tanos Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 do we get married ?? my fiancee has a habit of getting together w/ friends ( male and female) and staying out all night ( we live together ). she doesn't offer explanations and I had enough of this last spring (may 2003) . I was ready to call the wedding off when she was diagnosed with a life threating illness. We fought through a very difficult time and became much closer. Her health is much improved but the all nighters with whomever are starting again. My family, freinds, ect are expecting a wedding and I feel like I'll look like a calloused a-hole if I don't marry her and her health takes a turn for the worse. I care about her tremendously but can't envision marrying somone who doesn't feel the need to tell me where she goes or what she does. (ps I pay 100% of the bills) ANY IDEAS ?? Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 How does she go out all night if she has no money? If she does have money why do you pay 100% of the bills? Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 What will be more important to you long term--your happiness or everyone else's expectations? You don't want to marry her, and you have had enough of her behavior. If you're unhappy with being her boyfriend, you will be much unhappier being her husband. It was great that you helped her during her illness, but if you're not happy with the relationship, end it. Better to be considered an a**hole who broke up with his girlfriend than a married man who divorced his wife and left his kids. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 There is no way on this planet that I'd marry anyone who took off for 'all-nighters', whether or not I knew where he was. This is absolutely unacceptable. Do not marry her. Stuff others' 'expectations'. They aren't going to have to live with her. If she gets ill again, they can take care of her. I'm actually surprised you even asked her to marry you given this behaviour!!! Link to post Share on other sites
gaia Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 I think if you've stuck with her through what has obviously been a very difficult period, the least you have the right to expect is that she explains and modifies her behaviour, knowing how it upsets you. If she won't even do this for you, it would be a very one-sided marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 Why on earth would you pay 100% of the bills? Please don't tell me it's because her health doesn't allow her to work......because if she can be out all night partying, she can darn well get her arse to work each day. It would appear you're being take advantage of. Why are you ALLOWING yourself to be taken advantage of? How can you respect a woman who doesn't fairly contribute, financially, to the costs you endure together? Is she a princess or something? Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 I used to pull 'allnighters' and it was wrong. What she is doing is wrong. Who gives a s**t what your family and friends think if you don't want to marry her. You are the one who has to wake up next to her in the morning -- not them. If she pulls allnighters, then you do the same. See how she likes it! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
Fritz Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 I must add, who cares what your friends/family thinks! They aren't the ones who will have to live with her or wake up next to her (or rather not wake up next to her, as shes passed out on the bathroom floor drunk..). Tell her how this makes you feel and that you won't put up with it. Better to deal with it now than end up unhappy in a marriage and resenting her. Link to post Share on other sites
Fofinha Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Think of yourself first regardless of what others might think! C'mon! Being sick does not excuse partying all night (I am assuming you don't join these events) and treating you badly. If you have any doubt, then the answer to : "should I get married" is a big fat : NO! You'll regret it. It is difficult enough when you start off on the right foot, when you don't, it can be hell. Link to post Share on other sites
free*spirit Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 Allnighter could means drugs I would get a home kit and check. (if she refuses that's a RED light, because I wouldn't mind taking it right now since I got Nothing to hide...) Drug addicts has secretive life like that, plus they work and have no money. I know, my husband had this problem too. but I found out after I got married and had a baby, don't do that to yourself, itsnot worth it. Talk to your family, they will appreiciate your honesty and wisdom. D. P.S you are not an **s hole, I wish all man were that caring. Link to post Share on other sites
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