clp Posted August 1, 2000 Share Posted August 1, 2000 I'v been going with a man for 7 months and we have both developed feelings for one another. We have talked briefly about marriage or a long term relationship. We are compatible, and have had no problems so far until this--he called and said that we needed to take a break from our relationship - it would be good for the both of us. Two days later I talked to him and I asked him if he wanted to take a complete break and he said "NO" he just needed some time --didn't know what he wanted. I said "one month". That was 3 weeks ago and I have not heard from him since. His last two relatioships ended badly and he is afraid of getting hurt again he said. HELP? Link to post Share on other sites
Rogue Posted August 1, 2000 Share Posted August 1, 2000 Don't worry.He said he needed "space" but he didn't want to break completely.He also didn't say he wanted you both to "see" other people. I think he is only trying to make up his mind. I think he is trying to find out how he feels about you. Or maybe he is in the middle of resolving some issue you don't know about. You should use this time to figure out how YOU feel about him.How do you feel about him,really? How has this time apart affected you? Do you really, truly want to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him? Can you live without him,like you have these past 3 weeks? Do you trust him? Has there been anything in his personality that worries you? Now is the time to answer these questions,because you have time to stand back a bit and reflect on them. Wait till the month is over to start worrying.(it's only a week away?)You can ask for an answer then,and you should know how you feel about him too.If he ask for more time or "space" say no.After a month apart you deserve some answers!(And the answers had better be good!) Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 1, 2000 Share Posted August 1, 2000 You don't stop eating because you're afraid of getting indigestion. You don't leave school for fear of getting an F in math. You don't keep from crossing the road for fear of getting hit by a car. You don't start reading a book for fear you won't finish it. Taking time off from a wonderful and fulfilling relationship because you are afraid and need some time is pretty lame. As a matter of fact, it is absolutely insane to absent yourself from a wonderful and loving situation. You don't ceasing calling someone you love for fear of being hurt. If this guy is that phobic, he really needs some serious help. So because his last two relationships had bad endings, he's never going to have another relationship? DUH!!! Give him one more week, then go find yourself another guy!!! This dude has got problems with thorns on them. Link to post Share on other sites
artlover Posted August 1, 2000 Share Posted August 1, 2000 Actually, if I'm not mistaken, isn't it pretty common for people (usually men) to have this backing off period? And doesn't it usually happen just before a serious committment is about to be made? I remember my ex pulling way back (I think I didn't hear from him at all for about a week or so -- he suddenly got really busy) before he decided to stop seeing the other person he was casually dating and commit to seriously dating me. Then there was another weird period before he finally admitted he loved me. We ended up together for 6 years. I think it's pretty common and natural for people to get together and then either become close right away with the inevitable questioning period coming later. Or the questioning period happens first. Either way, I think it can be helpful though very frustrating for the person without questions. Give him his space. If I were you, I'd even give him more than a week...Maybe two or so. Then see where you stand after that. Use this time, you never know what buried questions you may have about this relationship. You don't stop eating because you're afraid of getting indigestion. You don't leave school for fear of getting an F in math. You don't keep from crossing the road for fear of getting hit by a car. You don't start reading a book for fear you won't finish it. Taking time off from a wonderful and fulfilling relationship because you are afraid and need some time is pretty lame. As a matter of fact, it is absolutely insane to absent yourself from a wonderful and loving situation. You don't ceasing calling someone you love for fear of being hurt. If this guy is that phobic, he really needs some serious help. So because his last two relationships had bad endings, he's never going to have another relationship? DUH!!! Give him one more week, then go find yourself another guy!!! This dude has got problems with thorns on them. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 1, 2000 Share Posted August 1, 2000 I'll certainly be open minded and reconsider my opinion. But I think the behavior is pretty insane. Link to post Share on other sites
Julia Posted August 2, 2000 Share Posted August 2, 2000 My bf did this to me, and im into my second week of being on a month break......i phoned him tuesday, only to get my licence and inform him of something, and then got off...... he didnt contact me til monday this week, and then he talked to me for an hour, which he hasnt done since the early parts.. i still have hopes that we will get back together, but i do realise that maybe we wont... and he has made plans to see me on sunday week, where he is going to spend a sunday with me which is traditionally "his day"......anyone can have a sat or fri night with him, but usually he does nothing on a sunday, so i take it as a good sign....... Anyway, just back off and i am sure they will do this, even if they wont get back after the break, cause they cant go that long without contacting ya! Link to post Share on other sites
Jen Posted August 5, 2000 Share Posted August 5, 2000 My Boyfriend is doing this exact same thing to me at this very moment. First, he started acting really weird...not calling when he said he would, always being busy, and basically acting very distant. He told me that he was confused and didn't know what he wanted, and that he fekt bad for hurting me. So we decided to take a break. He told me that he wanted to stay friends in the mean time, but he doesn't really make any effort. He also tells me that he loves me and wants to be with me again, but he never talks to me. I really don't understand men. I was suprised that someone had the same exact problem as me. I hope everything works out for you and everyone else that is goimh through this. My bf did this to me, and im into my second week of being on a month break......i phoned him tuesday, only to get my licence and inform him of something, and then got off...... he didnt contact me til monday this week, and then he talked to me for an hour, which he hasnt done since the early parts.. i still have hopes that we will get back together, but i do realise that maybe we wont... and he has made plans to see me on sunday week, where he is going to spend a sunday with me which is traditionally "his day"......anyone can have a sat or fri night with him, but usually he does nothing on a sunday, so i take it as a good sign....... Anyway, just back off and i am sure they will do this, even if they wont get back after the break, cause they cant go that long without contacting ya! Link to post Share on other sites
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