16 Year Age Difference B/W Separated Man and I

[b05334]

About a year ago I started becoming close with a coworker who is currently going through a divorce. He has 2 kids who are teenagers. I have never been married or have kids. He is 16 years older than me ( I am in my early thirties) but I don't feel it when we are together.

 

I have never had such a great time with someone. I have never had anyone treat me the way he does. He trul makes me feel like I am the only woman in the world. Our relationship started off as striclty friends. I mean I have never dated anyone more than 3 years older than me. We started emailing eachother every day and more frequently as time went by. we started hanging out and somewhere along the way we both fell in love with each other. He more than I ...as I am wary about his divorce and kids. He has shown me court documents to prove to me that he is getting divorced (btw the divorce had been a discussion for them for years prior to he and I getting close). He tells me that he wants to be with me, would have kids with me, could see himself married to me if that's what I would want after his divorce.

 

I have met some of his family but not his kids. I have not introduced him to any of my family members nor do they know about him as he is married. I have grown to love him but I what holds me back is the age difference and the fact that he has baggage where I would be bringing no baggage if we were to have a relationship. Any advice from anyone who might have been in the same situation?

 

Do you think the age difference is to much? What would you say if your daughter brought home a man with a good job who was 16 years older than her, divorced with two teenage kids?

[fooled once]

About a year ago I started becoming close with a coworker who is currently going through a divorce. He has 2 kids who are teenagers. I have never been married or have kids. He is 16 years older than me ( I am in my early thirties) but I don't feel it when we are together.

 

I have never had such a great time with someone. I have never had anyone treat me the way he does. He trul makes me feel like I am the only woman in the world. Our relationship started off as striclty friends. I mean I have never dated anyone more than 3 years older than me. We started emailing eachother every day and more frequently as time went by. we started hanging out and somewhere along the way we both fell in love with each other. He more than I ...as I am wary about his divorce and kids. He has shown me court documents to prove to me that he is getting divorced (btw the divorce had been a discussion for them for years prior to he and I getting close). He tells me that he wants to be with me, would have kids with me, could see himself married to me if that's what I would want after his divorce.

 

I have met some of his family but not his kids. I have not introduced him to any of my family members nor do they know about him as he is married. I have grown to love him but I what holds me back is the age difference and the fact that he has baggage where I would be bringing no baggage if we were to have a relationship. Any advice from anyone who might have been in the same situation?

 

Do you think the age difference is to much? What would you say if your daughter brought home a man with a good job who was 16 years older than her, divorced with two teenage kids?

 

My mom was wary of me getting involved with my now H because he had 2 kids (and I had one). We are not involved during our marriages nor did we even know each other until we had been been divorced several years.

 

First of all, being a step parent is INCREDIBLY hard, even under the best of circumstances. It is not the Brady bunch at all If there is a lot of acrimony between the parents, it will make it even harder and most likely, the kids will know that you and he were involved prior to the divorce.

 

Do you want kids? Is he saying he would have kids - at almost 50 years old? Most men at that time are done with raising kids and looking towards retirement. Please make sure he isn't just saying that and he is serious about starting all over with diapers and tantrums.

 

Is 16 years too much of an age difference? Different for every couple. My H is 8 years older than I am but I am the one with the health issues, not him.

 

No idea how your family will react when they find out about him. Ultimately, it is only matters to you and him the age difference.

 

Also remember, his ex wife may not be so kind to you when she finds out that you were involved with him while they were married and again, she may clue the kids in about it.

 

I know people don't like to think of age difference, but when you really start to think about things, sometimes, 16 years CAN be too much of a difference, especially when you look at lifestyles. You may like the night life, whereas he may not. He may want to save for retirement, while you are just starting out with starting a family.

 

I would suggest not rushing into something as soon as the divorce is final. I would encourage you to keep separate residences only so he can emotionally divorce as well as legally divorce. Some men have a harder time with this. He may still show up at his ex's house, still want to help her out. You will have to determine where the boundaries are and what contact you are comfortable with. They will always be parents together, no matter how old their kids are.

 

Good luck in whatever you decide to do. Hopefully, you aren't an "exit affair" for him and hopefully he doesn't "use" you as a rebound and after you have stuck with him, he decides to date others.

[Carrot2000]

If my daughter was 19, I'd hit the roof. If she were in her early thirties, I'd be less concerned. As long as you don't rush into anything and really take your time to get to know this man, you'll be fine.

[whichwayisup]

He should be divorcing reguardless if you're in the picture, in his life or not.

 

So, he was married while you met him and living at home? Now he's separated and on the way to divorcing? Just making sure I have the facts straight here.

 

I find it odd that you've met some of his family members, yet his wife doesn't know about you.

 

You two have had an affair more or less, not a real out in the open relationship where you don't have to hide and lie, sneak around. Don't even consider marriage, or a future with him. IF he does divorce, allow him time alone to deal with the family, all the changes, the house being sold, the custody arrangments, money, and the loss of the marriage, break up of a family unit. Don't get sucked into that, it'll kill you! Just go read in this section.

 

Date him, casually. Get to know him out of the affair mode dynamic. Take it slow and don't rush to his side, don't move in with him, don't make plans to get married. you're young and he's older. What he tells you now he may not truly mean or he'll change his mind in the future. About kids, about remarrying. Right now it's a desire, just words.. Not a follow through, just a fantasy. Hope this makes sense to you.

[sc58]

I am in a similar situation as you, except my MM is not going through a divorce and I am in my mid twenties. I have often worried about our age difference as well. My main concern is my parents, family, and friends. I don't think, actually I KNOW, they will not approve. But like you, I have never felt this way about anyone before and I don't even notice the age difference when we're together. We have a lot of fun together, and he is actually way more active than I am. I am kind of an old soul - I'm not saying I'm mature - in that I enjoy staying home and reading a book while other friends my age enjoy the night life. I actually sleep earlier than my grandma (which is kind of sad...).

 

That being said, I don't think the age difference matters so much as his MARITAL STATUS. My MM is still married, and so is yours technically, so age and anything else for that matter, don't really make a difference at this point.

[GreenEyedLady]

My H and I are 14 years apart.

 

I married very young and divorced before I was 30. I have two kids, he has 3. Age has never mattered, but that may be because I have similar life experience. We are both educated, too. If you love him, I wouldn't let that stop you, but if you're worried about it, I'm wondering why you care so much?