"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[SadSan]

Hi once again.

 

I hope if homebrew can reply to this. Any one who has an answer please reply.

 

I was getting really ok once I decided that its over and I am moving on. I was doing well for past 2 days untill I came across this Michael Forine- Text your Ex gf Back.... I got a pdf from torrent so I dont need to purchase it.

 

This program has started to give me hope and I fell into the pit once again and started missing my hot cute chubby ex gf I am trying to know if this system works. I dont want some one telling that he is a scam trying to take away money.. I want to know what harm could it do if I try ? The only harm it does is yes it does give me false hopes. But how about I go no contact for like 2 months and move on and just see if my ex gf replies me or not. If she doesnt Il use this trick without ever having the hope that she will come back to me..

 

Although I would be much better off if my ex replies. I dont know why even though I am moving on I have this gut feeling that my ex will reply me some day. Any thoughts ?

[Saurren]

Damn everyone got a really vague reason for getting dumped and lucky enough for it to happen in person or over the phone. I got my break-up over text message and I laughed so hard and made my coffee and went on my day.

[Caliguy30]

I feel like this is happening to me right now. I'm on day 4 of NC. I miss her so much even though everyone is telling me I deserve so much better. I can't get the good times out of my head, but I'm ignoring the bad. Really sucks.

[travelonic]

Damn everyone got a really vague reason for getting dumped and lucky enough for it to happen in person or over the phone. I got my break-up over text message and I laughed so hard and made my coffee and went on my day.

*sigh* It's more than just a vague reason, being happy it happened in person or not... or do I misunderstand what you're saying?

[Tayken]

@OP.....

 

The grass is only ever greener on the other side if it is well looked after i.e. roto-tilled, aerated, ferterlized, mowed, watered...without signs of weeds like dandelions

 

Now when you look around your neighbourhood, how many houses fit that bill?

 

It sounds like a case of

or

Edited February 3, 2014 by Tayken

[Geekinthepinkx]

Im on 2months NC already, my exbf is still with his new gf for 3months, i havent contact my ex because of his gf snooping around. His mom isnt responding to my messages. I just heard of today that he is awfully thin now that you can see his cheekbones protruding, in short he became the worst version of himself while he is with the new gf. He is not like this, he used to be smart sexy, great bod.. Is depression starts kicking in him?

[escafeld]

Im on 2months NC already, my exbf is still with his new gf for 3months, i havent contact my ex because of his gf snooping around. His mom isnt responding to my messages. I just heard of today that he is awfully thin now that you can see his cheekbones protruding, in short he became the worst version of himself while he is with the new gf. He is not like this, he used to be smart sexy, great bod.. Is depression starts kicking in him?

 

For your own sanity I don't think you need concern yourself with any of this.

[MixedMinh]

You explained my situation almost word for word. This is really impressive. I was with my ex for 1.5 years. She broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We had a great relationship and a passionate love for each other. The past two months have been tough for us, as we've both been struggling with other things in life (financial, etc) and she was extremely discouraged that we didn't meet our financial goals that we had set 10 months prior, in order for us to live together and start a family. The break-up was sudden. She said she wasn't sure what she wanted anymore. She said she needed time to see changes in our lifestyles (we had talked about me working on getting a higher paying job) and that she wouldn't be dating anyone for a long time. She was going out with a new group of coworkers, she said to me, "I do love you, I always will love you, but I don't feel like I'm in love with you anymore" , which was followed by, "I hope that someday if our situations change that we can have a future together.. I truly hope that down the road we can try again"

 

The catch: She started dating somebody 1 week ago. She lied to me that she wasn't seeing someone when I had asked her. She continued to lead me on. When I confronted her about the truth she said she was afraid to hurt me. She apologized for everything she did and apologized for not putting in enough effort to make the relationship work. She apologized for hurting me and putting me through any pain. But she ended with the good old, "I did mean what I said about the future. I hope things change for us. I've never loved anyone like I loved you and I still think there is a chance for us after enough time has passed and changes have been made."

 

Sigh. I already went through a 6-year relationship mess a year prior to this one. Trying to stay positive, but my mind always finds a way to the dark side. I had felt such strong love for this woman I convinced myself I would do anything to make it work. Trying to handle my anger/jealousy as best I can. I realize that I have to move on and focus on myself. It's just hard letting go of such great memories.

[amelady74]

He broke up with you to sleep with other women. If he isnt sleeping with other women it wont be for the want of trying.

Yes you want answers. Yes you want him to tell you how much he has hurt you.

You dont need that though, not to move on. you may never get it.

You cant worry about him coming back you need to accept that you arent together and begin moving on.

The only reason he will come back to you is if he doesnt find anyone else

So ask yourself if you want to be his back up plan

 

SO CAPITAL P, your words are harsh, but sadly they are true, at least in some situtuations. my ex left me for someone else two weeks ago. and I feel like total shT. I feel like im not good enough, like that girl had something better to offer, and like hes a jerk. I think I am waiting for him to come back. Even though I tell myself that I never want to speak to him again. I cant seem to just block his number for good.

 

I feel as tho he never cared about me, and that hurts me tremendously. but I really didnt beg or plea when he told me he was seeing someone new. I kinda lightly cursed him out instead... told him things like I was an idiot for trusting you.. Because honestly I was. There were red flags but I ignored them. I really believe the only reason I was even with him was because I was lonely, he was cute, and we had "chemistry" but in reality he was not a good person. he was shiny on the outside, but on the inside he was emotionally abusive, and acted like a little fcking kid. ( he was 6 years younger than me) and he even told me once that he was intimidated by me because I was a little further along in life... I just blown away.

 

And from what ive seen of his behavior so far, he will hold that against me and act like it was my fault. but thats just his excuse for him leaving being ok.

 

The sad truth is that he lost interest in me. And that is really killing my self esteem right now. Im not sure why I would want to hold on to someone who makes me feel like Im not good enough.

 

Its not like either of us was more attractive, I think I am an attractive person. I went out the other night, and I met new people and have 4 potential dates in the future. So I mean I know its not really a physical inadequacy. But maybe it was, I did gain 10 lbs when we were together and I think that could have turned him off. of corse ive lost it now because I can barely eat, and I realize I became comfortable with him and didnt take care of myself as well as I should. Thats when you know the break up was the right thing when you feel like you have to work on yourself a ton. But maybe thats just me feeling inadequate right now because he left me, for someone supposedly better.

 

There are many reasons that he could have left. the thing that bothers me the most is that he never really even tried to work it out. He didnt talk to me about the things that where bothering him, nothing. He just took off and then blamed everything on me. No explanation really, he just said " Im hurt with you" and then two days later tells me to leave him alone and that hes seeing someone else. Or as you put it hes ****ing someone else. We talked everyday and things were seemingly fine untill out of the blue he just bails.

 

Point is, he left, and he didnt care that much about me. the only way he is coming back is if he ends up alone, or gets bored with this new chick.

 

My mind set is totally fcked up. Because I miss him like crazy and want him back.but at the same time I never want to speak to him again.

[crackster]

I went to a website called text your ex back. We have started talking again and going well give it a try if you wish!

 

https://tinyurl.com/l7qrbhv

[bravidonatir]

Thank you for posting this. It fits the criteria smack dab on the nose with the exception of her saying that we should hook up again down the road. We're both young and I suppose it makes sense, because she only ever had one boyfriend other than me and it lasted about a month between them. We went at it for two years. One weekend I'm tucking her into bed before I go back home and kissing her goodnight while she has the biggest smile on her face in the world then all of a sudden BOOM I can't stop crying and I'm COMPLETELY miserable. Thank you for posting this, though! So much! It's really helped me understand the situation much better.

[buxboy]

Hi guys I new here and in a situation that is tough

I was with my other half for 17 years married for 13 we have had a few splits before with the old I love you but dont love you anymore thing is we got on amazingky well , we rarely argued the sex life was difficult as I found it hard to initiate as it was nearly always on her terms any way I noticed she was on her phone alot recently and one day she went out for the day to return at tea time and said she needed to speak with me .she told me sbe had spent the day with someone else I was angry as expected and stormed out as usual, only to stop and think hang on what am I doing? So I returned and told her to leave which she did shen then came round a few days later to tell me it was over bla bla bla but who knows what the future holds and that she was going to carry on seing this guy .its done my head in really as 17 years is a long time and there are children involved ive tried to ignore her I never send the first txt but she does and then I end up responding .I cant really see her relationship working to be honest as he lives abit away and is ten years younger than her she says no sex went on behind my back but she wanted it to and thats why she wanted to split. what to so ?

[ripheart]

Hey... So here is my incomplete first love story.. We met when we were 18... used to talk all day all time and the connection we had was amazing.. Infact the first 1.5 years we almost never had a fight... Then it kinda got long distance, used to meet once in 6 mnths, little bit of fights but never unresolved, and our future, everything was all planned, we were gonna get married once we complete our education.. We had so beautiful dreams of our future, my parents her parents everybody knew about us.. We were the perfect couple, the ones people used to look up and say they are called soulmates.. last year I remember she was so much into the idea of getting married, she has started doing all the plannings everything (we were going to tie knot 3 month from now)... then new jobs, again different locations (but she did apply for relocation to my city like a month before breakup), I kinda got busy on my own, we talked less but still everyday atleast half an hour.. There is almost not a single day in all these 5 years and 11months of our relationship that we did not talk..

 

She confessed and apologised 2 months back, that she started liking a guy, that he is very funny and everything, the connection with him is amazing but she has stopped talking to him, and I was a mad at start, but then said dat am glad u r confessing and its fine and i still love her like anything.. I should confess I have not been really nice to her last 1 year, taken her for granted many times, but last 2 months I treated her as well as I can.. and that is the reason i guess she confessed to me many things and slowly i got too know she was actually cheating on me, not physically, the new guy is also kinda long distance, she used to chat wid him on watsapp all time, never actually stopped and she is intensely in love with him.. and eventhough she would show signs that everything is not good between us, the next moment she would say things like how much she loves me, and wat she did was wrong, and she will make it right and she is only mine, and has stopped talking to him... but then she says I cant resist him and everything, and I tried letting her go, breaking up and then she will cry and say I cant leave u or let u go.. and then 2 days later she told me everything, every lie she was telling me for last 6-7 months, that she never planned all this but it just happened and she loves this new guy, they are like bf gf for last 4 months, she never stopped talking to him and she just has no heart in our relationship, she has to do this, and is breaking up... goodbye and dont wait for me... and i said gud luck... next 2 days i cried, tried to persuade her back, then 3 days later tried again, and since then its 10 days, I have let her go cuz i realised its for the best, whether she is gonna return or not, this is the right thing to do for now, cuz she is so much into him and is emotionally unavailable to me, all i will do is push her away and its kinda strange what am feeling right now...

 

Obviously I have read so many articles about break up and GIG syndrome and everything...I think I really get her, know her inside out, love her care for her, and wat she did to me i should be completely mad at her but i have so gracefully let her go, I feel good about myself for that.. She has made me what i am, and I have no doubt how madly she loved me except last 6 months... And I kinda knw she is kind of emotionally immature, never appreciated how much I loved her, a little egocentric, but make no mistake she is such a great girl, full of life, u can fall in love with her every moment, she was always one of most popular girls wherever she goes, and to think I can find another her, is such a hard thing to think.. Cuz she just is the best girl I have ever met..

 

Saying that, I think she just is an ideal person to suffer from gigs syndrome.... The other guy may be better than me or watever, but once u have given everything to someone, how can you really fall in love with someone else.. and how can u not remember all the good things that we had, I never ever left her side, and was kind of guy who could give life for her, am the one who is surrounded by girls but still never been unfaithful or tried to cross lines.. and she so much trusted me.. Still I have got her few passwords she has not changed that means she trusts me.. and what I think is obviously in 5 yrs things faded a little, we both took each other for granted, and she met this new guy, developed intense connection with him, and me not really being nice to her helped it gain more fuel, and her mind is so clouded with him rite now, she is not even thinking about what we had.. and that she just has to go for now, let this new love feeling fade with him, or get hurt and then only she will realise wat is the rite thing to do...

 

I know Its just a bad thing to expect her to comeback for my own good, but it keeps me from being miserable i guess.. and i feel like I have the license to flirt with all the girls now, do watever spoil myself which is wat m doing from last 15 days since break up... The idea that she is gone, has not sink in completely!! I dont want to feel like this but cant help to think that am 99% sure she will come back, I just know her so well, we were each others first, like kids we grown up together, madly loved each other, and a voice in my head says its for good that she needs to check her options, then she would be able to appreciate my love, and if her connection with the new guy is really that great i ll be happy that she is happy... But that 1% scares me, what about me, am i doing any good to myself? this is not break up should feel like rite? She had just no reasons to breakup except that the connection with the new guy is so amazing and she cant resist him.. She was trying to find absurd reasons then she would back off, and while breaking up she told me how wonderful and great person i am, that to never change and she is guilty what she is doing to me but she cant help it... and she will hurt me more if she stays with me..... Infact sometimes i feel she was trying to make me break up with her so that its easier, she wanted me to hate her, and i dint do that and she was getting really mad about it... She wanted to go i have no doubt, she was hoping some miracle would happen and I will go from her life cuz she cudnt do this..

 

am kinda enjoying singlehood, feels like i have never been single before, got committed too early and never had a chance to enjoy life like this, but I have no doubt I did really love her... I should be breaking and hurting right now right? I get night mares of her leaving me ( never used to get nightmares before ) everynight, almost twice or thrice but I can still able to sleep again.. Only 1 week I remember from when we were almost on verge of breaking up to the few days when we did break up was really difficult ones when all I wanted was to cry my heart out, in public or wherever i just dint care.. I was miserable... cuz it just hit me so suddenly i could see things not being great but I never thot we were anywhere near breakup.. But now I have just no hatred towards her, I still think of her with a smile on my face.. I love her and think of her like a small kid who is making a mistake that does not mean i am going to stop loving her.. Am i in denial and setting myself to get hurt even more? Do you think she will come back? I feel myself fully capable of being happy and falling in love again but not just the way i loved her :'(.. What should I be doing right now? Should I go full no contact?

 

Sorry for making this so long, had to get it all out somewhere .. Thanks so much for all the patience ..

[pepperpot2014]

I went through this. It has taken me 8 months to get my head around. Went through depression. When it comes down to it. He was a crap boyfriend and good luck to him. He'll need it.

[crazylobster]

Hi,

 

I've been threw a very bad breakup 5 months ago and I need honest advice.

I was having a sort of grass in greener syndrome and was at a very bad place in my life, had family issues and all.. So I've acted crazy, and completely rude to my boyfriend, I've pushed him to leave me. I've done it on purpose. I regret it today, really, really.. but I also know that I got what I deserved.

After the breakup we had a pretty rough time, 5 months of tears, cries, I love you/I hate you stuff.. I've acted very undecided and very desperate. I am very ashamed of it , I did the whole thing: drunk dials, anxiety crises and all..

And I never had the courage to admit that all of this happened because I felt "bored" in my relationship, because I was childish...Today I admit it and I told that to my ex.. I still love him but I know that what I have to do right now is to pull myself together. I need to find my inner peace, and I know that only after that I can reconsider getting back with my ex. Because I am still unstable and also because I've created a very bad image of me and I have to work on that. I have to become once again who I was before all of this happened. I know that he is not at my disposal. He says he doesn't love me anymore but I don't know if its true, maybe he feels that way because of everything I've done and I want to believe that I can make him fall once again in love with me. I just hope it's not too late. But no matter what I have to first love me and respect me, only then can he love me and respect me. What do you think?

[Jatli]

I think this is what I am going through right now. My man of 4 years who I live with all of a sudden a couple of weeks ago said that we should take a break.

 

We never fought, got along great, enjoyed each others company, had a great sex life. So needless to say I am devastated.

 

He says that he needs to see if we are what he wants and he wants the time to miss me.

 

He is getting me an apartment across the street but that wont be for another month. In the meantime we are still living together, still sleeping together, he still kisses me goodbye every morning and we are still not fighting and still laugh together.

 

I cry every day and tell him that I don't understand and that I think he is doing the wrong thing. He says he needs to do this. I asked him if he thought this would be permanent and he said probably not but he needed to act like it was and that he was going to try hard not to miss me.

 

What do I do?

[C0ldrain]

Think my girl has just gone through this possibly. But shes keeping the other guy a secret even from her family. I have found out because i have a good network but even that was by luck.

 

My post is here

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/463342-feel-lost

[Maverick89]

Hello,

 

This really is very weird for me, I've never written anything like this, but here it goes, I hope it helps me vent and maybe some of you might have some advice. Sorry if there are some weird expression, English is not my main language.

 

I started my relationship with my girlfriend at 18 and she was 16 at the moment. It was an on & off thing from my 15 to 18 years until we decided to go on to have a serious relationship. The relationship was awesome because we've been friend for a long time before being BF and GF. I'm not gonna bother you with details of such a long relationship, just gonna say that we didn't fight, we never called it quits, never took breaks from one and other, things we're just perfect.

 

So, last year, in March 2013 I moved to a different country. The country that I lived in was in a horrible situation, no jobs, no future, you name it. So I waited until I graduated and went on to this new country and look for better opportunities. My GF & I, decided to go Long Distance for 8 months, since we were gonna wait for her to also graduate (She was supposed to graduate in December last year). Last year I spent all of my savings in plane tickets for her to visit me and for me so I could visit her (It wasn't really a long distance relationship since we saw each other every 3 weeks).

 

Now for the interesting part. In mid september she started her internship in a new company. First day in, she told me she got hit on by some guy but I didn't have to worry because she knew, and everybody told her, that this guy was the offices "player" and that he did that with everybody. Me, not being particularly jealous, I didn't worry too much, since I trusted her with my life (Again, 5 and a half years relationship). 3 days later, she had some kind of gathering with her new co-workers and she told me, that there was a girl with a long distance relationship and that people were making fun of her situation and that long distance never works out, she told me she "defended" her, and told them that she was in a long distance relationship as well, and she was happy and told them that I was "the prince of her life" (actual quote).

 

Of course, nothing of this seemed weird for me, I considered that she was being honest with me, and I was grateful for that. I didn't see any of this as a "red flag" (maybe I should have), the problem is that same day she posted on Instagram and Facebook a photo of us with the caption "missing you". So, come friday she had a wedding and she went with some friends (same group of friends as mine) and she didn't answer any of my texts, which was very weird of her, but it didn't matter because I always told her that if she was having fun, I would understand her, not being on the phone all the time, as I asked of her when I was out with friends. When I told her this, she told me she didn't feel the phone vibrating and didn't know I was trying to contact her.

 

Anyways, the next day, went without any particular thing, and on Sunday she wrote "We need to talk". I never actually thought that we were going to have "the talk", again, I had plans of bring her to my new country, living with her, we had a paid cruise trip in December, I was going to visit her on her birthday, spending xmas with her family, she was spending New year's with mine, her cousins wedding, etc... all big commitment plans.

 

So on this talk, she cried a lot, she told me she felt quite weird not wanting to talk to me while she was at a party and she questioned why she was having so much fun without me. She told me she felt that I was kinda negative lately, that she wanted a change in my attitude and that she thought I wasn't searching what I really wanted in life, she didn't say we we're over, she just wanted to see a change in me. I thought a lot about this, I thought she was right, and I realized I postponed a lot of things, just because I was 1000% concentrated on bringing her to my new country, I was on a job I didn't like, and I stayed there because of the money and because I needed it badly so I could pay a rent for when she was going to move in with me.

 

I decided to change my attitude and totally took her advice, I woke up the next the with the best attitude ever... the problem was, that as soon as I got to my office, I received an email that definitely called it quits, she said that she didn't get any sleep that night and that she thought a lot about it and that she couldn't have this relationship anymore, she wasn't going to graduate on December because of problems with her thesis and that it had been postponed to July 2014... said she couldn't handle long distance until that time and that she decided to end it.

 

Of course I was broken, I immediately replied that I wanted at least to talk on skype and say somethings on my own, that she couldn't end a 5 year relationship on email. She agreed and that night we talked. I'm not gonna bother you with any details, especially since this is turning very long. We had a couple of weeks that we talked, we agreed to see each other on her birthday (which was 1 month away), and then we went on NC for that month, she liked almost all of my posts on Instagram and Facebook while I didn't cave and liked hers or tried to contact her. I wasn't thinking clearly at that time, I quit my job and I actually decided on moving back to my home country with her (even without no job possibilities, etc) so we could start all over. Needless to say when I went back I was thinking of going out, maybe a couple of drinks and start that spark all over again, I was going with plans on making her fall in love with me. The problem is she answered "No, I'm not going to have drinks with you, we'll meet tomorrow, have breakfast and I'll give you back your things"... I threw my phone to my nearest wall...

 

When we met she was very "cold", I told her that I had plans on moving back in and I asked if we could have a new chance, that I was willing on finding a new job and starting all over. Of course, you can guess the answer, she said no, she said that she didn't know the point in all of that, and that moving back to our country was a bad idea.

 

I'm not stupid, I knew she was seeing somebody else... we said goodbye, we kissed and, me, knowing her like I do, I knew she felt guilty of kissing me. So I realized that the thing with the new guy was more serious than it seemed (Only one month after we broke up).

 

I felt I couldn't stay in my home country so I moved back, I wasn't going to survive seeing her around with other people, especially since her friends are my friends, so we were going to see each other a lot.

 

Fast forward one month (NC totally)... I was going back to my country so I could spend xmas with my family. Those were the dates of her cousin's wedding, and... she brought the new guy to the wedding... only 2 months after breaking up with me... I was devastated... I didn't understand, especially to the family... I had the best relation with her family, I was one of them, her parents loved me and I loved her parents... so I didn't know why she brought him to such an important event.

 

Anyways, I wrote a merry xmas and happy birthday email to her mother (I totally love her mother, such an inspiring woman, she survived leukemia, process in which I was totally supportive and I even donated blood for her) I don't know if I should've, but I felt it was the decent thing to do. She replied with a very affectionate email, saying how I was very special, that I deserved having all of my wishes come true, etc.

 

10 minutes later I received a text from my ex-Gf, saying that she wished me a happy xmas and that she hoped all was well with me. It's safe to assume her mother told her to do that text, trying not to hurt my feelings or giving me hope.

 

Fast forward 2 more months of NC and she comes out of the blue and writes that she wanted to know how my grandfather and aunt (that are still living in my home country) were. I was very polite, answered and asked for her family. We kept it really polite and casual.

 

I don't know if I should've answered, "yeah, all great, thank you, now go and worry about the grandfather and aunt of your new boyfriend, leave me alone". My therapist only said that I should've done whatever I felt like, and that if I felt like I could be polite, then that's who I am and we can't change that... besides, after almost 5 months it's kinda weird to still holding a grudge, and that maybe it's better to come out as a bigger person.

 

I don't know what to do... I don't know if she's having second thoughts... after that conversation, two days later she visited my LinkedIn profile to see what I was up to. I had just recently updated my profile, since i started a new job, which I love so far. I think it's pretty pathetic of me to think that, but at least she got an interest in me, and it felt quite nice to kinda "rub in her face" that I had a new cool job.

 

Anyways, I know that I need to go on with my life, I've been talking with other people and I've even hooked up with other women and I've been recently talking with a girl I really like, the only problem is she isn't 18 yet (in my country it's not illegal but whatever, 6 year difference is kinda big at the moment) she's turning 18 in a month, so we kinda have a "date" when she turns 18.

 

I really want to take my ex-gf out of my mind so I can go on with my life, pursuing new flings and other women. But I sometimes think that I would totally love to get the "I'm really sorry, i want to get back with you" text message.

 

Any advice is really appreciated.

[a708]

As you can see from some of the posts here on the thread... G.I.G.S is very difficult and hard on both the dumper and the dumpee. Both are equally hurt.

 

For all you G.I.G.S. dumpee's out there...

If you would simply do TWO things. I can promise you this, you are going to save yourself a lot of needless heartache and pain and in doing so, will give yourself the very best chance for your ex to want to come back and WIN your love.

 

LOVE YOURSELF!

If you love yourself, you will not stay or pursue a relationship with someone that is unavailable and is unable to meet your needs. Your ex (A person with G.I.G.S.) is now unavailable and cannot / will not meet your needs.

 

IF YOU TRULY DO LOVE YOU EX, THEN PROVE IT TO THEM BY LETTING THEM GO!

If you truly love your Ex than you would respect and allow them the opportunity, time, space and freedom required to figure out and explore (in whatever way they need) what it is they are missing, lacking, looking for in their life or a relationship.

 

Would you feel loved if your happiness or what you thought was best for you didn't matter? Of course not! Well either does your Ex.

 

By not respecting yourself enough and your ex by letting them go... you are communicating the following message to yourself (furthering your problem) and your ex:

 

I clearly don't love or care about myself and what is best for me, so let make sure I leave you no doubt in your mind that I certainly do not love or care about you or what is best for you.

 

You have already seen a couple of examples of this within the thread... When the dumpee didn't let go and the Ex felt "trapped" and then lost all respect for the dumpee.

 

Why would your Ex ever want to return to that? They won't and neither would you.

 

What happens to the dumpee who doesn't love, care and respect themselves enough or the needs and desires of the ex with G.I.G.S.?

The dumpee only wants one thing and that is being in pure he!! and complete agony!

 

I could list all the various reasons, logic and arguments as to why the dumpee refuses to let go. All you really need to know is that they are "unhealthy" and as they say "Hurt People, Hurt People".

 

Either the dumper (who are have in / have out already are convinced to stay) or dumpee (wanting someone that no longer wants them) isn't being true to themselves, their needs and their desires so anger, resentment and bitterness are soon to follow.

 

From this point forward, the dumpee is asking / begging for more "torture", more hurt, more agony from the dumper (which isn’t all their fault now). This can go on for months or even years but ultimately the Ex finally puts everyone out of their misery by cutting off all communication.

 

Don’t believe me? Spend some time in the forums… Most of the threads are from the “unhealthy” dumpee.

 

 

But what about when you understand its the best thing to let them go, yet they want you to stick around..

 

She finished with me and i gave her the space and freedom.. but she insists on calling/texting.

[srikanth ila]

i think my girl is facing G.I.G syndrome

she had her first love at her college , that doesnt exit for more than 6 months , she had almost mad , depressed this was happened right after her sister marriage gt divorce , this made her even worse she even tried for suicide ... she is basically from srilanka to come out of that depression she moved here to india ...she had almost spent 3 years as single , she was ok now she came **** out of that. she stated her own business n planned to be single for the rest , untill she met me !

she is 26 now , we had a 6 month of relationship , we had a couple of date in d beggining we started like each other , atrracted each other n started loving each other we decided to go on for a serious relationship, we had a good time , more intimacy.

every thing was going good love n care , when her parents started to see a groom for her , she pushed her self mentally stressed again , her parents became more serious about her marriage after jan 2014 n started forcing her even her relatives too, she was ok with me till her birthday (9-feb-2014 ) when her parent came here to india to talk about her marriage , she got mentally stressed n depressed again , initially she scared of letting to know our relationship wit her parents , later on what she decided i dont know she was started asking for space n time with me , this made me feel bad n i was totally mad at her ... i kept pushing her to convince n keep trying to explain our love blah... this made her to mad at me , a week before she started talking about the problem she was facing that time i cudn understand what she was coming to say rather i tried to convince her n things gone to extreame .

her parents made her to meet that guy , she met n he was very nice to them , they had a chat they started chatting through wattsapp, i dont know why she is doing all these , she started liking him , she even told me that she cudnt stop the curiosity of knowing about him ... when i heard this i almost dead , coz i loved her truely , she never hided her personal thing to me, msg , social net work , now she started hiding her wattsapp msgs .... this made me to feel extreamely bad i felt almost lost my self she started facebooking with him , she changed alot. she s not letting me to kiss her she s driving me crazy , two days b4 rather asking for space n time she came up for break up with me , she asked for break up saying she need to go for a counselling , she really need a therapy for that she has to b neutral

,she told me that she loved me she liked me but at the same time she likes him too : now she is telling she is not interested in marriage , she like us both , she want me to move away from her n asking me to move on with my life , let her go fr a therapy , she dont wants me to wait for her therapygets over ...

i even convinced her , she s ok when i am around/ with her but she is getting confused when she goes to her parents ... she told me once she may be mad at me in future but dont let me go away in any situation, she loved me so much DAMN bt she is mad at me now

i spoke to her last night she told this is the situation , am not interested in marriage even with both of you , she dint tell her decision with her parents but she likes both of us and she cant stop the curiosity of knowing him , she cant help she need to go for a therapy

IS this two timer thing or the G.I.G.S ...?

i dont kno what to do now am worried , mad , depressed

plz help me to come out of this

LET ME KNOW WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW ???

[melell]

All of the background information is not necessary. gigs, or wanting someone else makes no difference.

 

It sounds to me like she is not interested in the life she has been leading and has made the CHOICE to make changes.

 

We are all free to make choices regardless of our reasoning. Let her be.

[srikanth ila]

i think my girl is facing G.I.G syndrome

she had her first love at her college , that doesnt exit for more than 6 months , she had almost mad , depressed this was happened right after her sister marriage gt divorce , this made her even worse she even tried for suicide ... she is basically from srilanka to come out of that depression she moved here to india ...she had almost spent 3 years as single , she was ok now she came **** out of that. she stated her own business n planned to be single for the rest , untill she met me !

she is 26 now , we had a 6 month of relationship , we had a couple of date in d beggining we started like each other , atrracted each other n started loving each other we decided to go on for a serious relationship, we had a good time , more intimacy.

every thing was going good love n care , when her parents started to see a groom for her , she pushed her self mentally stressed again , her parents became more serious about her marriage after jan 2014 n started forcing her even her relatives too, she was ok with me till her birthday (9-feb-2014 ) when her parent came here to india to talk about her marriage , she got mentally stressed n depressed again , initially she scared of letting to know our relationship wit her parents , later on what she decided i dont know she was started asking for space n time with me , this made me feel bad n i was totally mad at her ... i kept pushing her to convince n keep trying to explain our love blah... this made her to mad at me , a week before she started talking about the problem she was facing that time i cudn understand what she was coming to say rather i tried to convince her n things gone to extreame .

her parents made her to meet that guy , she met n he was very nice to them , they had a chat they started chatting through wattsapp, i dont know why she is doing all these , she started liking him , she even told me that she cudnt stop the curiosity of knowing about him ... when i heard this i almost dead , coz i loved her truely , she never hided her personal thing to me, msg , social net work , now she started hiding her wattsapp msgs .... this made me to feel extreamely bad i felt almost lost my self she started facebooking with him , she changed alot. she s not letting me to kiss her she s driving me crazy , two days b4 rather asking for space n time she came up for break up with me , she asked for break up saying she need to go for a counselling , she really need a therapy for that she has to b neutral

,she told me that she loved me she liked me but at the same time she likes him too : now she is telling she is not interested in marriage , she like us both , she want me to move away from her n asking me to move on with my life , let her go fr a therapy , she dont wants me to wait for her therapygets over ...

i even convinced her , she s ok when i am around/ with her but she is getting confused when she goes to her parents ... she told me once she may be mad at me in future but dont let me go away in any situation, she loved me so much DAMN bt she is mad at me now

i spoke to her last night she told this is the situation , am not interested in marriage even with both of you , she dint tell her decision with her parents but she likes both of us and she cant stop the curiosity of knowing him , she cant help she need to go for a therapy

IS this two timer thing or the G.I.G.S ...?

i dont kno what to do now am worried , mad , depressed

plz help me to come out of this

LET ME KNOW WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW ???

[travelonic]

All of the background information is not necessary. gigs, or wanting someone else makes no difference.

 

It makes no difference so far as what happened happened.

 

It makes a difference so far as our understanding, coping, helping others who face this on the receiving end.

 

Hence why I find it hard to not want to snub posts like this, since a lot of the time, not always of course, it misses that.

[aj1992]

I have been dating my girlfriend for just over 4 years, we got together when we were 17 and went to the same University together. She always has a fear of missing out, like she always has to go out if her housemates are going out or if they are off on a trip she will have to go which I completely understand. But now that we are in the last 3 months of university she is worried she has never done the "single thing" and is scared she will miss her opportunity.

 

We both spoke in the past about how we got together before our time and wish we has met at university, I had similar doubts to her at the beginning of uni but they passed with time as I knew she was perfect for me. However she says that the feeling won't go away even after 2 months so we agreed that we best be single for a while as it the only way we can possibly think about

going forward in our relationship as we both need this single time.

 

The thing is I can't think about moving on I just want her to come back, I wish I knew what she was feeling and whether this truly is the end but some many threads say no contact. I know I should give her time but I have no idea how long that is gunna take. I can't focus on anything else but her which is not good since finals are on their way, its been 2 days I was thinking of meeting with her face to face to have a chat over the weekend to see how she is and how we are going to play the single thing out. Is there any hope we will get back together?

 

Any advice would be great I'm feeling awful about this. Do I tell her I am not going to let her go and am willing to fight for her or should I give her some time to miss me and just hope that she will realise that the grass is not greener

Edited March 13, 2014 by aj1992

[cruepain]

Iwent through this. I'm 25 gf(or ex) is 19. She hadn't been in a relationsip for a few years, mostly just slept around.

 

got togethr and hit it off well. 7 months in, i found out she almost cheated on me 1 month into our relationship. seemed at times she thought there was something better out there for her. she ended up saying we needed to break up so she could figure out wat she wanted because i want someone who can commit and she isnt ready.

 

fats forward 5 months we continued hanging out nothing changed, neither of us slept with anyone else, and we seem to be back together and she is talking marriage