"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[smokey bear]

Ive had a ton of breadcrumbs for nearly 6 months, im full of them, ive had enough of them, so the first indication of them coming home would really be them dropping the friends and lifestyle regardless of what they say to you.

 

My ex dropped the friends and lifestyle only to resume it again with new friends, he's hut rock bottom a few times reaching out each time.

 

I know rock bottom is just around the corner for him again, he seems to be hitting bottom quicker and quicker each time. The last time was only last week, then a high again then bottom again yesterday, he's back to high again and i know he'll go down again after the new year.

 

 

So an indication is the end of the party lifestyle. My ex is suffering big time, He's pretty much got as low as he can go, its crazy why they continue with it.

[daisydukes]

Gibson what are the stages of grief? Do you think if I hadn't " caught" him he would of just continued to string me along as a back-up plan? I think it was GIGS but at the same time I am not really sure since he is 33 and it usually happens when you are younger and he has never been married before but everything everyone has mentioned on this thread points to GIGS.

[marqueemoon4]

Its interesting now everyone's ex have GIGS.. a few months ago they all were BPD.

[gibson]

Gibson what are the stages of grief? Do you think if I hadn't " caught" him he would of just continued to string me along as a back-up plan? I think it was GIGS but at the same time I am not really sure since he is 33 and it usually happens when you are younger and he has never been married before but everything everyone has mentioned on this thread points to GIGS.

 

Google "Stages of Grief"... The stages dumpees go through to finally reach the happy place... acceptance.

 

Didn't you only date the guy for three months? If so, no it's not GIGS. Just a guy that was having fun, got what he wanted and left.

 

If that's not your Ex, post a link to your story and I will have a look.

[daisydukes]

No we dated 6 months. This is what happened..

 

 

y ex and I have been broken up for a week and a half now after I found him cheating but I am still mauling over why he lied to me. My friend texted me a photo of my boyfriend and another woman kissing. I said where did you get this? She said I saw them at the bar together kissing and holding hands. I was furious so I texted my boyfriend the photo and said is this true?

He texted me back and said you knew it was over a month ago when I said we should see other people and you know it. I said that is funny a month ago we you held me into your arms and said you loved me and wanted to hopefully get married someday.

 

I also said remember just the other day you came over my apartment and you kissed me all over and I kissed you all over so how you possibly say right now you said a month ago it was over? I also said unless I have short term memory I clearly do not ever remember you saying you wanted to see other people and if you wanted to see other people and it was over why would you say you loved me and get married explain that one? He never texted me back only until 2 hours later saying how he much he cared about me and hoped we can stay friends. I am still banging my head against the wall ( not literally) thinking how can he lie to me like that?

[gibson]

I don't think it's GIGS.

 

Why?

 

Length of time of the relationship, his age and his history.

 

I think he lost interest, is a player or something else.

[daisydukes]

I suppose he is a player. I do not know about his past relationships how long they lasted but he could do this to all women where you date them for so many months string them along and then find someone else.

[luvtoto]

Phase 5 - Crawling on Broken Glass On Their Knees

 

Once they are "normal"... They still think they have a chance and what it takes to find what they once had. Well let me tell you, in my case, that just isn't going to happen.

For some of you, that will also be the case.

 

After they get out there and experience what "normal" is enough times... This is when the reality of the situation finally hits them. This is when they know beyond a shadow of a

doubt that they have indeed made a very big mistake.

 

This is when your Ex will do whatever it takes to WIN your love back. They will make their intentions known and there will be no mistake as to what they are doing. No mixed

messages, no wondering, no doubts, etc.

 

They will crawl on broken glass on their knees to get you back!

 

My ex, after his recent GIGS divorce, thought he could just look me and pop right back into my life. He thought wrong.

 

There is something not right about him, and I'm keeping my distance. That man could have the perfect woman and not be happy. Always wondered what his deal was, and now I realize he suffers from GIGS. I do mean suffer.

 

It pains me to see him at such a low emotional state in his life at his age. His only hope to overcome this is to feel the pain from his consequences. Pain is life's greatest teacher.

 

It's important for myself to detach from what he's going through. I can't save him. I can't change him. I can't make him realize anything, if he's not at the right stage.

 

I'm single and available. Now, so is he. HOWEVER...the only way that man is allowed back into my life is if he's 'Crawling on Broken Glass On His Knees'.

That is what is called stage 5.

 

In the meantime, I've detached myself from the "dumpee" status. I'll be going out every weekend having a blast with my friends doing new and exciting activities and looking good. Really happy! Who knows, I just might meet someone.

 

It's still very interesting to see if he'll heal from his GIGS or not. All I know is that I have a new perspective now. After seeing your dumper unable to be happy, time and time again, the dumpee starts to realize that the breakup really had nothing to do with them.

 

Thank you for this thread.

Edited December 26, 2011 by luvtoto

[smokey bear]

My ex, after his recent GIGS divorce, thought he could just look me and pop right back into my life. He thought wrong.

 

There is something not right about him, and I'm keeping my distance. That man could have the perfect woman and not be happy. Always wondered what his deal was, and now I realize he suffers from GIGS. I do mean suffer.

 

It pains me to see him at such a low emotional state in his life at his age. His only hope to overcome this is to feel the pain from his consequences. Pain is life's greatest teacher.

 

It's important for myself to detach from what he's going through. I can't save him. I can't change him. I can't make him realize anything, if he's not at the right stage.

 

I'm single and available. Now, so is he. HOWEVER...the only way that man is allowed back into my life is if he's 'Crawling on Broken Glass On His Knees'.

That is what is called stage 5.

 

In the meantime, I've detached myself from the "dumpee" status. I'll be going out every weekend having a blast with my friends doing new and exciting activities and looking good. Really happy! Who knows, I just might meet someone.

 

It's still very interesting to see if he'll heal from his GIGS or not. All I know is that I have a new perspective now. After seeing your dumper unable to be happy, time and time again, the dumpee starts to realize that the breakup really had nothing to do with them.

 

Thank you for this thread.

 

 

Very good post, i agree its hard to see them unhappy time and time again but like you said, we know it wasnt us, especially if they were happy while in a relationship with us for many many years.

 

 

Like you said again, they have to learn for themselves.

 

I think that now after some of us have learned about gigs, how strange it is going to be to see them hit stage 5.

 

To know whats coming and watch it happen, might actually be freaky, predicting the future from others experience and knowledge.

 

Gibson, how does it feel, is it strange to watch that last stage, knowing what happens and what comes next, is it liberating?

 

Your in that position right now.

 

By the way the ex that is courting you after her gigs, what age is she now?

 

Are you going to give her a chance?

 

Is she the one?

[smokey bear]

My ex, after his recent GIGS divorce, thought he could just look me and pop right back into my life. He thought wrong.

 

There is something not right about him, and I'm keeping my distance. That man could have the perfect woman and not be happy. Always wondered what his deal was, and now I realize he suffers from GIGS. I do mean suffer.

 

It pains me to see him at such a low emotional state in his life at his age. His only hope to overcome this is to feel the pain from his consequences. Pain is life's greatest teacher.

 

It's important for myself to detach from what he's going through. I can't save him. I can't change him. I can't make him realize anything, if he's not at the right stage.

 

I'm single and available. Now, so is he. HOWEVER...the only way that man is allowed back into my life is if he's 'Crawling on Broken Glass On His Knees'.

That is what is called stage 5.

 

In the meantime, I've detached myself from the "dumpee" status. I'll be going out every weekend having a blast with my friends doing new and exciting activities and looking good. Really happy! Who knows, I just might meet someone.

 

It's still very interesting to see if he'll heal from his GIGS or not. All I know is that I have a new perspective now. After seeing your dumper unable to be happy, time and time again, the dumpee starts to realize that the breakup really had nothing to do with them.

 

Thank you for this thread.

 

 

Very good post, i agree its hard to see them unhappy time and time again but like you said, we know it wasnt us, especially if they were happy while in a relationship with us for many many years.

 

 

Like you said again, they have to learn for themselves.

 

I think that now after some of us have learned about gigs, how strange it is going to be to see them hit stage 5.

 

To know whats coming and watch it happen, might actually be freaky, predicting the future from others experience and knowledge.

 

Gibson, how does it feel, is it strange to watch that last stage, knowing what happens and what comes next, is it liberating?

 

Your in that position right now.

 

By the way the ex that is courting you after her gigs, what age is she now?

 

Are you going to give her a chance?

 

Is she the one?

[gibson]

Gibson, how does it feel, is it strange to watch that last stage, knowing what happens and what comes next, is it liberating?

 

Not really. I healed and moved on so I really don't care. I mean I care about her and want her to be happy but for me, I am just indifferent about the whole thing.

 

Also, she is one of the GIGS people that had to hit ROCK BOTTOM several times.

 

She did grow up and learn a lot about who she is, what she wants, what she doesn't want, what is important, etc.

 

However, she is still suffering from depression due to her choices, her actions, the people she dated, her "friends", lifestyle, etc.

 

By the way the ex that is courting you after her gigs, what age is she now?

 

She is going on 25.

 

Are you going to give her a chance?

As of right now, I am not giving her a chance.

 

I canceled a date that she scheduled with me and have backed away. She is depressed and still in the process of putting her life back together. She was fired several times from great jobs, lost all her new "friends", trying to find her joy and happiness.

 

I don't date "fixer uppers" and right now she is one.

 

We have always communicated very well. Our first few meetings, she just talked and talked and talked about the whole GIGS thing and where she is at now. I shared my issues, concerns, what I am looking for and why I am stepping back. She understood and agreed.

 

Will she do the work, work on herself, heal and become the person I want?

 

I simply don't know.

 

Is she the one?

 

I don't believe in "The One", it's a myth.

 

I love my Ex, but I am not in love with her anymore. A lot would have to happen on my end and on hers before I would date her. So this question is out of my realm of thinking.

Edited December 26, 2011 by gibson

[Dragonsden]

BANG ON!

 

 

Like i said before, how many women have broken up with Brad Pitt?

Did any of his gfs decide they needed "space to find themself"

 

Once the attraction is gone the only way you can keep a shred of it is by being a man and giving them nothing. No emotion, no contact , nothing.

So you need to man up, now.

 

Take this from the womans point of view. She dumped you then hung around for a month while u soothed her through it. She moved out, you were there to help her. She gets an email 6 months later letting her know you still love her.

She has never actually had to come to terms with a break up, and when she does it will be too far down the line for her to care.

 

Come on guys. We are men, we can take whatver comes our way. We give respect when its earned.

There is no need to embarrass ourselves with this weak minded logic

 

Brad Pitts quote

 

(On being dumped by ex-fiancee Jill Schoelen in 1989) She called me up in Los Angeles and was crying on the phone. She was lonely and there was a huge drama. At this point I had $800 to my name and I spent $600 of it getting a ticket from Los Angeles to Hungary to see her. I got there, went straight to the set where she was filming and that night we went out to dinner. She told me that she had fallen in love with the director of the film. I was so shocked I said, 'I'm outta here.' I spent my night in Budapest, sitting on a bench, smoking, with just a local bum to talk to who couldn't speak English. These are the days and nights you remember when you have success. I returned to America absolutely broke. This is why recognition does not bother me too much.

[DisGai]

Hi all,

 

My ex, whom I've been with for 2 years, broke up with me two weeks ago with seemingly GIG symptoms, and unfortunately, I begged like a dog for her to not leave me. Basically, the last time we've talked was not very peaceful. I want to send her a letter of thanks and closure to our relationship, and just let her know that I'm doing okay. But I don't know if this is helpful towards the concept of NC. Do I send it, or do I not? And when?

 

Thanks

[Dragonsden]

The funny part about my break up is the night that she said she needs space and told me all her reasons for being confused. I told her she is thinking grass is greener on the other side. Ofcouse back then I didnt know about all this GIGs stuff reguarding relatioships. And even though she said how could she know if someone else is right for her without breaking up with me (but she did "love" me)... I dont believe in GIGs. You either wanna be with someone or you dont.

 

We are making GIGs sound like a disease. Whatever happened to responsibility, loyalty, integrity ..... our society is crumbling with lack of morality. Everyone gets bored/unhappy but I do not find it a reasonable cause to leave someone. I understand a BU if the relationship is abusive/dishonest and I find those the only exceptions. Anything else can be worked at and overcome. I think part of it has to with the materliastic thinking that we have in this continent. Whats the divorce rate in middle east ... India .. China ... these people have totally different set of values.

Bottom line .. leaving just to see if someone else out there is better, is bull****. Of couse there will always be someone better but if you couldnt find him you are not allowed back on my lawn.

[wilsonx]

You're bitter.

 

Its human nature... GIGS does exist... I am a product of it. Everyone goes through it at some point in their life. There's a recognizable pattern to it.

 

Just because someone doesn't want to be with you has nothing to do whether they love you or not. The problem is, I do not think you have love of yourself or understand this. GIGS is the journey into finding this.

[Dragonsden]

I am actually not. I knew someone would say this. I just went through this entire thread to find soooo many posters deluded with this whole GIGs phenomenon. That pushed my buttons a bit. They are holding on to straws that someday their ex .. who by they ways thinks "you" are not good enough and says/does the most hurtful of stuff ... will come back to them and its all gonna be rosy again.

 

I am not sure if you have read my first thread but I told my ex that I would rather have her break up with me now than years later when things are more serious. I feel so lucky and greatful I said that. She did me a favour. Am I hurt yes but she is not good for me or my kids to be.

[wilsonx]

I like this "I am actually not"

 

This tells me that you are bitter, but are trying to convince yourself that you are not. Even associated with your response "I knew someone would say this."

 

I have a better question for you, do you feel torn or split into 2 sides

Edited February 20, 2012 by wilsonx

[Dragonsden]

You are trying to read me through a script. Human communication and expresion is more than just words.

 

I am not sure what you mean by split in half ...

[wilsonx]

You are trying to read me through a script. Human communication and expresion is more than just words.

 

I am not sure what you mean by split in half ...

 

You are exactly right, what this tells me is you aren't in touch with your own emotions yet. You use the word hurt instead of bitter. If my instincts are correct you are on the path to start being in touch with them

 

As for torn....Do you have inner conflict?

Edited February 20, 2012 by wilsonx

[Dragonsden]

Inner conflict from my understanding means struggling between your old beliefs and coming across something new. So I still don't know how to answer your question because I can't relate it to my previous post.

 

If you are trying to say I am still having a hard time coping with the break up I have to disagree. I admit I was a wreck the first week. It's been three months and I am as steady as I can be. I think of her everyday. When she is not in my thoughts I can not be anymore satisfied with my life.

[TotallyC]

This is amazing! You really did hit it on point.

 

I am 21 going through this with my ex (dumper 21) unfortunately we live together.

It's tougher to just let go, for a bit I've been trying to "fight" for this relationship but it has taken me nowhere! Luckily for her we have a two bedroom, maybe just moving there and just giving her that space she needs we might be able to keep a friendship if that.

Just for the record, me fighting and begging is just the mere fact that I am in love with her but I see how it can be misinterpreted!

I thought for some strange reason her pushing me away was because she wants me to get closer (she has done that to me before)

 

Heartache and more heartache is yet to come since well this is happening as of yesterday.

Great thread! Love it homebrew

[stimson554]

although all this is very helpful, i just go with old fashionism, i learned about relationships from my father, his friends, older generation, why?, because they knew how to do it right.

 

when ever i have doubts i just hear his voice and his words saying, they're all just people, until you find that "person".

 

"G.I.G.S." or not, you don't gotta worry at all, just move through life, be you, and you won't have a problem at all.

[GKM]

WOWWWWWW This post was so great, what a help! I went to two therapists and none of them explained THIS to me, it makes so much sense and I can see all the signs of GIGS now, looking back!

 

I was only his second relationship, we were both young when we met, he didnt even get to have highschool experiances as he was homeschooled, he was looking at rings etc (we were legally married for immigration but he hadnt given me a ring yet), started hanging out with a very different crowd, different career too, and then BAM...I was dumped out of the blue!

 

Total GIGS case!! It was a 5 year realtionship. Im over it, but I will SO keep a lookout for future GIGS potential cases (does someone have a list of warning signs I can keep in my wallet, lol!) At 25 I can start to date real men now, which is nice (but I do know they can also have GIGS, age isnt always a factor in emotional maturity!!)

[rawr2]

Hey GKM, so what happened?

 

Did you remain in contact? Are your friends now? Did he ever come back?

[gibson]

After Valentine's Day and Spring Fever is in the air...

 

Let the G.I.G.S. Dumpings Commence!

 

Bumped for the new people