"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[Misfortune]

Yes we were married young. I was with her since she was 17. I understand her need to I guess liberate and "find herself," I guess I thought she wouldn't break up the family to do it. Then act so cold towards me, like I don't even matter, when were each others best friend. It's shocking. She is being selfish.

 

I've realized that nothing can stop them from getting their fix. You can delay it, but it more than likely will happen eventually. Some will escape the shame of their actions by running off with their new partner. My ex went from bestfriend to cold/selfish also. Even if you were nothing but nice to them, they have to find a way to demonize you to justify their actions.

[Kouryu]

Thanks for that explanation, same happened to me about two weeks ago, I can see and everyone else as well that the other girl obviously isn't better, just less available than I was, of course after living together for years. I hope he realize soon what he's missing.

[hurts2death]

we agree at all points... thats why i went nc and never again pick a phone to call her or answer anything from her. never//// i wish these jadens hang themselfs

I've realized that nothing can stop them from getting their fix. You can delay it, but it more than likely will happen eventually. Some will escape the shame of their actions by running off with their new partner. My ex went from bestfriend to cold/selfish also. Even if you were nothing but nice to them, they have to find a way to demonize you to justify their actions.

[travelonic]

I can't help but wonder if there is a correlation between GIGS and having what some call "emotional affairs" [in case others will argue over the specific term, like what happens with GIGS in these threads from time to time] / the the chances of that happening/ if there is substantial differentiation between the two.

[hotpotato]

I can't help but wonder if there is a correlation between GIGS and having what some call "emotional affairs" [in case others will argue over the specific term, like what happens with GIGS in these threads from time to time] / the the chances of that happening/ if there is substantial differentiation between the two.

 

I dont know. I think many people who dump are carrying on an emotional (or even physical) affair. Having the other person make sit easier for them to leave.

 

I dont know if that is special to GIGS.

 

I'm sure on some level they think this person is better than you.

[Jdogg577]

My girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me "for now" because of gigs - she's going into her last year of college and I graduated. She's afraid to never have experienced college single and needs to do it before she commits to me. Still, she insisted that she wanted this time apart for us - that we weren't breaking up for good but we needed time to grow separately. I took this with a grain of salt, but still I couldn't deny I wanted her back.

 

A month after the initial break up I ran into her. She came up to talk to me, confessing that she's hated being single and she misses me terribly - unsure of whether or not this was the right decision because everyone she meets pales in comparison. I told her I miss her too, but we need more perspective before we make any decisions. I said that she has to know I'm what she wants deep in her heart first, and missing me can't be the sole reason for wanting to keep trying. She said that makes sense and that we should talk again in a month.

 

I think what I said was very mature but less than a week later I'm dying to know what she's thinking and feeling. Part of me wishes I just confessed how much I love her and talked more directly about getting back together. I know that I can't decide for her, but I also want to be a ****ing take charge guy and win her back. Not sure how I can last a month. Anyone have any advice?

[davidvilla]

Been following your site for a few weeks now and I’ve been impressed with the advice that has been passed along, so I figured I would try to get an opinion on my situation. My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago after a 1.5 year relationship. This was both of ours first “real” relationships. We've been together without any issues for about a year and a half. She’s in her final year of grad school, and a bit of a perfectionist with some anxiety about graduating in a few months. Long story short, she broke up with me 3 weeks ago saying that she wanted to be by herself and that she doesn’t need a committed relationship at this point in her life because she wants to focus on school work and her career (it’s uncertain). She also says that she has been too dependent on me for a lot of things (social life, comfort) and that she needs to establish herself. At first I fought the breakup but accepted it and initiated NC. I’m fairly certain there’s not anyone else in the picture and she told me when we broke up that she’s not interested in dating anyone or even having sex at this point - she just wants to be alone to focus on herself. These types of anxiety freak outs are common from her. A few days after the break she texted me asking “if we can keep in touch” I responded saying that I really just need some time at this point. It’s been 3 weeks since the breakup (and 2.5 since she last texted me) and I haven’t hear anything from her. Obviously, the end goal is to have her back (if I think it's the right thing to do) and I’ve been working on myself these past few weeks, in the event that a reconciliation is possible. My question is, did I push any chance of her reaching out to me to possibly reconcile by saying I needed some time. Should I be the one to break the NC after about 1 month or should I let her come to me. Any advice is appreciated…

[hurts2death]

gigs can also happen after college when they get a nice job offer for example.. it sucks

[Freshstart17]

I remember homebrew saying they always show up when you least expect or in a new relationship. Any reason why it happens at that time frame?

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

My girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me "for now" because of gigs - she's going into her last year of college and I graduated. She's afraid to never have experienced college single and needs to do it before she commits to me. Still, she insisted that she wanted this time apart for us - that we weren't breaking up for good but we needed time to grow separately. I took this with a grain of salt, but still I couldn't deny I wanted her back.

 

A month after the initial break up I ran into her. She came up to talk to me, confessing that she's hated being single and she misses me terribly - unsure of whether or not this was the right decision because everyone she meets pales in comparison. I told her I miss her too, but we need more perspective before we make any decisions. I said that she has to know I'm what she wants deep in her heart first, and missing me can't be the sole reason for wanting to keep trying. She said that makes sense and that we should talk again in a month.

 

I think what I said was very mature but less than a week later I'm dying to know what she's thinking and feeling. Part of me wishes I just confessed how much I love her and talked more directly about getting back together. I know that I can't decide for her, but I also want to be a ****ing take charge guy and win her back. Not sure how I can last a month. Anyone have any advice?

 

Do you want actual advice or do you just want people to tell you what you want to hear?

 

You have given her too much control over your relationship. *She* wanted time to play the field. *She* wants to get back together because she doesn't like the single life. *She* has to know that you're what *she* wants. You're trying to win *her* back. Crazy, man.

 

A girl once did this to me. She broke it off because she needed time to experience the single life and because she didn't know if I was what she wanted. Well, I let her go. When she came back, I refused. Too much disrespect and selfishness on her part. What if she has a change of heart when we're married? Now, I'm with a girl that is actual quality and respects me and my needs.

 

You do need to be a take charge guy. Have some self respect, kick her to the curb, and find somebody worth keeping.

[hotpotato]

I remember homebrew saying they always show up when you least expect or in a new relationship. Any reason why it happens at that time frame?

 

People want to get on the train when it's about to leave.

 

When a light is yellow you hit the gas.

 

it's human nature to not want to be left behind. I think exes can feel when you are pining for them. I suppose this is unattractive to them on some level.

[H245]

My ex gf I think is having G.I.G.S as well. I posted my story earlier today if anyone wants to read it and give me their 2 cents (link below). I've been struggling hard for a while now

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/424956-i-think-my-ex-going-through-g-i-g-s

[hotpotato]

gigs can also happen after college when they get a nice job offer for example.. it sucks

 

Or maybe career change,too?

 

I wont say my ex had gigs, but he was going through a lot...

 

Buying a house

Preparing for his first deployment

Working 6-7 days a week

 

Plus, I was going through a depression.

 

I guess it was only natural that he switch gfs,too.

[hurts2death]

ofcourse,i believe as long as there is a change in enviroment people income job social reputation social circle selfesteem etc and all that i cant say in a post gigs is happening.......

 

Or maybe career change,too?

 

I wont say my ex had gigs, but he was going through a lot...

 

Buying a house

Preparing for his first deployment

Working 6-7 days a week

 

Plus, I was going through a depression.

 

I guess it was only natural that he switch gfs,too.

[lauri]

My exgirlfriend was also going through similar situation - I hope I made the right decision leaving her the way I did. She wants to party, be single and not have any commitment. You can take a read and provide some feedback if you want - I feel it would help realize I made the right move even though its killing me to do it.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/425135-ldr-breakup

[hurts2death]

you did dont be temted or you ll become her toy

My exgirlfriend was also going through similar situation - I hope I made the right decision leaving her the way I did. She wants to party, be single and not have any commitment. You can take a read and provide some feedback if you want - I feel it would help realize I made the right move even though its killing me to do it.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/425135-ldr-breakup

[lauri]

you did dont be temted or you ll become her toy

 

Does that mean I can never get back with? Or did I make the right moves to determine if she will ever come back to me. I just find it so hard to accept that 1 year away from her she decides right when I'm coming home for her to end it...

[hurts2death]

bro leave her for good or you will feel much pain. my advice

[lauri]

bro leave her for good or you will feel much pain. my advice

 

Thanks man. I'll post on here if she ever does try to contact me again for advice and to stay strong. I just wish she didn't convince me to come home when she really was this confused about me and acted like she likes me when she saw me in person

[beekmanmatt]

So my girlfriend had all these symptoms and cheated on me for another guy which she is with right now two weeks later is he just a rebound or will i ever have another shot with her even though she talked behind my back for 4 months?

[lauri]

So my girlfriend had all these symptoms and cheated on me for another guy which she is with right now two weeks later is he just a rebound or will i ever have another shot with her even though she talked behind my back for 4 months?

 

Does it matter what he is? She cheated man, unless she comes on her knees begging for forgiveness it will never work. She needs to know that you'll never be with her and go NC. You need to move on and better yourself...anyone who cheats is cut in my opinion. Have self respect for yourself bc you deserve better...she may change and realize it was a mistake but you can't wait around or be available for her.

[hurts2death]

lauri i see you got the point around here,,

 

keep it.

 

rep

 

-johny

[whiteknighted]

Hey, I would appreciate if anyone could help determine whether my ex sounds like he is going through GIGS or not. I've posted my story at

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/425603-need-some-objectivity-does-he-have-gigs

 

I'm doing the best i can to move on and won't be sticking around to wait for him - but not having any explanation as to why he ended it has been driving me mad. GIGs would explain a lot and give me some comfort to reassure me it couldn't have been avoided.

[stormer1092]

This pretty much explains what happened to me. We were both together from high school and bam all of a sudden leaves me and starts dating another guy. Telling me she wants to see what else is out there when I've given so much to her already. I guess the world isn't enough. Again both young. 19 and 21

Edited September 18, 2013 by stormer1092

[No_closure]

I feel this is my situation. We are married (I'm 23, he is 21) for 10 months, together for 4 years. We JUST started college and he works full time and I told him not to take on too many classes. Long story short, I had to do his paper for him and then 2 days after that is when he all the sudden decided he doesn't want to be married, doesn't want to pay rent, and just literally walked out on me. But lied to me by saying he loves me he will be back and that everything was ok.

 

Took the car, money, and TRIED to take the dog by tricking me saying he will be back!!!!! Thank god I have a brain and said no. It has been 3 weeks now, how long does it take them to realize the grass isn't greener? If that is the case.