On a break during a LDR..what can I do?

[AshlynV]

Hello!

 

So I grew up with this amazing guy and this past summer we began dating one another. He asked to make it official and I said no, I realize now that this was a major mistake. Since then we have continued speaking everyday and have not been seeing other people. I visited him in October and everything went great! During Thanksgiving he brought me to meet his extended family, which I later found out that I am the only girl he has ever done this with. I am falling head over heels for him and we discussed becoming official and I said that I wanted to talk about it when we next saw each other in person. This is where things start to get messy. We attend universities that are 6 hours away from each other. Currently it is midterm time and he is applying for grad schools. I know that he is super stressed and he said last night that he needs a break from 'us'. So I asked what that meant, since we are not official and are so far away. He suggested not speaking for a little while, this absolutely floored me! After we hung up I realized that I am falling in love with him but I do not want to tell him in fear that it will just scare him away. The major issue is the distance and our uncertain futures...he is thinking of going to grad school that is on the other side of the country. We like each other a lot but we are victims of circumstance. I am not sure what I should do..move on or hold on to the hope of being together? I know we are meant to be together.

 

Next week is his birthday and my plan thus far is to send him a birthday card and see how he reacts. Then at Christmas break I am going to suggest going to get coffee at Starbucks. If he says no then I am going to give up hope. If he says yes, which I am obviously hoping that he does, then what should I do? Press the issue or let him make all the decisions? I just feel so helpless and lost in this situation.

[folieadeux]

I would suggest being honest with him about how you feel. At least this way, you would have no regrets about what could have been. It sounds like he, at one time at least, felt the same way about you, but you not being ready to make things official at the time and school stress are probably just getting the best of him right now. If he agrees to spending time together in person, I would definitely save this conversation for then as I believe things like these are best said face to face.

 

I don’t believe in “victims of circumstance.” We’re only victims if we choose to be. There is nothing certain about any of our futures, regardless of being in an LDR or not. Anything is possible, as long as both of you are willing to make it work. Best of luck to you both.