AngelDollFace Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been together six months. We moved in together after one month (one of those relationships with crazy good magnetism). We spent every day together (both were laid off) we didn't go anywhere separately. This was mostly his doing. He wanted a lot of my time. Almost too much. Now six months later we're both working new jobs. I am working first shift and he is working second shift. I stay up late waiting for him to get home each evening. I go to bed around 1am and get up around 6am. I am not getting enough sleep- I know. But he hasn't offered to get up with me in the AM to get some time together. He comes home from work and will talk to me till I go to bed then he plays video games all night and sleeps all day until work. I have no time to talk to him about household thing- like taking out trash- or who will do the dishes or what are you going to do about your dog peeing on the carpet!?- If I waste my one hour per night arguing or 'discussing' business he gets upset... Now that you have the history here is the question: (thank you for being patient)... He gets home at midnight and talks to me till one and lately has decided that multiple times a week he will go to his friends house after I go to bed. His guy friend (single) lives an hour away and also works second shift). So I never sleep with the man I am considering spending my life with and I never get to talk to him. Him going to his friends house at night from 1am to 6am has been the straw that broke the camels back for me- It makes me angry. He wants to marry me but do I want a husband that likes working second shift (he says he loves it) and stays out all night with other people? They aren't going to bars.... I think they sit at this guys place smoking pot.... another issue I am not fond of and not sure I want in a life partner. He is telling me I am trying to control him and manipulate him because he made love to me last night and then got up to leave for his friends house AGAIN and I cried. Last night he threatened to break up with me... because I am sad that he keeps leaving and is never around. Edited November 5, 2010 by AngelDollFace one more detail Link to post Share on other sites
Insanitylater Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 you are dating a loser. you know he's a loser. you just dont have the balls to kick him to the curb. are you financially able to remove yourself from the situation? Link to post Share on other sites
hadess07 Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 its ok..both of you just need to calmly sit down and discuss what both of you are feeling and see if there are any solutions that both of you can agree upon.don't make rash decisions which will impact your relationship in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelDollFace Posted November 5, 2010 Author Share Posted November 5, 2010 you are dating a loser. you know he's a loser. you just dont have the balls to kick him to the curb. are you financially able to remove yourself from the situation? .... I pay the bills. I make a lot more than he does and he moved into my apartment that I was already paying for. I don't mind paying the bills- he takes me to dinner sometimes but when I mention I pay the bills he says that he could move back in with his Dad temporarily and find a new place but he makes only 9 an hour and has a very expensive car payment. He tells me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am but then he lets his dog pee on my carpet and rarely cleans it up and then when I mention it gets mad at me.... I know the writing is on the wall... I am just so sad. I thought he was the one. Great looking guy, I thought he was a christian ... I can't talk to him about anything he gets pissed. Link to post Share on other sites
hadess07 Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 communication is the most vital part in any relationship. was he always like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelDollFace Posted November 5, 2010 Author Share Posted November 5, 2010 communication is the most vital part in any relationship. was he always like this? Well ... that's hard to answer... When I met him and for the first few months he would constantly want to talk about feelings etc... I am female and his talks were even too much for me... he would get jealous if I got online or anything not involving him. He has violent outbursts where he gets in my face and throws things... he has never hit me but he has scared the **** out of me. The short answer: It's always been hard to talk to him about problems I have. Since a few weeks into the relationship. I feel like he doesn't appreciate me and I feel bad about the relationship quite often... but then he comes home and kisses me and I can see the love in his eyes so I try to push the bad thoughts away. Link to post Share on other sites
Insanitylater Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 He doesnt care about you at all. you are a security blanket for him. period. you're will is too weak to stand up to him and better yourself. guys like him prey on woman like you. anyone that tells you different is just trying to be nice and not tell you the truth. he is a loser and you need to break it off. Link to post Share on other sites
bayouboi Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 The reason he doesn't want you going online is because he knows that we're all gonna tell you he sounds like a piece of crap. Link to post Share on other sites
hadess07 Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 well insanitylater have a point there.anyways, being in a relationship, i believe both parties must be able to communicate and talk freely about anything. then comes the understanding part..i can see that its really hard for you but ask ur self this question "y choose to be in a relationship if ur not happy??" Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah1977 Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 I wouldn't even consider spending my life with a man who couldn't take care of himself. Kick him out. Link to post Share on other sites
hadess07 Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 I wouldn't even consider spending my life with a man who couldn't take care of himself. Kick him out. easier said than done sarah, thats why we humans can't make rational decisions sometimes..coz we r influenced by emotions.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelDollFace Posted November 5, 2010 Author Share Posted November 5, 2010 I think you're all right... I needed to hear these things. I love him- I really do- even with my long hours at work I do all the cleaning- have dinner for him when he gets home at midnight... do his laundry, etc. Yesterday I asked him, "How can I make you feel more loved today?" .... I ask him things like that because of how much I care. But I think the person I am in love with is the guy he stopped being several months ago. He was polite and intellectual. He was great with my daughter. He made me feel beautiful and sexy. He wanted to go to church together and he constantly spoke of getting married. Last week I told him, "I feel like you mislead me about your marijuana use, you told me you never buy it and it's like a once a month thing at most but you smoke it twice a day and you did buy it- you can't afford an engagement ring but you can spend $80 on pot" and he replied, "Well, you said you'd stay beautiful and keep up your appearance for me and never let yourself go and you're fat now." He really said that to me... I gained 3 pounds- I lost the three pounds a few weeks ago. ... I think I knew it was over when he said that. I just needed friends to tell me. I am shy though so I don't really have any friends that aren't "online friends". He is good at making love to me and finding romantic places to go and holding me and kissing me.... I thought that meant he loved me... but I guess you're right and he doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
lenny Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 After reading the first post I was wondering why you guys didn't have household chores and such worked out already. And was thinking surely you could work something out. From the subsequent posts .... get rid of him now!!!! That getting in your face an throwing things will lead to hitting - I know, I've been there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelDollFace Posted November 5, 2010 Author Share Posted November 5, 2010 After reading the first post I was wondering why you guys didn't have household chores and such worked out already. And was thinking surely you could work something out. From the subsequent posts .... get rid of him now!!!! That getting in your face an throwing things will lead to hitting - I know, I've been there. Yeah I worry about that too... he rages and it seems like it could be a precursor to hitting. I get hurt on "accident" all the time. Dislocated my thumb because he was mad and leaving and I picked up his keys to hand them to him. My thumb got hooked on the key and he ripped it from my hand... I got hurt Got burned badly on my face. There were instant mashed potatoes on the stove (still boiling hot and still cooking)- he got mad about something I said...I don't even remember what it was- and he raised the fork up to my eye level (the fork we were stirring the potatoes with)- I immediately said, "please don't burn me" and bam he slung them at me. I screamed. I had burns on my face- not light burns either. But it's always an "accident" there are more situations. You guys are all right about him Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelDollFace Posted November 5, 2010 Author Share Posted November 5, 2010 Are any of you men? Want to know if I got a man's perspective at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Insanitylater Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 Yes I'm a guy. And this guy only tells you what you want to hear when you need to hear it. Nothing about him is healthy for you or your daughter. But too many women love jerks, maybe I can get some pointers from your man so I can find a gf too. Link to post Share on other sites
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