Doesn't it make you furious when women get pregnant with OM's child?

[debby]

I would have to say that OW getting pregnant by MM is not a situation I have much sympathy for.

 

We all know that it takes 2 people to have an affair. One of them has to lie and one of them has to accept the circumstances. Morals aside, they are both consenting adults and make the decision to have the affair and take on the risk of discovery, loneliness, etc.

 

We all know that it takes 2 people to make a baby. In my opinion based on what Ive read...way more people SAY they got pregnant while using BC than actually do. I mean, most methods are like 98% effective. An awful lot of people claim to be in that 2% and ALL pregnant OW. Not buying it. Getting pregnant accidentally is the same as getting pregnant on purpose. So...if you are an adult woman accepting the restrictions of an affair and have told your MM partner that you are on a method of BC that is 98% effective and you forget to take the pill one day....

 

Its all you. I mean, obviously MM will have to face reality and support the child...but OW who get pregnant do so on purpose. Someone who agreed to discretion, secrecy, and the other risks of infidelity would be more cautious not less.

 

You are very wrong and very opinionated. I conceived the youngest child in my marriage with my ex ON THE PILL...and never missed one.

 

I am pregnant now 12 YEARS after THAT child was born. I had a c-section and had my TUBES TIED at that time. Haven't used another shred of birth control since. Didn't need to...or so I thought. Birth control DOES fail. If birth control is 98%, then for every 100 women on birth control, 2 babies will be born. And I believe that is an ANNUAL figure, so that is 2 per 100 ANNUALLY. Start doing the math. That is a LOT of birth control babies.

 

Monogamy and marriage really create more heartbreak than happiness because they so seldom wind up being healthy. Even in the relationships that stay together...how many of them are really happy? To hear most of the people I know talk, relatively few.

 

The only reason that such children have a stigma is because of the atmosphere that adults like YOU put on them. You are either terribly hurt by something that has happened to you, or you feel very high on yourself.

 

I didn't say cheating was okay, but I can't stand it when someone tries to villify a woman because she cheated and got pregnant. Cheating is cheating and it doesn't make someone disgusting. Those actions are no different from roughly half of married women, but the outcome is different when a child results. It obviously is wrong if a woman withholds the true paternity from her partner. But, who are we to judge someone elses life/burdens/mistakes/choices? If one is a religious person, then their faith is very clear about all sins being equal, and about not judging, and about forgiveness. If one isn't religious, then surely they can see the logic in minding their own business. I am quite sure we all have plenty of our own secrets we'd rather not have out in the open. A child conceived in such a manner just makes it hard for the parent(s) to have any privacy in their secret, and it makes such nice fodder for gossip.

[michelangelo]

It obviously is wrong if a woman withholds the true paternity from her partner. But, who are we to judge someone elses life/burdens/mistakes/choices?

 

I don't think the intent is judge them in a religious/spiritual context.

 

It is about stating opinions on what it means to all involved, the impact on lives in this existence, not in a hereafter by a higher authority.

[debby]

I don't think the intent is judge them in a religious/spiritual context.

 

It is about stating opinions on what it means to all involved, the impact on lives in this existence, not in a hereafter by a higher authority.

 

Yes, and the impact on lives is what I was talking about. But I mentioned the other aspect of it since there is no escaping how people allow their religious beliefs to color everthing (though I don't happen to share them, myself). The fact is, when my ex left me and our 3 children 6 years ago after 13 years of marriage, the impact was HUGE and still is. I could write a novel on the ways all our lives were changed, not to mention the lives of grandparents, cousins, etc. For me, there were some emotional benefits to having him out of my daily life, but there have been epic difficulties, and the kids will be affected for the rest of their lives by the way he left.

This type scenario plays out in every city all over the country every day. I don't see failed marriages being treated with the same disgust (and I'd be interested to know in the percent of those that end b/c someone leaves after an affair. My ex left for his OW/now wife).

[2sure]

Birth control DOES fail. If birth control is 98%, then for every 100 women on birth control, 2 babies will be born. And I believe that is an ANNUAL figure, so that is 2 per 100 ANNUALLY. Start doing the math.

The figures and the math just dont add up to every single OW who gets pregnant saying she was using birth control.

 

Monogamy and marriage really create more heartbreak than happiness because they so seldom wind up being healthy. Even in the relationships that stay together...how many of them are really happy? To hear most of the people I know talk, relatively few.

 

Are you in the right thread?

 

The only reason that such children have a stigma is because of the atmosphere that adults like YOU put on them. You are either terribly hurt by something that has happened to you, or you feel very high on yourself.

 

Uh, I have had a child out of wedlock...what are you talking about? What stigma? Adults like me...wha??

 

Having a child with a married man in the end effects the child and other children the most. Its just another one of those decisions by OW/MM to take on a risk that most changes the lives of others who dont even know it.

 

I would think that for most people in an affair they would use birth control and condoms just to use the discretion an affair requires and to protect those unknowingly participating.

[wicar1]

The thread was clearly about being disgusted with the betrayal of a spouse to the point where they

 

a) have an affair

b) become pregnany from the affair

c) hide the truth about the paternity

d) live out live like the child is the responsibility of the spouse and not the OM

e) have the child exposed to a family that could easily resent its very existence.

 

Nowhere did it say that anyone was disgusted by the existence or presence of the child.

 

I think it is disgusting that people would betray their spouses and family so deeply. This is not a thread about the "wonder of having a child" it is a thread about "how to foist your own responsibilities to be a decent human being onto the mantle of others while causing extreme damage to everyone involved."

 

It also isn't fair to the OM who would probably want to know that a child is his, regardless of what he is going to do about that. Not that the rights of an OM are paramount.

 

exactly what I wanted to say,

 

but I have to disagree on one thing. The rights of the OM. If he wanted to make a baby why should he choose a married woman and shatter a family?

If he really loved this woman and wanted to have a child with her then he should have made her leagally leave the marriage and then start making babies. Instead he has sex with this woman who's someone's wife. Of course, cheating wife is the first to be blamed, cause she has a family, husband and kids... but the OM too has his share in this nasty business.

 

immoral pleasure lasting for minutes can shatter relationships which are meant to be for years.

 

OP rot in hell together with cheaters !!

Edited November 12, 2010 by wicar1

[wicar1]

In such cases the innocent victims are the kids and H involved and the OC.

 

Most often the cheating wives want their H to raise the child only when they know that the OM is not gonna give a s*** about her or her child. So she is forced to stick with her present H and family in order to live in comfort. So to save their marriage they would go any far, would even lie to the face of their H that this child is his, would even abort this child.

How sick is this.

 

-Let's say the child grows up and finds out about his truth how hard it's gonna be to him... It's all because someone's wish have sex outside of marriage and someone elses wish to get into the pants of a married woman.

 

-think about the poor H especially if he comes to know his 10 year old child is not his??? What’s he gonna do... I know most Hs cannot walk out...because his love for the child will have increased exponentially by then...

 

I know a guy...he's around 50. He’s a businessman and a great guy... married for 30 years, has 2 sons and a daughter in their 20's. On one vacation he was reading his old diaries.... and when he was reading the one which had the part of his W getting pregnant etc... suddenly he came to know that... some dates and months were conflicting... with the childbirth, the date she told she was pregnant... the poor guy hadn't noticed it cause he was so happy he's gonna be a father and had nothing to suspect... anyway... he still wasn't doubting his W, after all it was 30 years of smooth marriage ..But just as a funny prank he confronted her...and guess what... she started to cry and confessed about her 2 year affair with her professor. That time her husband was on a business trip...

 

Worse

- She knew the child (daughter) was OP's the very moment she knew she was pregnant and she hid it for almost 25 years. (I wonder how she could hold it for 25 years ...)

 

Later he informed all his kids and family about this and left what looked to be a happy marriage. But... this unfortunate truth did not mak any influence in his love for her daugher... The daughter too loved him as much as before, the same with her other siblings.

 

But the kids weren’t so kind to the cheating W. her daughter and one son don’t even talk to her anymore. Only one kid just visits her every now and then. The daughter (OC) is so angry with her mom for putting her into this and for hurting a nice man. The W is now ruined and has become an alcoholic while H is having a great time e with his kids and grand kids.

Edited November 13, 2010 by wicar1

[desertIslandCactus]

In such cases the innocent victims are the kids and H involved and the OC.

 

Most often the cheating wives want their H to raise the child only when they know that the OM is not gonna give a s*** about her or her child. So she is forced to stick with her present H and family in order to live in comfort. So to save their marriage they would go any far, would even lie to the face of their H that this child is his, would even abort this child.

How sick is this.

 

-Let's say the child grows up and finds out about his truth how hard it's gonna be to him... It's all because someone's wish have sex outside of marriage and someone elses wish to get into the pants of a married woman.

 

-think about the poor H especially if he comes to know his 10 year old child is not his??? What’s he gonna do... I know most Hs cannot walk out...because his love for the child will have increased exponentially by then...

 

I know a guy...he's around 50. He’s a businessman and a great guy... married for 30 years, has 2 sons and a daughter in their 20's. On one vacation he was reading his old diaries.... and when he was reading the one which had the part of his W getting pregnant etc... suddenly he came to know that... some dates and months were conflicting... with the childbirth, the date she told she was pregnant... the poor guy hadn't noticed it cause he was so happy he's gonna be a father and had nothing to suspect... anyway... he still wasn't doubting his W, after all it was 30 years of smooth marriage ..But just as a funny prank he confronted her...and guess what... she started to cry and confessed about her 2 year affair with her professor. That time her husband was on a business trip...

 

Worse

- She knew the child (daughter) was OP's the very moment she knew she was pregnant and she hid it for almost 25 years. (I wonder how she could hold it for 25 years ...)

 

Later he informed all his kids and family about this and left what looked to be a happy marriage. But... this unfortunate truth did not mak any influence in his love for her daugher... The daughter too loved him as much as before, the same with her other siblings.

 

But the kids weren’t so kind to the cheating W. her daughter and one son don’t even talk to her anymore. Only one kid just visits her every now and then. The daughter (OC) is so angry with her mom for putting her into this and for hurting a nice man. The W is now ruined and has become an alcoholic while H is having a great time e with his kids and grand kids.

 

That story turned out as it should have. With the father's love for his children superceding All.

 

And with dumping the 'wife' whose selfishness, gluttony hurt all.

[Fieldsofgold]

I don't find it disgusting so much as just plain sad - the child gets saddled with the 'sins of the parents' for pretty much his/her whole life. The life of a child in a situation like that is never an easy one if the cat comes out of the bag so to speak. People focus so much on what got him/her here that the beauty of his/her individuality and humanity is shoved to the side.

 

Totally agree with this post.

 

I was out driving with the top down one lovely summer evening when I stopped for a red light, a man on foot approached my car and handed my daughter a baby. Told us the baby's name and age - 22 mo. - and walked away.

 

I called the authorities and kept the child overnight. Next morning I was put in touch with the family. Turned out the baby was MM and OW's child, but lived with MM and W. I spoke with the wife's mother. When I made some reference to her as grandmother, she was quick to inform me she was not the grandmother to that bastard child. It broke my heart. I was sorry I had called anyone - to this day I wish I could have just kept the child. All I could think was what kind of life that baby would have. At 22 months, clearly there was no love in his little life. So sad.

 

So I'm sorry, but I can't for the sake of discussion just "set the child aside," because once it's born - the child's love and nurture is all that matters. If the BS doesn't want it, then the couple should divorce, or it should be put up for adoption, or some measure taken so it grows up being loved and wanted.

 

The affair is disgusting; the baby is not.

[JAGeezer]

Forgive the mother and embrace the child .. Your niece is carrying an unnecessary burden ..

 

You, my friend, are living in fantasy land. Forgive the mother? Never. Embrace the child? My wife and I do. It's her PARENTS who don't, and it's the parents that this thread is about. The OM (her biological father) played the visitation card to destroy my SIL's M because he wanted his lover back. He never wanted anything to do with my niece. The mother, my SIL is embarrassed by her own daughter's existence and took off for parts unknown (and won't be welcomed back, ever). Of the three adults in this mess my poor newly-minted drunk of a BIL, as disappointed in him as I am, is the only one who's had a remotely rational response to the situation. He's reacting the way that most people would.

 

Is it wrong? Yes. Is it humane? No. But is it human? All to sadly yes.

 

THAT is all on my SIL for birthing a child into this situation rather than aborting, or divorcing my BIL when she found herself knocked up by her lover, and in my mind it's on every WW who pulls this sort of stunt. They deserve to be booted out in the street. Their kids don't, regardless of who fathered them. However no man should be asked (or tricked) to pay and pay and pay for the rest of his natural life for the fact that his W couldn't stay off her back around another man. The A itself is bad enough. Add in the W's love child with her AP and you add insult to injury. Add in an extended period of secrecy and you might as well just castrate the poor bastard BH.

 

The sad thing is, my niece loves her father so much it's painful to watch her. She hates her mother and the man who sired her to hell and back. But she loves her father and feels his pain every single day. I think, if anything is going to salvage this situation, it will be my BIL growing a pair to replace the ones his W and her lover cut off, sobering up, and taking back his kids. All of his kids.

 

JAG

Edited November 13, 2010 by JAGeezer

[jennie-jennie]

I once was pregnant and didn't know who the father was: my SO or my OM. I considered abortion, but when I told my SO the truth, he convinced me to keep the child. He promised to act as a father whether or not the child was biologically his.

 

He kept his word. He treated our daughter like his from the very moment she was born. After half a year we got confirmation that the child was indeed his.

 

Kudos to him for being strong in a difficult time.

[desertIslandCactus]

You, my friend, are living in fantasy land. Forgive the mother? Never. Embrace the child? My wife and I do. It's her PARENTS who don't, and it's the parents that this thread is about. The OM (her biological father) played the visitation card to destroy my SIL's M because he wanted his lover back. He never wanted anything to do with my niece. The mother, my SIL is embarrassed by her own daughter's existence and took off for parts unknown (and won't be welcomed back, ever). Of the three adults in this mess my poor newly-minted drunk of a BIL, as disappointed in him as I am, is the only one who's had a remotely rational response to the situation. He's reacting the way that most people would.

 

Is it wrong? Yes. Is it humane? No. But is it human? All to sadly yes.

 

THAT is all on my SIL for birthing a child into this situation rather than aborting, or divorcing my BIL when she found herself knocked up by her lover, and in my mind it's on every WW who pulls this sort of stunt. They deserve to be booted out in the street. Their kids don't, regardless of who fathered them. However no man should be asked (or tricked) to pay and pay and pay for the rest of his natural life for the fact that his W couldn't stay off her back around another man. The A itself is bad enough. Add in the W's love child with her AP and you add insult to injury. Add in an extended period of secrecy and you might as well just castrate the poor bastard BH.

 

The sad thing is, my niece loves her father so much it's painful to watch her. She hates her mother and the man who sired her to hell and back. But she loves her father and feels his pain every single day. I think, if anything is going to salvage this situation, it will be my BIL growing a pair to replace the ones his W and her lover cut off, sobering up, and taking back his kids. All of his kids.

 

JAG

 

Your ranting here regarding the birth of the child, is showing me that the child IS affected! Because your feelings and thoughts are not just reserved for LS! Don't penalize the child for the sins of the parents!

 

And those who mention or believe in abortion, are an abomination. I see you haven't denied Yourself life!

[Darth Vader]

This is why I am starting to believe in mandatory paternity testing at birth for everybody. If a woman does not agree to it she forfeits any right to support in the future.

 

 

Woggle, in the state of Tennessee it was discussed whether or not to make it a state law to require all newborns to undergo paternity testing. You wouldn't believe how many women were against it! I wonder why? Does it make you think too? It does me, what do they have to hide?

[dreamingoftigers]

Your ranting here regarding the birth of the child, is showing me that the child IS affected! Because your feelings and thoughts are not just reserved for LS! Don't penalize the child for the sins of the parents!

 

And those who mention or believe in abortion, are an abomination. I see you haven't denied Yourself life!

 

I disagree with abortion myself but the poster was not ranting about the birth of the child, he was ranting about the digusting actions of the parents and how they created a mess and then a life that would be treated poorly from the get-go.

[Woggle]

Woggle, in the state of Tennessee it was discussed whether or not to make it a state law to require all newborns to undergo paternity testing. You wouldn't believe how many women were against it! I wonder why? Does it make you think too? It does me, what do they have to hide?

 

Gee I wonder why so many were against it. It figures.

[dreamingoftigers]

Gee I wonder why so many were against it. It figures.

 

That's messed up!

[desertIslandCactus]

I disagree with abortion myself but the poster was not ranting about the birth of the child, he was ranting about the digusting actions of the parents and how they created a mess and then a life that would be treated poorly from the get-go.

 

One of the same Dreaming. A child takes in Everything that is said.

[dreamingoftigers]

One of the same Dreaming. A child takes in Everything that is said.

 

Granted, but the poster has been trying to support the child physically and psychologically. He reviles the parents and has done more then most aunts and uncles do to save the child's development.

[wicar1]

Woggle, in the state of Tennessee it was discussed whether or not to make it a state law to require all newborns to undergo paternity testing. You wouldn't believe how many women were against it! I wonder why? Does it make you think too? It does me, what do they have to hide?

 

Good question... lol

 

-in the state of Tennessee it was discussed whether or not to make it a state law to require all newborns to undergo paternity testing.

Anyway it is a bad sign for the society, this discussion itself shows how bad this problem is.

 

 

I often wonder how can a human lie to the face of his/her soulmate about their child's paternity. Even worse they keep the secret for years and years acting normal. Seems either they have split personality disorder or they are professionaly trained liars..

[jennie-jennie]

Good question... lol

 

-in the state of Tennessee it was discussed whether or not to make it a state law to require all newborns to undergo paternity testing.

Anyway it is a bad sign for the society, this discussion itself shows how bad this problem is.

 

 

I often wonder how can a human lie to the face of his/her soulmate about their child's paternity. Even worse they keep the secret for years and years acting normal. Seems either they have split personality disorder or they are professionaly trained liars..

 

Or it isn't their soulmate. Wake up, the marriage is no longer the primary relationship to these people.

[dramaofmylife]

It is a terrible thing and I think we all know someone like this. I have a niece who has bright red hair and pale blue eyes. Both my brother and his ex-wife have dark hair and dark eyes, his ex-wife being a total hoe. Just so happens that right when my niece was born his ex-wife's "best friend" who was gay and had bright red hair with blue eyes lived with the. My niece is grown now though and my brother refused to ever believe it so whats done is done.

Edited November 13, 2010 by dramaofmylife

[desertIslandCactus]

Granted, but the poster has been trying to support the child physically and psychologically. He reviles the parents and has done more then most aunts and uncles do to save the child's development.

 

A child does take on the sins of their parents through what is said. Whether it be directed to the child - or in discussing the parent.

[tiffyb]

Doesn't it make you furious when women say they are pregnant with an OM child...and they sound like they want their husband to raise it as his own and worse want their husbands parents to treat it as their own grandchild??

 

I mean do you find it fair??

 

They sleep like b***** with OM and get pregnant...and once they pregnant they act like saints ..or mother theresa...just because they are gonna be a mom soon....

 

I think being a mother is a very beautiful and precious thing.... but giving birth to a bastard child ... is not??? that is terrible......

 

Isnt it disgusting????? or am I over reacting??

 

PS. same applies to men who cheat on their wives, impregnating OW.... lol

my husband cheated on me last yr. i took him back and im not completely over it. but if she had gotten pregnant with his baby our relationship would have been over.

[wicar1]

Or it isn't their soulmate. Wake up, the marriage is no longer the primary relationship to these people.

 

correct ....

[JAGeezer]

One of the same Dreaming. A child takes in Everything that is said.

 

Like I said...you're in fantasy land.

 

JAG

[desertIslandCactus]

Like I said...you're in fantasy land.

 

JAG

 

It's common sense, bash the parent(s) .. you hurt the child and cause he or her to feel guilt.