"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[PelicanPete]

that was really good, I needed that laugh =) I reread it a couple times then was like haha. Yea now if i eat out, its at subway lol

 

haha, glad I could help

[GgirlBgirl]

And then out of nowhere he says he feeling aren't progressing. I emailed him for an explanation and he honestly tried to, but admitted he couldn't. He just felt he should be feeling something that he wasn't. Everything was contradictory: his actions, the way he treated me, the way we communicated, the best sex ever and then...it's over.

- In the book he describes how when a couple moves from stage one of attraction to stage two of uncertainty, men can see there feelings of doubt as a sign to end things, when really it is a sign to give the relationship a chance

Just thought I would share.

 

They believe that the feelings of doubt won't happen with the "right" person, that things wouldn't be so hard. Relationships are work, once the honeymoon period is over. It's also compounded with emotionally immature people. They believe in the honeymoon period that they are doing better, being different than their past, but then when the relationship "becomes" work, they are afraid of repeating past patterns. They compare the honeymoon period to the settled relationship and freak out. It's especially bad if they were unconsciously using the honeymoon period as crutch for their emotional issues.

[sun_moon]

You still scare the hell out of me, Wilson.

 

I was thinking the exact same thing, thanks Nohbody, you always know what to post and share and say.

 

 

G.I.G.S. does not mean you are bad, evil, dysfunctional, screwed up, etc.

 

The last few pages in this thread have been focused on is HOW CRUELLY THEY WERE DUMPED (it just so happens their Exes had G.I.G.S.).

 

Is this dumper evil? Is this dumper doing something wrong? Should this dumper apologize? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

This thread is about G.I.G.S... It's not a thread about how horrible someone can be before, during and after they dump you! These are two separate things and let's not confuse the two!

 

While I don't really understand GIGS fully nor do I want to, I respect your opinion. I also think your hilarious and provide great comic relief in such a heavy forum.

That being said, I tend to think that too many individuals do tend to focus on this 'syndrome' and not on themselves. Its just a vicious cycle to denial and no accountability and I think many would be a lot better off by working and analyzing themselves versus over analyzing the ex and a possible syndrome.

Thank you for pointing out that dumpers/dumpees are not evil. We are all adults here, no need to demonize people. Nothing is black and white.

 

As I started to move on from my heartbreak and my emotions loosened their grip on my thinking, I started to really get a good idea as to why my ex and I didn't work out. As I grew and progressed as a person, hindsight let me pick up on the real specifics as to why my last relationship didn't work out, and why it never would have in the first place.

 

I won't knit pick anymore. The idea of GIGS helps people lighten the initial load of a break up, I know it briefly helped me. But you'll find it difficult to grow as a person if you rely on it to explain the downfall of your relationship. Your ex was only half of the relationship, which means the dumpee is also responsible for the other 50%. Worry less about what your ex is doing, and try to focus on what you are doing. Your life is all about you in the end.

 

PelicanPete where have you been? I respect your opinion as well and always value your input.

Thank you for your enlightening detail post, it was much needed here. This thread (past few weeks) has been so one denominational that really there is only room for one type of opinion.

 

 

@Wilson, you are entitled to you opinion, but I just have one simple question, are you angry at all?

[PelicanPete]

PelicanPete where have you been? I respect your opinion as well and always value your input.

Thank you for your enlightening detail post, it was much needed here. This thread (past few weeks) has been so one denominational that really there is only room for one type of opinion.

 

 

Aw thank you sun_moon . I've been a bit self absorbed lately, and a bit picky about what I post, but I'll try posting more frequently in these forums again. You'll have to give me an update on how you're doing .

 

@Wilson, you are entitled to you opinion, but I just have one simple question, are you angry at all?

 

I must agree with sun_moon now that shes mentioned it. I don't want to put you on the couch, but I've noticed bitter vibe from your posts as well. If you are that's fine, anger defeats anxiety after all. It means you're pushing for a difference instead of sitting idle.

[wilsonx]

Angry no, starting to get a bit annoyed.

 

This isn't an attack wilson thread, this is an informative thread where people post their opinions on the subject of GIGS. This isn't a discredit my post and my experience as well. I posted a pattern of what I see going on. People can take it or leave it, a lot have taken it, wow I just went through that ok, or you can chose to be like, that guy has no concept of what he's talking about and I am ok with that. This is my perception of how I see things and I know I am pretty unique in that aspect.

 

Anger and anxiety are two sides of the stress coin so one doesn't trump the other.

 

My question to you is have you ever sat down and talked to someone that is a serial dumper? That jumps out of a relationship for the only reason that they are more attracted to another person just based on the looks alone with nothing going on negatively in the relationship. It's actually fascinating. I watched my boss leave her fiance after they had a kid together because she was attracted to his best friend and start hanging out with his best friend. She went back to her ex fiance. She even told me that she considered dating me a couple weeks ago and I told her she wasn't my type. I have another coworker that left her boyfriend and started dating his best friend. Two months later she calls him up and they are back together. Heart's ex left him for his ex best friend. It's disturbing and fascinating at the same time.

 

Do I think them to be less of people, absolutely not, my boss has helped me understand a lot about the thought process of what they go through, and it is night and day of how I think and she helped me cope just as much as this forum has. Everyone has different viewpoints on certain things I have come to learn. The biggest viewpoint battle I faced was internally between my head and my heart more then anything else. Even throughout the entire relationship. Right now I can look back on the relationship and say, wow that was dumb and shrug it off. I do feel a little hurt every now and then but I know it wasn't meant to be. I am actually quite thankful to be honest that it happened now and not 8 years from now with a house and a kid. I read the marriage and separation forum and it actually makes me cringe that I could have been posted there instead of in this forum.

 

At the same time, it has taught me a lesson on the type of person I do not want to be with, and you would be amazed at how clearly you see not only yourself but other people now.

 

If my advice has helped one person out of the 40000 views, then it was worth it to me.

Edited August 31, 2011 by wilsonx

[LelouchIsZero]

If you don't like something in your life, you are suppose to change it. Therefore the dumpers that caught GIGS very well may be facing their problems. Their relationship with you was a problem, so they left. It is the dumpees job to understand what they did wrong, and the rest will soon make sense.

 

But its your partners job to discuss the problems they're facing in the relationship before it gets to a stage where things will no longer work. Leaving when it suits you is immature, selfish & a waste of the other persons time.

 

I personally understand all the mistakes I made during the relationship, but they were all easily fixable if they were actually discussed/given the chance.

[katie.x]

And all I was saying was... When someone wants out of a relationship (for whatever reason)...

 

How someone dumps you is a direct result of their age, their emotional and mental maturity, life experience, character, values, morals, their "reference groups" (friends and family), etc.

 

Homebrew, I posted this in a different forum, but I wanted your advice on my story but I can't PM as I haven't been here long enough. Am I able to email you?

Mine is [email protected], if you can email so I can respond i'd really appreciate it.

[sun_moon]

Aw thank you sun_moon . I've been a bit self absorbed lately, and a bit picky about what I post, but I'll try posting more frequently in these forums again. You'll have to give me an update on how you're doing .

 

 

 

I must agree with sun_moon now that shes mentioned it. I don't want to put you on the couch, but I've noticed bitter vibe from your posts as well. If you are that's fine, anger defeats anxiety after all. It means you're pushing for a difference instead of sitting idle.

 

Ack I found a typo in my post, I meant one dimensional. Sorry.

 

Hey, I'm over all better so that is a good update for you to have. Still don't have all my money but I gave up on that a long time ago. I haven't started dating yet but I feel more ready now. Being self absorbed is allowed and picky on what to post is also ok. I often find myself reading and not posting, I go through phases of LS reading/posting.

 

Wilson, I have a right to disagree with you just like you do others. I'm not trying to say you are wrong 100% of the time, I just think that your approach/tone can offend some people. I personally disagree with it but I'm not here to hijack the G.I.G.S thread.

 

That's great that you dont feel anger. Wait a few months, go back to your old posts and read them again, you will be amazed as to how you have changed and evolved. Emotions, thought process, and everything in between.

 

Homebrew, how are you?

 

Happy posting.

[Nohbody]

Dear Wilson,

 

Would like to apologize - shouldn't say things like that in an open forum. I don't want you to feel attacked by me - I support you as much as I support anyone else in the forum. I'm just worried about you. It's so easy to get wrapped up in 'why'... but you know it doesn't matter. It just happened. They left.

 

I hope you are doing well. That's it.

[PelicanPete]

Oh my god, just discovered multi-quoting

 

But its your partners job to discuss the problems they're facing in the relationship before it gets to a stage where things will no longer work.

 

If they were happy with your relationship and had the intention of letting it live, then yes it's their job to take care of it. If they aren't truly in love with you and aren't happy with how things are going then they have every right to leave.

 

Leaving when it suits you is immature, selfish & a waste of the other persons time.

 

Then when exactly is a person suppose to leave a relationship?

 

I personally understand all the mistakes I made during the relationship, but they were all easily fixable if they were actually discussed/given the chance.

 

I use to say the exact same thing when my ex broke up with me. It didn't seem fair since I thought all the answers were right in front of my face. It was only when I started moving forward did I realize that was only the tip of the iceberg.

 

 

Hey, I'm over all better so that is a good update for you to have. Still don't have all my money but I gave up on that a long time ago. I haven't started dating yet but I feel more ready now. Being self absorbed is allowed and picky on what to post is also ok. I often find myself reading and not posting, I go through phases of LS reading/posting.

 

Thats great sun! I'm glad you're feeling better . I find myself going through LS phases as well, but you gotta follow your bliss so to speak.

 

That's great that you dont feel anger. Wait a few months, go back to your old posts and read them again, you will be amazed as to how you have changed and evolved. Emotions, thought process, and everything in between.

 

True that. The only time you don't grow is when you feel you already know the answers.

 

Anger and anxiety are two sides of the stress coin so one doesn't trump the other.

 

I disagree, but I don't want to start a debate that isn't going to help anyone that's heartbroken reading this.

 

My question to you is have you ever sat down and talked to someone that is a serial dumper? That jumps out of a relationship for the only reason that they are more attracted to another person just based on the looks alone with nothing going on negatively in the relationship.

 

I have. They just have a different view on relationships. It isn't wrong, it isn't right, that's just how they operate. It isn't exactly fair to the people around them, but fault spawns morality. It causes balance in the world. I wouldn't want everyone to have the same view of relationships as myself. If the serial dumper is happy with themselves, why should they change?

 

At the same time, it has taught me a lesson on the type of person I do not want to be with, and you would be amazed at how clearly you see not only yourself but other people now.

 

The bold shows me that there is still more you need to listen for. Classifying and labeling people and personalities with assumptions is not knowing or seeing. The most it provides is a silhouette.

[Coupedriver]

But its your partners job to discuss the problems they're facing in the relationship before it gets to a stage where things will no longer work. Leaving when it suits you is immature, selfish & a waste of the other persons time.

 

I personally understand all the mistakes I made during the relationship, but they were all easily fixable if they were actually discussed/given the chance.

 

 

And I DID work on my problems with what I was doing wrong BUT she NEVER even gave me the chance to show her or tell her.....!!!!!!!!!!!! She told me what I was doing wrong so off to a counselor I go...WHY..?? Because I believed in saving all that we meant to each other...Then when I tell her I am going..she says.." I didnt know you were going.." HOW AND F&CK would you know..???!?!? YOU wouldnt even let me discuss it with you..!!!!!!!!!!! You were too BUSY wanting to go play house with your new...AAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH...

 

MAN..WOULD I LOVE to sit down with a few dumpers and pick those EVIL minds apart....But I also know one thing....They will NEVER admit what they did was wrong or bad....

[LelouchIsZero]

If they were happy with your relationship and had the intention of letting it live, then yes it's their job to take care of it. If they aren't truly in love with you and aren't happy with how things are going then they have every right to leave.

 

Sorry, I was more so just applying this all to my own relationship, which is why my post probably sounds a bit bitter.

 

The thing is, no-ones ever constantly 'happy' with the state of their relationship, problems always arise, whether they be big or small. If you were happy for most part of the relationship, but wanted to leave as soon as some problems started to occur, well to me that's childish. It does depend whether said problems are fixable or not & yes, a person has every right to leave, but there's a right way to go about it. You're supposed to fight for a relationship and you're supposed to fight for someone you love. Even if you didn't 'love' them anymore, you should still have that sense of care for them and their wellbeing. You can't just give up like that. Besides, if you're allowed to leave a relationship like that, then whats the point of having a relationship?

 

Then when exactly is a person suppose to leave a relationship?[/Quote]

 

That's subjective, it depends on how long the relationship has been going for, the problems the relationship is facing, why the person wants to leave & other variables. Things should at least be discussed/worked on before someone decides to throw in the towel.

 

I use to say the exact same thing when my ex broke up with me. It didn't seem fair since I thought all the answers were right in front of my face. It was only when I started moving forward did I realize that was only the tip of the iceberg.[/Quote]

 

"All" was a wrong choice in words haha, most is more appropriate, I guess, though I'm sure there is still some things that I'm most likely missing.

Edited September 1, 2011 by LelouchIsZero

[PelicanPete]

The thing is, no-ones ever constantly 'happy' with the state of their relationship, problems always arise, whether they be big or small. If you were happy for most part of the relationship, but wanted to leave as soon as some problems started to occur, well to me that's childish. It does depend whether said problems are fixable or not & yes, a person has every right to leave, but there's a right way to go about it. You're supposed to fight for a relationship and you're supposed to fight for someone you love. Even if you didn't 'love' them anymore, you should still have that sense of care for them and their wellbeing. You can't just give up like that. Besides, if you're allowed to leave a relationship like that, then whats the point of having a relationship?

 

A person who really cares about the relationship would stay and try working everything out. Someone who doesn't will begin to look elsewhere. It's that simple. You may be able to fix the problems, but the significant other may not want them fixed.

 

 

That's subjective, it depends on how long the relationship has been going for, the problems the relationship is facing, why the person wants to leave & other variables. Things should at least be discussed/worked on before someone decides to throw in the towel.

 

You seem to be missing my point. The main reason a person leaves a relationship because it no longer suits them. If that isn't a good enough reason, when are they suppose to leave? Even though you are in a relationship, you still have to think about your happiness and well-being first. According to your last statement, everyone who does that is selfish and immature.

 

I've never read your breakup, but the wording of these posts cause me to make guided assumptions. Perhaps one of the underlying reasons that she left was due to you becoming too focused on your relationship. Maybe you were both a little insecure and became clingy to eachother, but because of that you changed a lot from who she initially fell for which caused her to slowly lose interest in you. Through that small problems arose that you felt were fixable, but she decided to go her own way regardless which leaves you feeling frustrated, helpless, and depressed.

[wilsonx]

I have. They just have a different view on relationships. It isn't wrong, it isn't right, that's just how they operate. It isn't exactly fair to the people around them, but fault spawns morality. It causes balance in the world. I wouldn't want everyone to have the same view of relationships as myself. If the serial dumper is happy with themselves, why should they change?

 

The problem is, they aren't happy with themselves. They use relationships as a crutch. Thats why they jump relationships, because they have internal demons that they have yet to conquer on their own. They have extreme anger/hurt issues. Case and point, the one time in my life that I actually rebounded. I was extremely hurt that my girlfriend at the time just up and disappeared. I assumed the worst, I used another person loves to heal my hurt. I used her for 11 months and then I just did not feel like being with her anymore so I dumped her. She did nothing wrong, it was extremely selfish of me and it hurt her in the end. In hindsight, she was the best girlfriend I EVER had. The grass was not greener on the other side. Not at all. I even used her afterwards to crutch the hurt I caused to myself for hurting her, which hurt her even more. It took me years to get over this and the fact that the first ex called me up after disappearing did not help either.

 

The bold shows me that there is still more you need to listen for. Classifying and labeling people and personalities with assumptions is not knowing or seeing. The most it provides is a silhouette.

 

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, then its a duck. I am not discussing GIGS related stuff with you because you do not have the same grasp I do on this concept.

 

Homebrew selected me to carry the torch on this thread because he knows that I know, he knows I see the patterns, I have learned from him and he has learned from me.

 

He does not try to prove me wrong or say I am wrong because I am not wrong. I do not try to prove him wrong because he is not wrong.

 

I work with these people all the time, I had a job for 8 years where I interacted with 10K + people a day. I see patterns in people. Call it chaos theory of people. If I choose to cancel out 50% of the world's population because of my previous dating experiences, thats called setting boundaries and instead of 3 billion possible people to date, i'm down to a measly 1.5 billion, oh no what shall I ever do?

 

Look on the forums, there's a pattern. I can listen to my friend tell me a story of how she needed space from her fiance and I can tell you exactly what she did even with her leaving out information and I actually did it to her at work today and she looked at me surprised and I told her she did not have to acknowledge it, because there's a pattern that people follow.

 

I am going to bluntly say that if you do not learn from history, you will repeat history anyone that repeats history is naive.

 

This discussion is over now though. Back to discussing GIGS with people that want answers about it

Edited September 2, 2011 by wilsonx

[EgoJoe]

Wilson, my brother, I won't criticize you or anything else I've read. Been there, done that and still going through my own bull****. But, handling better nowadays with just a little release of the ego.

 

It's time to let it go. You are worthy of everything that you were denied. I have been told that anger and spite is the behavior of future lonely people. I believe this to be a truthful statement.

 

Please, keep your head up.

 

Sidenote: Sometimes space just means they are overwhelmed. Learning about Avoider/Clinging dynamics has changed my outlook drastically.

Edited September 2, 2011 by EgoJoe

[wilsonx]

I honestly dont have anger, I tell it how it is, there was no anger in that post. I'm not holding on to anything. One of my core qualities is I stand up for what I believe in. This is something I believe in, if you have nothing to offer to this thread GIGS wise stay out of it. I am not bashing you either Egojoe, your posts actually were the ones that inspired me when I first came to these forums in May, I loved reading about how your ex's always came back. It made me smile how cocky you are even after a breakup when I was broken

 

I am actually happy now. I waited a few days to respond to the attacks on me. Its time for other people to let go.

 

I am happy with where I am right now in my life. I am going hiking tomorrow with a girl I had to NC for 3 1/2 weeks because she did not know what she wanted. And she finally invited me. I finished my IT stuff, I lost a lot of weight, I am happy.

 

There is no anger in these posts. Just because I do not draw smiley faces or show empathy towards other people on the forums doesnt make me an angry person. I am not a good writer or good with words and making them sound pretty and meaningful. Where I lack in one area, I make up in others, like logic. One of my favorite sayings is dont judge a book by its cover, you never know what information you might miss by not looking inside

Edited September 2, 2011 by wilsonx

[PelicanPete]

The problem is, they aren't happy with themselves. They use relationships as a crutch. Thats why they jump relationships, because they have internal demons that they have yet to conquer on their own. They have extreme anger/hurt issues. Case and point, the one time in my life that I actually rebounded. I was extremely hurt that my girlfriend at the time just up and disappeared. I assumed the worst, I used another person loves to heal my hurt. I used her for 11 months and then I just did not feel like being with her anymore so I dumped her. She did nothing wrong, it was extremely selfish of me and it hurt her in the end. In hindsight, she was the best girlfriend I EVER had. The grass was not greener on the other side. Not at all. I even used her afterwards to crutch the hurt I caused to myself for hurting her, which hurt her even more. It took me years to get over this and the fact that the first ex called me up after disappearing did not help either.

 

I use to believe the same thing, especially when I was still in pain. But does that make it true? I know a goal in my life is to find a wonderful woman to spend the rest of my time with, and I'm sure you share a similar goal as mine, but what about the people that don't want the same thing we do? What if they really don't want a monogamous relationship. Does that mean they have inner demons and extreme anger issues? It could, however it could also mean that they are in touch with themselves. I don't know, I'm not them. But I know there are more factors and possibilities to people then what my gaze alone lets me see or wants me to see.

 

 

I am going to bluntly say that if you do not learn from history, you will repeat history anyone that repeats history is naive.

 

I agree with you, you're suppose to learn from your past. But it's naive to believe your mistakes from the past are a reliable way to predict the future. If you live like that, life will be sure to prove you wrong eventually.

 

The only major recurring pattern on this forum is that there are a lot of heartbroken people here. They are all experiencing spiels of hurt, depression, frustration, and betrayal. That is the only thing that has initially brought all of them together. They are all completely different people with different lives, experiences, goals, beliefs, and values otherwise. I cannot even begin to make judgements about what kind of people they are without communicating with them each specifically, and even then I only get a piece of the puzzle that may or may not even be genuine. I'm never going to know anyone, and I accept that. With that in mind, how can GIGS possibly explain the psychology behind every dumper that falls under such vague prerequisites? Isn't it a bit more rational to assume the main purpose of GIGS is to embrace the dumpee mindset and tell them what they want to hear?

 

I know nothing about you, but myself and others can sense that you are still holding onto a hot coal just by your choice of words. You're saying otherwise, so I guess I'll take your word for it and let sleeping dogs lie. In the mean time it may be beneficial to apply this to the GIGS philosophy.

 

One of my favorite sayings is dont judge a book by its cover, you never know what information you might miss by not looking inside

 

Take care.

[EgoJoe]

I am not nearly as cocky as you might think. I am marred with calculating possibilities and personal insecurities.

 

Please, consider my words. I respect you Wilson and would not go out of my way to post unless I felt I had something to contribute.

 

Let it go. Not everyone has a condition (beyond the sheer egocentrism of GIGS) and not everyone is self aware. Those of us who are; are also guilty of lapsing at times. Ask Sunmoon.

 

Much love and respect.

 

Shout out to Homebrew, PelicanPete, Sunmoon and Taramaiden for helping me to be where I am right now.

[LelouchIsZero]

A person who really cares about the relationship would stay and try working everything out. Someone who doesn't will begin to look elsewhere. It's that simple. You may be able to fix the problems, but the significant other may not want them fixed.

 

It’s obvious that someone who doesn’t care will leave, but it begs to ask the question, why were they even in the relationship, if they don’t care about it?

 

If they had begun to lose interest due to whatever reason, said issues should have been brought up with their SO, even if they couldn't be fixed.

 

You seem to be missing my point. The main reason a person leaves a relationship because it no longer suits them. If that isn't a good enough reason, when are they suppose to leave? Even though you are in a relationship, you still have to think about your happiness and well-being first. According to your last statement, everyone who does that is selfish and immature.

 

I don’t think it’d be possible for anyone to miss your point, though you seem to be missing mine. There are many things that lead up to why someone wants to leave a relationship, which yes, you should always consider your own happiness & well-being, but not the extent where you don’t even consider the other persons. I’d like to know where in my comment it says ‘everyone who does that is selfish’.

 

The idea of leaving because it doesn’t ‘suit’ you anymore is laughable. You leave once you’ve tried all the things you can to fix it, when things are no longer able to work. If nothing was done in an attempt to fix it, then it simply wasn’t ‘love’, it was just convenience.

 

I've never read your breakup, but the wording of these posts cause me to make guided assumptions. Perhaps one of the underlying reasons that she left was due to you becoming too focused on your relationship. Maybe you were both a little insecure and became clingy to eachother, but because of that you changed a lot from who she initially fell for which caused her to slowly lose interest in you. Through that small problems arose that you felt were fixable, but she decided to go her own way regardless which leaves you feeling frustrated, helpless, and depressed.

 

In some ways I guess you could be right, but all up, it’s wrong. Feel free to read my story if you’d like, I’d appreciate your opinion (and anyone else's, if they want to read it).

Edited September 2, 2011 by LelouchIsZero

[PelicanPete]

It’s obvious that someone who doesn’t care will leave, but it begs to ask the question, why were they even in the relationship, if they don’t care about it?

 

Sometimes people experience a change of heart.

 

If they had begun to lose interest due to whatever reason, said issues should have been brought up with their SO, even if they couldn't be fixed.

 

In a perfect relationship with perfect communication in a perfect world. I agree that's what should be done, but unfortunately those relationships are hard to come by.

 

 

I’d like to know where in my comment it says ‘everyone who does that is selfish’.

 

Leaving when it suits you is immature, selfish & a waste of the other persons time.

 

Unless I misunderstood something

 

If nothing was done in an attempt to fix it, then it simply wasn’t ‘love’

 

There ya go

 

In some ways I guess you could be right, but all up, it’s wrong. Feel free to read my story if you’d like, I’d appreciate your opinion (and anyone else's, if they want to read it).

 

Assumptions can only take you so far after all. I'll gladly read your story. We can continue this discussion in your thread if you have more questions, I don't want to thread jack or be disrespectful to wilsonx or the gigs crew.

[LelouchIsZero]

Sometimes people experience a change of heart.

 

There would be a reason for said change of heart though.

 

In a perfect relationship with perfect communication in a perfect world. I agree that's what should be done, but unfortunately those relationships are hard to come by.

 

Perhaps, though I think it has more to do with the individuals in the relationship. Sometimes people just need to take more of an initiative with things, though I guess it'd be hard to do so if said person/people were inexperienced.

 

Unless I misunderstood something

 

Ah, you were referring to that comment, I thought you were talking about the post you quoted. I guess I still stick by it though, leaving without trying to do anything because it doesn't 'suit' you, is a bit silly.

 

Assumptions can only take you so far after all. I'll gladly read your story. We can continue this discussion in your thread if you have more questions, I don't want to thread jack or be disrespectful to wilsonx or the gigs crew.

 

Agreed, may as well leave this discussion as is, see you in my thread perhaps.

[Coupedriver]

I didnt want to post on this thread anymore because it seemed to be headed to melt down stage....Kinda seemed some of you guys couldn't WAIT until someone else posted something then start to pick it apart..I REALLY do value some of the guys who post on here and there advice and I can admit it has helped me OUT a ton....If I hadnt found this site and with the help of a counselor I can say....I wouldnt be here...I grew up tuff as nails..over 33 years of hockey,been stabbed 2 times..been shot at more times then I can remember and robbed at gun point..(ONCE by a 13 year old kid..)..3 times.I thought I could handle it all but when G.I.G.S hit..I didnt know anything....I watched 7 years flow away like rain in a storm...I am so ashamed at what I have become....Not tuff as I thought...

 

I cant believe NOR will I ever understand why humans do this to each other...I NEVER knew anyone had this kind of pain and what it took to go through this...I am SO thankful for SO many of you posting your help and advice...I hope you guys keep us updated....

[mike588]

I've read most of these about the grass is greener but have'nt seen yet anything rebounds.

My now ex girlfriend (were both 45) left me for her ex boyfriend, we dated 10 months, they dated 14 months. I treated her very well, she told me numerous times he did'nt, no violence. The sex was great, really, both sides, not just me. She knew I loved her very much etc.She broke up with him 6 months before we connected.

Question, Do ya think she will try to come back when she sees, if she sees the grass is not greener and it's the same old thing.

At this time 5 weeks after breakup I'm not wanting her back, just curious what to expect.

[wilsonx]

Hey Mike, the best thing I can tell you is don't expect anything. You already are on the right track and I responded to your post.

 

Expecting something like a rebound happening actually prevents you from fully letting go because there will always be that 1% hope/inclination that it may happen.

 

Set boundaries for yourself and use this experience as learning experience as to the type of person you chose not to engage in a relationship with.

 

One of my wise friends at work gave me some great advice. You have your entire life to get this (relationships) right

[Dig0923]

Question about helping someone with G.I.G.s.

 

I am not going into my story or anything but I am just wondering if the person being dumped due to G.I.G.s can help the other person try to figure things out ( lets say they are both comfy being friends ) about what is possibly happening or does that said person who was dumped need to leave completely for the dumper to figure things out?

 

If this sounds confusing I can try to be more clear I just think I put it right, ha.