Doesn't it make you furious when women get pregnant with OM's child?

[goingstrong]

This is why I am starting to believe in mandatory paternity testing at birth for everybody. If a woman does not agree to it she forfeits any right to support in the future.

 

 

Are you crazy? Who the f*** are you to intrude in my marriage and give me some mandatory test? That's all we need, more big government, socialist crap intruding in our lives. Stay out of my marriage and my bedroom and give up your own rights...not mine.

[Woggle]

Are you crazy? Who the f*** are you to intrude in my marriage and give me some mandatory test? That's all we need, more big government, socialist crap intruding in our lives. Stay out of my marriage and my bedroom and give up your own rights...not mine.

 

Would you rather be protected at birth or have all your resources bled dry because the woman who betrayed you needs support?

[alexandria35]

If he chose to parent the child but not be with the mother you'd continue to be disgusted by that child?

 

Do you understand what you read? Where in my post did I say I would be disgusted by the child? I said cheating is disgusting. I said I would be disgusted by my son's wife if she cheated on my son. I said children are never disgusting.

[JAGeezer]

Would you rather be protected at birth or have all your resources bled dry because the woman who betrayed you needs support?

 

Woggle, it may sound like an attractive idea, but think of the cost and the sheer number of tests each day. The lab industry would love it, the poor lab techs would not. Think of what the inevitable false positives would mean? Mixed up test results, a bored tech entering the data wrong, etc. It happens every day.

 

This is someone's marriage we're talking about destroying with an "oops" in a distant lab.

 

I prefer freedom of choice. Let the father choose whether to test or not. There ARE men who genuinely don't care. If he's smart, he'll choose to test, if he's not, then on his own head be it.

 

There is one thing though. I believe that, at a certain point, a person deserves to know, in exacting detail, who contributed the genes that went into making him or her, for health reasons if for no other reason. A mother hiding the facts of a child's birth from the child to cover her own screw-up is criminal, bordering on depraved indifference in my book.

 

JAG

[Dexter Morgan]

Doesn't it make you furious when women say they are pregnant with an OM child...and they sound like they want their husband to raise it as his own and worse want their husbands parents to treat it as their own grandchild??

 

ya, it does get one's blood boiling. what is worse is when the H decides to take care of the child that isn't his, and she keeps disrespecting him.

 

I feel sorry for the child more than anyone. I would applaud any man that could love a child that isn't his like his own, and can applaud a man that would dump a woman that would bear another man's child at the same time.

 

If I found out my child wasn't mine, I don't know what I'd do really. I've been part of their lives so much that I couldn't just walk away. But if the child was just born or not born yet, I'd walk.

 

Thank god I know that both of mine are mine.

[Dexter Morgan]

The most important thing is that the child is treated fairly and is loved.

 

I completely agree!!! when it comes to kids, that is my soft spot.

[Els]

Would you rather be protected at birth or have all your resources bled dry because the woman who betrayed you needs support?

 

And the reason you can't have your OWN paternity tests without the government making it mandatory for everyone else is....?

[reservoirdog1]

Not suggesting the kid be blamed. However, no man should be forced to raise a child that is not his--period.

 

A wife who does this to her husband is just plain reprehensible.

 

A mother who allows such a risky situation for their child is beyond words.

 

An OM who intrudes on a marriage in such a way is disgusting.

I agree with all of this.

 

If the WW comes clean before the child is born, it doesn't lessen the betrayal but at least it gives the betrayed partner a choice. If the betrayed partner decides he WANTS to step in and treat the child as his own, all the power to him.

 

If the WW hides the truth of the child's parentage and lets her partner think it's his when she knows it's not (or that it could well not be but she declines to find out), that's reprehensible. She's taking massive liberties with his life and making decisions about the course of his life that are absolutely not hers to make.

 

It's called "paternity fraud", and it sticks the unsuspecting partner with a legal obligation very quickly after the child's birth. A legal obligation which, even if the unsuspecting partner learns the truth several years later, is basically impossible to escape from.

 

There's really no consequence on the cheater for committing paternity fraud. And there damned well should be.

[skywriter]

It makes me furious when someone uses the phrase, bastard child!

 

Adults are gonna do whatever it is they choose to, unlike an innocent child, that has no say so, in how it comes into the world.

[2sure]

I would have to say that OW getting pregnant by MM is not a situation I have much sympathy for.

 

We all know that it takes 2 people to have an affair. One of them has to lie and one of them has to accept the circumstances. Morals aside, they are both consenting adults and make the decision to have the affair and take on the risk of discovery, loneliness, etc.

 

We all know that it takes 2 people to make a baby. In my opinion based on what Ive read...way more people SAY they got pregnant while using BC than actually do. I mean, most methods are like 98% effective. An awful lot of people claim to be in that 2% and ALL pregnant OW. Not buying it. Getting pregnant accidentally is the same as getting pregnant on purpose. So...if you are an adult woman accepting the restrictions of an affair and have told your MM partner that you are on a method of BC that is 98% effective and you forget to take the pill one day....

 

Its all you. I mean, obviously MM will have to face reality and support the child...but OW who get pregnant do so on purpose. Someone who agreed to discretion, secrecy, and the other risks of infidelity would be more cautious not less.

Edited November 8, 2010 by 2sure

[sally4sara]

This is why I am starting to believe in mandatory paternity testing at birth for everybody. If a woman does not agree to it she forfeits any right to support in the future.

 

Woggle, would it be right for me to say I'm not upset if a woman deceives a man about the paternity of her baby because I don't date women? Or would adopting that view be wrong of me?

 

It is after all, your stance on men doing crappy things to women.......that you don't date men so you don't care what they do.

 

I'm asking why I should care about this subject since it doesn't effect me. And for that reason, the only mandatory application of testing would be by an individual seeking a test (already something available to you), not a governing body forcing it into all our lives.

[Dexter Morgan]

Are you crazy? Who the f*** are you to intrude in my marriage and give me some mandatory test? That's all we need, more big government, socialist crap intruding in our lives. Stay out of my marriage and my bedroom and give up your own rights...not mine.

 

I tend to agree with the above.

 

however, is your furious reply because you might be afraid of getting caught?

[michelangelo]

I'm of two minds about it. A man is under no legal or moral obligation to raise or support a child not of his own blood.

 

Actually, at least in California, if a wife has an affair baby the husband is presumed to be the father and is on the hook for supporting the child. Even in the event of a divorce based on discovering the illegitimacy.

 

BTW, your family story is a real nightmare. Kudos to you and your wife for stepping up.

[Dexter Morgan]

This is why I am starting to believe in mandatory paternity testing at birth for everybody. If a woman does not agree to it she forfeits any right to support in the future.

 

you dont need to do a test on the woman. and a man can have a child and himself paternity tested. has nothing to do with the mother and if someone is said to be the father, the father has the right to swab himself and the child. mother has no say in the matter.

 

so there is nothing to refuse since the test wouldn't be up to the mother.

[Dexter Morgan]

I don't find it disgusting. It all depends on the context. If MM chose to go ahead and make a baby, why shouldn't that baby be recognised as his flesh and blood? Why shouldn't half-siblings know of one another?

 

Why is it disgusting to you wicar? The initial betrayal and infidelity may be heinous... but surely it is possible for adults to deal with the situation from their in a reasonable manner?

 

I don't think he is saying that if the man decides to raise another man's kids its disgusting.

 

I think he is talking about what the wife "expects":

 

"what about the wives who expect their husbands to raise another guy's kids"

 

It is disgusting for a woman to "expect" a man to take care of a child that isn't his. I respect a man that decides to do that on his own.....but it isn't for the cheating wife to "expect". THAT is the part that is disgusting.

[reservoirdog1]

It makes me furious when someone uses the phrase, bastard child!

 

Adults are gonna do whatever it is they choose to, unlike an innocent child, that has no say so, in how it comes into the world.

It doesn't make me furious, but the term itself is now archaic and meaningless. Its definition is a child born to a man and woman who aren't married to each other (i.e. nothing necessarily to do with infidelity). By that definition, half the children (or some large proportion, anyway) born in North America nowadays are "bastards". The word should be retired, for use as anything other than an insult.

[JAGeezer]

Actually, at least in California, if a wife has an affair baby the husband is presumed to be the father and is on the hook for supporting the child. Even in the event of a divorce based on discovering the illegitimacy.

 

BTW, your family story is a real nightmare. Kudos to you and your wife for stepping up.

 

Sorry, I should have defined that as "ethical" rather than legal. I was thinking ethics. Call it a senior moment. Still, in most states, a paternity test would save the guy's butt, provided he got it early enough. Not so in California?

 

Re: Family, thanks. We raised our kids already and this is the last thing that we expected at our age, but we're trying. Screw the parents, all three of them. The OM just pulled this crap because he wanted my SIL back, and the "visitation" was a ploy to "set her free to be with him". Once he had his lover back, he dropped efforts to see my niece like she had leprosy. My SIL can go rot, and my BIL needs to suck it up. Their kids didn't deserve any of this crap. I just hope it's not too late to drag my middle niece back from the abyss that her parents have put her on the edge of.

 

THIS is what A's are really all about folks. Someone's greed making innocent people suffer.

 

JAG

[Nemicron]

I feel for you on this one. Then after they find out that they are pregnant they think they didn't do anything wrong. And act as if just because they can spread their legs they think that gives them the right to continue being that way. And agan. Instead of owning up to what they did wrong and somehow make up for it and change they keep going and cant seem to hear anything anyone else has to say. I think those kind of women should be stoned like they use to in the old days. And other countries they put those kind of women to death.

 

 

Doesn't it make you furious when women say they are pregnant with an OM child...and they sound like they want their husband to raise it as his own and worse want their husbands parents to treat it as their own grandchild??

 

I mean do you find it fair??

 

They sleep like b***** with OM and get pregnant...and once they pregnant they act like saints ..or mother theresa...just because they are gonna be a mom soon....

 

I think being a mother is a very beautiful and precious thing.... but giving birth to a bastard child ... is not??? that is terrible......

 

Isnt it disgusting????? or am I over reacting??

 

PS. same applies to men who cheat on their wives, impregnating OW.... lol

[sally4sara]

you dont need to do a test on the woman. and a man can have a child and himself paternity tested. has nothing to do with the mother and if someone is said to be the father, the father has the right to swab himself and the child. mother has no say in the matter.

 

so there is nothing to refuse since the test wouldn't be up to the mother.

 

This is inaccurate.

You could be dating a woman who gets pregnant and claims it is your kid. If you have doubt and you are not married, you will need her permission to test the kid. If you seriously doubt its your kid, don't help monetarily. She will have to go through the courts seeking child support and the court will order a DNA test. If you were married to her and on the birth certificate, you could do it without her permission. If you are divorced and have at least legal custody of the kid, you could get it tested without her permission.

 

But if you're just "baby daddy" who had a kid with your GF, you can't sneak off with the kid for medical testing. No test you'd get on the sly would stand up in court.

[Lecturer]

Crazy world we live in. This thread reminded me of what michelangelo mentioned in his post. I couldn't remember where it was, but maybe it was California...

 

Story was basically that a couple is getting divorced, and it comes to light that mother had an affair and that the man is not the father of the child(ren). Court rules that even though he wasn't the actual father, he had raised them and was effectively their father, and thus he was ordered to pay child support.

 

Crazy, ridiculous world.

[JAGeezer]

Crazy world we live in. This thread reminded me of what michelangelo mentioned in his post. I couldn't remember where it was, but maybe it was California...

 

Story was basically that a couple is getting divorced, and it comes to light that mother had an affair and that the man is not the father of the child(ren). Court rules that even though he wasn't the actual father, he had raised them and was effectively their father, and thus he was ordered to pay child support.

 

Crazy, ridiculous world.

 

I've got one that's the opposite. A story I read a while back that may have been fabricated, but it's weird enough to be true. The courts had tracked down a thirteen year old girl's father, proven by court-ordered DNA testing, and they were forcing him to pay child support, including back child support. This was in spite of the fact that, at the time of conception the mother was over 18 and the biological "father" was a 12 year old boy that she'd been "babysitting". The potential pun is too horrible for words. In short, the woman committed a felony that resulted in a baby and will make money off of it.

 

The "law" has little to do with justice.

 

JAG

[thomasb]

Wow, I think if I was the 'father' I'd have her in court for damages from the molestation so fast it would make her head spin. And also have criminal charges filed against her.

[donnamaybe]

Wow, I think if I was the 'father' I'd have her in court for damages from the molestation so fast it would make her head spin. And also have criminal charges filed against her.

Yup. Can anyone say "Mary Kay Letourneau?"

[Dexter Morgan]

This is inaccurate.

You could be dating a woman who gets pregnant and claims it is your kid. If you have doubt and you are not married, you will need her permission to test the kid. If you seriously doubt its your kid, don't help monetarily. She will have to go through the courts seeking child support and the court will order a DNA test.

 

yes this is correct, but if a woman takes a man to court, as you said, then he has a right to a DNA test. And if a man assumed role as father, kind of a mutual agreement between the mother and alleged father, then the father, when on his visitation with the child, can get a test done. Nothing the mother will be able to do about it. All it takes is a kit and for the father to swab himself and the child.

 

you are right, an alleged father can't see the child on the street and sneak a swab in if he isn't currently in his/her life. But if he is actively in the child's life and mother allows visitation, she is giving him parental rights.

 

 

 

If you were married to her and on the birth certificate, you could do it without her permission. If you are divorced and have at least legal custody of the kid, you could get it tested without her permission.

 

this is where you are wrong, in a divorced situation a father doesn't have to have legal custody to have a DNA test done.

 

 

But if you're just "baby daddy" who had a kid with your GF, you can't sneak off with the kid for medical testing. No test you'd get on the sly would stand up in court.

 

this is where you are correct...except if "baby daddy" has visitation...he can get a test done without permission.

 

you are right, it won't stand up in court, but after getting a non-legally binding test done and finding the results, a father, or wrongfully accused father, can then get a court ordered test.

[Woggle]

Woggle, would it be right for me to say I'm not upset if a woman deceives a man about the paternity of her baby because I don't date women? Or would adopting that view be wrong of me?

 

It is after all, your stance on men doing crappy things to women.......that you don't date men so you don't care what they do.

 

I'm asking why I should care about this subject since it doesn't effect me. And for that reason, the only mandatory application of testing would be by an individual seeking a test (already something available to you), not a governing body forcing it into all our lives.

 

So you only care if bad things happen to women?