"Hope your ok"

[swfc_77]

got the dreaded tx last night and ignored it, told my friend (her sisters ex) and he tx her say leave him alone, stop being a silly little girl.

 

this prompted a barrage of abuse my way from my ex, calling me a dick, and saying she was only seeing if i was ok.

 

anyway we calmed down after exchanging a few tx, i got a few things off my chest and she said she was a coward for not telling me to my face that we were over, also that she thinks highly of me still, and that im special.

 

other things she said was she wished she knew back then what she knows now and things would be different, i dont know how.

 

she wants to see the cat and come to my house, i sent her a tx this mornin saying sorry for the name calling it was out of order, i was just shocked she tx me.

she wants to come round next week and see him (the moggy) and i have agreed, im not sure i want her here im kind of changing the house around and re-decorating to keep me occupied and so nothing reminds me of her, so the last thing i want is her actually here.

 

she wants to be friends, i dont know why. she must have some bottle after all she has done, its our 2 year annerversary tommorow (sat) it going to be hard for me.

 

i did tell her that i dont want her in my life any way,shape or form as all she does is hurt me and she replied that she wont anymore ????

 

have i done things right, i mean i dont want to be nasty or bitter or spiteful but i just dont think i want her in my life at all but to cut her out completely i may come across as nasty. we live in a village and every1 knows every1 so we have a lot of mutual friends.

 

why is she doing this to me?

[TLCbear]

i did tell her that i dont want her in my life any way,shape or form as all she does is hurt me and she replied that she wont anymore ????

 

have i done things right, i mean i dont want to be nasty or bitter or spiteful but i just dont think i want her in my life at all but to cut her out completely i may come across as nasty. we live in a village and every1 knows every1 so we have a lot of mutual friends.

 

Ok, you told her you didn't want her in your life, however, you it seems like you're unsure. What you need to do is figure out if that's something you really want...because if it is, then you would not have a problem saying and acting on it. You're worrying about coming across as nasty if you completely cut her out...ask yourself why? Is it about her or you? If you're honest and say it in a respectful way, then I don't see what the problem is.

[bl22]

i got the 'hope your okay' txt about a week/2 week after the breakup. Are all ex's the same or something?!

 

they all act the same way during a break up then say exactly the same stuff too.

[sacg]

Sounds familiar.

 

My ex promised me she'd never hurt me again, swore on her families lives, and that she wanted to be friends and see what happened, and that I was special. She then went straight back to the dickhead she left me for and even later dumped him and found another soon after. I didn't figure at all, dropped me like a stone. I was support......jees, what a mug!

 

And I don't even want to go into how she hurt me again, i didnt even think it was possible, that she could be that way.

 

Tread very carefully, they say what they want for what THEY want, when THEY want it!

[DustySaltus]

From what i'm reading it seems like she didn't even break up with you in person, is that correct? Either way, she doesn't want to feel guilty about the breakup. She wants you to let her off the hook, maybe even stay friends with her. Don't equate her kindness with wanting to get back together. Chalk it up to her wanting to feel better about herself.

 

....come over to see the cat? Come on now...

 

Anything less than her saying she made a huge mistake and is willing to do whatever it takes to make it work, should be met with silence. She made the decision, let her live with it.

[Leandro]

I haven't received that message and I probably won't. That's fine. She only cares about herself and not other, especially the ones that love her.

[Ajax]

I haven't seen or heard from my ex since September 2nd, two weeks after the breakup. Now I've learned she's moving to North Carolina, so I'm thinking I might get a call in the next few weeks asking to see me one more time before she leaves. I'm not sure what I'd do.

[alwayshoping]

Dude,

 

Im feeling your pain. Are you going to see her? I dont want to give you advice when my opinion appears to be like a yoyo. One min I would love to see her and the next I ask myself why? Its because I want to kiss her and hold her. As for talking, hmmmmm that would just make me sad after everything that has happened. Let us know how it goes bro. Remember that you have made lots of progress since the break and your an amazing person who will find a girl that truely loves him for who he is without ever thinking the grass is greener.

 

If you do see her remember about all the things you have changed and how you are now your own person who actually wants to listion to his music again and go fishing.

 

Good luck matey and stay strong.

 

Ps remember if you dont see her, your not being a knob, your just doing what she is, looking after no1. You dont owe her anything anymore!

 

Jesus, I just read what Ive written and my opinions are like a yoyo! Sorry if ive been no help but I always like writing on your posts because your situations like mine!

 

Anyways update on me: Nothing! NC from her or anything! A good thing I guess but it really does show how little I meant to her. I really did ever possible conceivable thing to make her happy and this is what I get in return! Nice.

 

Anyways, good luck swfc77, I really hope your dream girl is around the corner so that she can make you realise how amazing you really are and just how badly your ex treated you at the end.

 

Always Hoping x

[durkadurka]

Honestly, I don't get this with women. Since my ex dumped my ass she's called me 3 times leaving voicemails asking if I'm okay and to call her back if I want to talk.

 

No, I'm not okay. I'm grieving, I'm digesting the fact that my best wasn't good enough, and that it took you less than a week after you said 'I miss you and I wish you had visited longer' to find a guy 12 years older than you to start sucking off.

 

Grrrrr.

[sacg]

What he said!

[bestrong]

I hate it when ex does that. She knows you are grieving, she just doesn't care about your feelings.

[swfc_77]

so we are still txtin, its really hard to get away because she lives too close. i cant escape due to work. i feel trapped.

 

i am unsure i still love her a lot which im realising now, she is asking why i think little of her.

 

im trying to hate her, just to give myself reason but im not a hating person. i keep telling her to leave me alone, and have been honest with how i feel that i dream of her and want this dull pain to go.

 

i dont know, just wish she wasn't so close to me then maybe i could relax and loosen up without fear of seeing her or hearing about her.

[Leandro]

she wants to know why you think so little of her??

 

why does she care? she should know the answer.

[swfc_77]

im just tired, i'v tried my hardest to change my life but i have no energy left and she is still close.

 

i'v thrown money, energy, time and effort at getting over her but its not working my feelings are still the same.

 

i cant understand after everything she's done to me i still love and want her, its amazing when you have so much pain and you hold the 1 causing it, it just dissapears until they let go. i did that last time we split.

 

i cant think straight because im blind to what she really is, on one hand she has done in my opinion some pretty nasty things std's, no respect, been with another man and my family and friends tell me to fu.ck her off

 

but on the other hand she says sorry and that she is not a bad person and she still thinks about me and i still want and love her like nothing matters.

 

i dont know, i'v never done this before she came back to me last time so sub-conciously i think she is coming back again.

 

it wouldn't be too bad but like i'v said she is so fu''cking close its unreal, i cant go for a beer with friends without some of them slagging her off or talking about her, 1 of them was txting her while sat next to me the other night and she was telling him to say hi to me from her he has known her for 10 yrs like.

 

her mobile number is printed on the inside of my eyelids along with visions of her with me or other blokes. i cant seem to stand still for 2 minutes it seems like i have an urge to move about all the time i have to be going somewhere and when i get somewhere i have the urge to go somewhere else. sort of have to have a destination or purpose all the time. stupid things that i cant work out.

 

p.s it would be 2 years today since we got together.

Edited November 6, 2010 by swfc_77

[Leandro]

I know how you feel about the phone number thing. I deleted it when I started NC, but I still remember it very well in my mind. I can go weeks with out remember but I can also recall it instantly.

[alwayshoping]

Mate dont meet her.

 

Think of it this way, do you want to tell your kids this story in the future? NO! This is not how anyone imagines there perfect partner to be. Dont let yourself down. Your clearly way better than this.

 

Stay NC. She hasnt cared about you lately so why now?

 

dont end up back at square one all over again.

 

I feel your pain, and I know its hard. So do what you think is best and we are all here when you need us.

[swfc_77]

i just want to get away from her but i have responsibilities around here, i could move tomorrow up to the east coast to my mums, but i would be letting my business partner down, missing out on my best friends baby growing up, basically i would have to start again.

 

even if she lived in a different village it would make it so much easier, but i cant go out without risk of seeing her. i cant change my number because of work contacts and the 0000s of business cards with my number on.

 

she asked me today why i make out she is a slag, and why i made her feel she wasn't good enough for me?

 

i told her that i fu.ckin worshipped the ground she walked on and the most important thing was to make her smile, laugh and be happy.

 

i mean a girl who has been engaged for 2 years, in a relationship for another 2 with me and been with over 10 blokes and is 20.

 

is that normal behavour ?

 

or is it me being harsh ?

[Leandro]

she's 20? Sounds like any other 20ish year old girl.

[swfc_77]

yeah she is 20 yrs old. thats a lot of blokes in my opinion especiallay as she has been in relationships for 4 yrs.

[alwayshoping]

i just want to get away from her but i have responsibilities around here, i could move tomorrow up to the east coast to my mums, but i would be letting my business partner down, missing out on my best friends baby growing up, basically i would have to start again.

 

even if she lived in a different village it would make it so much easier, but i cant go out without risk of seeing her. i cant change my number because of work contacts and the 0000s of business cards with my number on.

 

she asked me today why i make out she is a slag, and why i made her feel she wasn't good enough for me?

 

i told her that i fu.ckin worshipped the ground she walked on and the most important thing was to make her smile, laugh and be happy.

 

i mean a girl who has been engaged for 2 years, in a relationship for another 2 with me and been with over 10 blokes and is 20.

 

is that normal behavour ?

 

or is it me being harsh ?

 

Its not normal. Your not being harsh.

 

Look you find it wierd. Thats all that matters. Dont move and give the satisfaction of seeing you hurt. You need to stand up for yourself and stop letting her make you second guess yourself. Okay?

 

Look it maybe okay to a "player" that she has had so many men. But not to you. Why? because your a nice person who just wants someone nice. Shes too young to appreciate you right now and if she was 28 perhaps things would be different. Just tell her you need space. you need to keep strong and believe in yourself. Until you do then you wont find any peace. But moving wont get rid of the problem, only delay when you need to address it.

 

I feel for you matey. I really do. But moment like this will define who you are for the rest of your life. Time to take a stand and believe in what your head tells you.

 

Best of luck matey.

[sacg]

You bothered to respond to my post, so only fair I return the favour..

 

Don't meet her man, in fact, ignore the selfish cow. You read what I'm going/went through, and this was mostly down to forgiving and staying in touch. Making excuses blinded by my love. Two and a half frickin years dude, of the worst **** imaginable. you worry about your business partner, man, if you let her get her hooks in, you wont have a business, you'll give up on everything but her. This can happen.

 

I have no idea why they to and fro, other than its damn selfish.

And its not normal to have that many fella's at that age. It stinks of insecurity and the constant need for attention/validation. These people can be toxic. My ex is starting to seem this way now, and I still cant hate her for it. Maybe its even wrong to, they can help it, and will probably always be in and out of crazy relationships.

 

Can you really deal with all this again, can you really ever trust her.

 

Let them go and **** they're own lives up, it hard, trust me I know, but I will not go back. Sad thing is, it would take a monumental effort on my part to not respond to my ex. And I think theyre will come a time when she does contact me. I think she did 2 weeks ago late at night. Even that was hard to not call and ask her why she hung up, TWICE. But it would get me nowhere, other than back involved with pain. 2.5 years is enough.

 

I hate that weakness and feeling I still hold for her.

[swfc_77]

well i'v just tx her 1 last time telling her that i dont hate her or dislike her, and im slowly understanding why she left.

 

i told her that she was special to me and that she will be ok in life if she keeps working hard.

 

also that if we see each other in the street it wont hurt to say hello, but she needs to leave me be now so i can begin healing again.

 

she has done some awful things to me but thats in the past and we cant change that, i just hope she doesn't do it to any1 else.

 

she lies to herself and lies to others but i dont own her and can't change that.

 

if i want something every1 knows i want it, if i dont like something every1 knows that too, im not playing games.

 

all i can ask in life is that you be straight with people and they be straight with you.

 

i'v told her that i still love her this morning laid it all out, im not going to lie and say "yeah im great without you" if it makes me look weak then it makes me look weak. you cant bull**** a bullsh1itter can you.

 

i just want to share my life with some1 who tells it how it is, as it was a nice feeling making some1 smile even just for a few seconds. that doesn't make me a pussy, i think it makes me a nice guy.

 

the only thing i think i did wrong in this relationship was be blind to how she treat me, i saw what i wanted to see and only heard what i wanted to hear i dont know why.

 

im realising now that she isn't coming back, i dont think she would have the guts anyway and maybe before deep deep down i thought she would maybe i decorated the house or changed my life again to show her whats happened since she left me again, but im not going to see her again so i cant show her. i was still doing things for her even thought she had gone.

 

im just scared of what the future holds, maybe im insecure but i like to know whats happenin before it happens plan ahead.

 

i should have never tx back thurs night because yet again i just put myself back to square 1, she knows i still love her so she will be high on self esteem.

 

this is the hardest thing i have evr done, im sat here still 90% sure she has gone but i cant get rid of the 10% feeling she will be back just wont sink in.

[swfc_77]

maybe i am realising that relationship are not as easy as i thought, i thought people only broke up when 1 party did some thing bad/wrong

[strangeways]

Mate, I remember your original post was one of the first I replied to.

 

I feel for you, I really do. Don't beat yourself about the texts and whatnot. It's done now.

 

Forget what she's thinking and whether she's got an ego boost from this. That 10% that's left will fade with time and that month of NC wasn't wasted. A few steps back maybe, but maybe this will give you the boost you need to finally move on.

 

NEVER FORGET, IT'S HER LOSS.

 

Now go NC you pussy:laugh:

[alwayshoping]

Proud of you man,

Now go NC and get rid of the 10%. You know you can do better.