"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[Grenn]

Hello everyone,

I'm pretty sure I'm in the same situation as the majority of you here and it is sad to see that 'grass is greener' is common.

My ex-girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me 2 months ago. We were each others first relationship and first everything. I took the break quite hard but I have managed to avoid some of the bigger mistakes like begging for her to come back.

We never argued and never had any problems in the relationship that would justify a break. She got on really well with my family and friends and would even hang out with the ones that lived out of town when she would be in the area by herself.

2 months ago she finished work and out of nowhere told me that she didn't love me anymore. I was dumbfounded and didn't know what to say so I said we should have a week to ourselves and if you still feel the same then we'll end things. After 2 days she changed her facebook status to single without talking to me which informed all my close family and friends before I could tell them myself. She was close to them as well and everyone was expecting that we'd be the next ones to get engaged. I think this may have had something to do with the break up and she may have started freaking out when some of our friends and family recently got engaged around the same time.

Anyway, I finished up the week then met up with her to exchange our things, I gave her a hand written letter basically saying thank you for the good times and goodbye. She read the letter there and started crying, I was glad that our relationship was worth at least an emotional reaction, and then I initiated NC for 3 weeks until I bumped into her at the gym and caught up a little.

NC has been on and off since then, usually a week or 2 at a time.

I thought I was doing well until I ran into her the other night at the club. I was aware she had been partying every week since we broke up and has been getting very drunk each time. This is very out of character for her. When we were together and she would go out drinking with friends and have a little too much, she would regret letting herself go like that and have a few weeks, or more commonly months, until she would do the same thing again.

I'm probably more disappointed cause she had a very clean living. That same night I found out she is now seeing someone else. It almost destroyed me when I saw them drunkenly groping each other. I talked to her that night before I saw that display and couldn't get a proper conversation going cause she was slurring her speech and couldn't keep any sort of focus.

I talked to her the next day on facebook and it turns out they met each other while she went on a weekend vaction one month after breaking up with me and it turned out he lived back in our small city. She also said they weren't in a relationship yet and are just 'seeing' each other. I found out about some of the stuff they get up to (not from her) and I really didn't expect her to be the sort of girl to do that, especially only a month after breaking up and also from someone that was so 'wholesome' when we were together.

Would this be considered a rebound? I heard they don't normally last long and even though I would have wanted to get back together I am not so sure now because of the drastic and sudden change in her behaviour.

I know that she can do what she wants but I hate it that I have lost so much respect for her.

I'm also starting day one of no contact again. Seeing her the other night pretty much destroyed the progress I was making but hopefully now I can truly get over her.

Edited April 21, 2013 by Grenn
grammer

[Vinny85]

I wonder if there is still a way to get in touch with smokey bear and/or wilson?

[lonewalker]

It may take her years to discover. Maybe a couple of relationships to find out u r the best.

 

Ever heard of the story?

 

Once upon a time there is a kid. An old man asked the kid to go into this forest and tie a red string on the tallest tree he can find. But he can only move forward in the forest and never turn back.

 

The kid went into the forest and saw many tall trees. He saw one really tall one as it out grew the rest... but thinking that there might be taller ones deeper in the forest, he didnt tie the string to the tree and walked on. he pass by many more trees and before he knew it, he was out of the forest.

 

 

Many years later, the kid grow to become a man. The old man ask the chap to go into this garden and pluck out thw most beautiful flower he can find. The same rules applies. He can only move forward and never turn back to pluck the flowers he left behind.

 

The chap went into the forest and within a few mins, he plucked out a flower that is beautiful but far from being the most extraordinary. The old man ask him why he chooses the flower so fast. The man replied

" i used to think there is better ones out there for me when i was younger... in the end i end up with nothing. So this time i want to make sure that if i ever find something i like, i will cherish it. It doesnt have to be the best as long as i find it beautiful to me"

 

Sounds like the grass is greener problem. Ts. It make take years and many failed relationship for her to realised u r the best. But then, u may have moved on. In time, she will too after realising her mistake. She will be sad maybe for a long time but she will move on again. and she will realised again u may be the best but she will too find another best in her life.

 

U will too.

 

 

I hope this story summaries what grass is greener is all about.

[travelonic]

I always wondered, when one goes to what is perceived as greener grass... are there nuanced differences in the honeymoon phase, and the transition from that phase of a relationship into the next one, and how the person and their greener grass handle things ****WHEN COMPARED TO a relationship that does NOT involve the person leaving somebody for this greener grass****?

 

As in, does the fact that one partner left another or greener grass have an impact on the new relationship? Does it depend on how fast the person in question got up, left, and got involved, whether said person had any time to think the decision through, etc?

[SimonSerenade]

Thanks for this thread, this is the second time I've had to come to it, my first ex dumped me out of nowhere for a different life and now my most current ex did the same, I knew straight away what it was due to remembering key notes of this thread and that definitely softened the blow this time round, I always made it clear I was here to stay and that I always wanted her by my side, she's 20 turning 21 this month so it makes sense I geuss, I never really went though any stages like this because quite frankly the kind o lifestyle some people prefer to lead when there in this sort of situation always repulsed me, I was always more of a day out loving kind of guy, happy just meeting a friend in a coffee shop from time to time, life is simple when you know what you want out of it, just ashame people meet the complete opposite kind of person from time to time and have to go through this, my ex clenched at straws and said pretty much everything explained in this thread, we got engaged at Christmas and ever aince then I got used to her finishing me 24/7, that made things hard as I never really felt secure in the relationship after that, even when she would open up it was hard to believe he as another situation would surely come up where she would have an opportunity to drop me like a led turd, it hps to know what it is, thanks once again for this thread

[lookingfordom]

This is an amazing post. I'm 22 and my boyfriend of 6 years moved out two months ago to have some "space" or "a break" whatever you'd like to call it. The whole "this isn't the end I just need to focus on myself and we both need to be happy apart to be together" - truth be told a lot of this is true. I lost my mother last year, my dad lives overseas and I am now living alone and have been since he moved out. To be honest; I haven't been giving him the space he demanded. Yes space was given, but there was still contact made. I've recently come to the conclusion that I'm one of those girls that invested everything into her relationship, it ended. Has nothing, no where to start and take off. His birthday was over the weekend, although I was invited to his family dinner I wasn't to his friend get together. His reasoning being "we're on a break and I dont want people to think I'm leading you on" - so be it. I laid low and we caught up on Monday, where he's very honest with me and tells me yes he did hook up over the weekend. Although I was very upset; who am I to stop him? I can't we're not technically together anymore. So I did what I should have done when it all started and decided to cut all ties, no contact. He says he loves me, and he always will. We've been through a hell of a lot together, and although I'm only young I thought at one point that I would spent the rest of my life with this person. I finally packed up the last of his stuff and handed it all over, and now here I am reading break up books and contemplating the meaning of life. I'm not perfect, I'm young and still trying to figure myself out. I went through one of the hardest blows life can throw you last year when I lost my mother, he was there for that. Yet despite the past, he's gone now too. We built a lot together, and now I feel like the only way to save any part of myself is to walk away. It breaks my heart, am I making the right decision?

[mostagreeableguy]

Thanks for sharing HB. This hit home like crazy for me, and slightly helps me cope with my situation a little more.

[Blckrooster46]

This post has already helped me a great deal and continues to help each day. The sentiment that if I true loved her I let her go and maybe one day she would come back, is something I actually came to on my own but this thread has helped me really accept it as fully as I can. So basically I was hoping homebrew, wise sage that he is, could give me some of that wisdom and maybe a bit of hope and perspective along with it.

 

This is the back story: So about three weeks ago my girlfriend of 14 months broke up with me, I was her first boyfriend and first guy she ever loved you and said it to. She was 19 when we started dating and I was 20, now I am 21 about to turn 22 and she just turned 21. The two of us have know each other since we were 6 and 5, her parents are family friends, since we were younger our parents always joked about us ending up together and I just never saw her that way. She has always been pretty but I just saw her as a sweet girl and actually had a crush on her older sister. But about a year ago she kind of blossomed into a gorgeous young woman and I saw her as one for the first time. We began dating and fell in love. In the beginning I was only really attracted to her psychically, then we started to talk and I realized she was the most intelligent, funny, and kind hearted girl I have had the pleasure of meeting. So I decided to date her and it was amazing she fell for me and I for her it took me six months to say I love you to her and I guess I should've been worried when see didn't say it back but then a few days later she did and I just figured it was because she is the type of person that has difficulty talking about her feelings, so am I and it's part of the reason I love her. Throughout the relationship she was extremely attached to me; she didn't like it when I went out, cried if she thought I would break up with her over silly things, and even called the character I married in the game skyrim a whore haha. About six months into our relationship she found out her mother was having an affair with someone and her dad told her. When she found out she left her parents home and moved in with me for about a week, we got into a fight while she was staying with me (I was upset with her) and she broke down and told me that I was all she had and she needed me now more than ever. We talked about her parents a bit but I left it alone because, like me, if she doesnt want to talk about something she won't. After that things were great she was her same old loving and attached self and I loved her just as much for it. Then fast forward to 2 weeks ago and she breaks up with me. Things were great from wear I stood but I got paranoid because she had a text from a coworker (short, two time drug offending loser who is most likely going to jail) she saw that I was upset and asked what was wrong and instead of flipping out like I normally would and yelling I just asked her if she was happy and if I made her happy, she said of course I did and came over to me to lay in my lap and try to get me to smile. When I wasn't cheering up she said she was going to leave when the movie e were watching was over because she was tired and had work in the morning, I asked why because we always spent Sunday nights together, and she just said she was tired. So I responded with anger and said fine then just leave now, which she did (this is were I wish to god I had gone after her but I didnt I sat there and did nothing probably losing her because of it). I realized what an idiot I was being and drove to her house but she wasnt there I called her and she said she was at her cousins apartment, which she was I checked, but now I knew something was wrong so I texted her and said if you aren't happy we should just end things and move on (preemptive strike) she texted back "what are you talking about/" and I ignored her till we talked on the phone and I called her out for being distant and unhappy (I was just being paranoid, before this day I had no reason to think she was) she said that she guesses she was unhappy for a little while. I went over to her house and we broke up she wouldnt kiss me woundnt hug me things she was doing like crazy hours ago and told me that "she didn't she us spending the rest of our lives together" and that "I loved her more than she loved me." I asked her not to and said we could work on it but she said no and asked me to leave. Also back in January she quit her Job at a high end fashion store to work as a hostess in restaurant, I have worked in restaurants my whole life so I know what its like. The flirting and the constant attention and getting hit on, I am a guy and I got hit on by everyone under the sun so I could only imagine what was happening there. When she told me she was going to leave her job I was against it not only because of how much better her original job was and how it was in her field that she want to make a career (fashion) but also because like I said I know restaurants. I guess if I had to pick a point where things started to change it would be around there but then again two days before we broke up I was tucking her into bed and she said to me "I love you most of all."

 

To be honest I did not handle the break up well I drank for a week, blew off class, and chopped down a small tree. I am doing better now but it is still really hard, so basically I am looking for guidance here; everyone I have talked to has said that she is just young and since she has never been in a relationship before she will realize her mistake and come crawling back to me because it was true love or whatever (I am not lying to myself there believe me, there was a level of closeness between us that some married couples don't have and I believe that is because we have known each other fro so long). So basically what I am asking is: will she come back and if she does should I even take her back? If you would've asked me a week ago I would've said yes in a heart beat but now I am not so sure. I need to know if I should hold onto some part of her or if I should forget her all together. She was not anywhere near the first girl I dated but she was the very first girl I loved and I am her first love as well so I just need to be told what the **** I should do.

 

Also like a month before we broke up she asked me to go on vacation with her and her family, which I had done the year before, I wasn't sure because I thought I might want to travel over the summer and do some things with friends, but about two weeks before we broke up I said that I would love to come and couldn't wait. She got crazy excited and showed me all the pictures of the place we were going and talked to me about the all the things we were going to do. So I just don't understand how feelings can turn off that fast I guess, how can she go from being so in love and plan things for the future and then completely cut me out of her life?

 

The last thing I said to her was that I will always love her and that I need her to tell me she doesn't love me so I can move on, she couldn't. She just said she was sorry and that it was over. I got mad told her to have a good life and as I left she saw I gave her back a gift she got me with her stuff.(I wasn't trying to be mean I just couldn't look at it because it was perfect for me and it would only remind me of what an idiot i was to lose her) She yelled at me that I couldn't give it back and I, stupidly, said "I don't want it, sell it" (I have a stupid temper) After that I texted her and I said that all I have ever wanted for her is happiness and if she can't have that with me then I hope she finds it somewhere else because if she is happy then I would, on some level, be happy too. That was the last bit of communication and it was 3 weeks ago.

 

Homebrew I will always love her and I want to know if she is just confused and needs time should I hold on to a part of her or forget about her completely? I by no means mean to put my life on hold but if the chance of us finding each other again is real then I could never let her go. Would really appreciate the guidance you really seem to know what you are talking about.

[Blckrooster46]

Well that is exactly what I have been doing, not a world for 23 days, and I am starting to barry any emotions I was emoting like crazy before and now I feel a great deal better. I still miss her but I am not gona let it hinder my life.

[Ale khun]

To blckrooster46 Hi I want to share something personal with u , long time ago I had this great relationship with a great great guy , he was nice caring loving he loved me so much that he gave me a ring and moved in with me , he was constantly talking about a life together and kids and stuff like that but for me that wasn't good enough so i dump this guy after 4 years of R.L and 2 years living together , I needed my "freedom" I was looking for new experiences, new people,new adventures,new life after a while I meet a guy who was emotionally unavailable and he broke my heart , few months later I meet this other guy who I thought was the" real deal" at the beginning all was perfect but he was emotionally unavailable (just with me ) he was a dirtbag he treated me really bad and humiliated me , so at the end I ended up alone and in 18 months I had my heart broken for the second time , now I regret loosing this great person because I was looking" outside "for what I had in my hands , I was happy but not for long I wanted to be loved I wanted in a way the same that I had with my former boyfriend and i found it just with another name and different face , now I feel like the biggest chump on earth because I had it all I was blind and now I'm alone and hurt

What I want to say is that maybe this will happen to your ex , all I can say is that the "grass it's not greener in the other side" give your ex some time and space and one day she will realize how wrong she was , meanwhile don't feel bad or sad it's sucks to love who doesn't love you but the greatest lessons in life are the ones that hurts the most Keep the chin up good luck

[Blckrooster46]

Yeah I get that, in the beginning I was not very emotionally available at all but then I started to open up to her about losing my dad (which she asked me to do) "I want you to be able to talk to me about it" is what she said constantly and I really opened up about it a few weeks before we broke up so I am sure that was a contributing factor. Today is the first day I feel fine but I know it is because I am doing what I usually do, and burying the feelings but sadly I know I will always be in love with her. Thanks though but I don't know if "when she's ready" my pride will let me take her back; I love her but she should have realized I was the only one who would ever really love her just for who she it.

Edited May 15, 2013 by Blckrooster46

[ThatguyEli]

i know this is gonna sound silly, but me and my bf have been together two months and i already feel like we're not all that great together. we did get together on a sort of whim, and he didnt date anyone for over two years until he met me. when we first started out i didn't feel all that serious about it, then i realize that he treats me better than any other guy has. on the week i was thinking that i should break up with him because i felt like i couldnt give him what he wanted, he tells me he loves me, so i stay. but i cheated on him once, when we first got together, and he has no idea. the guy i cheated on him with had a boyfriend as well, and we talked before my bf and i started dating. and now they're broken up. i felt so ashamed that i did what i did, so much that i cant stop thinking about it, and him. i find myself thinking about him more than my bf, but we haven't talked much, but now that he's single i talk to him more now, and i feel like my bf needs me right now and im just at a loss what to do. the above is true, i couldnt imagine hurting my bf but it seems inevitable now unless i just tough it out and keep off the grass, but this situation is somewhat unique since i've taken a walk on it and like how it treads. super confused any advice on what to do?

[BC1980]

You have only been together for 2 months, so I would say to leave the relationship while it is still early if you are having doubts. That way, the hurt is a lot less for both parties.

[nomoreshallwepart]

(You can find my GIGS story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/391909-too-serious-relationship-she-got-back-her-ex)

 

Long story short: Today I met with some of the mutual friends of ey and my ex and they said that they don't even recognize her anymore. There was this girl that they considered wise and mature beyond her age - and here's someone who meets them after the weekend and just brags about how drunk she was and how much pot did she smoke.

 

Some of you have said that it's probably better to not know what your ex is doing during the GIGS phase - but I'd like to disagree. It gives you perspective, you know?

I was depressed. I thought that a crucial part of my life was taken from me, never to be returned. I thought that it was all my fault.

But then I heard about the things she is doing and the realization came to me: is it really ME here who should be miserable?

 

I'm not the one who flushed his best relationship down the drain on a whim.

I'm not the one who gets f*cked by some loser with no job, no education and no ambitions whatsoever.

And you know what? I still love her and I can't help but pity her.

But I'm not the one who made those poor choices. I'm not the one who should be miserable here.

[CptSaveAho]

 

Some of you have said that it's probably better to not know what your ex is doing during the GIGS phase - but I'd like to disagree. It gives you perspective, you know?

 

Why would you want to know...

 

Do you want to feel pain constantly?

Do you want to be even more miserable then you are now?

Do you want to share in the joy of constant lies, deceit and bull****?

 

I see gigs idiots constantly and those ruined by it... it's not a pretty sight

 

Healthy mature people don't want to know nor deal with it.

[nomoreshallwepart]

Why would you want to know...

 

Do you want to feel pain constantly?

Do you want to be even more miserable then you are now?

Do you want to share in the joy of constant lies, deceit and bull****?

 

I see gigs idiots constantly and those ruined by it... it's not a pretty sight

 

Healthy mature people don't want to know nor deal with it.

 

As I said: it shows you that you're not the one who f*cked up. And that there's nothing to blame yourself for as it's not you who made some pretty poor choices.

[leonai]

i broke up with my ex girlfriend about 7 months ago. few weeks after the break up she told me she was willing to wait as long as i needed because she still loved me, i was not interested at the time but kept our friendship going. though i now realize she was suffering from g.i.g.s and believe she had a crush on her colleague. 3 months after the break up we met twice. the second time we met she told me that she wanted to be friends and asked me what do i wanted i told her we were already friends, the odd part is that i never said i wanted her back. she told me that before i broke up with her our relationship was already in trouble which i had no idea because she never told me and she appeared happy. then she said that she was confused and was thinking about me and wanted to find a solution and that we should probably take sometime apart to clarify our feelings. i told her not to think about me too much and that why did we need the time apart if we were just friends, so i told her concerning our relationship we should just leave it to destiny.

 

she invited me 2 times for dinner after that but i did not attend and forgot to cancel, she got angry and said she felt i was playing with her, i apologized. a month after that i started having mixed feelings towards her so i told her that we should probably consider her idea of a month ago and take sometime apart she did not reply. few days later i thought of giving it a try and asked her out. her reply was that she was done following me and i should do whatever i wanted she was tired of my stupidities. i got angry replied harshly and acted immature by even removing her of my facebook.

 

she texted me saying that i was seeing her as a bad person for telling me the truth about not knowing what i wanted and she has been patient with me but i never saw that, so i apologized for my actions which she accepted. we kept in contact after that and i was supportive during her new job trial. 3 weeks ago i invited her to meet she agreed and told me that she would get back to me and warned me not to stand her up like the last time. she called me after a week but by then i reflected on her behaviors on how she would sound nice and happy but be a bit rude at times and how she always been talking about herself, so i did not answer and decided to move on because i thought she probably did the same.

 

4 days after she called and i refused to answer she texted me through facebook though i no longer have her as a friend asking me how i was and that she was going back to her country for 10 days because her grand father was sick and that she was hoping to see me when she's back. i did not reply. 4 days later she texted me again saying she was at the airport because her grand father has finally died. this time i replied offering my condolences. she immediately replied but this time she was not talking about her but wanted to know about me and what i have been up to. she asked me why i did not answer when she called me days ago, that she was feeling something strange on me, and that she was still hoping to see me when she's back and that she misses me, which is odd because for the 7 months we've been in contact this was the 1st time she said she misses me.

what exactly does she want? and what should i do?

[JadedRomantic]

THIS POST IS EVERYTHING! I am going through this right now (I am the dumpee) and it is SPOT ON with everything. Honestly, it's not something that I didn't already know, but it helps to have it written out in black and white like this and for me to know that it's not some sort of crazy justification I gave him for doing this and in fact it happens a lot.

 

Quick background: I am 28, he is 25. We were together for 2 years and SO IN LOVE. I know I was the deepest love for him and he was someone that I felt like I would never find. We were connected at the hip, super compatible and yes, there were normal relationship arguments, but overall everything was what a good, happy, loving, healthy relationship should be. We supported and backed each other up. Suddenly ... things changed. He went from talking about buying me a ring (THE ring) if I 'played me cards right' and talked kids and a future etc. I participated in these convos but never initiated them or pressured him to talk about these topics. Then he left. It was confusing, he did the wishy washy thing. I was VERY confused and did a lot of questioning and crying, but no begging (i don't beg).

 

However, maybe because I'm a little older or maybe just cuz I know that he's really a good man and did truly love me ... I'm not angry. I'm sad. Crushed. Devstated. But not angry. I know there are other women, but I also know that that is a part of figuring out the GIGS for him.

 

I'm not emotionally ready for it, but I am forcing myself to go on dates (casual) and while a part of me does hope for a reconciliation ... I am trying very hard to have NC and give him the space and time he needs. The future is not guaranteed and I'm not letting hopes of reconciliation hinder my own life and processes, but I do understand what he is going thru (and to be honest ... at 23/24, i did it too to someone but I did it the completely wrong way) and I do believe that our love was strong and special enough to the both of us that things will be ok. Don't get me wrong, I still cry and miss him like crazy and have to literally hurt myself (snap a rubberband on my wrist) every time i feel like contacting him, but this thread and peoples responses are such a huge help.

 

This thread ... amazing. =)

[JadedRomantic]

I see what Capital P wrote as a reply. And here's my reply to you as I am going thru a similar thing and I am actually older than my guy so I have also been thru GIGS meyself. Yes. He broke up with you to sleep with other girls. But that is just ONE ASPECT of the GIGS. Sleeping with other people is not the main concern. The main concern is to find out more about yourself and be sure about what you want or who you are. This includes new experiences, new people and new places. And altho sometimes the grass IS greener in their eyes, a lot of the times it isn't either. And if he finds out it isn't and wants to come back, that's not you being a back-up plan. That's him realizing that the grass isn't greener or that your 'grass' (lol) is the greenest for him. I'd rather be broken up with and then let him do him, even if that mean doing other girls, than to be lied to and cheated on while he 'figures himself out'.

 

Keep ya head up! I'm in the same boat and it's NOT EASY and while I'm not sitting around waiting either, it's hard not to hold onto hope sometimes.

[thedills05]

My gf called 3 weeks ago to say she had cheated and had feelings for someone else. We have had LC/ NC since until yesterday when she found out I had slept with someone else (see my recent thread). Today she sent a text saying She has just sent another text saying "I'm sorry uni messed everything up xxxxx" - shall I even bother responding?!

[ihateher83]

It may take her years to discover. Maybe a couple of relationships to find out u r the best.

 

Ever heard of the story?

 

Once upon a time there is a kid. An old man asked the kid to go into this forest and tie a red string on the tallest tree he can find. But he can only move forward in the forest and never turn back.

 

The kid went into the forest and saw many tall trees. He saw one really tall one as it out grew the rest... but thinking that there might be taller ones deeper in the forest, he didnt tie the string to the tree and walked on. he pass by many more trees and before he knew it, he was out of the forest.

 

 

Many years later, the kid grow to become a man. The old man ask the chap to go into this garden and pluck out thw most beautiful flower he can find. The same rules applies. He can only move forward and never turn back to pluck the flowers he left behind.

 

The chap went into the forest and within a few mins, he plucked out a flower that is beautiful but far from being the most extraordinary. The old man ask him why he chooses the flower so fast. The man replied

" i used to think there is better ones out there for me when i was younger... in the end i end up with nothing. So this time i want to make sure that if i ever find something i like, i will cherish it. It doesnt have to be the best as long as i find it beautiful to me"

 

Sounds like the grass is greener problem. Ts. It make take years and many failed relationship for her to realised u r the best. But then, u may have moved on. In time, she will too after realising her mistake. She will be sad maybe for a long time but she will move on again. and she will realised again u may be the best but she will too find another best in her life.

 

U will too.

 

 

I hope this story summaries what grass is greener is all about.

 

it's a awesome story , but in a sense leaves you sad in a sense ... i guess cause it's so true and realistic ...

point being is ... all in all we have to let who we love go ... we will all be surprised by the outcome when we least expect it

[SuperGeek]

It is fine to experience new things and to meet new people, but people shouldn't expect a past lover to wait around for them when they are done. People should also realize that leaving someone to go do something else or to be with someone else really hurts and that creates resentment over time. Trying to re-enter into a relationship with that person at a later date may be difficult due to that resentment. It's still possible if both people have matured from the breakup, but many times people just can't overcome the resentment. I could never date my ex again after leaving me and it has been over 3 years now. I couldn't trust her at this point and would likely always wonder when she'd be out the door again.

 

I see what Capital P wrote as a reply. And here's my reply to you as I am going thru a similar thing and I am actually older than my guy so I have also been thru GIGS meyself. Yes. He broke up with you to sleep with other girls. But that is just ONE ASPECT of the GIGS. Sleeping with other people is not the main concern. The main concern is to find out more about yourself and be sure about what you want or who you are. This includes new experiences, new people and new places. And altho sometimes the grass IS greener in their eyes, a lot of the times it isn't either. And if he finds out it isn't and wants to come back, that's not you being a back-up plan. That's him realizing that the grass isn't greener or that your 'grass' (lol) is the greenest for him. I'd rather be broken up with and then let him do him, even if that mean doing other girls, than to be lied to and cheated on while he 'figures himself out'.

 

Keep ya head up! I'm in the same boat and it's NOT EASY and while I'm not sitting around waiting either, it's hard not to hold onto hope sometimes.

[matt29]

This is what has happened to my relationship of seven years! My fiancée left me.. I feel as though there was another person involved which has made her think the grass is greener on the other side. (im actually 99% sure she cheated an left me for this person) im moving on but I have so much anger and frustration!! I know that no body can answer this question but do you think she might wake up one day and regret what she has done? we were madly in love and had a great relationship. It only took 8 weeks from when u noticed something wasn't rite for the relationship to end...

[travelonic]

Heh, feel kinda stupid - when my ex and I talked a month after things happened, I realized the exchange of words we had not just confirmed GIGS being involved - but that though I didn't know how to describe the behavior pattern, I knew what was going on - and even said, not in terms of "you have GIGS/this is what it is," something along the lines of "well, when you eventually get married - whoever it is - things will repeat, there will eventually be patterns / an effort needs to be made by both people to keep it fresh, exciting, interesting" [note this was nearing 6 months ago - been NC almost 4 after making classic mistakes].

[Kevin71]

The fact that reading this makes me feel better and less confused than anything my ex said makes me realize this is what happened. Thanks a million OP. Whether we get back together or not.. At least I know have logic to put into the situation.