My girlfriend broke up with me and I want her back

[manolo]

Hi yall,

 

Me and my girlfriend just broke up two months ago and I need some advise. We were together for two years, dated for six months before that and were friends for a year before we even started dating. We always had a good time when we were together and we were physically attracted to each other. When we started dating, she told me that she always had a crush on me and she thinks that I'm a nice guy. So, we started dating. Things were great. We would do alot of thing together like go hang out with friends, go to the movies, go out to eat. You know, the stuff people do when they date. After six months of dating we had a serious conversation about us and she told me that she likes me alot and that she would love to be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with me. The first year was great. We never argued and we made love every day. She was my best friend. We did everything together like take trips to the beach, travel from state to state, go see football games, etc. During the coarse of that year we both fell deeply in love with each other. I know for a fact that she was in love with me and that I was in love with her.

 

After a little over a year in the relationship 9/11 happened and the economy got worse. I graduated from college with a business degree that December and in January the war in Iraq started. I couldn't find a job so I moved back with my parents. I fell into a depression and didn't know I was depressed till six months after I started being depressed. I didn't have a job and no money. She stuck with me through all the hard times that I went through and I didn't appreciate anything she has done for me because of my personal misery. I turned into a person that seemed like he's not having any fun, I wasn't smiling anymore, I didn't feel like communicating with anyone. Well, you know I was in a depression because I wasn't happy with myself. I love my girlfriend to death(well ex now) but I wasn't happy with myself. Well, I guess she broke up with me because I wasn't happy and that was making her unhappy. We start arguing about little things and all that I guess put alot of stress and tension in the relationship. Our relationship started to seem like a roller coaster. We will have our ups and our downs. All because of me not being happy with myself and thinking that I never accomplished anything after graduating from college. Well anyway, she broke up with me because she wasn't happy with me anymore and that she's not in love with me like she used to be. Her love for me faded away during this year of hard times. After a year of being unemployed and working silly jobs for money, I finally got a good job, bought a new car, moved out of my parents house, have money in my pocket. I feel like the person I used to be. Happy and in control of my life. But, there is still one thing missing in my life and that is the person I love most of all in my life and she doesn't wanna be with me anymore. I guess I was treating her like dirt this past year. I called her a bunch of times so we can hang out and she tells me no it's for the best. I ask her to come back to me and tells me that she doesn't know.

 

A month after we broke up she already went out on a couple of dates and even kissed another guy. I can't stop thinking about her and want her back in my life. It just seems like 2003 was the worst year for ever. I catch myself calling her and writing her letters, poems and little emails. She did call me a couple of times to say hey and let me know that she hasn't forgot about me but, she says it's for the best that we don't talk to each other or see each other. She is really hard to get over and I feel like I mest up the best thing in my life. Deep down I think that she still loves me because she called me one time and I was at restaurant with some friends and she heard some girls in the background laughing so, she hung up the phone and text me on the cell that I'm a jerk. Also, I night at 3:00 in the morning she calls me tells me to come over. So I did. It felt great to be next to her again. In the morning I cooked breakfast and brought to her in bed and made coffee. I asked her if we can wipe the slate clean and get back together and she tells that she doesn't know. Then I asked her about the guy she has been seeing. I asked her if she kissed him and she told me yes. That made break into tears and what made it worse was that she said that she has a slite interest in him. Please give me some advise on this. Do yall think that this is a rebound relationship or this would be the end between me and her. Do yall think that this new guy in her life will last or that with this guy she will realize what she is really missing and come back to me. I am trying really hard not to call her. Please respond I need some advise from as many people as posible. Thanks

[dyermaker]

Now come back to this site, under a different name, and pretend you didn't write that. Respond accordingly.

 

You can't contact this girl on your own initiative EVER again.

 

This accomplishes two things. First, it defeats the impression she has of you now--which is something with no mystery, and therefore something she's already had. Dude, she's bored of you. I'm bored of you. You can't write her love poems and all that crap, desperation is the biggest turn off. If given the choice between a man who never bathed, and a lovesick ex who keeps contacting her, any woman would take the French guy. Secondly, it allows you for the time you'll inevitably NEED in order to get over her, and find something new.

 

(I'm already sorry about the french thing, I'm an Imperialist American, a paper tiger, and the only way I can reconcile my desire for foreign oil is by making fun of the civilized nations who oppose it--to all the frenchies out there, I'm sorry)

[Vivid_29]

Dyermaker said -

 

If given the choice between a man who never bathed, and a lovesick ex who keeps contacting her, any woman would take the French guy.

 

 

Anyway, I'm with Dyer in this one.

 

She is no longer interested in you, man. Don't think that you are gonna entice her with the sappy and gay love letters and poems. Like Dyer said, this is a major turn-off to anyone. I ask you --- Which would bother you more?

 

Scenerio #1 -- You break up with a woman and she just brushes it off as if you meant nothing to her and she starts dating other men, right away.

 

Scenerio #2 -- Or, you break up with a woman and she tells you that she can't live without you. She is constantly hounding you, showing up on your doorstep everyday in tears, acting all wussy and wimpy, bugging you to get back together. She starts buying you gifts, really expensive ones, in a desperate attempt to win you back.

 

So, what do you think?

 

You've got your life back together now. You've got a car, money, job, ect. Women are attracted to men whose got the goods, so get out there and meet some and stop pinning your hopes to just one woman.

 

~V

[morrigan]

You can serenade her, buy her Cartier jewelry, or kidnap her, but there's really nothing you can do if she is no longer interested in a relationship with you.

As Vivid said, would you want to deal with an ex who feels they still have a right to be in your life, even after you have broken up with them?

 

I'm sorry, but the relationship is over. Don't contact her anymore, and try to get on with your own life.

[manolo]

yes, I agree with yall that I shouldn't contact her and that I should move on with my life without her. Thanks for the advise. It has been a week since I have spoken to her and I feel alot better now. I know for a fact that she is seeing someone else and has interest in him. But, there is one thing that I don't get. Ladies, maybe yall can help me out with this one. After having a date with this guy. That same night when she was driving home she called me at 3:00 in the morning to see what I was doing. She tells me that she is not in the mood to go home alone and asks me if I can come over. So I did. I whole night when we were sleeping she clutched on to me like she didn't wanna let me go. But, in the morning when we talked about us and I asked her to lets get back together again, she said that she didn't know and that she didn't want things to go back to the way they were. She said that she loves me but is not in love with me like she used to be. Will the relationship between her and the new guy last because they only started dating a couple weeks after we broke up and rebound relationships never work out. I have a feeling that she is gonna realize what she lost and dump the new guy and come back to me. But I may be wrong. This guy might be the one for her. Oh, this new guy also just got out of a relationship also. So, that's more of a chance that they won't last. They are both rebounders. I'm gonna give it a month of absolutely no communication on my part unless she contacts me. Ladies please respond and give me some advise. Yall know better than anyone about this situation. Thanks.

[Vivid_29]

Manolo - Three people have given you advice and you totally threw it out the window. So maybe this is what you want to hear -

 

Regarding this new man in her life, I honestly don't think that it's gonna work out. You are definately the one for her. I think that deep down inside, she really wants to be with you; a man who can't seem to move on and has all of his hopes and dreams focused only on one woman, for his entire life. This is a major turn on to anyone -- expecially women!!! Women love it when a guys soul isn't intact.

 

What you need to do is just keep running to her whenever she asks you to. Keep asking to come back to you and never stop. Just completely bug the s**t out of her. Serenade to her if you have to or maybe you should go to Zales and buy her a diamond solitaire and ask her to marry you. That would definately make her reconsider.

 

She is definately the only one for you, because you are already 26 years old and life is short. Pretty soon you'll be an old geezer and no woman will be interested in you, so you better win her back. And of course there is nothing you can do about your lack of pride and dignity. That's the way you are and the way you'll be forever and your entire self worth is hanging in the balance of whether or not she'll come back.

 

So just keep going back to her and maybe after about 25 years of this, she'll come around. Keep us posted!

 

Much love and aloha,

Vivid_29

[Codmate]

That bout of heavy sarcasm from Vivid is rather harsh - but probably correct.

 

She is confused. There is nothing more painful than dealing with a confused woman. You will never know where you stand.

 

Don't respond to her messages or contact her off your own initiative for a month.

 

Then get together with her in a public place with no alcohol (for coffee would be fine) and have a serious discussion about how you both feel if it is still necessary.

[manolo]

Thanks Codmate for the advise. It has been a week since I have spoken to my ex and I intend to keep it that way for a while. Right now I am just concentrating on my new career and on myself for a stronger mind, body and soul. The next time we speak she will be more attracted to me then she ever has. Even if she's with that loser she is currently dating. Keep in touch and thank you all for the advice even vivid, even though he took me by surprise with his last post. But, thats ok because I deserve a kick in the butt.