"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[aboucher21]

Thank you so much. It really helps talking to someone who has been where he is right now. Before our breakup he told me he needs to find himself and learn how to make himself happy and love himself. He said he knew who he was with me but it was hard understanding who he was without me. He felt like I was his only source of happiness. When you were experiencing g.i.g.s did you think about her everyday? Did you wonder what she was doing? I am going no contact (it is so hard though) and I am giving him his space. I know he is seeing someone else but I'm not letting it affect me. I'm keeping strong but I hope he is like you and one day realizes his loss. I just feel like I'm worth it to be chased and fought for and I feel like after 4 years together he would feel it to. Did you feel like you fell out of love with your partner and if you did what made you realize you didn't really fall out of love and that it was just the green grass syndrome that kicked in?

 

I'm glad to help. I'm trying to make something positive come out of this mess. Anyways, it was really weird how my feelings came back. They came back just as fast as they left. I saw her going out to a party with her friends and all of a sudden my protective and jealous instincts kinda kicked in and it felt like when we were first together. It was weird. Ever since then I've missed her. And it's funny you wish he will be like me because I wish you were like her haha. She moved on in a month and it's hard because I felt like I needed that time and it wasn't all that long. I just wish she would realize everything I've tried to do. Oh well. I'm not sure if I should forget about her or wait until school (college) to try to rekindle things.

[jessyy]

I'm glad to help. I'm trying to make something positive come out of this mess. Anyways, it was really weird how my feelings came back. They came back just as fast as they left. I saw her going out to a party with her friends and all of a sudden my protective and jealous instincts kinda kicked in and it felt like when we were first together. It was weird. Ever since then I've missed her. And it's funny you wish he will be like me because I wish you were like her haha. She moved on in a month and it's hard because I felt like I needed that time and it wasn't all that long. I just wish she would realize everything I've tried to do. Oh well. I'm not sure if I should forget about her or wait until school (college) to try to rekindle things.

 

This **** is so HARD haha. I think it will take me a good year or two to move on. I can't move on so fast. I had a LDR and that took me a year to get over. I forced myself to go on a date last week and I cried the whole way home. It just didn't feel right. It actually felt like I was cheating. I just wanted to go home to my ex and cuddle lol. It was the worst and it feels like every damn song on the radio is a depressing love song that is talking about my current situation. How long were you two together? Her moving on in a month is craziness, maybe she just wants you to fight for her? Or trying to bust your balls for what you did? Because if she really has moved on already that's weird and doubtful, in my opinion. I really hope he realizes he made a mistake... But then again maybe he won't because he will find greener grass!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! But then I think to myself I AM DA **** and I feel a little better lmao!! I just want him to be driving home one day and Jason Mra's song "When I Was Your Man" comes on the radio and then it hits him and he turns his car around and comes to my house up the driveway crying for me to come back to him cause he doesn't want any other man to snatch me up haha. BUT lets be honest.. that is never going to happen!! :lmao:

[aboucher21]

This **** is so HARD haha. I think it will take me a good year or two to move on. I can't move on so fast. I had a LDR and that took me a year to get over. I forced myself to go on a date last week and I cried the whole way home. It just didn't feel right. It actually felt like I was cheating. I just wanted to go home to my ex and cuddle lol. It was the worst and it feels like every damn song on the radio is a depressing love song that is talking about my current situation. How long were you two together? Her moving on in a month is craziness, maybe she just wants you to fight for her? Or trying to bust your balls for what you did? Because if she really has moved on already that's weird and doubtful, in my opinion. I really hope he realizes he made a mistake... But then again maybe he won't because he will find greener grass!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! But then I think to myself I AM DA **** and I feel a little better lmao!! I just want him to be driving home one day and Jason Mra's song "When I Was Your Man" comes on the radio and then it hits him and he turns his car around and comes to my house up the driveway crying for me to come back to him cause he doesn't want any other man to snatch me up haha. BUT lets be honest.. that is never going to happen!! :lmao:

 

Jeez a little passionate I see haha. We were together 6 months. I know it doesn't even compare to your relationship but it was something. You're not in this alone and you can do it in under a year or two if you really work at it. Hang out with friends, take up a hobby or continue doing one. Just stay busy. I'm fine when I'm busy and distracted. It only gets to me when I'm alone and have nothing better to do than think.

[jessyy]

Jeez a little passionate I see haha. We were together 6 months. I know it doesn't even compare to your relationship but it was something. You're not in this alone and you can do it in under a year or two if you really work at it. Hang out with friends, take up a hobby or continue doing one. Just stay busy. I'm fine when I'm busy and distracted. It only gets to me when I'm alone and have nothing better to do than think.

 

Yeah I guess I am a little on the hopeless romantic side lol. Relationships are so hard. You think you finally found the one and you give that person your whole heart only to have it smashed to pieces later... I really hope my ex does have g.i.g.s because from reading online about it and reading the symptoms it aligns perfectly with what happened and what he said... and I guess it makes it easier for me to understand why the breakup happened and what he is experiencing. But idk I feel like I never got proper closure from the breakup, which is why it is so hard for me to move on. I guess with g.i.g.s there never really is proper closure because they are confused themselves and don't really know what to say because they don't have the answers. I have my ups and downs everyday and it really sucks and at times kills me. My ups are when I feel confident and I tell myself it is his loss and this new girl has nothing on me because I have all of these really special qualities but then I have my downs where I feel like okay I have all of these special qualities than why doesn't he want to be with me? how can it be his loss if he doesn't see it that way? If he can't see it as his loss than it isn't his loss lol and then I get even more down and I start thinking why wasn't I good enough? How could he have fallen out of love with me? I thought I was so special to him at least at one point I was... how could quit after 4 years?.. he didn't even want to try and work things out he just quit... literally he quit on me.. it's hard because as much as I try to understand g.i.g.s I will never be able to because I am not going through it myself... so I am just completely blindsided and left feeling dumped and betrayed. What was going on in your head when you were experiencing g.i.g.s? Did you check out emotionally? If you didn't date other girls then what were you exploring?

[aboucher21]

Yeah I guess I am a little on the hopeless romantic side lol. Relationships are so hard. You think you finally found the one and you give that person your whole heart only to have it smashed to pieces later... I really hope my ex does have g.i.g.s because from reading online about it and reading the symptoms it aligns perfectly with what happened and what he said... and I guess it makes it easier for me to understand why the breakup happened and what he is experiencing. But idk I feel like I never got proper closure from the breakup, which is why it is so hard for me to move on. I guess with g.i.g.s there never really is proper closure because they are confused themselves and don't really know what to say because they don't have the answers. I have my ups and downs everyday and it really sucks and at times kills me. My ups are when I feel confident and I tell myself it is his loss and this new girl has nothing on me because I have all of these really special qualities but then I have my downs where I feel like okay I have all of these special qualities than why doesn't he want to be with me? how can it be his loss if he doesn't see it that way? If he can't see it as his loss than it isn't his loss lol and then I get even more down and I start thinking why wasn't I good enough? How could he have fallen out of love with me? I thought I was so special to him at least at one point I was... how could quit after 4 years?.. he didn't even want to try and work things out he just quit... literally he quit on me.. it's hard because as much as I try to understand g.i.g.s I will never be able to because I am not going through it myself... so I am just completely blindsided and left feeling dumped and betrayed. What was going on in your head when you were experiencing g.i.g.s? Did you check out emotionally? If you didn't date other girls then what were you exploring?

 

Yeah I feel ya on the romantic thing. My friends call me Ted Mosby haha. Anyways when I was experiencing G.I.G.S I didn't know it was that at the time. I just lost all feelings for her and didn't really know why. It was confusing for me and I wanted to work it out but I didn't really know what to work on because I honestly didn't know why I lost feelings. I was thinking that there has to be someone better out there for me and I was under a lot of stress due to several reasons and I just needed a break from it all. I needed to become happy with myself and figure out what I truly wanted because I wasn't happy at many points during our relationship. I guess you could say I wasn't "exploring" anything. I just needed to rediscover myself and get away from my hectic life for a little bit. Looking back I wish I knew what I was feeling because it would have made communicating and coming up with a solution much easier. Hope that helps a little

[jessyy]

Yeah I feel ya on the romantic thing. My friends call me Ted Mosby haha. Anyways when I was experiencing G.I.G.S I didn't know it was that at the time. I just lost all feelings for her and didn't really know why. It was confusing for me and I wanted to work it out but I didn't really know what to work on because I honestly didn't know why I lost feelings. I was thinking that there has to be someone better out there for me and I was under a lot of stress due to several reasons and I just needed a break from it all. I needed to become happy with myself and figure out what I truly wanted because I wasn't happy at many points during our relationship. I guess you could say I wasn't "exploring" anything. I just needed to rediscover myself and get away from my hectic life for a little bit. Looking back I wish I knew what I was feeling because it would have made communicating and coming up with a solution much easier. Hope that helps a little

 

Damn. You sound just like my ex. He said those things too except he is exploring. He is with a hooker (not really but I like to think she is one for coming on to my man haha). But usually people with g.i.g.s date someone completely opposite of their ex, in his case he is dating a girl who is like me in many ways. Doesn't make any sense. But he also said a lot of what you mentioned like finding inner happiness, and just taking a break and live life being independent and not have to worry about anyone but himself. I think he had a lot of stress going on in his life and it was making him feel insufficient. I think he felt a lot of stress at work, at home, and I guess having a long term serious relationship isn't easy so he just couldn't take it anymore (especially with me talking about moving in together and marriage-- probably was the deal breaker). When I would talk to him during the end of our relationship it literally felt like I was talking to a brick wall... nothing was there... he looked so lost and confused.. almost like he didn't have a soul. It was so weird. I think he lost some feelings in the relationship but not because I did anything wrong I just think a lot of it has to do with him and what he is going through. Because he even told his sister "I feel bad because she didn't do anything!".. but he couldn't live with his doubts anymore he kept telling himself he wasn't going to give up and that I was the one but fast forward almost a year and he couldn't do it anymore.. he felt like something was missing or he just wasn't sure about me for whatever reason... he just got scared ... OH! and he also told me he needs to find himself and find what his heart wants and needs... and for me I am thinking "holy crap! how long is that going to take?" I want his heart to want and need me! Because it once did, how could it have stopped?? I just want to text or call him so badly, but I don't want it to come across as being desperate or needy.. the same time he should text or call me first because he is the one that ended things with me, RIGHT? I shouldn't be chasing him! BUT at the same time what if in his head he is thinking "Damn, she gave up on me like that. I thought she would have continued asking for another chance or keep confessing her love to me. Guess she didn't love me after all"... lol... or do guys not think like that?

[aboucher21]

Damn. You sound just like my ex. He said those things too except he is exploring. He is with a hooker (not really but I like to think she is one for coming on to my man haha). But usually people with g.i.g.s date someone completely opposite of their ex, in his case he is dating a girl who is like me in many ways. Doesn't make any sense. But he also said a lot of what you mentioned like finding inner happiness, and just taking a break and live life being independent and not have to worry about anyone but himself. I think he had a lot of stress going on in his life and it was making him feel insufficient. I think he felt a lot of stress at work, at home, and I guess having a long term serious relationship isn't easy so he just couldn't take it anymore (especially with me talking about moving in together and marriage-- probably was the deal breaker). When I would talk to him during the end of our relationship it literally felt like I was talking to a brick wall... nothing was there... he looked so lost and confused.. almost like he didn't have a soul. It was so weird. I think he lost some feelings in the relationship but not because I did anything wrong I just think a lot of it has to do with him and what he is going through. Because he even told his sister "I feel bad because she didn't do anything!".. but he couldn't live with his doubts anymore he kept telling himself he wasn't going to give up and that I was the one but fast forward almost a year and he couldn't do it anymore.. he felt like something was missing or he just wasn't sure about me for whatever reason... he just got scared ... OH! and he also told me he needs to find himself and find what his heart wants and needs... and for me I am thinking "holy crap! how long is that going to take?" I want his heart to want and need me! Because it once did, how could it have stopped?? I just want to text or call him so badly, but I don't want it to come across as being desperate or needy.. the same time he should text or call me first because he is the one that ended things with me, RIGHT? I shouldn't be chasing him! BUT at the same time what if in his head he is thinking "Damn, she gave up on me like that. I thought she would have continued asking for another chance or keep confessing her love to me. Guess she didn't love me after all"... lol... or do guys not think like that?

 

No you don't want to give in and contact him. It helps you heal because you're not torturing yourself by talking to someone who hasn't made an effort to reach it to you. He left YOU, it's not your responsibility to try to fix things, it would honestly only make things worse. Talking to him first conveys that he is still control and he will always have you to fall back on and you don't want to be a second option. Guys love the chase. Once again, try to move forward. Get it in your head he's not coming back. It will help you and give him time to sort his emotions out if he's actually going through something and needs time.

[jessyy]

No you don't want to give in and contact him. It helps you heal because you're not torturing yourself by talking to someone who hasn't made an effort to reach it to you. He left YOU, it's not your responsibility to try to fix things, it would honestly only make things worse. Talking to him first conveys that he is still control and he will always have you to fall back on and you don't want to be a second option. Guys love the chase. Once again, try to move forward. Get it in your head he's not coming back. It will help you and give him time to sort his emotions out if he's actually going through something and needs time.

 

Yeah, you are right. I won't contact him. I just go through these episodes and they suck! Idk what it is he is going through and truth is I never will know or truly understand. Is it possible for people to fall out of love and back in love without contacting them? You said you lost feelings for your gf-- I am guessing you felt like you fell out of love with her? But then your feelings came back-- realizing you were in love with her or fell back in love with her? Why do you think you lost feelings in the first place-- did your relationship get too comfortable? loss of spark?

[aboucher21]

Yeah, you are right. I won't contact him. I just go through these episodes and they suck! Idk what it is he is going through and truth is I never will know or truly understand. Is it possible for people to fall out of love and back in love without contacting them? You said you lost feelings for your gf-- I am guessing you felt like you fell out of love with her? But then your feelings came back-- realizing you were in love with her or fell back in love with her? Why do you think you lost feelings in the first place-- did your relationship get too comfortable? loss of spark?

 

Yes I fell out of love with her, or so I thought. I needed to take care of myself before I could take her of her as well I believe. But yes we got too comfortable. She wasn't a challenge anymore. I never got jealous anymore which is weird for me haha. She was always there for me and I got bored. She didn't really do anything to wow me or spark us. I was the one that initiated most things and I guess I just got tired of that.

[aboucher21]

Yeah, you are right. I won't contact him. I just go through these episodes and they suck! Idk what it is he is going through and truth is I never will know or truly understand. Is it possible for people to fall out of love and back in love without contacting them? You said you lost feelings for your gf-- I am guessing you felt like you fell out of love with her? But then your feelings came back-- realizing you were in love with her or fell back in love with her? Why do you think you lost feelings in the first place-- did your relationship get too comfortable? loss of spark?

 

To add on to that we were always in contact during that time. Not like everyday but we still ate breakfast together and texted usually everyday

[jessyy]

Yes I fell out of love with her, or so I thought. I needed to take care of myself before I could take her of her as well I believe. But yes we got too comfortable. She wasn't a challenge anymore. I never got jealous anymore which is weird for me haha. She was always there for me and I got bored. She didn't really do anything to wow me or spark us. I was the one that initiated most things and I guess I just got tired of that.

 

How long did you guys date for? I don't remember if you ever mentioned it. Yeah I believe our relationship got way to comfortable and we let life get in the way as well. For those reasons I don't think he would ever want to come back to me and idk what reasons would make him realize he wants me back. Why take me back when he can have something new and fresh with someone else. You know? That's how I think he thinks.

[aboucher21]

How long did you guys date for? I don't remember if you ever mentioned it. Yeah I believe our relationship got way to comfortable and we let life get in the way as well. For those reasons I don't think he would ever want to come back to me and idk what reasons would make him realize he wants me back. Why take me back when he can have something new and fresh with someone else. You know? That's how I think he thinks.

 

We were only together for a little over half a year so not comparible to yours haha but it happens. Learn from it. And unfortunately you won't have your answer until he gets out of the honeymoon phase and sees everything clearly.

[jessyy]

We were only together for a little over half a year so not comparible to yours haha but it happens. Learn from it. And unfortunately you won't have your answer until he gets out of the honeymoon phase and sees everything clearly.

 

Yes, however this man thinks the honeymoon phase should last forever. I asked him how long ours lasted and he said about 2 years. HUH???? That is a record! haha

[aboucher21]

Yes, however this man thinks the honeymoon phase should last forever. I asked him how long ours lasted and he said about 2 years. HUH???? That is a record! haha

 

 

Yeah that's crazy. It's usually a few months haha

[nns91]

I can relate to your situation jessyy as I am going through a similar thing here (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/532453-g-i-g-s-not). It's definitely super painful and confusing. It does not help that I am a scientist so my mind keeps trying to seek for an answer.

 

aboucher21, I appreciate you sharing with "us" your thinking as the person who is on the other side of the fence.

[aboucher21]

I can relate to your situation jessyy as I am going through a similar thing here (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/532453-g-i-g-s-not). It's definitely super painful and confusing. It does not help that I am a scientist so my mind keeps trying to seek for an answer.

 

aboucher21, I appreciate you sharing with "us" your thinking as the person who is on the other side of the fence.

 

No problem nns91. I know it's painful and there's not much you can do. I'm the same way as you. I keep constantly thinking of ways to turn everything around and I've always been like that. I don't know when to quit and it's one of my worst aspects.

[jessyy]

I can relate to your situation jessyy as I am going through a similar thing here (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/532453-g-i-g-s-not). It's definitely super painful and confusing. It does not help that I am a scientist so my mind keeps trying to seek for an answer.

 

aboucher21, I appreciate you sharing with "us" your thinking as the person who is on the other side of the fence.

 

Oh man, I feel you!! I wish I had all the answers and it sucks because with G.I.G.S you never get closure because they are just as confused as you are! Although idk if my ex has this "syndrome".. there are some things about our breakup that I am like yes! those are all the symptoms of G.I.G.S but then I think maybe he did just simply fell out of love. BUT I will never know and I need to learn to be okay with that. All we can do is take this time to grow and mature and become better versions of ourselves . Same time, realize that I say these positive things but 10 minutes from now I will go back to being like "WHYYYYYYY??", "I don't understand how he could do this to me!!!", "Why cant he just love me!?!?" haha ... Let's just say I have my moments. But it will get better. What is meant to be will be. So who knows? If it is the G.I.G.S, they may be realizing sooner or later that you were the greener grass and the lawn they are on now might have been a beautiful shiny green to start but with time they came across bunch of dog doo doo!!

[nns91]

Yeah, I think every situation is unique so nothing will perfectly fits the "definition", if there is an actually definition at all.

 

I do agree with you. There are ups and downs. It happened 1.5 months ago for me. I would say first 2 weeks were nightmare. Now, I am much better. I have been visiting friends pretty much every single weekend and do my normal things.

 

I actually wrote her a letter telling her that I accepted her decision and as long as she is happy, I am happy. Since then she has been quite confusing as she contacted me then told me that she should not talk to me for a while. Then, just a few days ago she contacted again and talked like "nothing ever happened" hahaha. This time she also mentioned that she felt bad talking to me because she has already told me that she would not talk to me and she really wanted me to move on. Nevertheless, I still get texts from her. She is probably confused herself

[jessyy]

Yeah, I think every situation is unique so nothing will perfectly fits the "definition", if there is an actually definition at all.

 

I do agree with you. There are ups and downs. It happened 1.5 months ago for me. I would say first 2 weeks were nightmare. Now, I am much better. I have been visiting friends pretty much every single weekend and do my normal things.

 

I actually wrote her a letter telling her that I accepted her decision and as long as she is happy, I am happy. Since then she has been quite confusing as she contacted me then told me that she should not talk to me for a while. Then, just a few days ago she contacted again and talked like "nothing ever happened" hahaha. This time she also mentioned that she felt bad talking to me because she has already told me that she would not talk to me and she really wanted me to move on. Nevertheless, I still get texts from her. She is probably confused herself

 

Oh wow. Well, her contacting you sort of says something... she is most definitely missing you and doesn't want you completely out of her life. If you want her back, you should try cutting total contact from her 30days because you don't want to get friendzoned-- that is the worst! Unless you don't want her back and you just want to be friends. You need to let her see what her life would be like without you in it. Right now she is having her cake and eating it to because she is talking to you, knowing you are there on the backburner and she can have you back whenever she wants. I am only talking as if you want her back. Don't give her that right. Let her really miss you! and most importantly your relationship! My breakup happened about a little over a month ago and I completely cut off contact-- it took me a while until I had the courage to do it, but I finally did it and it has been 18 days! He hasn't contacted me at all because I told him not to and that I couldn't be his friend. To let him have that pleasure! HA! no! Sorry but I am too good for that BS. If you don't want me as your gf you can't have me at all-- boy bye! Sometimes you just have to build confidence and look at it as their loss because you know your worth and what you have to offer! I know G.I.G.S is hard because it is not really their fault but BUILD your CONFIDENCE... once they see that, they will be smacking themselves in the face for ever letting YOU go.

[nns91]

Oh I know what you mean.I don't know if she is missing me or not since she is still hanging out closely with the other guy hahah. I am not gonna contact her. I just helped her out because she was stressed with finals and stuff so did not want add another stress for her on top of that.

 

I know getting friendzoned is the worst. Most definitely, I don't want that.

 

She kept telling me about how she will try to manage to keep distance from me so that I can move on because she really wanted me to move on. I told her that: if you want to talk to me, feel free but I know where I stand so you don't have to worry about whether I can move on.

[jessyy]

Oh I know what you mean.I don't know if she is missing me or not since she is still hanging out closely with the other guy hahah. I am not gonna contact her. I just helped her out because she was stressed with finals and stuff so did not want add another stress for her on top of that.

 

I know getting friendzoned is the worst. Most definitely, I don't want that.

 

She kept telling me about how she will try to manage to keep distance from me so that I can move on because she really wanted me to move on. I told her that: if you want to talk to me, feel free but I know where I stand so you don't have to worry about whether I can move on.

 

 

Just because she is with someone else doesn't mean she doesn't miss you. My ex is dating right now, but I know he misses me. He tells our friends and there is no way he couldn't after being together for 4 years and sharing everything together. It is really hard on both parties not only the one that has been dumped, like you and I. Even though I feel betrayed and hurt, I can understand a little bit better what they are going through. IDK if you were your ex's first real relationship, but I was my ex's and it comes with a price to pay. How can you know you have something really good if you have nothing to compare it to? How do you know there isn't someone better out there for you or more compatible with you if you don't have any other experiences. Especially for a young male? That is extremely difficult to live with the thought of being with one female your whole life. Could you imagine? Maybe he lucked out and found me, the one he is supposed to spend the rest of his life with at such an early age, but that thought scared him... and started triggering doubts. He doesn't know what it is like to be cheated on, lied to, betrayed, or be with someone who constantly fights with him and pushes his buttons.. not saying he deserves that to happen to him, but you see when people experience those things.. it allows you to see how grateful you are for having such a wonderful partner and helps you to not take that person for granted because they are special and rare. Relationships are tricky and when you don't have much experience it becomes even more difficult because your expectations are a little distorted.

 

NOW, with all that being said, maybe that is happening with your ex. Maybe, just maybe, she took you for granted because you were a wonderful guy who was always there for her and she felt like she can have that in every guy. Well, she will find out sooner or later that she can't. Because finding a good woman and man is hard!! Maybe this guy she is with now seems like a joy ride, but give it time, it will fail.. he is a rebound and if she is still texting you, she is not over you completely. Just let this rebound relationship run its course. I would completely stop texting her... even if she needs your help... you don't want to be put in that situation. Let this NEW man help her. Once she realizes he doesn't help her like you did she will start questioning her compatibility with this douche bag. You can't let her have her cake and eat it to, that is not fair to you! Just go complete NC.. I wouldn't even tell her.. let her get worried that you aren't around anymore and start blowing up your phone or come running to you. REMEMBER, women and men want what they can't have... so don't let her have you at all.. don't give her that privilege. DO YOU! BE FREE! LIVE LIFE! Once her relationship comes crashing down... she will then start dealing with the breakup from you once she realizes she wasn't over you completely that she was just trying to fill a void.... you may be there willing to take her back or you may not be... either way just let time do its thing and in the meantime find yourself and date yourself.

[nns91]

I think you hit the nail right on its head. She is young and inexperienced. She did tell me in one conversation when we were going through the breakup was that: I realized there are better options out there for me and you were only a safe choice. I am not saying I am perfect but I am confident in saying that I did everything in the best of my ability to take care of her and to make sure she feel comfortable/happy. She might think that there are a lot of others who can do that and at the same time can give her the "spontaneity/adventure" that she wants in life as I am too "mundane" for her.

 

It really does not help that her parents like me since they think I am a good person who will take care of her daughter in a genuine way. However, she is now rebelling against her parents' expectations to which I am associated.

 

She and the other guy ended things a few weeks ago. However, they are still hanging out like best buddies, which I feel like the most bizarre thing. He actually recently told her that he had revived feelings for his ex whom he broke up with to be with her and wanted to get back with that girl. She told me she felt "bad because she was super invested" and yelled at him for not telling her that before. Maybe she was hurt ????

Edited June 12, 2015 by nns91

[jessyy]

I think you hit the nail right on its head. She is young and inexperienced. She did tell me in one conversation when we were going through the breakup was that: I realized there are better options out there for me and you were only a safe choice. I am not saying I am perfect but I am confident in saying that I did everything in the best of my ability to take care of her and to make sure she feel comfortable/happy. She might think that there are a lot of others who can do that and at the same time can give her the "spontaneity/adventure" that she wants in life as I am too "mundane" for her.

 

It really does not help that her parents like me since they think I am a good person who will take care of her daughter in a genuine way. However, she is now rebelling against her parents' expectations to which I am associated.

 

She and the other guy ended things a few weeks ago. However, they are still hanging out like best buddies, which I feel like the most bizarre thing. He actually recently told her that he had revived feelings for his ex whom he broke up with to be with her and wanted to get back with that girl. She told me she felt "bad because she was super invested" and yelled at him for not telling her that before. Maybe she was hurt ????

 

 

Haha-- sorry I am only laughing because how does she know there are better options?? Sounds like she is basing these options off of physical appearance. Looks fade! People need to get off their high horse and come to the realization that there are always going to be better looking people out there but just because they are more attractive doesn't mean their personality is going to match it. I mean come on!! That is ridiculous to me. The fact she said that screams "inexperience" because someone can be drop dead gorgeous but be a cheat, mean, liar, etc. Same thing with my ex, although he didn't verbally say what your ex said to you, his intentions said it. He told me that he was finding other women at his job attractive and felt that he shouldn't be feeling that way-- that he only wants to have eyes for his partner.. that to me is a bunch of CRAP. For one, no way in heck are you ever going to NOT be attracted to other people while being in a relationship-- it is human nature!!! While with my ex, I found other men attractive and heck yes there was curiosity... I am only human and the unknown is tempting HOWEVER! was it worth leaving my ex (a good, beautiful man, with a great personality and warm heart and soul) for the unknown? NOPE! not for me. I don't care if a model approached me, doesn't mean he is going to treat me right, be there for me when the going gets tough, and be faithful. But then again I have different expectations.. and because my ex is very attractive I guess it doesn't help that several good looking women were and are approaching him-- it raises his self-esteem, ego, confidence and makes him feel like a man. But to me he made a huge error, because I don't mean to toot my own horn but I have the whole package and he knows that and he knows he is taking a huge risk. Our relationship as well became mundane, but that wasn't completely my fault. Takes two to tango... if something is lacking speak up don't call quits.. that is pathetic and childish. Relationships are built on communication and honesty.. if all the sudden the relationship loses its spark or passion then someone needs to speak up! Not just say- "oh the spark is gone that means our relationship has come to an end..." Love does not equal passion and spark .. that my friend is lust and people get that confused all the time.. they think oh the spark and passion are gone that means I am not in love with my partner... love is not feeling butterflies or being nervous around each other that is lust... love is comfort.. love is being there through thick in thin. Lust may die down, but love remains. You may have become mundane but that is going to happen in a relationship with time.. it isn't always going to be an adventure.. things in our lives change. She was wrong for leaving just because their was a lack of spark and adventure... she could've told you "look let's do this or that because I feel our flame is running low," you know? Don't worry, right now she is under the impression, just like my ex, that a relationship isn't hard work, that it is suppose to be easy and everything is suppose to be just given to them and not worked for. They will learn.

 

I know exactly what you mean in regard to the family situation. My ex's mom cried when she found out and his whole family was shattered. They thought we were going to be together for the long run and get married. It was a shock to everyone... as well as my family. My mom even called him "son". But you see all of these things can be very overwhelming for someone who doesn't have much experience.. and to feel like everyone knows I was the one and we would get married but for him to be feeling confused... that can be scary. Your ex will come to her senses...

 

I mean look! she had a rebound and he left her for his ex! It happens all the time.. she was his rebound too! One of the biggest reasons people leave relationships is because they get too comfortable and it can be a scary thing and the main reason why people return back to their ex is because they miss the comfort. They realize damn I loved how I could be myself with so and so, I miss the small things, I miss not feeling so nervous or scared I am going to say the wrong thing because I know that person accepts me for who I am.

 

I think your ex is slowly starting to realize her decisions were based off the wrong criteria. Don't be surprised when she comes running to you letting you know she was a fool and made a huge mistake. I WOULD NOT TAKE HER BACK RIGHT AWAY. That is like a big no no and I will tell you why. First off, she betrayed you. She left you for some other guy based off of curiosity. She left you hurt and in pure agony. She ripped your heart out and left you blindsided. For days you probably replayed the breakup in your head and through out the whole day wondered what you did wrong, why you weren't "good enough," and why she can't love you like you love her. For days, you sat there looking into space contemplating her decisions and hoping and praying that she would come running back to you begging for your forgiveness and to take her back because you are the one for her. She put you through all of this misery and for her to be able to walk out hands clean and think she can just walk back to you anytime she wants thinking you will bend over backwards for her and take you back? NO WAY! Make it hard for her-- don't play games of course, but how do you know she won't do this again to you? She needs to work for your trust and respect again. Don't just give it to her without her working for it... because she needs to realize that you ARE a catch and you would make ANY girl lucky... she needs to realize that you have so much WORTH and VALUE. Her decisions need to have consequences or it will just be this vicious cycle.

[kevcon64]

Hi, fellow broken hearted.. So my ex and I broke up over a year ago. At the break up. I was having a hard time I had lost my job and was depressed. I was stressed out with her too because I new she was talking to other guys. So I became passive agresive and controlling. She was the one and I was scared to death of losing her and with my current issues didn't know how to handle it. I am almost certain she left for GIGS. She is a very beautiful girl and works in a restaurant. Guys with money and the young attractive bussers were asking her out. Anyways we broke up and I tried to follow an online get your ex back program. Tried making her jellious and did not contact her for 30 days. Durring the no contact she was dating many guys but ended up getting in a relationship with an ex boyfriend who pushed her away years before me. I did all the needy beging and pleading and she just told me she does not love me and knows in her hear that I am not the one for her. She denied that she was in a relationship and asked for space. Now she has posted on her Facebook that she is in a relationship with the guy she met 3 weeks after the break up. She has been with him over a year while her and I were only together a year. He is taking her on trips every weekend and she comments how happy she is on Facebook. I put this girl on a pedestal and treated her like a queen. However, I did not go on trips because I was trying to save my money dealing with the uncertainty of employment. My question is do you think she had GIGS and is the relationship a rebound? Is there still a chance she might come back to me? I am trying to move on and I have dated and slept with many women but it just makes me miss her more. I cannot find the connection I felt with her. I feel completely lost. One of my friends suggests that she is a narcissist the way she can just cut off her feelings for me after how we were in the beginning. She mirrored me and I felt like we had so much in common and now that is her reason for moving on she says we are different people. Your positive comments are appreciated.

[jessyy]

Hi, fellow broken hearted.. So my ex and I broke up over a year ago. At the break up. I was having a hard time I had lost my job and was depressed. I was stressed out with her too because I new she was talking to other guys. So I became passive agresive and controlling. She was the one and I was scared to death of losing her and with my current issues didn't know how to handle it. I am almost certain she left for GIGS. She is a very beautiful girl and works in a restaurant. Guys with money and the young attractive bussers were asking her out. Anyways we broke up and I tried to follow an online get your ex back program. Tried making her jellious and did not contact her for 30 days. Durring the no contact she was dating many guys but ended up getting in a relationship with an ex boyfriend who pushed her away years before me. I did all the needy beging and pleading and she just told me she does not love me and knows in her hear that I am not the one for her. She denied that she was in a relationship and asked for space. Now she has posted on her Facebook that she is in a relationship with the guy she met 3 weeks after the break up. She has been with him over a year while her and I were only together a year. He is taking her on trips every weekend and she comments how happy she is on Facebook. I put this girl on a pedestal and treated her like a queen. However, I did not go on trips because I was trying to save my money dealing with the uncertainty of employment. My question is do you think she had GIGS and is the relationship a rebound? Is there still a chance she might come back to me? I am trying to move on and I have dated and slept with many women but it just makes me miss her more. I cannot find the connection I felt with her. I feel completely lost. One of my friends suggests that she is a narcissist the way she can just cut off her feelings for me after how we were in the beginning. She mirrored me and I felt like we had so much in common and now that is her reason for moving on she says we are different people. Your positive comments are appreciated.

 

Hm I am not sure she had GIGS, but anything is possible. Since you have been broken up for a year, I don't think it is a rebound relationship. After the 30 days was up, what did you do?