When somebody says "lower your standards" or "stay in your league"

[jean-luc sisko]

Kamille, you completed missed the point of my post.

 

Leagues are very much real. But they only apply to men. Actually they do apply to women too but only in extreme examples. Meaning, a woman who's a 5 could get man who was a 10. But a man who is a 5 would be lucky to get a woman who's a 6.

 

Men and women are playing the same game, but the rules are different for each gender.

 

I'm not trying to victimize myself. I only peruse women who's personality click with mine and are about as attractive as I am. I'm not going for stuck up or hot girls. But when I get rejected by the women I should be able to obtain, that's when I have to start thinking about what is really going on.

 

Is this meant facetiously? I think even what defines a league is moot. Is it social class? education? Vocation? personality/value system? It could be any of these, IMO.

[D-Lish]

You can be realistic without lowering your standards.

 

It sucks when someone instructs you to "settle"- because it always comes off as feeling like an insult directed at you.

[threebyfate]

You can be realistic without lowering your standards.

 

It sucks when someone instructs you to "settle"- because it always comes off as feeling like an insult directed at you.

Yes, it's as simple as that. Be realistic.

 

Settling and leagues are such horrific terms which dehumanizes people into levels of meat bearing cattle.

 

"Imma wantin' some prime rib but hafta settle for some chuck steak".

 

[OceanGirl]

Somedude at al,

 

you must be living in an alternate universe. Woman that is a 5 can easily get a man that is a 10? Please show me where.

 

Studies have shown that in majority of long term couples, women are better looking than men. Look around you at the couples on the street. Look at the couples on Facebook - it is EXTREMELY rare for a woman to be worse looking that the man she is with.

 

Sorry it's not working out for you somedude but being delusional isn't helping.

[northern_sky]

Yes, it's as simple as that. Be realistic.

 

Settling and leagues are such horrific terms which dehumanizes people into levels of meat bearing cattle.

 

"Imma wantin' some prime rib but hafta settle for some chuck steak".

 

 

I agree. I cringe whenever I hear somebody speak in those terms. And it seems to be a man 90% of the time. Do men tend to quantify people more? I rarely think in terms of leagues.

[bac]

Whenver sombody has problems attracting the opposite sex you usually hear this which may be good advice but it kinda leaves a bad taste in my mouth as far as the dating scene marriage love etc

 

In the sense that people are on levels and only settle for what they can get with how they look or whatever

 

Are most people picked because the perosn inittiating realized he or she just cant do any betetr and not becasue they tohught that person was good looking when they first sae them?

 

I hate the word settle but we all settle in some way for whatever we can get or attract and it may not be what we are that moved by but we cant do any better

 

I know its depressing to break down the whole thing like this but isnt it kind of reality we settle for what we can get with where we are on the social food chain?

 

And if we were allot higher up wed probably be with somebody different?

 

I disagree with you. IMO, staying in your league means to find a true match on a deeper level. If you are both in the same league, you have many things in common and a relationship has a better chance of success.

There are some men, who are in the lower league for some reason, but they do not want to settle for women in the same league. They want to prove to themselves/and others that they can have a woman from higher league. And, that somehow changes their own league in their opinion. IMO That does not work out well because a such relationsgip lacks everything on a deeper level.

 

In a such relationship, the person who settles is a woman. Sooner or later, she would not able to handle the relationship because of emotional discomfort of being with a guy who is wrong for her.

[threebyfate]

I agree. I cringe whenever I hear somebody speak in those terms. And it seems to be a man 90% of the time. Do men tend to quantify people more? I rarely think in terms of leagues.

In my opinion, the guys who categorically dehumanize women into these boxes and interrelations into acquisitive terms, lean towards men who get rejected continuously.

 

Potential partners are human beings where dynamics between people will determine if a relationship is possible. Components of dynamics will include physical chemistry, intellectual compatibility and also, emotional synergies.

[Kamille]

This thread makes me wonder if some of the guys here assume "all women" judge men the same way these specific guys judge women's attractiveness: as some form of beauty contest.

 

I can't shake the feeling that these guys who say they would be happy to go out with just "an average girl" actually mean "an average girl" like, you know, Natalie Portman pretty, not like Kim Kardashian hot. I feel they're the ones who's standards are messed up.

[Woggle]

Kim Kardashian is not hot at all in my book. Natalie Portman is much much better looking.

[bac]

Somedude at al,

 

you must be living in an alternate universe. Woman that is a 5 can easily get a man that is a 10? Please show me where.

 

Studies have shown that in majority of long term couples, women are better looking than men. Look around you at the couples on the street. Look at the couples on Facebook - it is EXTREMELY rare for a woman to be worse looking that the man she is with.

 

Sorry it's not working out for you somedude but being delusional isn't helping.

 

IMO, Somedude is right. There are many couples where a man is from a very high league, but a woman is from a lower league. Those women are very real and just very lucky.

[northern_sky]

In my opinion, the guys who categorically dehumanize women into these boxes and interrelations into acquisitive terms, lean towards men who get rejected continuously.

 

Potential partners are human beings where dynamics between people will determine if a relationship is possible. Components of dynamics will include physical chemistry, intellectual compatibility and also, emotional synergies.

 

Right, it is also dehumanizing in that it assumes all people are incredibly superficial. There ARE many shallow people in the world, but there are also plenty of even attractive people who don't prioritize looks over other qualities and take into account the whole picture.

[northern_sky]

IMO, Somedude is right. There are many couples where a man is from a very high league, but a woman is from a lower league. Those women are very real and just very lucky.

 

IME, there are a lot of very attractive men who aren't incredibly picky about looks. These are usually guys who are confident and have had their taste of a range of women, so they don't feel they need to compensate by landing a trophy girlfriend. Typically, the go for women THEY personally find attractive, not what they think other people will consider worthy.

 

I think the most superficial people are typically former nerds/rejects who suddenly "make it big" in some way. It's like somebody who wins the lottery and wastes all their money buying fancy cars.

[OceanGirl]

This thread makes me wonder if some of the guys here assume "all women" judge men the same way these specific guys judge women's attractiveness: as some form of beauty contest.

 

I can't shake the feeling that these guys who say they would be happy to go out with just "an average girl" actually mean "an average girl" like, you know, Natalie Portman pretty, not like Kim Kardashian hot. I feel they're the ones who's standards are messed up.

 

 

Yep, I have heard a male friend say: I just want an average girl. For example, many people don't consider Natalie Portman that hot but I would be perfectly happy with a plain-ish girl like that..

[Kamille]

Kim Kardashian is not hot at all in my book. Natalie Portman is much much better looking.

Well exactly, who is hot to someone isn't going to be hot to everyone.

 

But the point wasn't the specific example. It was just meant to explain my point that I don't buy it. I'm willing to bet the "average girls" who ignore these guys are not so average.

 

I think there are some guys and girls out there who mistakenly link their self-esteem to the "hotness" of who they can date.

[northern_sky]

This thread makes me wonder if some of the guys here assume "all women" judge men the same way these specific guys judge women's attractiveness: as some form of beauty contest.

 

I can't shake the feeling that these guys who say they would be happy to go out with just "an average girl" actually mean "an average girl" like, you know, Natalie Portman pretty, not like Kim Kardashian hot. I feel they're the ones who's standards are messed up.

 

I've always assumed exactly that -- they assume women judge guys the same way guys judge women (or at least some guys). They can't wrap their heads around the fact that the genders are wired differently, and, even more significantly, so are individuals.

 

Haha, yes. Natalie Portman average.

[northern_sky]

Yep, I have heard a male friend say: I just want an average girl. For example, many people don't consider Natalie Portman that hot but I would be perfectly happy with a plain-ish girl like that..

 

LMAO.

 

Natalie Portman is one of the most beautiful actresses on the planet.

 

The male ego really has no bounds...

[northern_sky]

This is exactly my problem and why I think I need to move out of the big city. The biggest problem is I feel most women OVER VALUE themselves in terms of looks, at least in their early to mid 20's. They do this because in a big city there's a lot of options, they can afford to hold out because you meet so many new people daily that they think it's a matter of time before brad pitt sweeps them off their feet.

 

I consider myself an average looking dude, maybe a little bit better than average, girls who I don't consider hot (primarily because of their weight) tell me all the time that I'm a "hottie" but girls I consider to be average in looks don't give me a second look more times than not.

 

However I'm one to listen to my elders and I know something most of these women don't realize...my odds get better with age. The older I get, the more my value increases as long as I have a stable decent paying job and I'm not overweight. I dress pretty well and I'm a lot of fun to hang out with on top of it, so I have a lot of bonuses as well. Maybe those average girls don't look my way today, but in 5 years they'll wish I'd ask them out.

 

Edit: I hold high standards of personality, because if you don't connect or can't get along with someone then what's the point in the long term? Looks I pretty much just want a girl that is somewhat cute and can dress herself nicely, and doesn't weigh more than I do (which isn't hard, I weigh about 185). If that's too much to ask then I'm in big trouble ;-)

 

Why is Brad Pitt always the male conception of what every woman considers the ideal man. This just goes to show how clueless men are about women really want.

 

First off, isn't that about 15 years out of date? Also, IME most women don't consider Brad Pitt their ideal. At least pick somebody more current and less bland with a little charisma like George Clooney or Robert Downey Jr.

[Woggle]

That is just as clueless as thinking Kim Kardashian is men's ideal sex symbol. Where did that come from?

[skydiveaddict]

I hate the word settle but we all settle in some way for whatever we can get or attract and it may not be what we are that moved by but we cant do any better

 

 

 

That's bs. I will never settle.. Probably why I'm not married yet, or may never be.

[Kamille]

Why is Brad Pitt always the male conception of what every woman considers the ideal man. This just goes to show how clueless men are about women really want.

 

First off, isn't that about 15 years out of date? Also, IME most women don't consider Brad Pitt their ideal. At least pick somebody more current and less bland with a little charisma like George Clooney or Robert Downey Jr.

 

I know. And in that post you cited, I love the idea that 20 something women are "holding out" until someone as hot as Brad Pitt comes along. Right, I was twenty, still know a few twenty somethings and they're pretty much all in a rush to meet "the one". Holding out... I wish. There would be a lot less heartache in the world.

[somedude81]

Somedude at al,

 

you must be living in an alternate universe. Woman that is a 5 can easily get a man that is a 10? Please show me where.

 

Studies have shown that in majority of long term couples, women are better looking than men. Look around you at the couples on the street. Look at the couples on Facebook - it is EXTREMELY rare for a woman to be worse looking that the man she is with.

 

Sorry it's not working out for you somedude but being delusional isn't helping.

I'll answer your post with a quote from somebody else.

 

LOL I have never had a problem getting a new guy, I find it so funny when people blame their dating luck on their looks. I dated a real variety of guys with a range of looks (from the smoking hot guy who thought we were meant to be together and I turned him down cold because I knew he was not going to be the type for the long haul with me,

I'm not going to rate DoT but she does consider herself overweight.

 

I do notice couples, and it's very rare to see a good looking woman with a man who isn't similarly attractive as she is.

 

Most women who are below average are with guys who are better looking than them. I rarely if ever see a couple that's two ugly/fat people. For the record I'm only talking about people 35 or younger.

I can't shake the feeling that these guys who say they would be happy to go out with just "an average girl" actually mean "an average girl" like, you know, Natalie Portman pretty, not like Kim Kardashian hot. I feel they're the ones who's standards are messed up.

Not at all.

 

I had a few dates several months ago with this girl. She's cute and slightly heavy, I consider her strictly average. There are thousands of girls on my campus that are at least as pretty as she is if not more attractive. The current girl I'm into is attractive (to me) but not as cute as the girl pictured.

 

I feel that both girls are within my league in terms of the physical aspect.

Edited November 7, 2010 by somedude81

[brainygirl]

I'll answer your post with a quote from somebody else.

 

 

I'm not going to rate DoT but she does consider herself overweight.

 

I do notice couples, and it's very rare to see a good looking woman with a man who isn't similarly attractive as she is.

 

Most women who are below average are with guys who are better looking than them. I rarely if ever see a couple that's two ugly/fat people. For the record I'm only talking about people 35 or younger.

 

Not at all.

 

I had a few dates several months ago with this girl. She's cute and slightly heavy, I consider her strictly average. There are thousands of girls on my campus that are at least as pretty as she is if not more attractive. The current girl I'm into is attractive (to me) but not as cute as the girl pictured.

 

I feel that both girls are within my league in terms of the physical aspect.

 

Dude, that girl isn't heavy in the least. I'm a little heavy and I own that, the girl you have pictured is very attractive.

 

This is the problem, men are looking at women who are beyond perfect and saying "hmm, average" and then complaining when women do the same with them . . . (they don't like me because I'm short or balding or a but overweight) but its the same thing . . . . being petty about appearances.

[Kamille]

I had a few dates several months ago with this girl. She's cute and slightly heavy, I consider her strictly average. There are thousands of girls on my campus that are at least as pretty as she is if not more attractive. The current girl I'm into is attractive (to me) but not as cute as the girl pictured.

 

I feel that both girls are within my league in terms of the physical aspect.

 

That girl is beautiful. Plus, she has a winning smile and her body is actually quite sexy-curvaceous. And you consider her average? You're a lucky man if you're surrounded by women this beautiful.

 

Not sure how I feel about you using her picture in this way however. Does she know you're doing this?

[ScreamingTrees]

Yeah.. Maybe I've just got low standards, but, man, she's certainly attractive to me.. Huh..

[GivenUp0083]

Yep, I have heard a male friend say: I just want an average girl. For example, many people don't consider Natalie Portman that hot but I would be perfectly happy with a plain-ish girl like that..

 

I'd be delighted to land a Natalie Portman.

 

Why is Brad Pitt always the male conception of what every woman considers the ideal man. This just goes to show how clueless men are about women really want.

 

First off, isn't that about 15 years out of date? Also, IME most women don't consider Brad Pitt their ideal. At least pick somebody more current and less bland with a little charisma like George Clooney or Robert Downey Jr.

 

Really? Of everything I said you're going to use the name of a guy I used for my analogy not being current enough? Sounds like you missed my points.

 

I know. And in that post you cited, I love the idea that 20 something women are "holding out" until someone as hot as Brad Pitt comes along. Right, I was twenty, still know a few twenty somethings and they're pretty much all in a rush to meet "the one". Holding out... I wish. There would be a lot less heartache in the world.

 

In downtown Chicago, yeah, I think they are. In small towns or white suburbia I don't doubt for a minute women are on rush street to meet a guy. That explains why all my friends from college from small towns or living in the burbs are all pretty much married. I like the city, it's fun here, there's great business opportunity here, but I've realized the dating market is less than ideal for a guy in my position. I really don't have much to offer more than the next guy she'll meet tomorrow, and she knows it, which is why she'll hold out if I don't take her breath away when we're introduced.