AM I grasping for straws...or is something there...

[gotasha]

My ex dumped me back in January of this year. I read every site there was to help me get over him, blogged, got into therapy, started working out –dropped 4 dress sizes and none of that ever helped. I still love him…Over the course of the last 10 months I may have emailed him 6 times and when I did email him, he never responded to any of my emails. He shut down completely and I backed off. The break up was my fault...I lied about something really big and he left me...

 

So my birthday was Sunday and I find this on a site that we both frequent:

 

So, "I did what I was supposed to do"

does that mean that I am forgiven?

I WAS and AM who you think I was...........I just made some poor choices.

 

Are you happy now?

...Even though you were so cruel in the end, I STILL wish you the best and I STILL miss you everyday.

 

I hope if we ever saw each other on the street, we could smile and wave.

 

Be happy.

 

 

My response to that was

I wrote back and this is what I said....I went back and forth before I decided to write back. There is much to say but I will save that for "later". I will leave you with this...it is once said that where there are ashes there was a fire......I happened, you happened, and we happened. I love you today just like yesterday and I will love you tomorrow just like last year. We will see each other again....it's just a matter of time and when we do it will be more than a smile or wave that will be shared. I told you that I love hard and I meant that. The candle inside of me flickers for you everyday. All you have to do is ignite it and I'm there. It just takes one word...HELLO! You are forgiven, am I?

 

I miss you every day too. I just have one question...how can I be happy without you? My "poor choices" left me sad and alone. I have learned from my mistakes and that cruel person, no longer lives in me. Please believe me.

 

Thanks for my cupcake...you're the best!

 

Please remember....What God has put together no man can destroy...!

 

There was a response which was: HELLO and YES but just as fast as they were there they were gone.

 

Your thoughts....

[Cratsky]

It's over. You need to understand that no amount of clutching at straws (yes, that's what you are doing) is going to change his mind. No one finds a needy person attractive, and sorry to say but that is how I interpreted your lengthy email response to him. Keep it short and sweet (even if that's killing you inside). He doesn't deserve a bar of you, let alone an inch. This man threw you away. And you shouldn't have to claw at someone for their affections, you deserve the world!

 

Have some dignity. Think about your upbringings/attitudes/beliefs and look at all the fights or inconsistencies that were there. Look for a reason as to why it ended and say to yourself that it's okay. You're both two individuals who simply didn't work out and thats okay. He had to do it for himself and it's best for you to be free to find a better partner. That's an extremely good thing.

 

You should look into the stages of grief. If you're struggling to feel any of the stages, try and look back to a childhhood experience where you felt these feelings too. You've also got a lot of work to do on yourself before you are mentally/emotionally free to meet another suitable person. Without this self work, you are destined to repeat the same errors again. And by errors, i refer to having unrealistic expectations of love, insecurities, inability to spot an incompatible partner, beating yourself up or feeling like you can't bear to be alone etc.

 

Keep going through that list of things you want to achieve for yourself. I've found what helped me through my recent break up is to realise that I'm an amazing person (otherwise it wouldn't have attracted him in the first place right?) and in a years time I am going to be the same wonderful, fulfilled person who has no doubt of finding love again. The same way hurt people, hurt people... loving people will love people and visa versa.

 

Focus on filling your own cup will joy, laughter, friends, family.. find your inner passion. You can give yourself the love you deserve. Be your own best friend. Look in the mirror and say to yourself, 'I love you.' I did that everyday after the break up and now I can readily look in the mirror and think to myself, 'Damn, you are hotness.'

 

It gets better. Learn to let go with love.

Edited November 7, 2010 by Cratsky

[rebeccajones]

I'm sorry you feel so bad. I don't get what happened really. You think that message may be from him? I think if he really was missing you he would contact you. You have tried to contact him and he has not responded. I do really like what you wrote in response, are those your words? You seem to be a very good writer! I think what Cratsky says is awesome too!! "Focus on filling your own cup will joy, laughter, friends, family.. find your inner passion. You can give yourself the love you deserve."