"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[somegoodman]

 

fats forward 5 months we continued hanging out nothing changed, neither of us slept with anyone else, and we seem to be back together and she is talking marriage

 

 

 

 

 

You sure about that??

[Jay77098]

I really wish I had read this earlier. This is wisdom, and really, really good advice. I am quite sure that my (now ex-) GF was suffering from GIGS and just needed some time apart to date some other guys to see that they aren't all that great.

 

Instead, I reacted angrily. I was hurt and confused and I felt betrayed and lied to. So I broke it off, in the least graceful way. This post could have saved me a lot of pain and anguish, but of course I didn't find it until after the deal was done.

[TheRemedy]

Just wanted everyone to know my story and that there is hope but is it really worth it? I was with my girlfriend for three years. Like everyone else we have had our breakups our ups and downs but in the end we knew we were right for each other. I was 19 and she was 17 when we met and my post here happened when she was 20 and i was 22. Anyways, our relationship had become boring and stale and pretty much routine. There was no more excitement or passion and we were taking each other for granted. One day she calls me to tell me that she wants to break up with me. I drove to see her and she would not budge. My world started to collapse. Day after day i tried to ask her why?

 

One day she finally couldnt keep it in anymore. She said: "You wanna know why i can't be with you, it's because there is someone else". I was left in shock and awe, i felt this rush of pain coursing through my body. I couldnt wrap my head around the fact, that the girl who professed her love to me, had been cheating on me behind my back and had ultimately replaced me. She even started telling me how in love she was with him. I was lost and confused, i was dazed and in shock. She would tell me how fascinated she was with him, and would rub it in my face. She would tell me what they do (intimate). She started treating me like garbage. Telling me i should just move on. Telling me I should just forget about her. Telling me i should grow up because "she had been taking care of me for the past three years". NO ONE, AND I MEAN NO ONE, knows how much pain i was in. My heart felt like it was being gripped and i felt a pain on my shoulders weighing me down. I was depressed, i was not normal anymore.

 

I lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks, I started smoking cigarettes like a chimney, and I started failing my classes. I would wake up in the morning and the second my eyes would open, reality would come after me, it would stay with me the entire day, and it would be the last thing before I went to sleep. It would even haunt me in my dreams. I had vivid dreams of her with someone else, dreams of her in a wedding dress and the more i tried to get close to her, the more she would go away. Dreams of me chasing her down a spiraling staircase, never able to catch her. Dreams of holding her hand only to see she is no longer there. I had infinite questions that were bombarding my head, and NO ONE COULD GIVE ME THE ANSWERS. I drove my parents and friends insane. No one understood how lost I was. Day after day i resisted contacting her, but time after time i failed. Only to be faced with cold and distant replies. I would have weird mood swings, ranging from anger to happiness. I started blaming myself. I started over analyzing everything. The infamous "What ifs". The funny thing now is that after all of this i tried to stay in her life. When she picked up the scent that she had control over me, she started to abuse that power. Whether consciously or subconsciously, she was controlling me. Then it became clear that, she was just toying with me. She knew she had me on a leash. So every now and then she would call me. Sort of like keeping me as a back up plan. Day after day i waited for her call. I tried to play the "I'm over you game". And it worked at first, she started to get curious and even jealous. But the thing is, when you are in that emotional state, you can only hold up the facade for so long before it comes crashing down.

 

Sorry prior to all of this, the day she broke up with me it was this: "I want to live again, i want to have fun, i feel trapped, i feel that my back is against the wall, i love you but i'm not in love with you" WORD BY WORD. I tried giving her ultimatums, but it never worked. I was weak, i was desperate and the only thing that would have fixed me was her. But she was with someone else. I decided i had enough, and everytime she called me, i felt weaker and weaker. So I changed my number without telling her. I called her the night before and asked her if there was anything between us, she said yea but she can't see into the future. I thought to myself that she is just messing with me and stringing me along. My hands were shaking when I called the phone company to change my number. My body was shaking when I saw her during this entire time too btw. I felt like i had to heave when i was in her presence but i kept it in. Day after day after day i tried to show her i much i loved her and how much she means to me. But alas, nothing worked anymore so i just gave up and changed my number.

 

I thought that everything happens for a reason and i might never know why this happened. Four months pass by, and i feel like i was making progress. I had my occasional mood swings ranging from hate, anger, betrayal, denial, you name it. Then out of the blue, 4 months later she called me (I don't know how she got my new number). She said that she made the biggest mistake of her life. She said that she realized that this guy was just an infatuation, and it wasn't love. She said that she understand what love really is now. She said that she will break up with him for me. She said to prove it to you, i would break up with him in front of you. So you can see for yourself. But, believe it or not, after 4 months of no contact, I was over her. Granted i still do love her and the only thing i see are our memories, but in the end it came to the betrayal. I could never trust her again, and even if i did, it can happen again.

 

So, to all those out there wondering about gigs, YES IT DOES EXIST. It is unique for every case, but the generalities are all the same. What I came to realize is that a person who develops gigs is not the kind of person you would consider marrying because it can and will happen again. You are worth so much more than an option, and you should be with someone who returns your love instead of using it for support. EVEN IF YOU NEVER FIND ANYONE ELSE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE, KNOW THAT IT IS BETTER THAN THE ONE WHO LEFT YOU FOR SOMEONE ELSE. You will get over her, I promise you. Instead of looking at the inner journey with your emotions, look at the bigger picture. With time, your emotions will subside and you will start to think logically, and you would actually see that you have dodged a bullet. Believe me, i was a very codependent and insecure person, but this experience made me 10x stronger and confident. And the funny thing now is that, this same girl who tore me into pieces is now chasing me. So there you have it. That is my story.

[somegoodman]

"EVEN IF YOU NEVER FIND ANYONE ELSE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE, KNOW THAT IT IS BETTER THAN THE ONE WHO LEFT YOU FOR SOMEONE ELSE"

 

 

So true. Sometimes our emotions play tricks on us and we don't realize very obvious truths such as this.

[Sportsguy8]

Here's my Possible GIGs situation. It's been almost 2 months and I Need some help/advice. Also posted a thread.

 

So basically me and my ex were extremely happy for 2.5 years. We just celebrated our 2.5 year anniversary. She would say for the last 2 years that she's literally never found anybody as good as me nor will she ever love someone as much as me. We were talking about marriage in the future, kids in the future, etc. we had a very deep connection where we were also the best of friends. She was so close with me and my family that she was in the room with me when my father passed away and was very close to him.

 

She had a hard time growing up. She wasn't popular, didnt have very many friends thru high school or her first few years of college and her parents got divorced. She was pretty depressed on the inside. I helped her become happy again, and brought her to the university I went to as she transferred there and went to school with me. Everything was great. Now, I grauduated last year and she still has the rest of this year to finish her bachelors. Last year, I told her to join a sorority to get friends that she's always wanted and never had so she did. Now, I live an hour away and she lives in the sorority house and she feels like her life is changing. She parties and drinks socially but not a lot at all. She's the type of girl to sit at home and watch a movie and drink wine. She's a very sweet girl and never really got around or hooked up with tons of guys by any means. 2 months ago, we got in a small argument, and we had a small rough patch of a month or two, but we were both generally happy. We took a break and at the end of the break she said she needed more time. During the short break, she would text me randomly saying she loved me and thanks for giving her time. And 2 days later she called and said that "god is telling her to be alone right now as she doesn't know what she wants and needs to be alone to find herself." She also just changed her career path and wants to figure out what to do with that too. And, now she has tons of friends and says she wants to have fun with friends for once in her life, so she let me go. She said "she's not sure what her future holds but it still could be with me." It was a calm breakup but I was really upset and hurt.

 

Now, she is posting everything on Facebook and Instagram of her partying, which makes me angry as it's the 100% opposite of who she is. We went LC. I returned her stuff cuz I was mad and she called asking why I returned stuff as they were memories. She got a tattoo a week later which she said shed never get. Two weeks later I sent her flowers saying congrats on her internship and she texted me saying how beautiful they were and it was so sweet of me to get her them. Now, 1.5 months after Bu and 1 week of no contact, she texted me asking how I am and had a brief convo. Then, a few days ago she texted me a pic of her new haircut and said she wanted to show it to me.

 

I'm so confused whether she still loves me or not cuz I 100% still do. I want her to figure her stuff out so bad, but I can't help but think of her partying and clubbing especially since she's a gorgeous girl and almost model status.

 

Should I go completely NC until she figures everything out? I deleted her on all social media. I keep telling myself that I deserve her to come running back to me if she really thinks and loves me cuz I treated her awesomely for 2.5 years. I never really completely chased her, except the day of the breakup as I'm giving her the time she says she needs and am respecting it. I'm still hurting deeply on the inside but I'm doing myself as best as I can and doing better 2 months post BU. I do want to get back with her, but I want her to chase me after all the pain she put me thru.

[travelonic]

"EVEN IF YOU NEVER FIND ANYONE ELSE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE, KNOW THAT IT IS BETTER THAN THE ONE WHO LEFT YOU FOR SOMEONE ELSE"

 

 

So true. Sometimes our emotions play tricks on us and we don't realize very obvious truths such as this.

 

 

I dunno, my overly analytical mind keeps thinking there are many caveats to consider, and that it isn't **always** perfectly black and white. That's just me tho.

[melell]

It makes no difference so far as what happened happened.

 

It makes a difference so far as our understanding, coping, helping others who face this on the receiving end.

 

Hence why I find it hard to not want to snub posts like this, since a lot of the time, not always of course, it misses that.

 

I see it as being subjective. Whatever conclusion we come to is not necessarily rational, factual, even logical- when we are trying to get past it we draw a picture based on an emotional understanding of what happened.

 

My view is too much focus on any picture can be more harmful than helpful.

[Lost And Found]

I have been dating my girlfriend for just over 4 years, we got together when we were 17 and went to the same University together. She always has a fear of missing out, like she always has to go out if her housemates are going out or if they are off on a trip she will have to go which I completely understand. But now that we are in the last 3 months of university she is worried she has never done the "single thing" and is scared she will miss her opportunity.

 

We both spoke in the past about how we got together before our time and wish we has met at university, I had similar doubts to her at the beginning of uni but they passed with time as I knew she was perfect for me. However she says that the feeling won't go away even after 2 months so we agreed that we best be single for a while as it the only way we can possibly think about

going forward in our relationship as we both need this single time.

 

The thing is I can't think about moving on I just want her to come back, I wish I knew what she was feeling and whether this truly is the end but some many threads say no contact. I know I should give her time but I have no idea how long that is gunna take. I can't focus on anything else but her which is not good since finals are on their way, its been 2 days I was thinking of meeting with her face to face to have a chat over the weekend to see how she is and how we are going to play the single thing out. Is there any hope we will get back together?

 

Any advice would be great I'm feeling awful about this. Do I tell her I am not going to let her go and am willing to fight for her or should I give her some time to miss me and just hope that she will realise that the grass is not greener

 

If she wants to be single for the last 3 months of university to 'see what it's like' - she is basically making you her back up plan. It fu****** sucks to hear, I've been there friend. She is putting you second best, do you really want to be her back up option incase her 'single thing' doesn't work out? You deserve so much better friend. I know you don't want to hear that, and you probably won't listen ( I know I didn't when I was told the same) and still want to get back with her. If that's the case, then for now, you must focus on your finals. That's whats ultimately most important to you, you can't mess those up.

Think about it, say you do get back with her eventually, but you messed up on your finals because of worrying about her leaving you - not only will she find that unattractive, but you will be so disappointed in messing them up. So put all your energy into your finals ok?!

Don't worry about what she's doing, everyone will be busy with uni work, including her. Wait until your finals are over before you even think of contacting her (obviously reply to her if she contacts you first, but don't talk about the relationship!). If it is the case of her needing to see 'what it's like being single' then you have to let her do this, initiating contact with her now, or bringing up anything about "where you stand" etc will only make her feel suffocated, and worst annoyed. Let me know if there is anything on your mind friend, I have been in your situation, and trust me it does get better.

Edited March 31, 2014 by Lost And Found

[Kevin_D]

I wonder... Is it possible to prevent this from happening. I mean, getting jealous, insecure and clingy might speed up the process, but really, after 5-10 years together, the grass WILL look greener on the other side, no matter how attractive your partner is.

 

My ex was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and yet there would be times when I fantasized about being single and having sex with girls that were completely different.

 

The reason I didn't break up was because I was looking at things rationally. I knew that I eventually would get tired of the new girls. I knew that I had a great chemistry with my girlfriend and that it would be incredibly hard to replace that. I knew that the spark in relationship comes and goes and that it eventually would be exciting to have sex with her again.

 

I was raised this way. I've read about these things. I even told her once that one of us will most likely sooner or later fall for another person, but that we got nothing to worry about as long as we realise that this is just infatuation. And she got so mad at me and said that my love for her can't possibly be real if I say something like that.

 

Fast forward 5 years and it happened - to her - just as I had forseen. Unfortunately, she didn't listen to my advice.

 

Her mother was bipolar, so it's possible that she has it as well. But even if she doesn't, she still had a very chaotic childhood. Her family "solved" problems by running away and accusing others for their bad behavior. When I met her, she saw me as the knight in shining armor who would bring her an infinite supply of happiness. It was our destiny to meet. But then one day, she realised that she got more excited when a random dude wrote to her on Facebook, than when we did things together. She had been mistaken. I wasn't Mr.Right. He was!

 

So she re-wrote history. Our entire relationship was a failure, a mistake from the beginning. There was no point in trying to save it, because there was nothing to save. Because if she felt this strongly for another guy, it was basically proof that we didn't belong together.

 

If I break something, I always try to repair it before buying something new. My ex always saw a broken mobile phone as an opportunity to buy a new one. She could even get angry if I suggested that we should try to repair the old one first.

 

My point is, it wouldn't matter if I was a super rich, Calvin Klein model. After 5-10 years, other guys would be more exciting, because this is bound to happen. And when it happens, it basically comes down to what kind of personality you have. A problem solver most likely tries to discuss the situation, while the escapist focuses on a new shiny thing and runs away.

 

So... certain people are very likely to run away from great relationships a few times before learning their lesson.

[jordanr1994]

sportsguy

your situation is almost exactly like mine its scary.

We both went to uni after 2.5 years together. She met new people and i think decided she wanted to see what else was out there. But she wouldnt break up with me to begin with. kept telling me how much she loved me and she needs me. I told her it was all of me or none of me. Now been no contact for over 3 weeks. She sent a text exactly 3 weeks into NC asking how i was and knows we are both going to be home soon.

Basically i think she ony wants me when we are home as she is lonely then, while at uni she has all her friends and boys attention. ITs horrible as i love her. but hopefuly she will come back one day, but to be honest im getting over her allready.

She said one day she hopes we can be together again and all she wants is for us to be happy

[cookiejuicy]

My exbf just left me two days ago. He told me he is confused and he didn't love me the same way as I do. He wished that he knew me later in his life and I was one of the greatest thing that ever happened to him. I don't know what to do. I told him I'll give him space and maybe he will realize things in the future. I am still hoping we will be back together.... I am hoping that he will contact me in the future... What should I do?

[SilverSoul94]

I'm soooooo glad I saw this post. Describes my situation with my ex to a T! It hurts... But. I'm hoping this is just a phase she will get past. In the meantime, I broke all contact, and am trying to improve myself. It is just getting harder to live without her...

[jordanr1994]

So me and my ex girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up 4 weeks ago. She loves me and sees us having a future together, but just isnt happy right now and doesnt want to rely on me for her happiness, or anyone else for that matter. She said she wasnt leaving me for someone else. We have both gone to uni and i noticed an immediate change in her.

 

I immediately went into no contact and she messaged me at the 3 week stage. I replied. She then text again a week later and i didnt reply.

 

Long story short we met up today and she says that she loves me but isnt in love with me. She has found a new guy within the first and is sleeping with him already! Something she would never do before. She says she would get back with me but is scared she would feel the same in a few months, which i totally agree with. She understands we cant be friends right now.

She said that she thinks i am the one in her future and we will be together again one day as she doesnt see her long term future without me in it. But right now she has to do this which i totally understand. She is young and is obviously showing some signs of Gigs. I knew the break up was coming from a few weeks before so it wasnt a shock to me

 

My question is, is this guy a rebound as she still loves me. or is it serious?

[mutualove]

So me and my ex girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up 4 weeks ago. She loves me and sees us having a future together, but just isnt happy right now and doesnt want to rely on me for her happiness, or anyone else for that matter. She said she wasnt leaving me for someone else. We have both gone to uni and i noticed an immediate change in her.

 

I immediately went into no contact and she messaged me at the 3 week stage. I replied. She then text again a week later and i didnt reply.

 

Long story short we met up today and she says that she loves me but isnt in love with me. She has found a new guy within the first and is sleeping with him already! Something she would never do before. She says she would get back with me but is scared she would feel the same in a few months, which i totally agree with. She understands we cant be friends right now.

She said that she thinks i am the one in her future and we will be together again one day as she doesnt see her long term future without me in it. But right now she has to do this which i totally understand. She is young and is obviously showing some signs of Gigs. I knew the break up was coming from a few weeks before so it wasnt a shock to me

 

My question is, is this guy a rebound as she still loves me. or is it serious?

 

And my question is:Are you serious??

 

You already know she's sleeping with someone else and still want to be with her??Now OR the future?Aren't you worried it's going to happen again in the future too if you two are together then?Happened once so why not again?

 

Have some self-worth and never ever speak to her again.You deserve better.

 

Dollars to donuts this guy has been around for quite a while now.

 

I know it sucks but it's done man..

[jonsnuh]

So me and my ex girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up 4 weeks ago. She loves me and sees us having a future together, but just isnt happy right now and doesnt want to rely on me for her happiness, or anyone else for that matter. She said she wasnt leaving me for someone else. We have both gone to uni and i noticed an immediate change in her.

 

I immediately went into no contact and she messaged me at the 3 week stage. I replied. She then text again a week later and i didnt reply.

 

Long story short we met up today and she says that she loves me but isnt in love with me. She has found a new guy within the first and is sleeping with him already! Something she would never do before. She says she would get back with me but is scared she would feel the same in a few months, which i totally agree with. She understands we cant be friends right now.

She said that she thinks i am the one in her future and we will be together again one day as she doesnt see her long term future without me in it. But right now she has to do this which i totally understand. She is young and is obviously showing some signs of Gigs. I knew the break up was coming from a few weeks before so it wasnt a shock to me

 

My question is, is this guy a rebound as she still loves me. or is it serious?

 

I have heard from a few female friends of mine that some women think they can date again within a month after a breakup. YMMV, of course.

 

This is a done deal. Don't give her the assurance that you can be played again, by being a safety net for her.

 

Treat any possibility of her coming back with the probability of 0. She will decide if and when to come back. You do not need to lower your expectations for anyone.

[jordanr1994]

Thanks guys

I know i need to move on and what she has done to me isnt fair

She was crying when she said this stuff and i truly believed her

Horrible thing is she was so in love with me for 2 years and i took advantage of that. Oh how the tables turn

Im looking forward to start dating again though.

[Intheweeds]

I'm on the dumped side of this deal right now. We have been married 4 years with a toddler and the greener grass is 700 miles away. This thread gives some good insight, but it's hard to deal with knowing that the grass isn't usually greener for a child with one parent out of the picture.

[Thatoneguy22]

Holy Sh** how similar our stories are, I'm telling you right now its best to move on I've been exactly where you are same reasons I was dumped. Do you and you will reach that stage of indifference eventually I'm 5 months post break up and reached that stage, trust me you will be alright! Don't wait around and be her doormat you deserve a hell of a lot better.

 

 

 

So me and my ex girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up 4 weeks ago. She loves me and sees us having a future together, but just isnt happy right now and doesnt want to rely on me for her happiness, or anyone else for that matter. She said she wasnt leaving me for someone else. We have both gone to uni and i noticed an immediate change in her.

 

I immediately went into no contact and she messaged me at the 3 week stage. I replied. She then text again a week later and i didnt reply.

 

Long story short we met up today and she says that she loves me but isnt in love with me. She has found a new guy within the first and is sleeping with him already! Something she would never do before. She says she would get back with me but is scared she would feel the same in a few months, which i totally agree with. She understands we cant be friends right now.

She said that she thinks i am the one in her future and we will be together again one day as she doesnt see her long term future without me in it. But right now she has to do this which i totally understand. She is young and is obviously showing some signs of Gigs. I knew the break up was coming from a few weeks before so it wasnt a shock to me

 

My question is, is this guy a rebound as she still loves me. or is it serious?

[Ameee]

I am going through this with my fiancé that I have been with for 8 yrs and have a 6yr old together. Unfortunately I did all the wrong things, but at the same time he was having an emotional affair w someone at work that has now turned physical. He still has no clue what he wants, and I am heartbroken. I thought I was fighting for my family, but I know I just pushed him further away. I realized too late what was going on. I plan on leaving my home on Monday to move in w my parents to let him be and allow myself to move forward. Of course in my heart I hope he comes back to me, but I know it's unlikely. Live and you learn.

[hurts2death]

these times you must stand strong. the storm will pass.i v been there trust me it gets easier. go as much nc as you can and as hard as it seems ignore him and start loving renewing yourself.down the path you will start feeling freedom inside you.

 

-john

I am going through this with my fiancé that I have been with for 8 yrs and have a 6yr old together. Unfortunately I did all the wrong things, but at the same time he was having an emotional affair w someone at work that has now turned physical. He still has no clue what he wants, and I am heartbroken. I thought I was fighting for my family, but I know I just pushed him further away. I realized too late what was going on. I plan on leaving my home on Monday to move in w my parents to let him be and allow myself to move forward. Of course in my heart I hope he comes back to me, but I know it's unlikely. Live and you learn.

[hurts2death]

anyway the grass aint greener and that real. even more true is that most of the times the grass is thin or not even there. it is just plane dirt and debris.

 

i know .

[m21]

hi, my girlfriend of 1 year and 2 months broke up with me recently, and i feel i should do the whole NC thing, but we are both in the same 'friendship group' at college (we are both 17 and at the same sixth-form college), so we often still both sit with the group, making NC pretty hard. In addition to this, we both get the same bus and so i have to see her most mornings and afternoons before and after college. We were very close before, and we were eachothers first loves, so this is very hard for me, and really seems like it was G.IG.S., as most of the things you mentioned are true for this, with the exception of a few. Any advice on how i should approach all of this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance for any replies.

Edited April 24, 2014 by m21

[MayaKey]

Im so grateful for finding this forum and this thread in particular. I heard GIGS term maybe 3 times in my life as English isnt my primary language but since OP totally describes my situation I know now its not some joke. Wish I found this place earlier.....

Similar things happened to me....got a txt msg while at work: Im sorry M im not madly in love with but I still would like to be able to hang out and play chess.

I didnt know what he meant by this. Then he called we need to talk face to face. I cried asking why now? When I have so much stuff going on (i have a son, went to college, worked..) He said why wont we look for people we want to spend the rest of our lives together. I said: i thought we were those people...

His excuses and explanations didnt make sense.....like what? He offered me a 'friendship' I was laughing my butt off....A friendship? yeah that would definitely make his guilt smaller so he can sleep peacefully. I cried for three day then developed panic attacks....Went to see the doctor and ended up on anti depressants...feeling good already after only 3 weeks....We have been together for approximately 15 months..he moved to Seattle from FL to help his father with construction company but it was rough at the beginning and I was very supportive to him. I January i got a call at 3am from him saying that he went to buy crystal meth and from some shemale (yuck).....i gave him pain pills after that (that I got from my dentist) to help him through 'detox' and BS.....then we had serious talks about his self destructive behavior (at age 37 he hasnt accomplished much...lives with his dad....20k in debts...uses dads car lol)...I accepted him with all his flaws and problems...but just like OP mentioned no signs of breaking up coming up.....we argued a few times about silly things and generally got along great..shared lots of same views....complaining about same things...we both had good sense of humor etc...I worried about him and offered him Wellbutrin which I got from my MD for smoking ceasation and he started taking it...things changed for him.....he got ton of energy....instead of being dellusional about his new career he dedicated himself completely to work and running his father's company... I was really happy to see those positive changes as I though it could only make our relationship better. But this didnt happen ( i cant even remember how many hours I spent researching and reading about Wellbutrin and changes it may bring into life including relationships)....he said he started to look at other women and we would end up with him cheating on me. I said ooo thats great, maybe that would be easier to swallow the cheating factor than this GIGS thingy Anyway there was no major fight, no cheating, we dont date other people or even plan to....Im still recovering and very surprised how well...I just focus on myself as I realized I was ' A Woman who Loved Too Much' (I read this book a week ago). We used to spend a few evenings together at the beginning and many weeks with just one day a week. Few days ago he helped me with some errands and even got me a pepper spray and a stun gun as I mentioned an incident on my patio late at night....

Wish I just disappeared after the break up...well now I do No more contacts...I think GIGS folks might just want to make themselves feel better by helping the dumpee :)I dont even know if Id take him back after 6 months cause its a long time and I wont probably care as much as I do now.. O well....Once again thank you all for this long thread. I'll be still reading as im on page 20

[Luua]

It happened to my ex boyfriend as well. I'm sure of that.

We had been together for 2.5 years, had to face 1 year LDR and everything was fine till he graduated. Suddenly went back to his parents' place and dumped me out of the blue.

He knew the next step would be moving together as we both live in different countries, and I know he wanted to test the waters with other people before getting committed, he was scared as sh*t.

 

2 months after the break up and I still don't get the main reason why he left. He told me thousands... (the most repeated word: "freedom"). He seemed totally confused and I could see that he was still in love, but I saw his fear of "missing out something".

 

Moreover, he's been throwing breadcrumbs over and over again, and switched his mood from angry to victimizer to friendly guy. He's driving me crazy and I don't know how to let him go. I keep thinking he'll go back, then realize he won't, then hink he might, then I get a crumb, then I go back mentally to square one even when I never broke NC.

 

I just want this pain to go away, it will destroy me.

[asanch]

Hi my name is Al and im not even sure this is G.I.G.S...i want to know if it is

 

here is my devastating story....

 

I have been in a 4 year relationship and was engaged and this ended yesterday very ugly....We had a great relationship no real problems that couldn't be work out, very healthy relationship. after about 2 1/2 year we got engaged everyone was super happy. the last couple of months we have been fighting n bickering about stupid things that i cant even think of...I am guilty of one thing that i see now in hindsight... basically she would tell me she did not think i was fully committed. she would tell me that she felt lonely. the fault I had is that I was very comfortable in the relationship and basically just shrugged it off as whatever or didn't think to much about it.. as time pasted she started going out with her new GF from work and thats when I began to see the change...at first it didn't bother me; but soon I began to see she would dismiss me for her going out with her GF..still she told me she loves me and could not wait for us to spend our lives together...the bickering for senseless things continued...and she began to go out more and more....we would still go out but....she would always have several plans with her new GF planned throughout the week..At this point I felt I was losing her which was about 2 weeks ago....Now i felt she was not as committed as before....last thursday we spent the day at the beach we had lunch and she stated"babe i know were going through a ruff time but we can get through this, our love is that strong"...the day ended great...the next couple of days feeling our relationship was on the edge I totally committed to her every need, talking about how awesome its gonna be when we are married ...about 48 hours later she started stating that she was confused, she doesn't know what she wants,,,she thinks she needs time to fix herself, but she is sure she wants to be together she loves me and that we are definitely getting married..that was this past saturday May 3, 2014...on sunday the next day we had lunch everything seemed ok but she was slightly distant at lunch i told her we should go out tonight have some fun and talk about things she stated she had plans to have dinner with her GF, i said don't you think with what is going on with us we should get together she said lets get together in the morning then go to the beach... not thinking much of it i said fine.....

HERE COMES THE BOMB

the next morning which was yesterday cinco de mayo 2014 I got to her house very early about 7 AM....here comes the kicker she wasn't home...called her phone was off....text her hey its your fiance where the f are you...no reply...

contacted her GF she stated that after dinner she hung with another GF about 30 min later she drives in dresses from the night before didn't answer the phone cus battery was dead (they were i checked LOL). but she told me she stayed at the house of the GF i spoke to which was a lie.... she was basically dismissing me like if she didn't care i confronted her strongly and told her i knew she wasn't there...then she refused to speak with me like if i was someone she had never know finally she admitted she was with another man and said it was my fault for pushing her that way.... all the while just telling me to leave to get out of her house....she was being a bitch from He!!...i took my engagement ring which she handed over quickly i said a couple thing i didn't mean out of spite grabbed my pride and got out of dodge....... I am devastated as you can imagine...its only been 24 HR of course I am doing no contact....but just 2 HR ago she sent this ""I am very sorry i hurt you, I never wanted to get to this ugly place she said if her heart was100% she would have never started going out as much with her new GF, im tired of feeling lonely n depressed i believe everything happens for a reason i need to focus on myself i never felt you were totally committed to me and only you know the reason for that...she continue to state that she was super hurt she wishes this had never happened she loves me i am a great guy with a heart of gold and awesome BF she says she will be fine hopes that i will be OK is truly sorry loves and will always love me no matter what....anyway very long text but no apology for cheated....so i feel she doesn't care i am very hurt and numb.....but did not respond to text.....i need advise on my situation I don't think i can take her back but 4 years and an engagement is hard to just let go.... do you think this was GIGS ....just need advise i do love her....thanks