"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[61IMPALA]

You will get over it soon. Immaturity is not attractive. The more i hear about my ex and her exploits, or when a friend shows me her social media, the more i realize she is regressing into a high school drama queen. They need something to fill a hole in their life...it was us for a while, now (depending on the person) its liquor, partying, casual sex, living raunchy....why do we need that?

[JimmyWeezy]

You will get over it soon. Immaturity is not attractive. The more i hear about my ex and her exploits, or when a friend shows me her social media, the more i realize she is regressing into a high school drama queen. They need something to fill a hole in their life...it was us for a while, now (depending on the person) its liquor, partying, casual sex, living raunchy....why do we need that?

 

I just hope, one day he'll see the light and realize how stupid he was....

[61IMPALA]

Yeah i hoped so too...until i realized its not worth my time. I went through a period of intense emotions, wondering what she id doing, why she left me for a teenager when she said she didnt want a relationship, why she is doing drugs, why she is drinking, why she is hanging out with high school children when she is 20...then i realized, wow...i dont care honestly. Why waste my time waiting for some epiphany she may never have? it hurts to think about at first, but most likely they may never feel remorse...and if they do chances are they may not tell you about it. Focus on you...focus on bettering yourself....then someday a new person may walk into your life even better than before...or maybe your ex comes rushing back..but the importance here is to love yourself before you can love again.

[RobertV]

Hi everyone! I made a thread for my issue and got some great feedback. I wanted to post a short version on here because I feel my problem relates a lot to the theme of this topic(hope thats okay).

 

Unlike most in this thread, I'm the one who is thinking about ending the relationship. We're both 22 and have been together for about 6years. For the past few years things have felt great. I enjoy spending time with her and cared for her. Recently we got into a fight and decided there was a few things we needed to work on. Shes been really good about it and I told her I would try my best to get things back to how they were(Sorta where I left the last thread at)

 

Sadly I haven't felt it at all. I dont feel as happy around her and spending time feels more like a chore. I know that sounds horrible and believe me, I feel like crap about the whole thing. She's the one person I would hate to hurt, but I can't shake these feelings. Would you say this is more of a GIGS maybe related to me being so young? How do i know the difference between that and just falling out of love? I don't want her to be with her feeling like this as it isn't fair to her at all, however, I'm not completely against the idea of trying to get those feelings back. Any thoughts?

[SycamoreCircle]

I think it's very mature of you to be self-aware of these feelings and want to face them directly by seeking advice and guidance.

 

Love is a choice, not a feeling.

 

I think that if you tell your partner everything you feel, the two of you can come to a decision that is right for the both of you. Maybe you need time apart. If your partner reacts in an unpleasing way to what you tell them, then communicate that. Try to be as open about what you are feeling and experiencing, as possible. I think you have a good head start.

 

It's also possible that a new level of emotional openness and communication could take the relationship to a whole new level.

[Believe1982]

Guys,

 

I have my problem posted on another thread but was told this could be GIGS.

I am in utter pain right now and haven't eaten in 6 days...I need to know if I have done the right thing by NC. I miss him so bad and wish he would come back!!

 

Hi All,

 

Help!!

 

Please bare with me, like many others - mine is a long story.

Myself and my ex bf began going out 6 years ago and took it very slow from the start, he told me 6 months in that he had C.F. At the time, I was unaware of the illness so did some research and got quite scared by some of the info the internet produced (bad move on my part) things that were turn was that the life expectancy is approx 37-40 (put with medical advances is getting better) however the quality of life isn't great with daily meds / physio and frequent hospital stays. Also, with male C.F if you want children you can only try the IVF route. At 6 months, (I was 26 and he was 25) I had to make the horrible decision to commit for my future (if I wanted kids could I deal with my partner dying young etc). Of course, I kept all this to myself but the more we stayed together the more I knew I loved him and wanted to stay and support him. I always said I loved him no matter what. I went o every appointment in the hospital with him, never looked at him as a C.F person just a person I loved. I even slept on a bean bag beside his single bed one night putting cold towels on his head and rubbing his back as he threw up. Therefore, the fact that he dumped me last week has me devastated as 'some' of his reasons seem to be that he was unsure that the relationship was one he could commit to! I'll rewind abit.

 

Up until this past xmas things were perfect with us, we never fought and always had a loving, fun and passionate relationship. I decided to go back to college for 2 years last september and we had to put off moving in together for this reason (with the plans of moving in together this sept and then travelling together next year). Then last xmas, I got a call from his mom(he lives in a small house with his parents and 4 siblings) that he had some kind of freak out (break down) and of course I was there for him after. Since Jan of this year until now, he has been growing increasingly negative and like I'm walking on egg shells around him (he gives out about not being able to stand living at home, not having a car, missing out on all the things he should've done in his 20s and hating his job that he works at part time). I am a positve person and I thought since we are togther so long and have been through tougher times (c.f) that we'd work through it.

 

Anyways, he started saying he is bringing me down but the next minute saying he is he treating me like crap and taking me for granted. Then 2 months ago, he says I was his *first* and follows it up 10 mins later with the fact that he is tempted by other girls.

I have noticed the past few months he is playing with his band more and going drinking with other friends too (when he complains that we don't see each other enough). Then the Monday before we break up he said says he is making me unhappy and we don't spend enough time together and we should take a break for afew weeks/months. I reason with him and say when we move in together in sept that will help (not seeing each other much) and he agreed. The I ask to meet Thursday (my gran's funeral day) evening at bar in the city. The second he walks in I just know he is goina end it. He says that he is not happy at the moment with living at home, his job and his life. He say he needs to live by himself before living with me ( eh, after 6 years together he can't commit when i HAD TO MAKE THAT DECISION TO COMMIT 6 MONTHS IN). I say ok if he needs to live along and sort his head but we can still be together and he can lean on me but he says no, that he can't be in a relationship at the mo. Maybe in afew weeks or months if we are meant to be we will come back together stronger than ever. We both cried. I didn't beg.

I hugged him and said I hoped he found his happiness and that I would miss my best friend. **Note - the physically side of the relationship never dwindled.

I walked away and was in bits. I have NOT contacted him since that Thursday night (6 days ago) as I thought I didn't want rejection and have learned harsh lessons in my younger relationships (I'm 31 now).

 

However, 2 days ago I was out with my cousin and got home at 1 am and checked my emails (as normal). I had gotten a mail from him (ex) 4 hours earlier (830pm) with no text just a youtube video on how to learn a language in 6 months - he knows I've been teaching myself spanish the past while. I DID NOT reply but was very upset and confused by it. He hasn't contacted since.

I miss him like crazy but I'm finding it so hard to move on. We had planned to move to Canada next year but sadly I will be making this move alone

 

Any advice very welcome guys?

Peace n Love

xxx

[incog]

Hi Homebrew,

 

I am so so broken. Could you please have a look at my story and advice why she did it? Thanks

 

My gf recently broke up with me after being 2 years in a relationship with me.

 

We first met at our workplace as co-worker. We worked together for about 2 weeks and then she went to another branch where she used to work . She used to pop in to our branch once in a while and used to come directly to me and talk. I never looked at her with the intention to be in a relationship with her. One evening she came to our branch and it was really busy and she approached me and we talked for a min. Then she asked me if I want to meet her someday and I was in an awkward situation as how to say no so I said yes and she gave me her number.

 

Out of niceness I messaged her one day asking how's she so that she doesn't feel ignored. I would like to mention she was not from UK but from an European country while I was a south Asian Muslim. He didn't had any friend as she was not social-able type but was very nice as a human being.

 

She replied me back and we started chatting and sometimes talking over the phone. She was very shy but always showed much interest in me. I was the one who was avoiding her in a polite manner as I didn't want to be in a relation with a non-Muslim. We continued chatting and talking and became good friends. Suddenly she went back home and started a course there. So we were totally out of touch for 8/9 months. I was not bothered as I saw her as a friend only. One day I received call and found out she came to London few hours ago and she called my branch and I was off and spoke with one of my manager whom she knows and after she called me and we spoke and like before she was giving me hints that she likes me and want serious relationship with me. She was never in a relationship before neither was I.

 

So we met and started speaking over the phone. We became really good friends as we use to share almost anything and everything. She used to ask me if she converts am i gonna marry her this and that and I used to avoid answering them. Time went by I started liking her more than a friend and after 3 months I told her on her birthday I am in love with her. She was over the moon, her face was glowing and she was overjoyed.

 

Our relationship continued and after 3 months we went back home to start her 2nd year. We were basically in a long distance relationship and she used to come 2/3 times in London a year and used to stay with her sister's family for like 4 to 5 weeks each time of her visit. She used to wassup me all day long 6 in the morning till i go to bed. She had only 2/3 friends and all female. I was never worried about the fact that she might see someone there while she was with me as I never looked at any girls or wanted to talk or flirt as my heart and all my love was for her only. She was so series. One year went successfully with few little fights. She used to fight with me all the time on one issue only and that was i sometimes used to reply late like 10/12 mins late. I used to live with my friends sometimes we were watching tv or cooking or discussing things and that used to make me late to reply her but not more than 10/15 mins. And she was so so so short tempered and used to get angry in second. there were days like when she got any 8/10 times and I used to convince her thinking that she is the love of my life and if I react and get angry who will calm us down. I rarely used to reach and she used to acknowledge that and used to say sorry but her biggest enemies was my friends. She never liked them. My friends are with me since I am 7 and I don't have much only 5. She used to say i am giving more time them and I tried to explain her she lives in another country if she was here I would have been with her most of the times. Only problem with her was she never liked anyone around me and wanted all my time for her only. I am a student and I work and it's very difficult to ignore everyone.

 

But still I made effort and tried to convey to my friends indirectly by getting out of touch at times, they were my best mates but only for her happiness i did it. Time went by I used to spend all my days at like 5 days of a week with her after work I used to meet her almost everyday whenever she stayed in London and we used to go for walks, shopping, eating, cinema etc.

 

We used to fight a lot but she used to start that and at times she used to say sometimes she asks for too much not material wise but time wise. I did everything to keep her happy. As I am Muslim when we started our relation I made it very clear to her that she has to convert and she agreed happily and told me she will do anything for my happiness. I told her she can take things slowly as I dont expect her to learn everything as we come from two different parts of the world and most importantly 2 different religion. I am a practicing Muslim thus I never wanted to be in a relation before marriage but after getting to know her I became very weak and fall in love and thought life does not give too many chances and as she is a wonderful girl who is so so so caring and loving I will regret if I lose her and so proposed her.

 

Things were going smooth. She came in London this end of this March (2014) but we had a big of fight at the start of March and on mutual understanding we broke up to some extent. A week went and I was completely broken and I realized how much i love her and won't be able to live without. So I started texting her after 5 days after trying so much not to contact her. She said she cried a lot and we patch up again. I was so happy.

 

Then end of March came and she came to London. Just to mention she was very stubborn so was I but I used to sacrifice my stubbornness only for her happiness but with other I was stubborn.

Every time she used to come in early weekday mornings and as I start work from 7 in the morning I rarely went to receive her from the airport but this time she came on a Sunday so I told her I will come to receive her and she said no because I jokingly said once" ooh I won't be able to sleep this Sunday morning because of you" and she too it seriously. I was only teasing her and got furious and said no. I insisted so many times that i will come but she was adamant. So i gave up fearing if i go to receive her out of anger she will create scene in the airport so I went to see her in the evening and she was angry and didn't text me after reaching home. i woke up late and immediately texted her and called her realizing I was in trouble. She didn't replied to both. I got tensed thinking if she was ok and so texted her elder sis asking if she reached home safely and sister said yes and she is sleeping . I left text saying i will come in the evening to see her and trust me I was so happy as i will gonna see her in the evening, i was over the moon. We meet she was upset and told me I could have surprised her but i told i was scared if she reacted badly but also realizing I did a mistake, I had a chance to surprise her.

 

2 weeks went we had small fights but its was ok. I loved her madly and she was in deep love as well. Then we had this big fight and i didn't meet her for a week. She took the step we break the ice and approached her as I knew she loves me so she wont be able to stay anger for long as this is the case with me. She told me she wanted to see spider man movie so I booked tickets for us in her favorite cinema hall a week later. Just before 3 days to the cinema we fought on something that i dont like when she does and knowing that she did it on purpose so I left her in the middle of the street and didn't even looked back, put my phone on silent and didn't answer her call. She called many times. the following day I cancelled the tickets as I was extremely angry and informed her. We didn't talk for another 2/3 days and I found from her fb we went alone to see it and I was angry but than consoled myself thinking she was so eager to see it and that's y she went and I may have overreacted. 10/12 days went by we were fine and she went back home in April.

 

I was mentally and financially struggling for the last year and was finding it hard to finance my education. She was aware of all this and used to say we will get stable together don't worry. I used to feel so blessed to have a partner like her.

 

I am mentally depressed which she knew because of my financial condition. And off late I used to get angry quick and explained it to her many times to bear with me as she can see my financial situation. i was so depressed. I told her not to text me or call me for at least 2 days as I wanted to refresh my mind. 3 days passed by no text, 1 week went, 2 weeks went I got tensed the person who used to get restless if I didn't text her for an hour now didn't text me for 3 weeks. i texed her and said

sorry and asked why she didn't text back. She said she was busy and I was naive to believe in that as I was in blind love. She started texting me less and less and I was worried of losing her. And she stopped texting me. Finally after 10 days two months ago in the middle of May(2014) I called her to find out what was wrong and to my surprise she was extremely cold. She was not excited that i called her and at one point I asked her whatl exactly she thinks about us. She replied she don't see any future and I asked after almost 2 years she just realised and also asked if it means its over for her, she said seems like I was so angry I said ok and hung up thinking we fought so many times in the past so its one of them things. but little did I know it was over for her.

 

I consoled my heart saying she wasn't in my fate and our differences due to culture, religion were the reasons and said myself if she is happy I am happy too.

 

But in this two months from May until today I regularly visit her fb to see her face despite she deleted me from her friends list after that call. Only 5 days ago she changed her profile pic and uploaded a pic with a guy holding his waist and i felt the whole sky was over me. I was paralyzed by seeing that. I went to that guys profile and found out they were in relation since april this year. I received the shock of my life. She was with me in this april in London but she started speaking with that guy from her city who lives here. i couldn't believe my eyes.

 

I texted her asking why she cheated on me while i loved her with all my heart. She didn't reply back I left about 13 messages to which she replied thrice and asked to not to bother her.

 

I keep wondering why she did this to me. i asked her Y, she didn't answer. I still love her but she cheated me.

 

What do you think y she cheated on me despite giving all those sweet and love talks and chasing me for almost 1 and half years before we started our relation. I am completely broken now and don't know what to do.

 

Why do you think she did it? I asked her it didn't happen overnight, she didn't went with that guy overnight, she started talking with him with the intention to cheat me but y she didn't tell me when she was here in April?

Edited July 17, 2014 by incog

[RobertV]

I think it's very mature of you to be self-aware of these feelings and want to face them directly by seeking advice and guidance.

 

Love is a choice, not a feeling.

 

I think that if you tell your partner everything you feel, the two of you can come to a decision that is right for the both of you. Maybe you need time apart. If your partner reacts in an unpleasing way to what you tell them, then communicate that. Try to be as open about what you are feeling and experiencing, as possible. I think you have a good head start.

 

It's also possible that a new level of emotional openness and communication could take the relationship to a whole new level.

 

Thank you! i really appreciate the advice. I suppose its just difficult for me to shake these feelings, but at the same time its hard to let go of the relationship knowing I might be going through the GIGS.

[Griesfootball]

Didn't read every page of course so I had a question: how long does this typically last?

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Didn't read every page of course so I had a question: how long does this typically last?

 

This is what I hate about the term "grass is greener"

 

I get the feeling many think that this is just some "fad" that they will grow out of and realize you were the right one all along.

 

Not the case at all. Yeah, some people are ALWAYS on the search of finding something or someone else. Some feel the grass is greener somewhere else, but never "leave that lawn" again.

 

I get the term and meaning behind "GIGS" and there is truth to it....but I feel many on here REALLY want to label an ex with this term because that means there is a chance they come back to them. It's easier to digest because it gives the dumpee hope.

[Timpye]

A long term relationship ex possibly with gigs new relationship lasted less than a week. I'm never going to be the one to reach out to her first again, it would be far to painful. But chances of her feeling any regret, or contacting me?

[mada10593]

Long story short,(I was 19 she is 17) I was left for another guy. She thought it was thrilling and fun of something new. We were together 3 years. This guy was an opposite of me really and was new to her. He had talked to her in the past but nothing serious. I let her do it all without issue, thats key, let them make their possible mistake. Do no control them, let it happen. For a month after the break up, I would try to talk, heart broken of course. I finally realized after a month I couldn't do that to myself anymore. I went straight NC with her, without mentioning I was going too. I counted day by day, week by week, how long we weren't talking. Until one night something beyond me and her, I couldn't sleep until 5 am thinking about her. Little did I realize it was a full month that next day we hadn't talked. After I finally woke up, I had received a text. I was brought to tears not knowing what to do, simply asking How I was doing and I didnt have to reply. I waited the whole day contemplating what I was going to do. I texted her, kept it short, I could tell she wanted more. Next day we talked more and more, catching up. She was still with her current BF I will add. I learned she was struggling, she wouldn't say because she missed me. Just that she was crying everyday now and that she thought I was the only one that could help. We decided to meet up on a Friday night just to talk. No kissing, no hugging, just smiles and a 3 hour conversation before we both realized it was 1am with her parents calling her to get home. Through the next month she was still with this guy, I still did not know what was going to happen. I would time my texts every couple days, knowing what we had was special. We would talk and talk, everything clicked. Another full month later, she broke up with the guy. She wanted back with me. I told her not so easy, I need some time to think. I took 2-3 weeks of casually talking to her. Finally, I told her I'll accept her back because she met my criteria 1. Admit a mistake and 2. Apologize. We kept on the DL for a few months, then finally things got back to normal 4 months of sneaking around. Now, literally a full year when she broke things off with me. We are stronger then ever knowing what we have is once in a life time type of love. She is off to college now, short hour drive. She wanted to go to my school but knew she would spend too much time with me. We have already laid out plans on when to see each other, I know college is an area of change and growth, but people can do it together too. Anyone suffering a GIGS situation, there is hope. But do not rely on this for an answer, every situation is different, and you have to think long and hard if there were any compatibility issues or not. IF your relationship was true love, it will work out in the end.

[Niko]

Not sure if it's the case but take a look on my story please

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/487196-sick-situation

[Griesfootball]

Long story short,(I was 19 she is 17) I was left for another guy. She thought it was thrilling and fun of something new. We were together 3 years. This guy was an opposite of me really and was new to her. He had talked to her in the past but nothing serious. I let her do it all without issue, thats key, let them make their possible mistake. Do no control them, let it happen. For a month after the break up, I would try to talk, heart broken of course. I finally realized after a month I couldn't do that to myself anymore. I went straight NC with her, without mentioning I was going too. I counted day by day, week by week, how long we weren't talking. Until one night something beyond me and her, I couldn't sleep until 5 am thinking about her. Little did I realize it was a full month that next day we hadn't talked. After I finally woke up, I had received a text. I was brought to tears not knowing what to do, simply asking How I was doing and I didnt have to reply. I waited the whole day contemplating what I was going to do. I texted her, kept it short, I could tell she wanted more. Next day we talked more and more, catching up. She was still with her current BF I will add. I learned she was struggling, she wouldn't say because she missed me. Just that she was crying everyday now and that she thought I was the only one that could help. We decided to meet up on a Friday night just to talk. No kissing, no hugging, just smiles and a 3 hour conversation before we both realized it was 1am with her parents calling her to get home. Through the next month she was still with this guy, I still did not know what was going to happen. I would time my texts every couple days, knowing what we had was special. We would talk and talk, everything clicked. Another full month later, she broke up with the guy. She wanted back with me. I told her not so easy, I need some time to think. I took 2-3 weeks of casually talking to her. Finally, I told her I'll accept her back because she met my criteria 1. Admit a mistake and 2. Apologize. We kept on the DL for a few months, then finally things got back to normal 4 months of sneaking around. Now, literally a full year when she broke things off with me. We are stronger then ever knowing what we have is once in a life time type of love. She is off to college now, short hour drive. She wanted to go to my school but knew she would spend too much time with me. We have already laid out plans on when to see each other, I know college is an area of change and growth, but people can do it together too. Anyone suffering a GIGS situation, there is hope. But do not rely on this for an answer, every situation is different, and you have to think long and hard if there were any compatibility issues or not. IF your relationship was true love, it will work out in the end.

 

So did you wait on her or did you talk to other girls? I have a fear of waiting for something that will never happen. I am the same age as you.

[hurts2death]

welcome to the club

[NG107]

I was in a relationship with a girl for almost 1 year and we were too close and we used to believe we are made for each other but then I had to dump her for a month because she becoming too clingy at the time my father was hospitalized because of lung disease. I assured her that I am all hers, still this was not enough for her. One day, she became violent on me. I told her to go away. Then for couple of days she apologized, but because of the irritation and heat of the moment, I did not forgive her. Some days after I told her that she should move on. She wrote me a letter which said "she has made a decision that I am the one. And she believes everything will fall in its place, she will wait"

 

A month passed, then I calmed down. And I felt like we shouldn't have broken up. I told her clearly I want her back. She said she needs time but everything will be alright. She assured me that she will take time and everything will be alright with time.

 

We started going out again, dating again, everything was so romantic and so beautiful. She went for Dubai trip with her college friends. She texted me from there that she missed me too much she wished if I were with her there. Infact, she used to tell her friends there that I am keeping our picture as my Display Picture on whatsapp and Kik. She used to brag about me sometimes.

 

But when she was back from that trip, I could feel that she was a bit distant from me, and with time there came a fear in me of losing her. So I asked her whats going on and she pulled the card, that we are just dating, we arent committed. After this incident I became too clingy for couple of days. She told me to give her time and she will come back to me on her own. I gave her time like a week. I could sense that she was having freedom plus me with her. She suddenly started blaming me that I bind her. I dont give her breathing space. All of the excuses came out of no where. She was the one who used to take me everywhere with her. And suddenly she told me that she cant take me everywhere. I was devastated.

 

I got mixed signals from her side. And this on-off thing went on for 5 months now. Everytime I tell her not to contact me if she doesnt want relationship, still she contacts me every couple of week or maximum a month. And then pulls the friends card. Last time I implemented NC for 1 month. She started calling me from 28th day, but I ignored her for a week. Then on my birthday she texted my brother "I doesn't have guts towish NG107 his birthday. Wish him all the best of this world."

 

Then I felt I should contact her. Since then, she used to text me whenever she wanted. She bought a Tee for me. she wanted to meet me. But when I asked why you want to meet, she said "just like that".

 

In between all of these, she gives me mixed signals like "i miss you" then she texts me one night at 1:00 am with a pet name she used to call me. She said her parents wont have problem with us. They will approve us. Her blood brother will also approve us. (Why would a girl discus such things if she doesnt want a future with a guy)

 

She told her best friend, that she doesnt want anything but she wants friendship. And I dont want friendship with her. If she really wanted friendhship, why would she bother to call me by my pet name, say she misses me,discuss with me that her parents will approve us and her brother will too. She hasent removed our photos from facebook, she still wears my wristwstch which she took from me.

 

I really feel she still loves me, but I would be dumb enough to feel so. Everytime I have told her not to contact me she still finds a way. I have implemented NC for 5 times. First 3 times for a weeK. 4th time for a month. And 5th time since yesterday.

 

I love her, but she talks with me when she wants to. How she wants to and takes me for granted. Romance is gone. she doesnt care whats going in my life. And I dont know what should I do.

 

Help. Thanks guys in advance.

[Niko]

Can you take a look on my story?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/487196-sick-situation

[WorryGirl]

I don't like this thread. I don't believe what it's telling people to do, feel, think etc.

 

Sometimes there is no correct way to break up with someone. There is no acceptable or ethical way to break somebody's heart. The grass is never greener, not ever. If you believe that it is then you're not allowing yourself happiness. So many people go on to search for bigger and better things, neglecting that everything they ever wanted and needed was already right there in front of them.

 

If you're experiencing this so called 'grass is greener syndrome' and considering pegging it off to pastures new, then you are basically an idiot. Open your eyes. Stand back and smell the roses. Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans.

[Davidlarsson]

Yeah so all this is so true when it came to my ex. She has told me she want to talk about the breakup but right now she can't because she's to "hurt" and blablabla.. but still been sending me random messages on facebook. Im thinking of copying the first post in this thread and tell her I understand why it happened and how come she acted like she did. Do you think it's a good idea?

[Mythodea]

I wasn't even aware that such thing as GIGS existed, but after reading the first post, I think that is exactly what happened to my relationship.

 

We're both 24 years old and she broke up with me three months ago after almost four years of being together. We had marriage in the back of our minds but we were not considering it anytime soon.

 

However, I can identify a commitment problem. She is from a different country so for three years (while we were still in college) what we would do is she would come to my country and stay with me for about 1-2 months during vacations and then we both would go back to school for the semester. Then back again to living with each other 1-2 months after the semester ended and then back to school apart from each other again.

 

But this time around it was different, we both graduated from college last year so we thought she could finally move in with me for good, and so we did. We lived together for about 6 months before she broke up with me. There were several reasons why she broke up with me but one of the main ones was that she felt she was "wasting her youth" since we fell into a monotonous time where we would no longer go out, or party, or do anything exciting, just sit at home and each minding its own business with some ocasional activities together... we sort of hit that dull moment in the relationship and I guess she didn't want to stay committed to someone who wasn't giving her the fun she wanted even when I did for more than three years and this was the first time we had hit this wall of monotony and dull routine. She said she needed to be happy again.

 

So she broke up with me and two weeks later began dating someone else. She moved to an apartment of her own with a roomate and of course all she has been doing is partying, going out, drinking, going to work hungover, she began smoking (which she had never done), going on weekend trips, meeting people and just "enjoying her youth".

 

As the first post says, I really didn't see it coming. I knew we had some problems and that she was uncomfortable with some situations, but never ever did I imagine it was something of this magnitude, and she never told me so.

 

She also mentioned the part where she said her feelings for me had changed. That she suddenly realized she hadn't been feeling the same way about me for some months now and that she tried to do things that she used to do to respark the feeling but it just didn't come back.

 

And yes, when she broke up with me she said she wanted to take some time and that we would then see if we would get back together or not. Of course that never came around since she fell in love with her new and fun life and lost all interest in getting back together with me.

 

And yes again, like the post says, the last time we spoke we "agreed" that we are not necessarily over forever and that we might meet again in the future and give our relationship a second chance, and yes, she also implied she wanted me to move on because when she broke up with me she told me that "I should go out with someone else" (maybe she was just giving me "permission" to do it since she knew she was going to do just that).

 

I can't believe how much my story fits this syndrome that I haven't even heard about. But that gives me hope because if it's a common thing that happens, then that means there's probably a lot of information and help on how to handle it in order to get her back down the road.

 

Can anyone point me in the right direction please? I would greatly appreciate any help on how to proceed from now on.

 

Thank you!

Edited August 14, 2014 by Mythodea

[tornforever]

gigs does exist happened to me.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/489712-cheated-horrible-breakup-experience-need-heres-my-story#post5852010

[Moeconfused]

could use some advice, heres my quick backround my girlfriend of 4yrs we were eachothers first love been long distance the last 3 years becsause im in med school, my girlfriend broke up with me 5wks ago 2 days after i flew to be with her at her friends wedding and left me for a guy she met on vacation in which they spent the week together. After the usual begging/chasing she told me I'm wasting my time bc her and this new guy are in love and he's actually moving to her state to move in together and visited her right after the vacation and spent the 3 weeks there. She called me back two days later saying she was confused, not sure if she made right choice and she wasn't over me but tried to convince herself she was and couldn't really be in love with him that quick and still loves me but doesnt see a stable future together bc of religious and cultural differences. She said that they are still together though and taking it slow and not going to move in together and hopes she won't regret her decision forever bc she said she knew we were both truly in love bs , I told her she hurt me to much and we shouldn't be talking right now. I stupidly called her two days later and she said she was being stupid by calling me and that her and this new guy are in "love" and he's permanently moving to her state and she doesn't want anything to do with me. Ive been in no contact almost two weeks now. I know i deserve better than this.

 

what do you think is going through her head and the being in "love" and moving in already after a month bs?

 

Is it doomed to fail with them bc their moving so fast?

 

Think she'll try and get in touch with me anytime soon?

[polarissucks01]

I am also a victim to the grass is greener breakup. I was with my girlfriend for 5 years. She didnt have many friends, she was unemployed and bored at home. She found a guy and his mom at a local animal shelter she volunteered at. She ended up abruptly leaving me for him and moving in with him and his mother. She barely knows these people, but on the way out she did everything she could to blame me. Its been almost 2 months. I wasnt perfect, but I sure as heck tried to be the best to her I could be. I am not waiting around on her, but I still doubt in my heart that she could go to being my best friend and us talking and working through life together for 5 years to her just suddenly getting infatuated with him and having to move in with him and just leave me like I was a bad dream. Looking back, she was sorta needy and she was turning into her mother slowly but surely, and no one likes her mother. I guess it is kind of a blessing for me. 5 months ago, this girl loved me to the max. I was her everything. Now I sit here as an afterthought on her mind. Is she madly in love? She probably feels like it. Will I be here if she needs me when the infatuation is over? I dont think so.

[Liverpool Bloke]

GIGS???!!! More like H.R.U. or `haven`t grown up`. Why enter a relationship and then easily come to the conclusion that there are better looking and more successful people around than your partner that you may be more suitable for.Of course there will be better looking and more successful people around but will they love you as much or will they quite rightly see you as shallow and mixed up.I would.To make a commitment to a relationship means working hard at it,discuss changing appearance,hairstyle,clothes etc. if it helps,iron out any annoying habits.Running around with GIGS looking for Mr or Miss Perfect will just waste years of your life and lead to a lonely old age when realised nobody is perfect.

[Liverpool Bloke]

I am also a victim to the grass is greener breakup. I was with my girlfriend for 5 years. She didnt have many friends, she was unemployed and bored at home. She found a guy and his mom at a local animal shelter she volunteered at. She ended up abruptly leaving me for him and moving in with him and his mother. She barely knows these people, but on the way out she did everything she could to blame me. Its been almost 2 months. I wasnt perfect, but I sure as heck tried to be the best to her I could be. I am not waiting around on her, but I still doubt in my heart that she could go to being my best friend and us talking and working through life together for 5 years to her just suddenly getting infatuated with him and having to move in with him and just leave me like I was a bad dream. Looking back, she was sorta needy and she was turning into her mother slowly but surely, and no one likes her mother. I guess it is kind of a blessing for me. 5 months ago, this girl loved me to the max. I was her everything. Now I sit here as an afterthought on her mind. Is she madly in love? She probably feels like it. Will I be here if she needs me when the infatuation is over? I dont think so.

 

Great post,good for You,You deserve much better.