"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[achokshi]

It's so hard to read this because I have been searching for an answer to my own "weirdness." I was in a relationship for 9 months with my first ever girlfriend. The first four were pure infatuation, and I broke up wtih her just to go get other girls. When I failed, I went back to her and clung onto her with the hardest grip I could ever put on someone. I think I may have forced love, but it definitely was extremely passionate. Over the summer (before college, August 2010), I kissed another girl. The guilt I had the next day was the worst I've ever felt, I confessed to my gf at the time and she forgave me; however, something inside of me wasn't right from that point on. For the rest of August, I was depressed and anxious, only when it had to deal with my gf. Everyday I would imagine us being together forever, married and happy, and after the cheating incident, there was this black cloud everytime I thought about it. Now we are in college, and I had to break up with her, excited at the possibilities that I could find my dream girl, and I was going to pursue my dream career.

 

Then I realized that she is also doing the same, and that made me jealous. We are now broken up and on NC for a week after breaking it during thanksgiving break. She told me she was over me and was seeing other people. Even imagining this girl kissing someone else makes me so depressed and anxious. I now am stuck in the biggest pickle ever. I am not aroused by any women, I keep thinking they are all mediocre compared to my ex. HOWEVER, then I picture myself with my ex and how miserable I am FOR NO REASON. I can't figure out why I can't be with her. It's almost as if something changed after I cheated, possibly the purity, possibly I woke up, but I still haven't realized it. I have an internal conflict I am fighting everyday, from waking up to going to bed, what do I want from life? When I answer it, I picture a comfortable life with a girl that is cute and innocent and extremely faithful. I get all these with my ex, and then when I picture myself with my ex, I want a lavish lifestyle with tons of money and just some randomly highly attractive female. It doesn't make any sense to me, I can't win on either side. I don't know what I want from my life because of the whole depression related to my ex. However, now I have to take a backseat and watch her be with other people while I try and find myself.

 

I know I am sufferring from G.I.G.S, or just something else, BUT I PROMISE you that it hasn't been a choice of mine. In a way, it has, simply because I made the choice to cheat. But I honestly didn't realize this would be the consequence; it was my first relationship, first everything with a girl, and I thought I HAD to go out and experience more. This isn't the case, but now I connect my ex with depression and anxiety, and I almost hate her for being such an amazing girl. I am trying to find inner peace but can not, I let her go because it wasn't fair to her. We did the whole sort of contact I still love you thing for a month, but I knew I wasn't being fair. What is your advice for me homebrew? I feel like I can't live without her somedays and it is really itching at me. It's like I wake up and immediately think of how I'm going to fix myself today and be with her. My entire life is driven to find an answer as to why I can't be happy with her, and I believe the only way it'll ever happen is if I experience things with other girls and just go through life to start and realize and mature. It has been happening, I have been with a couple girls, but everytime I think that "the next one will be better" and so on. This is obviously a destructive path that I am on and I know it will backfire. I just want to stop feeling sad, anxious, and guilty all the time. I am in counseling and tomorrow I am seeing a psychiatrist to calm down the anxiety. I know many of you believe that this is a choice, that I can control it, but I promise you if I could I would right now for my own sanity in my freshman year of college!

[Dedalus]

It's so hard to read this because I have been searching for an answer to my own "weirdness." I was in a relationship for 9 months with my first ever girlfriend. The first four were pure infatuation, and I broke up wtih her just to go get other girls. When I failed, I went back to her and clung onto her with the hardest grip I could ever put on someone. I think I may have forced love, but it definitely was extremely passionate. Over the summer (before college, August 2010), I kissed another girl. The guilt I had the next day was the worst I've ever felt, I confessed to my gf at the time and she forgave me; however, something inside of me wasn't right from that point on. For the rest of August, I was depressed and anxious, only when it had to deal with my gf. Everyday I would imagine us being together forever, married and happy, and after the cheating incident, there was this black cloud everytime I thought about it. Now we are in college, and I had to break up with her, excited at the possibilities that I could find my dream girl, and I was going to pursue my dream career.

 

Then I realized that she is also doing the same, and that made me jealous. We are now broken up and on NC for a week after breaking it during thanksgiving break. She told me she was over me and was seeing other people. Even imagining this girl kissing someone else makes me so depressed and anxious. I now am stuck in the biggest pickle ever. I am not aroused by any women, I keep thinking they are all mediocre compared to my ex. HOWEVER, then I picture myself with my ex and how miserable I am FOR NO REASON. I can't figure out why I can't be with her. It's almost as if something changed after I cheated, possibly the purity, possibly I woke up, but I still haven't realized it. I have an internal conflict I am fighting everyday, from waking up to going to bed, what do I want from life? When I answer it, I picture a comfortable life with a girl that is cute and innocent and extremely faithful. I get all these with my ex, and then when I picture myself with my ex, I want a lavish lifestyle with tons of money and just some randomly highly attractive female. It doesn't make any sense to me, I can't win on either side. I don't know what I want from my life because of the whole depression related to my ex. However, now I have to take a backseat and watch her be with other people while I try and find myself.

 

I know I am sufferring from G.I.G.S, or just something else, BUT I PROMISE you that it hasn't been a choice of mine. In a way, it has, simply because I made the choice to cheat. But I honestly didn't realize this would be the consequence; it was my first relationship, first everything with a girl, and I thought I HAD to go out and experience more. This isn't the case, but now I connect my ex with depression and anxiety, and I almost hate her for being such an amazing girl. I am trying to find inner peace but can not, I let her go because it wasn't fair to her. We did the whole sort of contact I still love you thing for a month, but I knew I wasn't being fair. What is your advice for me homebrew? I feel like I can't live without her somedays and it is really itching at me. It's like I wake up and immediately think of how I'm going to fix myself today and be with her. My entire life is driven to find an answer as to why I can't be happy with her, and I believe the only way it'll ever happen is if I experience things with other girls and just go through life to start and realize and mature. It has been happening, I have been with a couple girls, but everytime I think that "the next one will be better" and so on. This is obviously a destructive path that I am on and I know it will backfire. I just want to stop feeling sad, anxious, and guilty all the time. I am in counseling and tomorrow I am seeing a psychiatrist to calm down the anxiety. I know many of you believe that this is a choice, that I can control it, but I promise you if I could I would right now for my own sanity in my freshman year of college!

 

Sounds so like me. Weird. Will be interested to see a response...

[achokshi]

Sounds so like me. Weird. Will be interested to see a response...

 

I read your thread and responded, and oh man I know. I haven't really found anyone like you so it's kinda nice to know I am not the only one and that I am not totally crazy after all.

[Coolsbreeze]

My first love broke up with me about 3 months ago and she was with someone very quickly after that. She claimed that she had no feelings for anyone else but her words meant nothing cause in the end her actions tell a whole different story. Sometimes I don't know what's worse being lied to like that or having to deal with the pain of her being with somebody else. She was special and I knew that and I did my best to do everything right but in the end it still wasn't enough and she broke up with me.

[dreamer0123]

I think I am in a similar situation. My ex and I of three years broke up over a year ago- we had a great relationship (so I thought) but we were on different pages.. we wanted different things.. I'm 30 and he's 29.

 

We were on LC for a little bit but then eventually went NC..I had decided at that point that I had done everything I could do and it was best to let him go. It was hard but I was ok with it...funny thing...in August he came back-

 

He told me that he wanted to try things again, and how he thought I gave up on him because I didn't try to persue him... I wasn't expecting to hear from him ever again so this took me by surprise-

 

I took my time thinking things over- and we saw each other a few times at mutual friends parties- and yesterday he came over - we had brunch and then things became really intimate. We talked and he said he was looking for a friends' with benefits deal and I was so confused because that's not what he said earlier.

 

I don't get it.. ?? Any ideas??!

[mmiller5373]

Homebrew and any others in this thread, tell me what you think of my ex. Is it G.I.G.S.?

 

Our relationship was fine from March 2008 - July 2009 (about 1.5 years). We were a perfect couple; there was some fighting, but not a whole lot. We were in love. Then, out of nowhere, she said she's bored and doesn't think this is what she wants. She's very sympathetic toward me... hugs me... kisses me on the cheek... and tells me she thinks it could work in time... she just needs time to think.

 

She starts partying more, hanging around some different, sketchy people, and really doesn't act like herself. Then a few weeks later, she asks to hang out and we drink, and she gets drunk. She professes her love to me and we're back together that night. Things are fine for about a few months, but then we started fighting a lot. It's like she's not "there," ya know? I almost felt like she wanted to do her own thing but wanted the relationship at the same time. Like she didn't want to let me go. I became tired of it and broke up with her in February 2010.

 

I started dating someone else (nothing serious) as did my ex. I later learned that during this time of our breakup, my ex was speaking with my grandmother, telling her she wants things to work with me. Honestly, I still couldn't stop thinking about my ex so I got back into contact with her in April. She basically told me she doesn't want to be with me anymore. Yet, she tells my grandmother otherwise??? I go NC again and she randomly shows up to my college graduation in May and we get back together a few weeks after that. Things are fine for a few weeks, but then she logs into my FB account in June and reads some of my messages because she said she thought I was hiding something. She finds out that I got "intimate" with the other girl while we were broken up. Now, keep in mind that my ex gf is a virgin and wants to wait for marriage, so it upsets her to find out about what happened. She pretty much says it's over.

 

A few days go by and we talk a bit. She seems okay with what happened, accepted it. She tells me that everything is going to be alright and our future together will be great. Let's just stay friends. We plan to hang out in a week, but when that time comes around, she cancels plans with me to go out with her friends. I tell her I'm sick of her BS and don't want to hear from her again. Within 5 minutes she arrives at my house, crying, apologizing, telling me she loves me but that she just needs time to figure out her life. She doesn't know what she wants. We end up making out and that gets us back together from June to August.

 

We started talking about marriage. Her family brought it up to me at some point. Her family loved me. Then, all of a sudden, some fights start happening. She starts going out more. Hanging out with people that she didn't really like. Going clubbing a lot too. Then she breaks up with me. Says she wants to be friends and maybe it can work in a year.

 

However, I wasn't in the right state of mind (I was unemployed and living with my mom) so all I could focus on was the breakup. I spent September, October, and November trying to get her back. She stopped responding to me in September. Honestly, I became kind of stalker-ish, trying to find out why she acted this way and what she was up to. I found out through her email that she was already serious with a guy just 3 weeks after she left me (taking romantic kissing pictures with him and sending them to her friends in Mexico. Yeah, she's hispanic and so is he). This guy is my complete opposite too. Doesn't seem like someone she would even date. She found out I got into her email.

 

So, she says she doesn't hate me anymore, just wants nothing to do with me. She even seems afraid of me. Her family dislikes me now. She still hasn't told her family about this other guy (she's been with him since September) and even lies about it. I don't get any of this behavior.

[vandelay]

Just so you know... Even older people can suffer from G.I.G.S too. This isn't just for young people. Signs to look for... People that didn’t have the college experience, people that got married young, people that didn’t date around, people that did not have a lot “life experiences” growing up, etc.

 

 

I would like to nominate Homebrew for the Nobel Peace Prize!

 

Once again, HB, you are a fountain of wisdom. I am on the receiving end of GIGS right now, and the writing was on the wall for a LONG time. She pretty well explained it to me so long ago! We are in our 30's and the above description fits her exactly. Every single one of the quoted criteria fits her. I should have given her the space she asked for so long ago. Maybe things would be different now...

[homebrew]

I would like to nominate Homebrew for the Nobel Peace Prize!

 

Once again, HB, you are a fountain of wisdom. I am on the receiving end of GIGS right now, and the writing was on the wall for a LONG time. She pretty well explained it to me so long ago! We are in our 30's and the above description fits her exactly. Every single one of the quoted criteria fits her. I should have given her the space she asked for so long ago. Maybe things would be different now...

 

Glad that I was able to help you better understand and come to terms with your situation.

 

The wisdom and knowledge I share with all of you... is based on what I learned through my own personal experiences and those of the people around me... Since I am 38 and never have been married... I have seen and experienced quite a lot. At this point in my life, I would like to think that I am kinda a connoisseur of all things dating and relationships.

 

It's good to know that my experiences and pain I had to endure was not a complete was not completely in vain!

[AbsoluteSucker]

So my ex got the GIGS and left me seven months ago. I've been an absolute sucker since she left. I thought being honest with her was the best thing to do for me, rather then play mind games and try to pretend that I was over her or didn't care any more.

 

Until recently, I didn't think I was being pathetic, and basically what I would say from time to time when she would call is , "Look you know I still love you, right?" Regardless of whether she would say it back or meant it, I just was saying it for myself. If the relationship was going to die, I at least wanted to be honest about things.

 

Finally after a phone call last month in which she said she missed me and hoped that it would one day work out, I sent an email without consulting my friends saying that I loved her and I understood that she needed this time for herself and that maybe things would work with us or maybe not, but at least it's nice to know that it's possible."

 

She didn't even bother to respond. Now, I feel completely pathetic and wondering what I can do to get out of this rut. I don't know if she is thinking about things or doesn't even care, but the fact that she didn't respond speaks volumes about how little she thinks of me, which has made things worse.

 

I know I've been stupid about things, but I can't change that. She is going to contact me at some point, we've doing this for 4 years, lived together for 2. She texted me the other night something stupid just to see if I respond and did, which was another dumb move. I don't know what my problem is.

 

What's my play? Do I just ignore from now on? That just seems more pathetic that I can't even talk to her. Do I lie and tell her I have moved on when I haven't. I've been seeing other girls, but just do not care at all about them. When she calls do I pretend like things are cool? The last thing I want to do is go why didn't you email me back or why are you making this hard on me? At this point I just want to salvage some sort of self-respect.

 

Any advise someone has would be much appreciated.

[vandelay]

You've got to ignore her. Seven months and she still has you wrapped around her finger. The last thing you said to her seems pretty reasonable. You understand that she need this time to herself. Now give it to her, 100%.

[Eeyore79]

I have been on both sides of this situation.

 

In my late teens I was in a great relationship with a wonderful guy, when he suddenly dumped me out of the blue. He made a number of excuses like he wanted to move away (I said I'd go with him but he said it was unfair for me to have to follow him), he said it was too far to drive from his place to mine (a 30 min drive isn't an issue if you truly love someone), he said I didn't fit in with his lifestyle (I saw no evidence of this), etc. I still have no idea why he actually dumped me, but it was probably because he wasn't ready to be in such a serious relationship. A few years later he realised he had screwed up and was ready for a relationship, but was unable to find someone as attractive and compatible as me, so he wanted me back - of course by this point I had moved on. He tried to get me back until he was 28, when he finally gave up because I told him in no uncertain terms that it was never going to happen, because I could never overcome the space he had created between us or learn to trust him again.

 

I have also been on the other side of the situation; I had relationships where everything was ticking along fine from day-to-day, but as soon as there was a question of commitment I had to admit that I didn't want to commit to that person, and the relationship ended. It was difficult to give an explanation beyond saying that I didn't want to date the guy in question any more. It was usually because I was content on a daily basis and didn't think about the future, but when I was prompted to think about the future for whatever reason, I didn't see that guy in it. My usual comment was "He's a great boyfriend, but he's not husband material", and that was the end of the relationship.

 

So I don't think such breakups are necessarily due to immaturity; perhaps in my case it's truer to say that the relationship was due to immaturity, and when I grew up a bit and thought about the future I realised the relationship was going nowhere.

[mmiller5373]

Homebrew, I know that I did everything wrong post breakup. We've discussed this in other threads. However, reading my post at the top of the page, do you think my ex had GIGS?

[Xero8780]

wow, I just found this forum, I just read the first post, and this is EXACTLY what is happening to me...I don't know what to do. My girlfriend has dumped me twice out of the blue citing fear of being in a relationship for too long, etc. and now she is telling me how confused she is and how much she misses me. I want to be with her again...but I don't know if I could live my life in fear of getting dumped a 3rd time.

 

Is it worth giving up the potential love of my life for this fear?

 

I jussttt posted my story before reading this thread, but you really nailed it:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t258343/

[mmiller5373]

Homebrew and any others in this thread, tell me what you think of my ex. Is it G.I.G.S.?

 

Our relationship was fine from March 2008 - July 2009 (about 1.5 years). We were a perfect couple; there was some fighting, but not a whole lot. We were in love. Then, out of nowhere, she said she's bored and doesn't think this is what she wants. She's very sympathetic toward me... hugs me... kisses me on the cheek... and tells me she thinks it could work in time... she just needs time to think.

 

She starts partying more, hanging around some different, sketchy people, and really doesn't act like herself. Then a few weeks later, she asks to hang out and we drink, and she gets drunk. She professes her love to me and we're back together that night. Things are fine for about a few months, but then we started fighting a lot. It's like she's not "there," ya know? I almost felt like she wanted to do her own thing but wanted the relationship at the same time. Like she didn't want to let me go. I became tired of it and broke up with her in February 2010.

 

I started dating someone else (nothing serious) as did my ex. I later learned that during this time of our breakup, my ex was speaking with my grandmother, telling her she wants things to work with me. Honestly, I still couldn't stop thinking about my ex so I got back into contact with her in April. She basically told me she doesn't want to be with me anymore. Yet, she tells my grandmother otherwise??? I go NC again and she randomly shows up to my college graduation in May and we get back together a few weeks after that. Things are fine for a few weeks, but then she logs into my FB account in June and reads some of my messages because she said she thought I was hiding something. She finds out that I got "intimate" with the other girl while we were broken up. Now, keep in mind that my ex gf is a virgin and wants to wait for marriage, so it upsets her to find out about what happened. She pretty much says it's over.

 

A few days go by and we talk a bit. She seems okay with what happened, accepted it. She tells me that everything is going to be alright and our future together will be great. Let's just stay friends. We plan to hang out in a week, but when that time comes around, she cancels plans with me to go out with her friends. I tell her I'm sick of her BS and don't want to hear from her again. Within 5 minutes she arrives at my house, crying, apologizing, telling me she loves me but that she just needs time to figure out her life. She doesn't know what she wants. We end up making out and that gets us back together from June to August.

 

We started talking about marriage. Her family brought it up to me at some point. Her family loved me. Then, all of a sudden, some fights start happening. She starts going out more. Hanging out with people that she didn't really like. Going clubbing a lot too. Then she breaks up with me. Says she wants to be friends and maybe it can work in a year.

 

However, I wasn't in the right state of mind (I was unemployed and living with my mom) so all I could focus on was the breakup. I spent September, October, and November trying to get her back. She stopped responding to me in September. Honestly, I became kind of stalker-ish, trying to find out why she acted this way and what she was up to. I found out through her email that she was already serious with a guy just 3 weeks after she left me (taking romantic kissing pictures with him and sending them to her friends in Mexico. Yeah, she's hispanic and so is he). This guy is my complete opposite too. Doesn't seem like someone she would even date. She found out I got into her email.

 

So, she says she doesn't hate me anymore, just wants nothing to do with me. She even seems afraid of me. Her family dislikes me now. She still hasn't told her family about this other guy (she's been with him since September) and even lies about it. I don't get any of this behavior.

 

Homebrew, we've discussed my actions in other threads, what about hers?

[Don_da_Ho]

Oh great. Another "syndrome" so Dumpees can blame the Dumper instead of looking at the real problem: THEMSELVES. No offense HomeBrew, since I think most of your advice is well written and right on the point.

 

However, I think you have just given Dumpees a label to place on their Ex when IMO the majority of time break ups don't occur for what you call GIGS. It's perfect for a Dumpee since they can continue to blame their Ex for dumping them and don't have to take responsibility for their own actions.

 

Sure, I think if you're 16-24 years there are LOTS of options out there and most young people are looking for the bigger, better deal (BBD). This is what I would call GIGS and it's just part of being young. I know that when I was that age and had a GF I would go out all the time and look for the next prettier girl. Then people grow up and have fewer choices.

 

I would say the most prevalent reason for break ups is LOSS OF ATTRACTION. And why does that occur? Because the Dumpee becomes less and less of a challenge, was too available, more predictable, showered them with flowers and gifts, gave in to all the demands of their Ex, constantly professed their love, became indecisive, called and texted all the time, lost their identity, checked up on them, acted insecure and so on. In short, they became a PUSSY.

 

The Dumpee started as a MAN in the beginning of the relationship, which attracted their Ex, and then slowly became a PUSSY as the relationship went on (which continued to lower their Ex's attraction to them). That's why when a Dumpee gets dumped all the chasing, begging, flowers and professing their love to their Ex will only do one thing: lower Ex's attraction to them even further.

 

Now sure, people grow, they change, life changes and people break up. That's life. But instead of contributing it to "GIGS", I'd have to say the majority of times the Dumpee needs to look at themselves and how they changed in to a little girlie man.

I think I'm going to call this TIP syndrome ............. TURNED INTO A PUSSY.

[homebrew]

Oh great. Another "syndrome" so Dumpees can blame the Dumper instead of looking at the real problem: THEMSELVES. No offense HomeBrew, since I think most of your advice is well written and right on the point.

 

However, I think you have just given Dumpees a label to place on their Ex when IMO the majority of time break ups don't occur for what you call GIGS. It's perfect for a Dumpee since they can continue to blame their Ex for dumping them and don't have to take responsibility for their own actions.

 

Sure, I think if you're 16-24 years there are LOTS of options out there and most young people are looking for the bigger, better deal (BBD). This is what I would call GIGS and it's just part of being young. I know that when I was that age and had a GF I would go out all the time and look for the next prettier girl. Then people grow up and have fewer choices.

 

I would say the most prevalent reason for break ups is LOSS OF ATTRACTION. And why does that occur? Because the Dumpee becomes less and less of a challenge, was too available, more predictable, showered them with flowers and gifts, gave in to all the demands of their Ex, constantly professed their love, became indecisive, called and texted all the time, lost their identity, checked up on them, acted insecure and so on. In short, they became a PUSSY.

 

The Dumpee started as a MAN in the beginning of the relationship, which attracted their Ex, and then slowly became a PUSSY as the relationship went on (which continued to lower their Ex's attraction to them). That's why when a Dumpee gets dumped all the chasing, begging, flowers and professing their love to their Ex will only do one thing: lower Ex's attraction to them even further.

 

Now sure, people grow, they change, life changes and people break up. That's life. But instead of contributing it to "GIGS", I'd have to say the majority of times the Dumpee needs to look at themselves and how they changed in to a little girlie man.

I think I'm going to call this TIP syndrome ............. TURNED INTO A PUSSY.

 

Hahahahahahaha!

 

I am explaining to the "Normal Dumpee" what / where the Dumper is coming from... Which for the "Normal Dumpee" is helpful to them in the whole moving on process... On top of that, the information I provide regarding a Dumper that is going through G.I.G.S. is accurate and true!

 

My advice is always the same:

 

1. Get "YOU" Back

 

How does one go about doing that?

 

1. No Contact - So you have the opportunity to get "YOU" Back.

2. Accept that there is nothing you can do about it - Except make it worse!

3. Move On - You can't get "YOU" fully back... till you do this.

 

I have no control over what / how the "Delusional / Unhealthy Dumpee" is going to do with the information I provided in this thread.

 

As you well know... The "Delusional / Unhealthy Dumpee" are going to do / believe whatever it is they want... regardless of what I say or not. They do not want help and they want the Dumper back mostly because of some "unhealthy" thing wrong within them.

Edited December 29, 2010 by homebrew

[Breakupguy12]

Homebrew and any others in this thread, tell me what you think of my ex. Is it G.I.G.S.?

 

Our relationship was fine from March 2008 - July 2009 (about 1.5 years). We were a perfect couple; there was some fighting, but not a whole lot. We were in love. Then, out of nowhere, she said she's bored and doesn't think this is what she wants. She's very sympathetic toward me... hugs me... kisses me on the cheek... and tells me she thinks it could work in time... she just needs time to think.

 

She starts partying more, hanging around some different, sketchy people, and really doesn't act like herself. Then a few weeks later, she asks to hang out and we drink, and she gets drunk. She professes her love to me and we're back together that night. Things are fine for about a few months, but then we started fighting a lot. It's like she's not "there," ya know? I almost felt like she wanted to do her own thing but wanted the relationship at the same time. Like she didn't want to let me go. I became tired of it and broke up with her in February 2010.

 

I started dating someone else (nothing serious) as did my ex. I later learned that during this time of our breakup, my ex was speaking with my grandmother, telling her she wants things to work with me. Honestly, I still couldn't stop thinking about my ex so I got back into contact with her in April. She basically told me she doesn't want to be with me anymore. Yet, she tells my grandmother otherwise??? I go NC again and she randomly shows up to my college graduation in May and we get back together a few weeks after that. Things are fine for a few weeks, but then she logs into my FB account in June and reads some of my messages because she said she thought I was hiding something. She finds out that I got "intimate" with the other girl while we were broken up. Now, keep in mind that my ex gf is a virgin and wants to wait for marriage, so it upsets her to find out about what happened. She pretty much says it's over.

 

A few days go by and we talk a bit. She seems okay with what happened, accepted it. She tells me that everything is going to be alright and our future together will be great. Let's just stay friends. We plan to hang out in a week, but when that time comes around, she cancels plans with me to go out with her friends. I tell her I'm sick of her BS and don't want to hear from her again. Within 5 minutes she arrives at my house, crying, apologizing, telling me she loves me but that she just needs time to figure out her life. She doesn't know what she wants. We end up making out and that gets us back together from June to August.

 

We started talking about marriage. Her family brought it up to me at some point. Her family loved me. Then, all of a sudden, some fights start happening. She starts going out more. Hanging out with people that she didn't really like. Going clubbing a lot too. Then she breaks up with me. Says she wants to be friends and maybe it can work in a year.

 

However, I wasn't in the right state of mind (I was unemployed and living with my mom) so all I could focus on was the breakup. I spent September, October, and November trying to get her back. She stopped responding to me in September. Honestly, I became kind of stalker-ish, trying to find out why she acted this way and what she was up to. I found out through her email that she was already serious with a guy just 3 weeks after she left me (taking romantic kissing pictures with him and sending them to her friends in Mexico. Yeah, she's hispanic and so is he). This guy is my complete opposite too. Doesn't seem like someone she would even date. She found out I got into her email.

 

So, she says she doesn't hate me anymore, just wants nothing to do with me. She even seems afraid of me. Her family dislikes me now. She still hasn't told her family about this other guy (she's been with him since September) and even lies about it. I don't get any of this behavior.

 

You have to get it together and cut off all contact. I think you know what you need to do here. Your relationship doesn't sound very stable. Unless you're leaving out some things you did to provoke this behavior, it sounds like she has some issues that will make it hard or next to impossible for you guys to work out.

 

The new guy being your complete opposite may be a clue as to why it's not working out between you two. Maybe she needs someone who's the opposite of you to be compatible with. If that's the case, a lot of what you're saying begins to make sense.

[homebrew]

Mmiller,

 

Sounds like G.I.G.S. to me...

 

She is young and so are you... so what she did is part of the growing up process... The thing we call life.

 

She doesn't hate you... but she wants to go out and experience the world in her own way. She doesn't want a committed relationship with a guy like you at the moment.

 

You have to go NO CONTACT and leave her alone!

 

In time (a long time from now... like 5 years or so), she will not remember or care about you acting crazy after the break up. The reason why... She is going to go through a few of them of her own and she will most likely act crazy herself!

 

You are the "marrying" type to her... She does not want that at the present time. She wants the "dating" type. No real commitment... so to speak.

 

NO MORE CONTACT and in 5 years or so when you reach out to her or vice versa... You both can have a good laugh of how crazy you acted. Trust me... I have scene this happen many times... Some had the cops called on them... Restraining orders, the works! Your situation is no different.

[mmiller5373]

You have to get it together and cut off all contact. I think you know what you need to do here. Your relationship doesn't sound very stable. Unless you're leaving out some things you did to provoke this behavior, it sounds like she has some issues that will make it hard or next to impossible for you guys to work out.

 

The new guy being your complete opposite may be a clue as to why it's not working out between you two. Maybe she needs someone who's the opposite of you to be compatible with. If that's the case, a lot of what you're saying begins to make sense.

 

The only thing I left out is that her and her family are here illegally, and they're paranoid as hell about it. They dont want to get deported. The last time contact was made, she told me through her brother in law that she was scared I would cause a scene and that the cops would show up. We've never had a fight like that. I've never shown any angry or violent behavior during the relationship. Point being that she didn't want me coming around cause I may run into her and her new guy.

[Banega100]

I think I'm going to call this TIP syndrome ............. TURNED INTO A PUSSY.

 

Don, Capital P and I ripped this thread up a few months ago during it's 'first wave'. He just comes back! He's to into it to change his mind and realise.

It's pretty mental that people are so ready and willing to attach a bogus theory rather than take responsibility for themselves being weak and not standing up to that person.

 

Really, people aren't going to learn anything that can help them in the future if threads like this exist, stating that a person no longer being attracted to you is down to a sydndrome... and for that reason this forum becomes misleading and unhelpful frankly

[mmiller5373]

Mmiller,

 

Sounds like G.I.G.S. to me...

 

She is young and so are you... so what she did is part of the growing up process... The thing we call life.

 

She doesn't hate you... but she wants to go out and experience the world in her own way. She doesn't want a committed relationship with a guy like you at the moment.

 

You have to go NO CONTACT and leave her alone!

 

In time (a long time from now... like 5 years or so), she will not remember or care about you acting crazy after the break up. The reason why... She is going to go through a few of them of her own and she will most likely act crazy herself!

 

You are the "marrying" type to her... She does not want that at the present time. She wants the "dating" type. No real commitment... so to speak.

 

NO MORE CONTACT and in 5 years or so when you reach out to her or vice versa... You both can have a good laugh of how crazy you acted. Trust me... I have scene this happen many times... Some had the cops called on them... Restraining orders, the works! Your situation is no different.

 

She use to talk about marriage with me, yet sometimes, she'd say things like, "I don't want to get married for a long time." "Someday I'll have more experience than you." "I don't know what I want."

 

5 years seems long, so hopefully someone else comes along to take my

breath away.

[homebrew]

Don, Capital P and I ripped this thread up a few months ago during it's 'first wave'. He just comes back! He's to into it to change his mind and realise.

It's pretty mental that people are so ready and willing to attach a bogus theory rather than take responsibility for themselves being weak and not standing up to that person.

 

Really, people aren't going to learn anything that can help them in the future if threads like this exist, stating that a person no longer being attracted to you is down to a sydndrome... and for that reason this forum becomes misleading and unhelpful frankly

 

Right... All the people that have thanked me in the thread for helping them come to terms with and better understand why their EX dumped them is a REALLY, REALLY AWFUL thing for me to do!

 

Considering what you have you have in your signature...

 

I take it your advice for us all... is that we should just go and "take" it from our women and all will be good... Right?

 

Huh... Knowing what I know about women... You seem like what you really want is a man... because that is all your advice is good for. Keeping a man!

 

Is there something you would like to go ahead and step out of the closet and tell us?

 

Banega100, considering how you think a women should be thought of and treated... I for the life of me can not understand why you of all people would be need to come to LS in the first place... What were all those women thinking that dumped you?!?!?! You are quite the catch!

 

You are a pathetic loser and a sorry excuse for a man!

 

Go listen to your idol... Howard Stern and leave the rest of this to the adults!

Edited December 29, 2010 by homebrew

[Banega100]

Right... All the people that have thanked me in the thread for helping them come to terms with and better understand why their EX dumped them is a REALLY, REALLY AWFUL thing for me to do!

 

Considering what you have you have in your signature...

 

I take it your advice for us all... is that we should just go and "take" it from our women and all will be good... Right?

 

Huh... Knowing what I know about women... You seem like what you really want is a man... because that is all your advice is good for. Keeping a man!

 

Is there something you would like to go ahead and step out of the closet and tell us?

 

You are a pathetic loser and a sorry excuse for a man!

 

Go listen to your idol... Howard Stern and leave the rest of this to the adults!

 

haha, man, way to lower the tone!

 

But seriously, instead of throwing around childish homophobic abuse maybe you should grow up and look at the sense in declaring that a woman must simply have a syndrome because she left you...

[GreenPolicy]

Most of the time a woman leaves because of lost interest. But I know of a friend of mine where GIGS applies. She got her bachelors degree in three years, then straight into law school, meet her fiancé there, he was a few years older. When she broke things off, the guy was a homebody who didn't like going out, whereas she liked staying up late and making last call. She never got to do the typical twenties thing and after she broke things off, that's exactly what she did - partying all the time and doing things that her ex was already past.

[homebrew]

Banega100,

 

My EX left me because she thinks there is something or someone better out there for her than me...

 

A.K.A. - The Grass is Greener on the Other Side

 

Did I miss something or are you to stupid to understand the meaning of that well know saying?