chose to move to the states to change their lives. She got here when she was 17 and worked two full time jobs until she was 23. She never had many friends except for me. She never had that college experience.

 

Some things that happened when I noticed a change in her:

 

- She had an itch, a craving to move back to Mexico to go to college because she couldn't go to school here legally.

- She quit one of her jobs and started bartending at a Mexican restaurant.

- Her father left her mother for some woman in Mexico. This came out of nowhere.

- She got herself a new group of friends. Partiers/Clubbers that loved to go to Latin clubs.

[wilsonx]

Honestly, I think your post can fit with a lot of GIGS dumpers, but not all of them. My ex girlfriend came from a good family. It wasnt a dysfuncationl family by any means. Her family raised her to be a good Christian woman with good Christian values. Good enough that she waited till she was 24 to have sex. The thing about my ex is that she is an illegal Hispanic woman who went through a rough time from the age of 12-17 while she was living in Mexico. Her family was homeless and starving, and they chose to move to the states to change their lives. She got here when she was 17 and worked two full time jobs until she was 23. She never had many friends except for me. She never had that college experience.

 

Some things that happened when I noticed a change in her:

 

- She had an itch, a craving to move back to Mexico to go to college because she couldn't go to school here legally.

- She quit one of her jobs and started bartending at a Mexican restaurant.

- Her father left her mother for some woman in Mexico. This came out of nowhere.

- She got herself a new group of friends. Partiers/Clubbers that loved to go to Latin clubs.

 

Do you honestly know everything about her past and what she went through. Just because someone is christian and has strong christian values doesnt mean something negative didn't happen to her. My ex was born and raised catholic.

 

What I bolded is considered abandonment. Pure and simple. Even you stated that she had a rough time through ages 12-17. GIGS has nothing to do with the party life of school. People can use it as an excuse. Even homebrew stated that older people get it.

Edited August 30, 2011 by wilsonx

[loverboy1984]

Excellent Post!! thanks for taking time to construct this. You got this down to a science. As a Scientist I believe once we know the science behind something we can be more vigilant and better aware of its character and able to control it better. I think you and a couple other people on this site have GIGS down to a science. It seems like every post I read is my own, and everyone has similar stories. Its human nature and we must use this time to understand it so we can avoid it and react better to it next time. If we cant avoid it we can at least know how to heal faster.

 

I agree 100% with your post regarding the familys role. I spoke to you via PM a few days ago about my ex and her family and you nailed it. I had figured this out myself but failed to believe it because I thought I was giving myself reasons to feel better. The fact is my ex has a mother who abandoned 3 men, and has had 3 kids from them. She doesnt have her life together and still dating men. My exs dad who was abandoned now lives far away and has his own family and doesnt talk to my ex (his daughter) much. She connected with him a few years ago and they talk maybe 2 times a year. People like this are not wired to love. So what they do is they mimic, and try to make feed you what you feed them. They like the feeling of being loved and wanted but dont geniunely feel it. So its never solid and durable.

[Rorschach64]

With my ex fiancee her father had a what seemed like a random melt down working a good job, started drinking, gambling, and having sex with random women but never fully divorcing her mother. During the break up she summed me up to be exactly like him when she thought I cheated on her.

 

She has been going through a lot of stress invovling getting money for her schooling which she ended up borrowing money from her Aunt for a semester.

 

Apparently her father is also being a complete ass to her of late too.

 

She is an individual to bottle things up and never actually shares what is bothering her...she internalizes things, which I guess probably is the real culprit here on top of being engaged.

 

I know my counsoler that I've been talking to has said there a bunch of mental/emotional red flags on her behalf just from what I've told him in an hour. He did suggest if she were to come back that it'd only be wise to only take her back if she was willing to seek mental/emotional health therapy. So yeah...thanks for the post Wilsonx.

Edited August 30, 2011 by Rorschach64

[logano]

This is all so fascinating but also strange because I had never even heard of this syndrome until I read about it - literally - this morning. And then i see this thread! I highly recommend the book "Mars and Venus on a Date" by John Gray. For me, it has helped me to understand why the guy I was dating dumped me out of nowhere. It still really hurts, but with understanding I can move on. Phew.

I posted about this elsewhere on the site, and I kept arguing with my friends and disagreeing with posters about why it happened because nothing rang true. THIS GIGS totally makes all the pieces fit!

- his first wife and him rarely had sex, and led very separate lives. They were in therapy for a year until he found out that that entire time she had been cheating on him.

- his last relationship was with someone who completely depended on him: she moved herself in, quit her job and announced he would take care of her. She absolutely depended on him for everything, he had complete faith that she would never cheat. The exact opposite of his ex wife! He broke up with her when the pressure to marry her became too much and that highlighted the fact that they weren't intellectually compatible, she was a hermit (he's very social), and she didn't like his friends. According to him, she was sweet and they had fun. That's it.

_ so then I come around and everything is going fantastically. Amazing. And then out of nowhere he says he feeling aren't progressing. I emailed him for an explanation and he honestly tried to, but admitted he couldn't. He just felt he should be feeling something that he wasn't. Everything was contradictory: his actions, the way he treated me, the way we communicated, the best sex ever and then...it's over.

- In the book he describes how when a couple moves from stage one of attraction to stage two of uncertainty, men can see there feelings of doubt as a sign to end things, when really it is a sign to give the relationship a chance

Just thought I would share.

[wilsonx]

It's not just men, women do this too. I can tell you from experience and by reading the stories on the forum. People chastised me even on this board when i firstgot here but once I put all the pieces of this puzzle together, look where we are today. We can now defend ourselves preemptively against future relationships with people that exhibit these same patterns. I will show you conversations of this girl I have been talking to for the past week and a half

[Nohbody]

You still scare the hell out of me, Wilson.

[PelicanPete]

When I was still hurt over my breakup and joined LS to receive advice, a lot of my replies said that my ex caught "GIGS". After reading up about it, the GIGS explanation became an attractive solution to my heartbreak problem for a few reasons:

 

-The criteria for having "GIGS" is quite vague.

-The dumpee has no fault in the relationship.

-Gives satisfaction for complex answers the dumpee craves to know.

 

As I started to move on from my heartbreak and my emotions loosened their grip on my thinking, I started to really get a good idea as to why my ex and I didn't work out. As I grew and progressed as a person, hindsight let me pick up on the real specifics as to why my last relationship didn't work out, and why it never would have in the first place.

 

Since I completely moved on from my ex, I've generally kept my opinion of GIGS to myself because I feel it helps dumpees feel not so hopeless, but I'm going to have to criticize after coming across wilsonx's explanation.

 

There are several things that can cause this to happen: Emotional abandonment and/or abuse and/or Physical abandonment and/or abuse by either the mother or the father. This not only applies to females, but males as well.

 

If psychology was this general, I'm sure we'd have a lot more discoveries in the field. Unfortunately because of how personal and complex it is, it couldn't even be officially named as a science. Freud, Jung, James, Dewey, Brentano, even Newton tried to classify it as such, but there is very little structure and absolutes in the field which makes it too difficult.

 

All of those symptoms can certainly influence GIGS, but then again so can any experience for better or worse. It largely depends on the person themselves and their awareness of freewill and their will to choose. GIGS is a strain of emotionally immaturity, which can basically come from any background. A happy household can spawn an adult that is emotionally immature just as much as an abusive one, not only with the factor of an individuals free will in mind, but also the individuals definition of "abuse".

 

Unless your ex themselves was constantly dealing with issues from their past that was brought to your attention and talked about with you, it is not exactly a logical or respectful thing to make assumptions and produce conclusions of someones mental health from their past. To understand a persons current behavior you determine it through "what is", not "what was". Only if you know their past is a known factor that they still think of as "what is" do you examine it.

 

I will tell you that all of our ex's are runners. They do not deal with problems in life, instead they bottle it up and until that bottle is full then they run. You may have noticed this from your ex, how they jump from one relationship to the next and when they are not in a relationship, they have some sort of addiction. Its because they have some sort of hurt from the childhood and I will explain the decision making processes that runners make. I am pretty sure that all our ex's have this one trait in common, no matter what they did wrong, they never apologized (for a year and a half I always thought that was strange). If they did something that they think was wrong, they would bottle it up and internalize it.

 

This was another thing that stuck out for me. Are they really running, or are they just changing?

 

If you don't like something in your life, you are suppose to change it. Therefore the dumpers that caught GIGS very well may be facing their problems. Their relationship with you was a problem, so they left. It is the dumpees job to understand what they did wrong, and the rest will soon make sense.

 

Think about how you're moving on with the loss of your relationship. In fact lets just examine "moving on" itself. Moving on implies that you are leaving some sort of constant towards something else. You are transitioning between "x" and "y". You cannot get from point A to point B without moving. Leaving [could be described as running] is necessary for change. It is impossible to change without "moving on" The overall goal of moving on is to experience more positive emotion. E-motion. To "move out of" in Latin.

 

I thought my ex was running when I still harbored a slight victim mentality over my breakup, but she just wanted a change and did something about it. Bouncing between relationships may be a co-dependency issue, or emotional immaturity as you suggested, or maybe a lack of commitment or sensitivity to other people, but I know that I know nothing about my ex or anyone. I'm not them, I only thing I can come close to actually understanding is myself, which is all a person needs to "move on".

 

I won't knit pick anymore. The idea of GIGS helps people lighten the initial load of a break up, I know it briefly helped me. But you'll find it difficult to grow as a person if you rely on it to explain the downfall of your relationship. Your ex was only half of the relationship, which means the dumpee is also responsible for the other 50%. Worry less about what your ex is doing, and try to focus on what you are doing. Your life is all about you in the end.

[wilsonx]

Oh I know exactly what I am responsible for in the relationship and I agree with you a lot on what you have to say pelicanpete.

 

If something is wrong, you have to change it and I agree. That was one of my biggest downfalls of this relationship, is that things were wrong, and I was so in love, I never ended it, I kept trying to fix it and fix it and fix it and nothing was changing and I was hoping it would change. My biggest mistake. You have no concept of how hard I tried ending it, I just couldnt. I spent over 2 months suffering because she was cheating and I was in love with a cheater. It was the worst mind**** I have ever endured.

 

But when your ex tells you "You were a good boyfriend, you weren't great" and leaves you for a 37 year old guy that lives in a trailer, it stings a lot. I'm not saying that what she did was evil or wrong, I have accepted it and have no plans on ever talking to her again. That was her choice and I have accepted it.

 

People have 50/50 stake in a relationship mine ended with 100% my fault when I did nothing wrong but tolerate **** I shouldn't have. That was the way I was raised by my parents. Fix things instead of running from them.

 

I also respect homebrew's opinion and yours on what you have to say about GIGS but I am allowed to have my own viewpoint on it as well.

 

You know I made a post, some people agree with it, some people don't. I respect both agreements and disagreements, comments and criticisms. My point is I choose not to date anyone whose criteria I listed above. That's my choice. Homebrew has his own "For Me" list that he chooses to use.

 

I'm sure there are several people on the forum that will have the same choice after their current relationships. Some people have gone back to their GIGS ex's, there's 2 on the forums recently and you know what that's their choice.

 

I posted information that I felt was pertinent to me and who ever wanted to use it. There's a pattern, correlation, between these types of behaviors. It's clear as day at least to me. If you do not see any pattern in these behaviors then that's something you cant comment on. People say let it go just forget about it and move on. But history repeats itself if you don't learn from it the first time. This is my second time in this type of relationship. So I analyzed it further. This isn't homebrew's first time in this type of relationship. There are other people on the board poolman I think his name was that was hit with this twice. This is a pattern that I choose to end now. This relationship actually happened because I stopped thinking black and white and gave it a chance. I learned from this.

 

I did not mean for it to sound evil or bad but I see the way it came off.

Edited August 31, 2011 by wilsonx

[PelicanPete]

I didn't mean to single you out wilson. I wasn't directing the advice specifically to you, but to the reader in general. You are entitled to your own opinion and dating criteria. I have no problem with that and wasn't what I was trying to address in my post that. Different strokes for different folks after all.

 

My main goal was just to give my opinion on areas of the psychology of gigs that bothered me. The parts I quoted I felt had too much incorrect assumption which could actually be counter-productive to the readers well being. They come to this thread looking for answers after all. I just didn't want to spread the assumption that people who come from abusive homes are incapable of long term relationships, because that's simply not true.

 

I gave my reasoning as to why I don't agree with gigs at the end simply because I'm entitled to it, and maybe it would help someone else. I felt my breakup fit under GIGS when it first happened, and in general a large portion of breakups do, but it was only when I started moving on and was able to emotionally detach from my ex did I understand the specifics, and realize that it was far from the case.

[wilsonx]

I just didn't want to spread the assumption that people who come from abusive homes are incapable of long term relationships, because that's simply not true.

 

I will say I can almost agree with you on this. My mom is still married to my dad to this day. She was given up for adaption and thought she was an orphan until she was 17 years old and her dad found her after he got out of prison. She ran away to the other side of the country and started taking care of her self at 17 years old. They had their problems and I remember my mom cheating on my dad when I was in 4th grade. She took her and my brother in the car to go pick up the cook she worked with to take back to the house while my dad was at work. I am pretty sure my dad retaliated and they had a thing going for some time but they eventually made it work. This is why I couldn't end it, I was trying to make it work and it just wasn't.

 

What actually stings the most is I told my ex about this over a year ago and guess what happens, my ex leaves me for a cook that she works with. So there's some irony here.

[PelicanPete]

I will say I can almost agree with you on this. My mom is still married to my dad to this day. She was given up for adaption and thought she was an orphan until she was 17 years old and her dad found her after he got out of prison. She ran away to the other side of the country and started taking care of her self at 17 years old. They had their problems and I remember my mom cheating on my dad when I was in 4th grade. She took her and my brother in the car to go pick up the cook she worked with to take back to the house while my dad was at work. I am pretty sure my dad retaliated and they had a thing going for some time but they eventually made it work. This is why I couldn't end it, I was trying to make it work and it just wasn't.

 

What actually stings the most is I told my ex about this over a year ago and guess what happens, my ex leaves me for a cook that she works with. So there's some irony here.

 

Every relationship will come across its problems, whether that couple stays together or not depends on how much they really love each other. It's just human of people to always want what they can't have, and take the things they have for granted, but in the end if they really do love each other they'll stay together.

 

Despite your parents problem, the fact they made it work just showed that they love each other. You kept trying to make it work with your ex because you really did love her. The problem was your ex didn't feel as strongly about you, which caused her to up and leave so easily. You can never just abandon the people you truly love, and the fact that you tried so hard to make your relationship work only shows that you deserve someone else that will love you back.

 

Cooks eh? I bet you don't eat out very often

[wilsonx]

 

Cooks eh? I bet you don't eat out very often

 

 

that was really good, I needed that laugh =) I reread it a couple times then was like haha. Yea now if i eat out, its at subway lol