"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[Cl0udy]

So you think he is playing games again. Then why write a letter again? Why bother telling me he can't see life without me. If I didnt find out through a friend about the other woman I would have not known. Does it matter what/ who a person does during the break up period?

 

Thanks for responding

[CptSaveAho]

So you think he is playing games again.

 

Yup

 

Then why write a letter again?

 

Because he's full of crap... basically talking out of his own butt

 

Why bother telling me he can't see life without me.

 

This is called a future fake.... people that say this or i want to get married/have kids etc all do the same thing.... its BS.... hot air

 

If I didnt find out through a friend about the other woman I would have not known.

 

Well now you know

 

Does it matter what/ who a person does during the break up period?

 

It bothers you... logically it should'nt... emotionially it does... retroactive jealousy

[Cl0udy]

Thank for the blunt answers. Very clear. Than what is th purpose of talking out of his a**. Is there any test to put him in the spot. Anything I can do to prove his love?

 

Thanks for the advice. I really needed input.

[TexAggie1]

Home Brew,

 

She's 27, I'm 39.

We met a little over a year ago (Sept./2011).

She broke up a month-and-a-half ago (Oct/2012).

NC since the day before Thanksgiving.

 

Backstory:

I was still friends with my 6 year off and on again crazy ex when I met her, we were broken up 5 months before (friends/family pleaded with me to end it long before). The following 6 months I tried to end that friendship with my ex without her interferring with my new relationship (I have no doubt she would have). My ex lived with me 5 years ago, but moved out after a year. I couldn't do the NC because she still had stuff in my house (accumulated over 6 years). My gf had a problem with this obviously, and was upset how long it was taking to get stuff out. I kept getting excuses from the ex about getting her stuff, but I didn't want to put it on the curb. The ex knew how to push my buttons, cried all the time to me about us being over. I would talk to her, calm her down...fell for her crying everytime (I know, stupid). In December, my gf decided to back off until the ex situation was resolved. We didn't talk much, but she did tell me she was going to Las Angeles with a male coworker for NYE. She lived 3 hours from me, and 2 days before NYE I stayed at her place. First time I told her I loved her, and she said the same. She could see I had an issue with her going with some other guy and his friends to LA, and she assured me I had nothing to worry about. A few days after NYE, she calls me and said we needed to talk. I drive back to her place, she tells me they slept together. It was a knife to my chest, and she begged me to forgive her...which I did after about a month. Over the next few months we grew in our relationship doing a lot of traveling. My ex continues to contact me, and turned it up with messages about hurting/killing herself. I responded with "I love you, miss you" type messages (stupid, I know). I was NC with her for the most part though. In April, my ex somehow found out about my gf, and messaged her on FB. Sent her every email, text and over the phone conversations I had with her while my gf and I were dating. I never talked to my gf about those conversations, even when she'd ask if I'd heard from her (yes, I lied). My motive was to keep her as far away from my ex, didn't want any more drama in the relationship...and I KNOW I handled it all wrong. Shortly after, I put all my ex's stuff in storage (should have done that a long time ago).

 

I never spoke to my ex again (8 months ago), apologized a thousand times for lying to her about it Ever since then, my gf and I have had the time of our life. She met all my family, friends, travelled even more. She instigated talks for marriage, kids, etc. She ended up moving to my city and temporarily moved in with me. She asked to move in permanently, but I declined as 1)I'd done that before and it blew up in my face, 2) I was preparing my house to sell very soon, 3) was planning to look for rings soon, then get our own place.

 

A month later I noticed a change in her. When I questioned her on it, she requested he go NC for a week while she "figures things out". When we finally discussed, she states she loves me, misses me...but can't trust me from what happened 7 months before. She has tried to get over it, but just can't. That was mid-October, ever since she would send mixed messages to me. I would get "I love you, miss you"...then we have to go NC...then she would instigate contact again.

 

The week before Thanksgiving was the last “positive” text I received, then she became very cold to me. The last time we communicated was the day before Thanksgiving. I told her to stop being stubborn and run the thanksgiving race with me. Her text back was “I’m not being stubborn, I’m being realistic. We’re broken up. I’m not running with you, I’m not spending the holidays with you. I’m done”. Later that night I was about to leave dinner with friends when I received another text. She let me know she moved the rest of her stuff out of my house, and where she left my key. I had hoped I was there when she did this, and the restaurant I was at is close to her apartment…so I went over there and literally arrived the same time she did. She was upset I met her there, didn’t want much to do with me. I left, then received the last text “I want you to hear me loud and clear. It’s obvious we can’t salvage a friendship at this point. You need to leave me alone. Good luck to you.” I’ve NEVER said one negative thing to her, and have no idea where this hostility came from. I've been NC for majority of the month and a half, honoring her requests. This was only 1 of 2 occasions where I had reached out to her!

 

She already had serious trust issues coming into the relationship. She was sexually abused by her grandfather, and physically abused by her father. She only talks to her mom, who she doesn't really get along with. As a result of this, she has very low self esteem. I accepted all of this because of the love I have for her. Not trying to "fix" her, more of just picking her back up when she "falls".

 

I apologized a thousand times for what happened 7 months ago, and still hold out hope for her to forgive me as I did her back in January. My motives/intentions were innocent in trying to end that "friendship" with my ex and trying to involve my gf, but my dishonesty was out of character for me and shameful.

 

I haven't heard from, nor have I attempted contact since Thanksgiving...3 weeks ago. I don't get the root of her sudden anger, nor how quickly she ended things. I feel as if I'll never hear from her again the way she left things, and that I've lost the love of my life forever.

Edited December 11, 2012 by TexAggie1

[kaydough]

This thread is so accurate to my situation...however i kept fighting for our relationship.. and now shes annoyed when i contact her and tells me to just giver her space and leave her alone..i have been using this time to focus on other things such as hitting the gym, working etc... but i just want to know is there still a chance she will come to her senses and come back or have i pushed her away too far...

 

Thanks

[jonnymafioso]

after reading this things are a little clearer.

 

5 year relationship ended, met someone else around the end, but never cheated. came clean

 

moved out, did the sad sob take me back concept. looked desperate, pushed her away to the other guy more.

 

she has confided in me her problems she sees with him, yet doesn't know what she wants but still continues to hang out with him.

 

she is at risk of losing her apartment, her job, and is stressed to max.

 

she became immediately jealous when someone else showed me interest and started sending me i miss you, things like that.

 

she has stated i don't know if' well be together, i don't know the future, move on routine.

 

currently confused but this thread seems to be pretty spot on that it maybe GIGS. opinions anyone? i've never done this before.

[jonnymafioso]

This thread is so accurate to my situation...however i kept fighting for our relationship.. and now shes annoyed when i contact her and tells me to just giver her space and leave her alone..i have been using this time to focus on other things such as hitting the gym, working etc... but i just want to know is there still a chance she will come to her senses and come back or have i pushed her away too far...

 

Thanks

 

I've had the same issue going on. I thought about no contact but it wouldn't work in our situation due to the fact that lack of communication played a part.

 

 

Maybe you should try no contact. Just don't speak to her at all. She could see what she is missing out on..

[stuckinplace]

Me: 26 m

Her: 25 f

Relationship was about 5 years, first major relationship for us both.

 

Long story short, I was about to marry this woman. We met in college , hit it off, she's a shy girl and we really got along and I brought her out of her shell a bit. I ended up having to move home from college which put us long distance for a year which was hard, but we learned a lot and made it through better. She lived with me with 3 other guys while we got her on her feet with a job, and saved money, and then got a new apartment together about a year ago. Things were going really well, but she broke up with me 3 months ago. Completely blindsided. While it's evident she was thinking about it for a few months, there wasn't any indication and we didn't have severe problems except for complacency, being boring, etc. No massive fights preceeding, just had some disagreements.

 

Hard breakup for me. Lost a lot with her. Did the hwole begging/pleading thing for the mont she was still in the apartment with me. Helped her by not charging her for rent, not reclaiming money she had been loaned, and allowing her to stay in the apartment while I lived with parents. All of our 'peer' friends down here were my friends first, but I went out of my way to talk to all of the female friends mine to let them know they should be her friend first since I was concerned about her well being. She didn't have enough money to move into her new apartment, had no bed, no tv, no couch...nothing. Chose to move into an apartment that was more expensive than our apartment when we split it (which was difficult to afford) while she has a car loan, insurance, student loans. Decided to move into an apartment 35 minutes away from work. Many mutual friends questioned her financial decisions and were worried for her, myself included.

 

Things got worse because we were on the same soccer team with mutual friends. She moved out, but for 2 months I had to see her every week. I initiated no contact, but had to break it in order to go a wedding that we were both invited to. We converse at the wedding, things are great, and then she drops the 'i love you but not in that way anymore' bomb when I attempted to just say 'i'm happy we had ar elationship and i'm glad we can have mutual friends still'. She starst showing up to games with another teammate, deadbeat ex byofriend of her best friend. Guy was dishonorably discharged from the army, lied about it, went to jail for a year, one of the least respected men among mutual friends. Shows up every game, makes it really hard but aside from seeing her every week at soccer I maintain no contact and just...try to endure the fact taht she's likely with this guy (despite people asking and her denying it to everyone) but yet neither of them converse or act friendly to anyone on the soccer team, and both generally put everyone in a sour mood.

 

After the last soccer game, she defriended most everyone that was on the soccer team on facebook (including very good friends her age) and wont' respond to texts/calls from her best friend (who helped her through breakup). Very likely she's with the guy, but people who care about her are very concerned as her behavior has been really irrational and self destructive. She didn't go so far as to exit peacefully, she was very rude and distant to everyone who cared about her for the last 2-3 years, even female friends who reached out. Seeing it as a deliberate defensive mechanism to create separation, but very hurtful behavior burning bridges with people who cared about her.

 

As of now, I haven't spoken to her in 3 weeks. She had reached out to talk to me after the last soccer game twice with a week separation between the games which was sporadic saying 'can you talk today' and i would end up being busy and she wouldn't be able to reschedule. After the last attempt, I asked if we could plan ahead to meet up because I wanted to see how she was doing, but that was the last communication and she never responded which was about 3 weeks ago.

 

I know this is rambling but its' therapeutic to get this all out. I feel like I haven't truly begun to heal until the last time I saw her at our soccer game so I don't' even feel like we've been broken up for 3.5 months. While I'm desperately trying to move on, I'm really in love with her and I'm having a really hard time letting go despite having some new hobbies, friends, and hanging out with new females. This sounds like such a case of 'gigs' that I'm just kind of wondering what other people think.

 

Thanks for listening.

[Missing Him]

This is exactly what I'm going through right now. My boyfriend and I had been in a long-distance relationship for a long time. We were best friends long-distance for about six months and then together for about a year and four months. We had some rough patches but we always made it through, until this one. My boyfriend moved to a new city and started a new job, and I went to university. We were as far apart as we'd ever been but now with less time to talk to each other and less time to see each other. I knew that things were not right for a while. He got snippy with me and was always picking out flaws of mine. I could tell he was looking for a reason to dump me but was too unsure/attached to go through with it. So instead, I brought it up. He told me that he didn't want to break up with me. Then about a week later, we had another conversation and he decided to end it. He said that it was his first relationship and while he loved me and thought that we could still have a future together, he needed to take time to find out what he really wanted. He said that he wasn't unhappy with me and he still was in love with me and that nobody compared to me, but that he had doubts about the longevity of our relationship and that this was the only way he could address those doubts.

 

I was crushed. I did the begging and pleading thing (pathetically) for a few days, but then I realized that it wasn't going to change his mind and that it was only making both of us unhappy. He was extremely adamant about staying friends. I didn't want to lose him, so I considered it, but ultimately decided against it. But then every conversation that we had where I would say that we couldn't be friends, he would put out little messages of hope for me, things like: "Well I'll hold out hope that you change your mind" and "Both of us are hoping that we could be more again in the future." It made me feel like he wasn't sure about his decision, and so I stayed in the picture. I told him I was struggling with the decision to not be friends because I was upset at facing the fact that I wouldn't hear from him again, to which he responded: "Well that's not true, just so you know." Suggesting that he would try to get in contact with me. He has told me that I'm his best friend and that he doesn't want to lose me in his life, and that me not being there feels like a huge void.

 

Finally, yesterday, I told him my final decision that we could not be friends. There was a bit of fighting about things on both ends, and then he finally said "It sucks, but I understand." I felt bad about the way things ended so I sent him a quick message last night telling him that while I am sticking to my decision about not being friends, I understood his decision and that I loved him and I just wanted to be happy, and wished him a Merry Christmas. He responded wishing me a Merry Christmas, too.

 

I want him back, but me staying in his life isn't helping either of us, so I bowed out and am on the first real day of No Contact. I don't know if No Contact will bring him back to me, since he seems unsure about the decision, but I'm trying to not expect anything. If not contacting him does make him realize his mistake, I have no idea how long it would take so I'm trying not to keep up hope and to just move on with my life.

 

This thread has helped me a lot though to come to terms with what he is feeling and why he did this. It hurts, but every day has been a little bit better than the last.

Edited December 25, 2012 by Missing Him

[NoMoreJerks]

Awwww, MissingHim. I can only imagine how much that sucks. Hang in there. xoxo

[NoMoreJerks]

I was just dumped by my BF about a month ago. He was acting very strange. Verbally aggressive. Would snap or yell at me at the drop of a hat. Then one day all hell broke lose and he wouldn't talk to me. So I called his ex looking for answers. I thought he was treating me with resentment, like I was in his way. She said they hadn't been talking at all. He cheated on me with her back in July and when I found out he cut all ties with her. But since I called her she decided to call him. And he's still talking to her on a daily basis. He says it was all the fighting but we fought because of how he was treating me. I would accuse him of doing drugs or cheating. When I explain that he then finds other reasons for the his decision. Including that he's not good at relationships and doesn't want the responsability of someone else or their feelings. It's like he's grabbing at the air for more excuses to keep things the way they are now. But he keeps on insisting being friends. Well more than friends. He also said we need to work on each other and maybe down the road we can work things out and try again. But things keep getting worse. My jealousy and anger are out of control. I found out he was doing drugs at the same time I found out they were talking again. It's all too much. We have the same birthday and so much in common it's rediculous. We were best friends before we decided to make it more. And as a result from this I'm seeing a therapist and trying to get on medication. I'm 38 and he's 46. Could all of this be a midlife crisis on his part? I feel used and abused, mentally. I lost everything this summer because of him. My home, my freedom. I have nothing to give now. Perhaps that is the real reason. I just feel like this was all out of the blue, but maybe not. Like I said, he was acting very hostile and mean 2 weeks before he decided to end it. I'm being told by my friends and my therapist to end it completely. To not call him or allow any contact. It's so hard. He was my everything, or so I thought. This is all driving me insane. I know if I keep contact with him I will end up in jail or hurting myself or that other woman. I don't have many friends and the ones I do are sick to death of hearing about it. How do I get over this and move on??? My heart is so broken.

He is abusive and sounds like a narcissist. Dump his sorry ass YOURSELF (even if he "dumped" you) and move on. Easier said than done, I know, but you can never win with abusive people. Been there, tried that. He does not appear to care much about you, or he wouldn't treat you like ****. I mean, think about it, if one of your friends treated you the way he treated you, would you tolerate that? Would you still consider him/her your friend? Probably not. Or at least you would cut off all contact until further notice. Right? I would anyway. So what's different here? A man is abusing you (emotionally, not yet physically), and you are putting up with it and not only that, but are chasing after him.. Just back off, and stop contacting him, and do not take him back until he apologizes AND changes his behaviour.

Edited December 25, 2012 by NoMoreJerks

[Stuey141]

I'm 28 and my ex was 18, had a perfect relationship for 4 months, then she left, literally out of nowhere! It's been 3 months and the odd bit of contact mainly on her part but I can't get her out my mind! I made a mistake and called her Xmas evening and asked why she treated me do bad after being so good, she just said sorry, something wasnt right! I was like what!? And she just said mmm my family and stuff, they didn't like the age gap.. Doesn't make sense coz a few weeks after the breakup she was saying how she adores me and I'm amazing!

 

Is this gigs, or just her age??

[user6667]

I never spoke to my ex again (8 months ago), apologized a thousand times for lying to her about it Ever since then, my gf and I have had the time of our life. She met all my family, friends, travelled even more. She instigated talks for marriage, kids, etc. She ended up moving to my city and temporarily moved in with me. She asked to move in permanently, but I declined as 1)I'd done that before and it blew up in my face, 2) I was preparing my house to sell very soon, 3) was planning to look for rings soon, then get our own place.

 

(...)

 

I haven't heard from, nor have I attempted contact since Thanksgiving...3 weeks ago. I don't get the root of her sudden anger, nor how quickly she ended things. I feel as if I'll never hear from her again the way she left things, and that I've lost the love of my life forever.

 

my humble opinion is that you broke something in the beginning by lying to her. from then on, over the course of time, she found out that there wasnt enough in it for her.

 

the root of her sudden anger might be frustration, and a tipping scale. also it's easyer (emotionally) to end it with a fight, vis-a-vis talking it all through, explaining, and still breaking up.

 

good luck

[user6667]

Is this gigs, or just her age??

 

her age. she may want to shop around.

[lovebug1234]

what does GIGS means, I keep seeing it posted but can't figure it out

[soccerrprp]

what does GIGS means, I keep seeing it posted but can't figure it out

 

Grass Is Greener on the other Side....

 

People tend to look for the next best thing w/o regard to what they have in front of them.

[Radu]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/251986-grass-greener-syndrome

 

An older thread that explains it quite well.

[RR1]

Must admit i was wondering until a couple of days ago, i also didn't know what Lol meant for a very long time, it was always on every text but had no clue what it meant.

[CantSleepEatOrSmile]

Hi everyone.

 

I would really appreciate any advice that you can give. I am experiencing the most upsetting breakup I've ever gone through and can not find a reason to smile. I feel as if I am a different person. I feel betrayed, hurt, used, worthless, and pathetic for even thinking this much about this person.

 

LENGTH OF RELATIONSHIP : 6 months

LENGTH INCLUDING COURTSHIP: 8-9 months

AGE OF PARTIES : 24

CONFLICTING FACTORS - dumper got his first job EVER, got kicked out of his flat, was only in 1 relationship prior, complete confusion when confronted about the breakup, mixed signals, still cares deeply about person he dumped as is evident in his dealing with breakup

 

 

If you could read my story and let me know your thoughts, I would be so so grateful.

 

I am 24, and I met this 24 year old in a fatalistic "magical" way --- mutual friends gave us the other partners phone number prior to ever meeting - but we never wound up meeting up. I had no idea what he looked like.

 

Then I went into a bar and saw him - and had no idea HE was the guy who has been writing to me. He recognized me and introduced himself. It was an instant, crazy, mindblowing connection.

 

I am a massive cynic of relationships and I can say with all honesty- that we had an incredibly mutual attraction and understanding of one another. Our first date lasted 8 hours, just walking around and holding hands. We weren't intimate until 1 month after, but spent almost 4-5 days together prior.

 

He came on much stronger than I did. He wanted me to meet everyone in his life. His friends were in awe of me because I was so different than anyone they've ever met ( I work in the arts, live in a big city, make my own handbags, have a very different way of thinking / music ) - and he was more reserved, conventional, and organized.

 

We had so much in common- even up until the very last month of dating.

While i have a very prominent position at a major fashion house, he was not employed when I met him.

I brought him to my fancy events, and he would shrug around embarrassingly. I was proud to be with him and wanted him to experience a bit of the "glamorous" aspect of my work.

 

I paid for everything, as he had no income. I knew it was temporary (AND IT WAS)

My parents and friends were always looking the other way and asking "seriously? that's the guy you're with?"

 

I was willing to work with his lack of any real DRIVE or MOTIVATION (he wasn't even looking for a job until I made him do so) because this was the first time I felt this way. He was romantic at first. We became extremely close (We were almost neighbors ( and for the first 3-4 months, we did everything together. I slept at his, he slept at mine.

 

He ALWAYS said things like " I feel like were always on the same page...it's scary " .... or " You have to trust me ", "You have to communicate with me " -

 

He pushed the relationship to the next level. He wanted me to be his girfriend right away. he wanted me to meet his parents and his friends. He met my parents and sent them flowers the next day. I thought that was a bit much, but kissed him and thanked him for being so sweet.

 

I never have boyfriends, and I was his second girlfriend. His first girlfriend was cruel to him *this was a college relationship* and dumped him 2 years ago. I always was afraid he was still in love with her, even though I never saw anything to make me question him. He never chatted with girls, never spoke about his EX....

 

He said "I love you" and it felt okay. It was very soon, but it didn't matter to me. We were so close, so similar. I did have a job and he was looking for one. I was so involved in him, that I actively searched for a job for him. I actually got him a job.

 

That was when the problems began. As soon as he began to work at his new job *which i found for him, via my best friend, who worked there also * - he became cold. This was his first job ever. He also was kicked out of his apartment and had no home - he was commuting from his parents house.

 

I was the same person as when he first met me. This was 6 months after our initial agreement to be "boyfriend / girlfriend" * a title i was extremely wary of, but which is insisted on *

 

2 months after starting his job, he broke up with me. This was 3 weeks ago.

He told me we have no future.

He told me we just aren't right.

He GRASPED at straws to try to make up some insincere, cliche reason as to why we can't be together.

I put my guard down for him, I really trusted him.

he did a complete 180.

 

There has been NC for 2/12 weeks - then I write to him via EMAIL to see what to do with his stuff.

 

He coldly tells me to throw it out.

 

My heart sinks.

 

Then he proceeds to tell me that " He has to control every muscle in his body every single day to not call me." and that " All he wants to do is hear me, and be with me, and hold me " - but HE CANT.

 

He wanted to see me- and I needed a reason to why I am so hurt.

 

I met up with him and he tried to hold me...I was repulsed by the thought. I just wanted to speak to him and see what I did. I still love him more than anything, and it kills me to see him say such confusing things to me.

 

he now says "I don't know why, but i can't be with you right now. I have no idea why. I don't want any other girls. I've gone through such a period of change.... There is no reason in general or nothing I can pinpoint it to...You are perfect. You put me before you ! But I can't do it right now....I'm so sorry. Everything I said to break up with you was just more confusing bull****. I have no reason to break up with you. But for some reason, I can't be with you right now...."

 

He cried.

 

He tried to have me stay over.

 

Of course i REFUSED.

 

He looked so tortured.

He hasn't gone out, our friends haven't seen him or spoken to him....he has entered into this weird period of solitude --

 

I like to think-- if someone LOVES you, they want to be with you no matter what.

 

I just want him to love me again. I can't understand WHY he did this. and WHY he is so upset-

 

IS THIS GIGS?

 

thank you so much !

Edited January 8, 2013 by CantSleepEatOrSmile

[JackO4]

This hits so close to home. My ex and I have done this on and off for three years; not moving away from each other but not getting back. I made so many good steps over the past year...new relationships, feeling good about myself. One year ago I told her I never want to hear from her again. It lasted three months. Her attacks at my wall progressively increased, texts, then calls, then pictures, etc. Starting in the summer she would call or text every week or two. I would respond but not act emotional. Eventually I gave in and accepted an invite to her apartment. She cried, would kiss and hug me, asked me to get back together, said she was a mess. I ended up staying over. Same thing happened a month later. I finally brought up the subject of possibly getting back together after having dinner with her (something she had done numerous times). She basically laughed at me and said we would never get back together and that she loved me but wasn't in love with me. I flipped and threatened to post all the messages she had sent me over the past 6 months on facebook. I'm not proud of that but I was drunk and felt like I had been hit by a truck.

 

Now I'm back to square one. Not functioning well, not eating, not working out.

[wise]

Hi guys! Me and my girlfriend were together for 3,5 years. She dumped me 4 months ago.

 

First she said that she needs a break for some time and she will see if she will miss me. That we met and she cried and said »What I should do? «. I said that I do not know. She said that she is also scared that she won`t find that nice guy as I am. She also said before that that I should be more of a man and that I should have maybe few more kg. So we were on »pause«. Then she said after 1 week that it is over that she is now happier.

 

First I made mistakes and try to work things out with her but she was very rude to me. I decide not to contact her anymore and after a while she started to contact me. She called me like 14 days after breakup and start to talk to me and said that if we would live together that we wouldn’t breakup and stuff. And that now it is what it is. She said that maybe in future we will be together again. We were on lunch once after break up and I asked her if she ever missed me and she said that she had 2 or 3 times in one month.

 

She said that she missed me and thought how was with me, that now she have nobody to be with and because of that she called me and when she heard me, she changed her mind because she said that I was so passive when she heard me and that she need someone more active. After a while she posted a lot of sad love song on Facebook and she also typed some lyrics from this songs.

 

This was something new because I have never before spotted that kind of behaviour from her on Facebook. She still has all of our pics on Facebook but only I can see pics that I am on with her. She made this on purpose. In this 4 month period we were also together on drink but she said to me that we are over, that we won`t be together again. One week ago or something like that she called me and we chat again for like 25 min.

She asked me if I already have any girlfriend and I said that this is not her business and she said why not? We are classmates and also friends. I said that I have female friend and she was interested how old is she and what’s her name and I we are having sex.

 

From all of that I only said that she is my friend and her age. Then she still tried to get her name but I said that it`s not her business. After that I said to my her(my ex) that I don`t know if I want to be her(my ex) friend and she was very shocked, she started to ask why and stuff and I said that I don`t know and she said that that is fine, that we won`t talk anymore if so. 3 or 4 days passed and she sent me a message »Are we good? « I did not answer for a while but then after 2 days I sent that in is ok.

 

After that fight she also blocked me on Facebook so I can`t see any albums, tagged pics, posts or data from her anymore. But I predict that she didn`t delete any of pics or album of us because I can see the number of albums is still the same. Recently she posted few sad love songs and after that one quote and song (Brand New Me) that I could saw. Quote was: »Never regret anything in your life because at one time it was exactly what you want! «. After one day she made this quote invisible to me again.

 

All this songs recently posted from her were invisible to me except last one (Brand New Me). I saw all recently posted songs from other Facebook profile. Her friend said to me that she still has our big picture in her room and that she asked her (my ex) when she will take it off. She said that she will. Her friend said that she thinks that my ex is probably still thinking to be with me maybe one day in future.

I must also tell that after the breakup she started to party a lot, drink, and hangout with people that she did not like before. As far as I know she is not in relationship but she was with guys for one night when she went out to party. She recently said to me that she do not want a boyfriend because she had boyfriend for so long and that she don`t have time for that. But she said to me that she will have it one day and that we still can be friend and go to lunch. Her parent liked me and they were shocked when she left me.

 

They said to her that she won`t find that kind of guy anymore, that I loved her so much and it is true. I really don`t know what is the case here, but is it possible that she has GIGS?

 

Update:

She recently delet pics of us and me on fb.

[metcalfe69]

Hello, me and my partner have been together for 11 years, we have had arguments before, but lately arguing more as he was becoming distant!

he would go to work for 12 hours, come home and want to then go out to my cousins to play on the PS3, my cousin is single and thinks the single life is great!

 

Anyhow one day we had an argument and i showed him my engagement ring, and showed him the door, and said you'll have to choose because i can't keep going like this, Distant and never investing time in the relationship!

 

He took the door route and said, i love you but i don't want to be with you, He changes his story, one minute he says he loves me then he says he don't love me. but crys when i ask why. He can not give a full on answer as to what went wrong, But i did used to moan at him a lot and if i had a drink it would sometimes come across a little nasty. not meaning it to!

 

He is now living at his mums, he is not making any plans to get a flat, he is just interested in going to work and playing on his PS3 with friends online.

 

I feel he wants the single life as he can play the computer as long as he wants without having to answer to me for being at my cousins for silly hours.

In the space of 40 hours inc. work i seen him for a max of 5 hours if that. he would take his PS3 and play online at my cousins!

 

He says he been feeling like trapped and that i have changed, but if you ask me, he just wants to have a fun life like my cousin!

 

we rent a house together, have a dog etc. but all that is going to go down the drain! And im going to have to move out as i can't afford to keep a house running myself! I just found out that he bought a mega expensive headset for the PS3 £50... Considering a normal one costs £20

 

He says he felt this for a while, but never said anything, He said i can keep everything in the house! all he wanted was the PS3

 

So i guess my question is,

 

do you think he will play it until he gets bored of it, but then realize its not all that good, being single and alone...

Its alright for him, he is with his mum and step dad, and im left in the house alone. he wants to remain friends as i said lets be friends.

 

But i love him so much, after 11 years you kind of get them dreams and hopes of living together for life. we tried to work it out, and we was getting somewhere and he said, Give me a little time to think it over so i did, but then when he come round he said, no. I dont want to get back together! So we are still split and its now 10 days, we had contact, but its hard not to as he wants to see the dog as the dog is going through pain too!

 

I just don't know if i should wait until this single phase is out of his system, if that is what it is

Or move on, But i am 32, and he is 28, He was everything i wanted in a man!

 

Please help, Head is well and truly massed!

 

Regards, Lee. And yes it was a gay relationship!

Edited February 4, 2013 by metcalfe69
Added his Age to the question!

[Coping Vortex]

OMG my jaw dropped open when I read this op. that is my ex to the tee. She texted me today that after three months since the BU she misses the affection and the sex we had. She also told me a few weeks ago she loves the memory of me but is not IN love with me. Too funny. Now she says she does love me and was confused. Lol. Although she is in her late 30's she got married young and not a lot of relationships.

 

She talks about getting back together someday. Maybe lol.

 

Too funny spot on OP. my ex has GIGS

[calgary]

yea my ex started getting really flirty on nights out with other guys in front of me , she literally just turned 20 and it got worse and worse.

 

eventually I had to break it off because I was looking really jealous but she was out of order. 5 days after the break up she went out with the intentions of hooking up with a guy she works with but he didn't go out that night.

 

we were together for 18 months.. I did absolutely everything for her. she's got back in touch recently saying she'd like to go out for dinner but wouldn't like a relationship right now because she doesn't feel right, she feels depressed..

 

the thing I want to know GIGS or not.. Why would anybody want to take somebody back who decided for a moment they didn't want you they just wanted to hook up with a bunch of people and come back to you when they're done playing the sl#t ?

 

anybody who does that to you shouldn't be allowed back in your life... and yet I still want her back.

[Coping Vortex]

yea my ex started getting really flirty on nights out with other guys in front of me , she literally just turned 20 and it got worse and worse.

 

eventually I had to break it off because I was looking really jealous but she was out of order. 5 days after the break up she went out with the intentions of hooking up with a guy she works with but he didn't go out that night.

 

we were together for 18 months.. I did absolutely everything for her. she's got back in touch recently saying she'd like to go out for dinner but wouldn't like a relationship right now because she doesn't feel right, she feels depressed..

 

the thing I want to know GIGS or not.. Why would anybody want to take somebody back who decided for a moment they didn't want you they just wanted to hook up with a bunch of people and come back to you when they're done playing the sl#t ?

 

anybody who does that to you shouldn't be allowed back in your life... and yet I still want her back.

 

Could just be what they call a "lookback" wants to go back to what was familiar for a night. Most realize they don't want to go back again. and move on