"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[CptSaveAho]

You aren't done yet! Report back in a few years. Your journey has just begun

Edited November 15, 2012 by CptSaveAho

[Tiwala]

This is Amazingly accurate, It is like you have taking the words from my head.

 

Unfortunately I was the dumper, And as you so rightly said it came out of no where. I know why it happened to me, It was my first love filled relationship, we were literally smitten, I loved this girl to pieces, I literally did everything for her and for us. I never wanted to hurt her.

 

But where we differed was that she had relationships fail, been out partying. She new she wanted a serious and forever us.

 

Your time scales are accurate too. after a few months I tried to get us back together, But alas, I was too late.

 

Like you say, both parties do leave the door open though, I know one day we will meet again, and maybe we will hit it off. Who knows. We clicked so well before.

 

I kind of feel like Breaking my NC to send her what you have put, I have struggled so desperately to explain why i broke up with her. I think I will leave it though, she is in a happy place, I will save it for when we next meet, or when we next talk.

 

But I have to thank you for this, as being rejected feels equally as bad.. Im sure any one who got the grass is greener syndrome will agree.

 

Do you think there's a way to do both? Stay together so you don't lose him, but find the "something" that's missing in your life?

[itsmyfault]

Do you think there's a way to do both? Stay together so you don't lose him, but find the "something" that's missing in your life?

 

I'm a Him btw.

 

And no, No I don't, Unfortunately you dont know what you had until it has gone.

 

I Broke NC today to sent her this, she was so desperate for an explanation.

We had a phone conversation and I explained it to her because she didnt really understand it.

 

I told her its like a disease, once its in your head it grows, you try to fight it, but it takes over. I told her this because I wanted to make sure she knew that she did nothing wrong, That she was perfect for me.

 

We are still on really great terms, there is no hard feelings between us, and im sure one day in the future we will be great friends once again. I took that step back from NC because she didn't ask for any of this, Im strong enough to deal with the extra couple of days of hurt.

 

I didn't do it for me I did it for her. If it had not have been for my lack of life experience we would still be blossoming, That isnt that card i was dealt though.

 

I would hazard a guess everyone has a G.I.G.S break up at some point in their life, Its not something you have any control of...

[Tiwala]

I'm a Him btw.

 

And no, No I don't, Unfortunately you dont know what you had until it has gone.

 

I Broke NC today to sent her this, she was so desperate for an explanation.

We had a phone conversation and I explained it to her because she didnt really understand it.

 

I told her its like a disease, once its in your head it grows, you try to fight it, but it takes over. I told her this because I wanted to make sure she knew that she did nothing wrong, That she was perfect for me.

 

We are still on really great terms, there is no hard feelings between us, and im sure one day in the future we will be great friends once again. I took that step back from NC because she didn't ask for any of this, Im strong enough to deal with the extra couple of days of hurt.

 

I didn't do it for me I did it for her. If it had not have been for my lack of life experience we would still be blossoming, That isnt that card i was dealt though.

 

I would hazard a guess everyone has a G.I.G.S break up at some point in their life, Its not something you have any control of...

 

Ahh sorry I meant mine- I'm a "her." Haha. (My story is above somewhere ) I think it probably happens to people's "first"- especially when he/she turns out to be so good. I just want be sure it doesn't happen again... I wish you could learn from other people's experiences and mistakes. So you know what you have before you lose it, you know? Because my guy hasn't really moved on yet; it wouldn't be too late if I came back to him now. But maybe this is one of those things you have to learn for yourself. Would you read my post? #724

Edited November 16, 2012 by Tiwala

[itsmyfault]

Ahh sorry I meant mine- I'm a "her." Haha. (My story is above somewhere ) I think it probably happens to people's "first"- especially when he/she turns out to be so good. I just want be sure it doesn't happen again... I wish you could learn from other people's experiences and mistakes. So you know what you have before you lose it, you know? Because my guy hasn't really moved on yet; it wouldn't be too late if I came back to him now. But maybe this is one of those things you have to learn for yourself. Would you read my post? #724

 

If he still loves you then there is hope (lucky you)

Just make it known you want to give it another shot, But do not pester them.

Just make it known and let the seed grow. They might say no, and then you have to except it. Do not keep begging.

 

If they so no, Do not contact them again until you are truly over them. You will need time to heal as it will hit home hard if you get rejected.

 

If you do make another go of it, remember, breakups change people. They might not be the same person, might not be able to get close to you again.

 

My Ex is a wonderful person, but I can't stay friends until I move on, she has accepted the situation for what it is.

[Minadee]

I feel my ex has gigs. He has left his pregnant girlfriend of 3 years for some butch rugby playing girl after just two weeks of making it official. I should loathe him but I don't. NC is not an option at the moment. He was honestly such a wonderful boyfriend, treated me like a queen, but we argued a lot during these past few months and now he is gone. I just want him back but I feel everything i've done (begged, letters, sex, presents.. don't judge me too harshly, I was in a very desperate place) has just pushed him into the arms of an 18 year old who is probably sharing OUR bed with at this moment in time. Am I mad for wanting him back? A part of me thinks this is GIGS and that I should just back away but a part of me cannot accept that he will be sharing Christmas and his birthday with this new girl.

[itsmyfault]

I feel my ex has gigs. He has left his pregnant girlfriend of 3 years for some butch rugby playing girl after just two weeks of making it official. I should loathe him but I don't. NC is not an option at the moment. He was honestly such a wonderful boyfriend, treated me like a queen, but we argued a lot during these past few months and now he is gone. I just want him back but I feel everything i've done (begged, letters, sex, presents.. don't judge me too harshly, I was in a very desperate place) has just pushed him into the arms of an 18 year old who is probably sharing OUR bed with at this moment in time. Am I mad for wanting him back? A part of me thinks this is GIGS and that I should just back away but a part of me cannot accept that he will be sharing Christmas and his birthday with this new girl.

 

 

Yes, He probably has GIGS. However I think, as you are pregnant it chances things slightly.

 

Yes the chances are given a few months he is going to regret his decision to leave you. Will he have changed as a person? Most definitely, Take it from me, I was GIGS, I'd have given anything for my EX to feel like you do.

 

As it isnt just you he walked out on Im not sure the same things apply? obviously you dont want to bring your child up alone.

 

I say No Contact, block social and email sights and leave the only method of contact as phoning you.

 

Don't start talking until he is begging you back.

 

GL

[Minadee]

Yes, He probably has GIGS. However I think, as you are pregnant it chances things slightly.

 

Yes the chances are given a few months he is going to regret his decision to leave you. Will he have changed as a person? Most definitely, Take it from me, I was GIGS, I'd have given anything for my EX to feel like you do.

 

As it isnt just you he walked out on Im not sure the same things apply? obviously you dont want to bring your child up alone.

 

I say No Contact, block social and email sights and leave the only method of contact as phoning you.

 

Don't start talking until he is begging you back.

 

GL

 

Thankyou for your kind response! It's hard to be in NC as he is the one driving me to appointments.

 

My best friend talked to him yesterday (without my permission, although it wasnt nasty) She told him I cared about him a lot and he mentioned how I moved on quickly when we went on a break (this wasn't actually true, we had a break and I had drunken sex with a friend, that went no-where. I was very honest and open about this and two months after the break he was begging for me back and although he was hurt he accepted it and we never spoke of it again) so I think maybe he is acting out of jealousy? I hope so, I love this guy and despite leaving me for her he is still proving he cares for me by offering to take me to blood tests etc etc. I know a lot of men would run a mile if they knew their ex was pregnant. Despite how I have portrayed him (speaking from hurt, jealousy and anger) he is still a wonderful man and I know he still cares for me deeply. I know he doesn't have to be doing half of what he is doing to support me.

 

Today he picked me up to have my blood taken (I have to do this again next friday) and he was very supportive. I was dressed in a split maxi dress and leather jacket and his eyes were all over me as I walked to the car. We laughed and joked and he held me when I cried. When I left he kissed my cheek and hugged me and told me he would see me next friday.

 

He didnt text me until I texted him, I was wound up that my friend had bailed on me to go to a meal out and he texted me in work offering to drive me to the resteraunt to meet her when he finished. Am I reading into that gesture too much?

 

I love this man, I know I shouldn't but I do, and i'd give anything to be with him again, but the pain of knowing that he is texting her and meeting her and she is sleeping at his house makes me feel very sad. I don't know what to do.

Edited November 16, 2012 by Minadee

[tj08]

For those of you going through this type of breakup, It goes to show that they do realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side.

 

Take solace and comfort in knowing you did a great job loving and caring for your significant other.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t291183/

 

When the torch was passed on to me, I had been watching these forums for a while and spoke with people that said that had been in the same situation that not only I find myself in but my real life friends, my family, and everyone here. In the end, they do come back and try to apologize and reassure us that the grass wasn't greener on the other side. It has happened to several people that I spoke with when I first joined this site.

 

Keep moving forward!

 

I'm sure I am going to get absolutely annihilated for posting this, so I guess I don't even know why I'm doing it. I guess I can say, just to add another viewpoint to the plethora of views already expressed.

 

The grass isn't greener on the other side, was quoted above. And it has been quoted in the large majority of these posts in this thread. Partner leaves due to GIGS and goes out and lives their new life, eventually realises that they were better off in their previous relationship and wishes that they could go back.

 

But what happens when the grass is greener on the other side?

 

What happens when there are no regrets? no wishing to go back?

 

A story:

 

After being in a four year committed relationship out of nowhere at the three year mark doubts began to appear in the back of my mind about whether this was the relationship I wanted to be in for the rest of my life. I won't go into the details of it, but I will explain how i felt. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Every second of my life was consumed with guilt for having these unwanted thoughts. I wanted them to go away so badly, I tried to get rid of them, went to counselling, spoke to family members, made an extra effort in the relationship (bedroom wise, socially, romantically, etc) to try and get rid of these godforsaken feelings. In no way did I want them. In no way did I feel unsatisfied with the relationship (aside from this stupid feeling). My ex was a wonderful man, I loved him deeply, and there was definitely no loss of spark. When I look back I think it had something to do with him being my first and only relationship ever. But pushing that aside from the moment, there was nothing he could have done better, and he often told me that there was nothing I could have done better, even after the breakup he admitted this, as we were both putting a lot of effort into the relationship. On paper it should have worked.

 

The point I am trying to make here, despite what some people think (this is only me though, but I believe this 100%) was that these feelings of GIGS were completely unwanted, completely out of my control. During this time, I never flirted with or spoke to other guys or distanced myself from the relationship, i continually tried to push through these feelings, assuming that they would eventually go away as quickly as they arrived. Guilt consumed me, so much so that I failed classes and almost became depressed. But I did not want to break off the relationship. I was convinced that we were strong enough to get through this and it was mind over matter, I could get past these stupid feelings.

 

But they did not go away.

 

I tried for a whole year to work them out, to better the relationship, to pinpoint if I or he was doing something wrong that we might fix to get rid of these feelings. But nothing.

 

Eventually, after a year, I decided to end the relationship. I had no interest in another man (just to clarify).

 

"oh no, shes so selfish and such a horrible person" I hear everybody cry.

 

But guess what?

 

I didn't end it because I wanted to go out and party, I didn't end it because I couldn't stand the feelings. I would have lived with them forever if it was going to make him happy.

 

I ended it to make him happy. I ended it for him. I could have easily faked happiness in the relationship for the rest of my life, but that would have been totally unfair to him. I ended it so that he would have the chance to meet somebody who didn't have doubts. I ended it so that he could meet the girl of his dreams. I ended it because it was unfair to him to have to live with me. Regardless of how happy we were at the time, I knew he could be happier with another girl.

 

Of course he was upset. So was I. It's natural.

 

However after a few months of NC and mourning, he found the girl of his dreams. She is beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated, and more culturally suited to him than I ever could be. I am so happy for both of them.

 

An important point that I want to make is that at no point did I ever turn around and think 'oh was that a mistake?' I never contacted him with mind games or questions, or plans, I didn't play with his feelings after the break up, we never had post break up sex. it was a clean break. I never played with his mind. I was certain of my decision, I have never once questioned myself or my choice and despite all my friends telling me 'don't you wonder what if?' or 'go and have some post break up sex' I am glad that I didn't, for both of our sakes. It was a mature, healthy break up, and I am glad he is with somebody better because of it.

 

As for me. The grass was greener on the other side. It wasn't about other men or partying. Nothing like that. For me, the grass was simply greener being alone. Being independent. Simple as that.

 

I just hope that people might be able to understand that sometimes feelings of doubt are not controllable (I even tried hypnotherapy), or even wanted in a relationship.

 

But more importantly, I want people to know that after a GIGS breakup for both parties there is always something better out there. If someone is breaking up with you because of GIGS, would you prefer they stayed with you for the rest of both of your lives, knowing that they were unhappy, no matter how hard they tried, eventually making you unhappy, making your children unhappy. It is honestly better for you to be able to have the opportunity to find somebody else, than be stuck in a relationship with someone with GIGS having them unhappy and eventually will lead to your unhappiness.

 

I think that's all I had to say. Just waiting for the barrage of hate... :/ Of course opinions are welcome, but I'm sure my story is full of loopholes and flaws and selfishness and hate and I'm a horrible person, and etc etc, as seems to be the case most times, people tend to make sure you know what a failure you are and how horrible you are, and how ****ty your decisions were, etc etc.

 

But if this post helps one person understand, or one dumper feel less horrible about the guilt they are enduring then I would be content.

[CptSaveAho]

While more dumpers are self aware of being in "GIGS" now... doesnt mean that you see the light at the end of the tunnel and how you "feel" now is how you will feel 1-3 years from now.

 

Nature has this funny way of running its course and making people eat their own words

[tj08]

Cptsaveaho not sure if that was in reference to my comment, but how I felt once I left my ex is how I still feel now 3 years later. Not one thing has changed. There is not a second that goes by that I regret my decision. How happy and content I am in life, and how happy he is now is what I was aiming for.

[NavyAirTraffic]

Glad this is finally pinned!

Edited November 29, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Embracingthevoid]

Home brew,

 

So I left for thanksgiving vacation this past week without my girlfriend. Everything seemed to be great when I left. My girlfriend had been pickin out rings and we had been Planning an engagement trip. While I was gone we had a small argument about her Sexual desire not being as High as it was when we initially started dating 5 years ago. When I arrived home from vacation she broke up with me claiming that I brought up a topic that made her think. She claims she has felt like she has fallen out of love for awhile but she stayed with me because she wanted to get married and hIave kids and she didn't want to start all over. She said it had nothing to do with anyone else. I begged her to reconsider but to no avail. The next day she admitted to me she had a "crush" on someone but the crush had nothing to do with us. She claimed there was no hope for us in the future. A similar thing happened a year ago in which she met someone else and left me for them. She claimed it had nothing to do with us but when it didn't work she came back to mE a month later. I was never able to initiate no contact. I made all the mistakes. She claims this is a different situation. I havent seen any signs of her falling out of love and was. Blindsided by this. She is "hanging out" with her new crush now but not dating him. She move on to him as soon as we split up. This situation is killing me I have blocked her from callin or texting my cellphone to preven me trying to contact her. Could this be a case of gigs?

[CptSaveAho]

Its gigs....

[kdstc]

Thank you so much for this post I can totally relate to it. I myself am stuck in the 'be friends and maybe some day' loop and am currently fighting to get out of it. Although the situation in my case has just gotten very complicated but lets see....Thanks again!

[movingon12]

Home brew,

 

So I left for thanksgiving vacation this past week without my girlfriend. Everything seemed to be great when I left. My girlfriend had been pickin out rings and we had been Planning an engagement trip. While I was gone we had a small argument about her Sexual desire not being as High as it was when we initially started dating 5 years ago. When I arrived home from vacation she broke up with me claiming that I brought up a topic that made her think. She claims she has felt like she has fallen out of love for awhile but she stayed with me because she wanted to get married and hIave kids and she didn't want to start all over. She said it had nothing to do with anyone else. I begged her to reconsider but to no avail. The next day she admitted to me she had a "crush" on someone but the crush had nothing to do with us. She claimed there was no hope for us in the future. A similar thing happened a year ago in which she met someone else and left me for them. She claimed it had nothing to do with us but when it didn't work she came back to mE a month later. I was never able to initiate no contact. I made all the mistakes. She claims this is a different situation. I havent seen any signs of her falling out of love and was. Blindsided by this. She is "hanging out" with her new crush now but not dating him. She move on to him as soon as we split up. This situation is killing me I have blocked her from callin or texting my cellphone to preven me trying to contact her. Could this be a case of gigs?

 

If you take the first post as gospel - any maybe not everyone does, but it sounds about right to me:

 

 

 

• Reasons for the break up are contradicting or sound like the dumper is grasping at straws for reasons. As if they are trying to convince themselves of it, too.
  

- she said she said she'd fallen out of love and had only stayed because she wanted kids and didn't want to start again. That's fairly clear.

 

• Not much warning that something is going on before the actual break.
  

- in your case, she had previously broken up with you, and had become less intimate.

 

 

• An extreme change in lifestyle, such as suddenly starting to drink a lot, party a lot and hang around people they normally wouldn't.
  

- not in your case as far as I know.

 

 

• Wishy-washiness on the part of the dumper. They love you, but aren't IN love with you. They say that this doesn't mean you two are over forever and maybe someday down the road you'll be together again. At the same time, they'll tell you to move on.
  

 

- She said there is no hope for a reconciliation. It doesn't get much clearer than that.

 

 

• Quickly entering new relationships with people they aren't very compatible with.
  

 

- I don't know about her compatibility with the 'crush', but you haven't mentioned anything about him being an odd choice.

 

To compare, my ex, who is definitely gigs:

 

- started dating a foreign girl 9 years younger than him (and when that didn't work out, started dating numerous other foreign girls who are also substantially younger than him)

- started representing himself as being a hard drinking, party animal (which he's not). He also started pretending to be Irish. Which he still does.

- couldn't bring himself to actually break up (a lot of 'let's not make a decision now', 'maybe some time apart would be a good idea', 'I need time to think' comments).

- felt the marriage 'just wasn't working', but couldn't explain how or why

- got in touch 18 months later with long apology emails about how he had made a terrible decision and wanted to get back together.

 

Your ex just sounds like someone who likes being in a relationship, and got stuck in a comfortable rut with you. If things don't work out with the 'crush' she might come back to you because she knows you'll take her back and it's easy and familiar and better than being single, but personally I don't think it's gigs.

 

Though, in way it doesn't really matter whether it is or it isn't. You can't seriously be considering taking back a girl who has dumped you. Twice. In 1 year.

[Embracingthevoid]

If you take the first post as gospel - any maybe not everyone does, but it sounds about right to me:

 

 

 

• Reasons for the break up are contradicting or sound like the dumper is grasping at straws for reasons. As if they are trying to convince themselves of it, too.
  

- she said she said she'd fallen out of love and had only stayed because she wanted kids and didn't want to start again. That's fairly clear.

 

• Not much warning that something is going on before the actual break.
  

- in your case, she had previously broken up with you, and had become less intimate.

 

 

• An extreme change in lifestyle, such as suddenly starting to drink a lot, party a lot and hang around people they normally wouldn't.
  

- not in your case as far as I know.

 

 

• Wishy-washiness on the part of the dumper. They love you, but aren't IN love with you. They say that this doesn't mean you two are over forever and maybe someday down the road you'll be together again. At the same time, they'll tell you to move on.
  

 

- She said there is no hope for a reconciliation. It doesn't get much clearer than that.

 

 

• Quickly entering new relationships with people they aren't very compatible with.
  

 

- I don't know about her compatibility with the 'crush', but you haven't mentioned anything about him being an odd choice.

 

To compare, my ex, who is definitely gigs:

 

- started dating a foreign girl 9 years younger than him (and when that didn't work out, started dating numerous other foreign girls who are also substantially younger than him)

- started representing himself as being a hard drinking, party animal (which he's not). He also started pretending to be Irish. Which he still does.

- couldn't bring himself to actually break up (a lot of 'let's not make a decision now', 'maybe some time apart would be a good idea', 'I need time to think' comments).

- felt the marriage 'just wasn't working', but couldn't explain how or why

- got in touch 18 months later with long apology emails about how he had made a terrible decision and wanted to get back together.

 

Your ex just sounds like someone who likes being in a relationship, and got stuck in a comfortable rut with you. If things don't work out with the 'crush' she might come back to you because she knows you'll take her back and it's easy and familiar and better than being single, but personally I don't think it's gigs.

 

Though, in way it doesn't really matter whether it is or it isn't. You can't seriously be considering taking back a girl who has dumped you. Twice. In 1 year.

 

 

 

 

 

I didn't mention the partying and stuff because I didn't realize how relevant it was but yes the clubbing, and hanging out with people she normally wouldn't is definitely there. As for the crush I have no idea about their compatibility before I went NC she refused to tell me who it was, just that "he's a really good guy". Which Is the same thing she said about the last one before she opened her eyes seen that he was only noncommittal to dating her because he was sleeping with various other women at the same time. I think it's a case of me taking her back to soon the first time and her not getting what she needed worked out of her system. As for that I'm going to move on as if she isn't coming back if down the road in the distant future she decides that I was the best she ever had and she regrets it I will deal with that then.

[jags2bowl27]

Hey there everyone, after reading this and making my own thread I hope to maybe get some good replies here. Here is my situation if you would like to read:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/360507-how-handle-ex-girlfriend

 

Moral of the story, I think my Ex had GIGS and is a Junior in College. Funny how everyone said early 20's this happens and what do you know, she is 20 turning 21 in a few months. We had a perfect relationship but it was long distance. Each one of our friends couldnt believe how well we cope with the distance. Families loved eachother, she was like a daughter to my dad and i was a son to her parents. All of a sudden she meets one guy and gets sooooooooooo confused. She was the party house and it was like the one i was going to marry slipped right through my fingers.

 

I went to her state last week and she sent me a text saying it was weird i was right by her and didnt let her know and obviously I didnt want to see her. She said she was going to stop contacting me for now on and to enjoy my stay. I felt bad but i didnt buy into it. She has another man that she is currently hooking up with and shes contacting me. I feel like she will be gone for good with no reply but i know deep down what we had. I have a new girl in the picture too that i have to respect.

 

The hardest thing is knowing how to handle it. I believe i have been mature and spoken to her on the phone after she was begging her way back 2 months after leaving and finding out i had another girl. I told her it wasnt the time. I cant just keep talking to her and I know that but if she wants back, i even hinted that should we have to be on my door step wanting back.

 

Any advice guys... its too soon and shes saying the right things but not acting on them

[Embersflame]

I was just dumped by my BF about a month ago. He was acting very strange. Verbally aggressive. Would snap or yell at me at the drop of a hat. Then one day all hell broke lose and he wouldn't talk to me. So I called his ex looking for answers. I thought he was treating me with resentment, like I was in his way. She said they hadn't been talking at all. He cheated on me with her back in July and when I found out he cut all ties with her. But since I called her she decided to call him. And he's still talking to her on a daily basis. He says it was all the fighting but we fought because of how he was treating me. I would accuse him of doing drugs or cheating. When I explain that he then finds other reasons for the his decision. Including that he's not good at relationships and doesn't want the responsability of someone else or their feelings. It's like he's grabbing at the air for more excuses to keep things the way they are now. But he keeps on insisting being friends. Well more than friends. He also said we need to work on each other and maybe down the road we can work things out and try again. But things keep getting worse. My jealousy and anger are out of control. I found out he was doing drugs at the same time I found out they were talking again. It's all too much. We have the same birthday and so much in common it's rediculous. We were best friends before we decided to make it more. And as a result from this I'm seeing a therapist and trying to get on medication. I'm 38 and he's 46. Could all of this be a midlife crisis on his part? I feel used and abused, mentally. I lost everything this summer because of him. My home, my freedom. I have nothing to give now. Perhaps that is the real reason. I just feel like this was all out of the blue, but maybe not. Like I said, he was acting very hostile and mean 2 weeks before he decided to end it. I'm being told by my friends and my therapist to end it completely. To not call him or allow any contact. It's so hard. He was my everything, or so I thought. This is all driving me insane. I know if I keep contact with him I will end up in jail or hurting myself or that other woman. I don't have many friends and the ones I do are sick to death of hearing about it. How do I get over this and move on??? My heart is so broken.

[CptSaveAho]

Stop talking to him....

 

Tell yourself.... everything that comes out of his mouth is BS.... you already know it but keep reminding yourself

[jags2bowl27]

Hey there everyone, after reading this and making my own thread I hope to maybe get some good replies here. Here is my situation if you would like to read:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/360507-how-handle-ex-girlfriend

 

Moral of the story, I think my Ex had GIGS and is a Junior in College. Funny how everyone said early 20's this happens and what do you know, she is 20 turning 21 in a few months. We had a perfect relationship but it was long distance. Each one of our friends couldnt believe how well we cope with the distance. Families loved eachother, she was like a daughter to my dad and i was a son to her parents. All of a sudden she meets one guy and gets sooooooooooo confused. She was the party house and it was like the one i was going to marry slipped right through my fingers.

 

I went to her state last week and she sent me a text saying it was weird i was right by her and didnt let her know and obviously I didnt want to see her. She said she was going to stop contacting me for now on and to enjoy my stay. I felt bad but i didnt buy into it. She has another man that she is currently hooking up with and shes contacting me. I feel like she will be gone for good with no reply but i know deep down what we had. I have a new girl in the picture too that i have to respect.

 

The hardest thing is knowing how to handle it. I believe i have been mature and spoken to her on the phone after she was begging her way back 2 months after leaving and finding out i had another girl. I told her it wasnt the time. I cant just keep talking to her and I know that but if she wants back, i even hinted that should we have to be on my door step wanting back.

 

Any advice guys... its too soon and shes saying the right things but not acting on them

 

any advice guys

[CptSaveAho]

 

Any advice guys... its too soon and shes saying the right things but not acting on them

 

Until Actions = WORDS... do nothing

 

If it does happen, it wont be for a LONG LONG time

[jags2bowl27]

Until Actions = WORDS... do nothing

 

If it does happen, it wont be for a LONG LONG time

 

can i ask why you say it wont happen for a long long time? I have seen people say that on here several times and I always wondered why

[Cl0udy]

Love shag I really need your advice. He wrote me a letter that he loves me and wants a future with me. Life isn't the same without me..etc etc. it's been three months. He left me to date other woman. In the course of the three months I found out he slept with 4 different woman one being married. One sorta loves him. What do I do.I don't think it's a good Idea to pretend I don't care. I could give him a chance more for myself than for him. Btw he came back one month after the breakup then left again and now he is back again 3 months later. I need your advice.what are my options. What will you do.

 

What am I not seeing here? What sacrifices should he make?

Thank you guys,

[CptSaveAho]

 

What am I not seeing here?

 

He's future faking you... stringing you along

He cheated on you multiple times with multiple women

He's not respecting your emotional space to heal and move forward

 

 

What sacrifices should he make?

 

Jump off a bridge

Stop contacting you (doesnt necessarily have to be in this order)

Edited December 7, 2012 by CptSaveAho