Lucio Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I just want someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. Maybe Coupedriver does too. absolutely. me too. we are not idiots if we know how to come here and pour out what we think instead of popping a whole bottle of disinfectant/pills/whatever. we all just need to let our grief run our full course. Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 absolutely. me too. we are not idiots if we know how to come here and pour out what we think instead of popping a whole bottle of disinfectant/pills/whatever. we all just need to let our grief run our full course. AGREED! But believe me you have to cut all contact from people guys or girls that treat dumpees like coupes is. She is selfish, she does NOT care about his feelings even as a friend. I know this cause if he was doing this to her all her girlfriends would tell her to stop talking to him. Just like we are telling him to stop any and all contact. I cut ties with mutual friend when my ex and I broke up. She is in the dark and so am I. We share no parts of life at all, new friends to go along with the new gal I am dating. Not everyone has to take it to this extreme but in my case I had no choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dark Phoenix Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I just want someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. Maybe Coupedriver does too. Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Coupe- no one is laugh at you or your situation. What I am trying to say is if a girl said I love you and want to be with you but you didn't have the same feelings what would her friends tell her to do. If there was no real relationship history then friendship was already there and feelings can be worked through. But a few months out of a relationship and your ex regardless of dumper/dumpee role is talking to you about all the emotions going through their head will only cause you to be even more lost. Hence why you have to cut ties, not hate, not love, just walk. I only wish I had walked away, just walked no word or fighting for the dead RL or mutual friends. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I am glad you guys can have a laugh at my expense...makes me feel great.Again..thanks...Glad I came here for support....see ya all. We are giving you support, you just have to own up to it. We have all been in your shoes. When you stop contacting her and stop worrying about her in about 4-6 months you will see "Damn I cant believe I was that stupid" I am saying that right now after 4 months. I said the same things you did, oh my ex this oh my ex that. The problem was I realized that I did not want this type of relationship in my life anymore. All my male friends are still chasing their ex's and guess where they are going. No where. That's why I exited the breakup as quickly as I did. Only because I was watching it happen to people around me. Could I have gotten her back AGAIN. Hell yes I could have but I want something better for me. Work on you, stand up for yourself and dont allow yourself to get hurt like this. If things aren't working out for you, end it and walk away and line up the next set of girls. Trust me you will be alright. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 You miss the point coupedriver's brother and coupedriver. You are allowed to be the nicest guy in the world. I loved my ex just like every person on this particular thread loved their ex. Homebrew is a loving whore and still loves all his ex's. Most people on this thread are NICE GUYS and GIRLS that gave everything to their ex's. Read the stories. Now here is the kicker which he has to understand after he goes through the grieving process. He is at the beginning of the breakup and its going to take time to detach from his ex. He needs to quit being nice to her and worry about being nice to himself. You do not have to validate how much of a supporter he is, trust me I know. If she wants to come back she will but he needs to grieve this relationship as being over. From what you posted and what he posted, he has a caretaker personality and while thats a good thing to have, he is going to go through life being taken advantage of with it if he doesnt stand up for himself. You dont have to be an "@SS or Punk" some girl to stand up for yourself. You do have to have personal boundaries to protect yourself. I admire all that you posted that he has done but if there is something to be said about this thread in general its about tweaking one's girlfriend/boyfriend picker better. Stop being caretakers and taking care of people that cant take care of themselves. Charity is fine and all but people that come from extremely rough environments are very bad people to be in a relationship with until they do what your brother does for themself first. Your brother has done everything to improve his life on his own and thats what he should be looking for in a significant other and these are the types of personal boundaries people that deal with these type breakups should be setting for themselves 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SunsetRed Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Hi Homebrew, Glad to see you're still here. I read your posts last year and you really helped me to get a grip on my self esteem and sanity when I was going through a bad break up. Well, during this year my ex and I got back together and DUH, I ended up getting dumped again. This time he was more callous about kicking me to the curb. I feel sad/bad but not nearly as bad as I did last year. I was Fooled Once now have been Fooled Twice and if I go back again I'm just a masochist. I feel like an emotional zombie towards him now anyway. Well, I'm not nearly the basket case I was last year, but its still good to get a pep talk from you to keep me going. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Did you learn anything from your most current breakup with your ex of 2 times? Link to post Share on other sites
sun_moon Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 To make things a bit CLEAR,this is NOT coupedriver.I am his brother Daniel.I have been scanning over his posts and opened pages on his computer for a few hours now.I have read several from him and will continue to do so for a few more hours. He was through a LOT in his life and I HOPE he gets even more chances.. At 7:43 AM,on this morning my brother attempted to take his own life. To Coupedriver and his brother, my thoughts and prayers go out to you and family. Daniel, you are a good brother. I'm sorry for what is happening, yes please keep us updated. May he recover in all the ways possible, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucio Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 hi Daniel, i'm not sure who the moderator is, but perhaps the "alert us" button might help to get someone's attention and assist you accordingly. there's also a "contact us" link at the bottom of the page. hope it helps. i am very shaken by this news and i did sincerely mean that we all just need a pat on the shoulder or a hug and be told it's going to be ok sometimes (by coming to the forum to pour our woes). your post does serve as a reminder that many of us are very fragile. it's a sad and lonely time, because we cannot go to family and friends, like what your brother's counsellor said. the good advice from their goodwill can be a tough pill to swallow. i pray for your brother, and pray for any of us here now who's feeling weak and desperate. please take care. please let us know how your brother is doing, if it's possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Coupedriver Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 I want to thank the Moderator for removing my earlier post.It is a very personal time for us right now.I have noticed this post is getting off track,I hope it returns to where it belongs.WilsonX,our family has always been caregivers...its just who we are.Maybe it does SET us up for a bigger or harder fall,but its who we are.How do you TRULY love someone and have personal boundaries..? I will only DO this for you and NOT that..?So you tell someone " I will only love you THIS much because I dont want to get hurt"...True love has no boundaries...I guess we all believe in something different.Again....thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 didnt lock this down Link to post Share on other sites
MizHoney2U Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 I totally agree with the GIGS... I have always only I never analyzed it like it has been put in this thread. Thanx Wilsonx for posting the link in your sig. This has given me more insight regarding my situation even though I was the dumper because the dumpee was clearly experiencing GIGS. All I can say is wow. it;s been 8 months and yes I can tell, just like I thought he would... sniffing around because he has realized or is beginning to realize that the grass is not greener over there. Link to post Share on other sites
escafeld Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Just so you know... Even older people can suffer from G.I.G.S too. This isn't just for young people. Signs to look for... People that didn’t have the college experience, people that got married young, people that didn’t date around, people that did not have a lot “life experiences” growing up, etc. Fantastic post homebrew and forgive me for highlighting the above but this appears to be my own situation. A Five year relationship with a successful, attractive woman (mid 40's). She had all the qualities you outline, but had a high level education from a leading university. But she married young, had been deserted by her father, brought up by an emotionally distant mother, reinvented herself when she got to uni, lost her virginity to another student who would later become her husband etc etc. She's read all the self help books, is a good communicator generally, but emotionally constipated. I was always struck by her lack of depth in things that shape who we are..past relationships, juvenile adventures and basically a lack of any 'history'. Following her divorce after 20 years of marriage she had a series of short relationships, all of which she ended before finding me. We got along well, but occasionally there'd be irrational bouts of anger and violence from this usually cool and disciplined individual. She said she loved me, I believed it but it was usually offered through text or email-rarely said to my face. We parted amicably a few months ago, at her behest, and I'm still clueless as to why. I strongly suspected she was/is seeing someone else despite her protestations otherwise, however reading this thread Im pretty sure it's a case of the GIGs. Don't get me wrong, Im far from perfect, but I was never given the opportunity to address my own shortcomings, she literally up'd and left. I miss her but at the same time quite relieved because I always felt I was walking on eggshells around her as her look of disapproval would be quite withering and it could be motivated by almost anything! I've maintained little contact but she's the one who texts and seeks reasons to maintain the contact. Of course I do miss her so reply courteously but without giving anything of myself, which I guess is about self preservation. Ps: Writing this has actually been quite cathartic, I've had the thoughts running around in my head, troubling me, but now I feel almost liberated that Im not missing much! Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 2 things. #1, make sure you stick to NC. You are giving her what she wants, she wants to have her cake and eat it too. #2. if there's something to be learned from your relationship, is that you should never have to walk on the proverbial eggshells. Always be yourself, if a relationship does not work because you were walking on eggshells, then it just doesn't work. In other words, stand up for yourself Link to post Share on other sites
escafeld Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 2 things. #1, make sure you stick to NC. You are giving her what she wants, she wants to have her cake and eat it too. #2. if there's something to be learned from your relationship, is that you should never have to walk on the proverbial eggshells. Always be yourself, if a relationship does not work because you were walking on eggshells, then it just doesn't work. In other words, stand up for yourself Thanks wilsonx, it's funny actually, I've had no real desire to speak to her or ostracise her, but I've noticed that if there's NC for a few days I receive an ultra chummy text or email from her, the last of which alluding to some event in her life that would interest me but little detail, the inference being that she would have to speak to me about it. I did reply, by email in a fairly indifferent fashion and received 2 further texts today, but nothing about this event that would amuse me! Link to post Share on other sites
grilled cheese Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 what if the man had a huge loss in his life lately and grieving over a sibling's death. although he never talked about it to me, or talked about his feelings about it. he was acting normal, trying to commit more into our relationship and move to the next level, which is engagement. then suddenly out of no where he say i had a huge loss and im trying not to feel this way. something died inside of me, nothing has a taste anymore, then follow it by i dont feel like i love u anymore, not the way i did when we started this relationship, i need space to clear my mind, i dont hate you, i want us to stay as friends, i just dont love u anymore!!! what is this considered to be.. Link to post Share on other sites
Doona Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I have just had this happen to me, my ex dumped me as he felt he needed to be alone and have new experiences in life. He is 23 and I'm 25, we dated for 3.5 years. I have had past relationships, I moved out of my parents house when I was 17 and traveled to a few different countries. I have had a lot of fun in my single days and experienced a lot of different things. When he told me that he wanted to break up and really hurt, but I knew it was for the best as I was not totally happy in the relationship (I was very lonely due to him working so much, he also didn't act like he cared about me anymore). I understood what he meant that he need to experience more of life, I just thought he would do it with me. I'm not the type of girl who wants to get married and settle down any time soon, so I thought we would travel and do different things together. I felt like he was blaming me that he has missed out on life, but it is his job's fault. He works in a hotel and works very long shifts and odd hours, so he could never come out with me or do anything fun. I have let him go, even though it has been very hard as I do still love him so much. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with this man. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) This thread is hilarious. Hey everyone, here's a good rule of thumb...consider people's motivations. What motivation does the OP have for posting all of this stuff? Well one is pretty obvious, himself. He goes on and on about how it isn't their fault, and there's nothing wrong with people like this. But there is something wrong. And it isn't some sort of natural behavior either, it's learned. Learned from bad parents, learned from bad siblings, learned from bad friends. It has nothing to do with whether you went to college or not, or whether you traveled to Europe or not, whether you married young or not, or how many people you dated or not. It has everything to do with delusions of grandeur, that parents or someone else from childhood gave to these people. There's a lot less grass is greener syndrome than oprah syndrome. Take an issue, declare it to be normal, and tell everyone else that by accepting bad behavior from others they'll feel better about themselves. That makes every person with terrible behavior your #1 fan. You wanna hear some great advice based on your theory homebrew? Go write a couple of those worthless motivational books. You're selling yourself short by posting bullsh*t on loveshack for free when so many deranged people will readily pay for bullsh*t. Edited October 28, 2011 by thatone Link to post Share on other sites
MizHoney2U Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Although there are many individuals who disagree with the whole GIGS, I for one believe it to be true... Prior to this past relationship, I was in a marriage for 26 yrs and therefore understand firsthand (both sides) hoe the grass can LOOK greener.... besides, where do we thing the cliche' even came from??? whatever OP motivation was for his post.... it is still able to provide others with insight... whether or not the ex returns. Link to post Share on other sites
Coupedriver Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 This thread is hilarious. Hey everyone, here's a good rule of thumb...consider people's motivations. What motivation does the OP have for posting all of this stuff? Well one is pretty obvious, himself. He goes on and on about how it isn't their fault, and there's nothing wrong with people like this. But there is something wrong. And it isn't some sort of natural behavior either, it's learned. Learned from bad parents, learned from bad siblings, learned from bad friends. It has nothing to do with whether you went to college or not, or whether you traveled to Europe or not, whether you married young or not, or how many people you dated or not. It has everything to do with delusions of grandeur, that parents or someone else from childhood gave to these people. There's a lot less grass is greener syndrome than oprah syndrome. Take an issue, declare it to be normal, and tell everyone else that by accepting bad behavior from others they'll feel better about themselves. That makes every person with terrible behavior your #1 fan. You wanna hear some great advice based on your theory homebrew? Go write a couple of those worthless motivational books. You're selling yourself short by posting bullsh*t on loveshack for free when so many deranged people will readily pay for bullsh*t. I DO find that very interesting "thatone".....VERY interesting...The ex has a REAL close GF who jumps from relationship to relationship, just as mine has.... Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 of course she does. everyone is a product of their environment. their mental aptitude may be inherited, but their social boundaries and tendencies are learned. Link to post Share on other sites
AmericanHoney Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 My sister's BF is currently suffering from GIGS. He says he loves her very very much yet he keeps trolling craigslist personals. It's like he wants her but yet his GIGS is getting in the way. He is always shopping it is almost like an addiction really:sick: Link to post Share on other sites
skyle Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Does this sound like GIGS... We were going out for 14 months and she split up with me a few weeks before she went off to uni...she claims its because we argued (literally argued a couple times nothing more) and that she needed time and I should move on. It's been two months now and it's only now that I am going NC/LC and moving on. She never actually gave me a proper reason why she ended it to be honest, and I think it's because of university and a change in her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguyfinishlast Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Hi guys, I have a problem, Im the dumpee and I'm trying to move on with my life after a LDR breakup. But my ex girlfriend of 4 years keep contacting me seeking for my comfort and attention but at the same time she do not want to commit to a relationship with me. She acts like the breakup didn't even happen and we are still in a so called no string attached relationship. I decided to move on by ignoring her. Why is the dumper contacting the dumpee? It has been dragging for a month now, I even try to chase her back last week but was rejected. She definely fit the G.I.G.S category. Link to post Share on other sites
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