Lost my dream girl and love of my life....

[depressed_man]

well i just broke up with my girlfriend 2 nights ago. I should say she broke up with me. I can't say I didn't expect it because I could tell something was wrong, the previous few nights. We had been goin out for a year, going on 13 months when it happened. We were very close, I had gone off to military college and for the first 3 months I only saw her 4 days out of that whole time, but we got stronger with that. We went throught the first semester barely seeing eachother but some sort of communication everyday. We were in love, we knew it, everyone knew it. We were perfect. We made it through the first 2 months of second semester with a few rough spots, but i came home for her bday, our year annv, and valentines day..and spent every minute with her. Now 2 days before srping break she breaks up with me.

 

I try to prepare myself but just the whole idea of not having her as my g/f is devastating. She was my life. I put all my energy towards our relationship. I sent her random cards, random emails, sent her gifts, flowers, all the things to make it as easy for her as possible. I never raised my voice at her and even got angry with her, i always put her emotions and happiness first. Now after spending the last year of my life being with her every moment i was home, i feel lost. She still loves me, i know that. Her reason was she was too young to have a serious relationship. Now, i'm not a girl, but to me I think if you love someone you stay with them, its not something you can get everyday.

 

I don't know how to handle being away from her. i've talked to her the 2 days we've been seperated and everytime i talk to her i get angry, sad, depressed, lonely, overwhelmed, everything. one day she says she misses me and wants to see me and today she pretty much says no. I've talked to everyone, her mom, her friends, everything to try and get what she is thinkin or feeling, she leaves me with a lot of "i don't knows". I just feel so overwhelmed of the possibility of dating again. I had a perfect relationship, i got along great with her, her friends, her parents, her brother and sister, her uncles, aunts, everyone. It was a true hollywood relationship. Now without that I have this void in my heart.

 

I desperately want to get back with her, but at the same time I know she wants to date other people, which bothers me. She is bothered by the idea of me dating other people, as she has told me today. She is a beautiful girl and can get a date like that, but me on the other hand am not as lucky as her. People say I am good looking, but they say that to be nice. I've never been more depressed in my life.

 

I don't know what to do. I'm lost without her. I don't have my best friend with me anymore and i'm wondering around trying to figure out what to do. I'm a complete mess. My friends have tried to help, but I can't stop thinking about her. I can't sleep because I miss her. I can't eat because I'm sick to my stomach about. I can't have fun because I wonder what she is doing, what guys are after her. I care about her and can accept the fact that she will date someone else, but i know that they will not be dating her because of her. they will be dating her because she is pretty and most guys are scumbags.

 

If you want to know how I truly feel, just imagine a girl losing her boyfriend whom she loves with everything she has. I gave everything towards "us" and it was my world. Now I'm without a friend and a world. Help me please....

[moimeme]

Yours is a sad story for sure and I'm sorry you're going through this. Now you have to be good to you. Spend time with friends and distract yourself as much as you can.

 

A caution to you, though. You say : She was my life. I put all my energy towards our relationship.

This is actually a bad thing to do - exactly because if anything happens to her or the relationship, you are left completely at a loss. One of the things you need to do while you're not part of a couple is to strengthen yourself so you don't give every single morsel of yourself away. This doesn't mean that you can't love very much or be devoted, but once you start giving yourself up entirely for someone else, you put the whole burden of the relationship on that other person, who can't usually manage under that load.

[dyermaker]

First of all, my compassion goes out to you, I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you.

 

That said, Moimeme's so right. When you invest your OWN self-worth in another person, it not only creates a burden too big to bear for the other person, but also makes the plumetting descent from ecstasy much more painful. Learn to love yourself. Realize that because a beautiful girl loved you, you too are beautiful. Don't dwell on the fact she doesn't want to continue. See in yourself the person she saw in you.

 

If you're even having daydreams of her returning to you, you have to make her think you're the one that got away. How? Get away. Work on yourself, become a better man. Not for her, for you, and the girl with whom you'll find happiness.

[eagle_nate]

Hey man,

Well, nothing I say here is going to make you feel any better but it will help me so I'll write anyway!

 

Firstly, what you're going through is completely normal and valid. The sleeping, eating, depression, all part of the game we play...the game of love. I recently went through a b/u I didn't really want and in the month or so since have been through a lot of emotions and pain.

 

But, I have good news for you! It gets better. Slowly but surely, it does get better.

 

You seem to have accepted that it is over, and this is a good thing. It's ok to admit you're still in love with her...you will hold strong feelings towards this girl for a long time. But eventually, they will lift. You will meet someone else or maybe this person will re-enter your life. Who knows what the future holds for your love life but understand that you will be fine. Even though it doesn't feel that way right now!

 

You need to relax about it as much as you can. Nothing you can do will change the way thins person feels for you. Letters, cards, e-mails, flowers, don't waste your time. Leave her to figure things out for herself. If you treated her so well and she really does love you....your best bet is to leave her alone to realize how life will be like without you. Set her free buddy, as hard as it will be for you...do not call her, leave her to see what life will be like with out you in it. If youre talking everyday and whining about how much you miss her and love her, she'll have no idea what kind of mistake she made.

 

As for thinking about her and another guy...welcome to my world. I have accepted this is a normal part of a breakup. What helps me is these two things...firstly, I will be with other people too (as a matter of fact, I met someone interesting today) and in time I won't care if she's sleeping with the offensive line of the 49er's. It's a normal part of losing someone buddy, accept that you BOTH will be involved with other people who will make this realtionship seem worthwhile.

 

And don't be so hard on yourself. Again, the self-esteem takes a major beating when we get this kind of news, but you wouldn't have got her if you didn't have something to offer. Relax, talk to friends until you lose your voice, it's the only remedy and not one that helps too much but it will help a bit!

[MeToo]

The details of your lost relationship were somewhat painful to read. Your love for this person was far above what she probable had in mind. You have YEARS ahead of you to “put this behind you” but first; you will have to do some healing now. According to what you wrote, all your efforts were directed to her and the relationship. That’s being “committed” where she was only looking for a “causal” relationship, a classic mistake on your part. Then, your heart got in the way and you ended up here – broken hearted. Remember, men are from Mars; women are from Venus. They think differently about relationships. If you had told her (in the beginning) what you wanted in a relationship, I’m pretty sure that relationship would have ended the first or second day. Then you would have been spared what you are dealing with now. Take heart. All is not lost. If you really feel the “need” to get back with her, you need to open a dialog with her. Stay away from the “breakup” and the “boyfriend” issues. They will “turn off” any conversations with her. Concentrate on the things you are doing now. Never let her know what’s really in your heart until a time where you and her can talk openly and “HONESTLY” about your true feelings for one another. But be very cautious about how you say thing during this very touchy time. For the first thing she or you say that rubs the conversation the wrong way, you’ll have to start all over again building a friendship.

 

Reread what eagle_nate had to say. A lot of what he said is true. I say, “think with your head” during this time. Don’t let your heart dictate what you say. That will come later. Take it slow in the beginning. Soon enough, you will be able to gain her confidence and respect as a man and a caring partner. If this progress to a level where you both could agree on a “casual” relationship, then you are almost home.