Doesn't it make you furious when women get pregnant with OM's child?

[michelangelo]

Women who say "well you can ask for a DNA test" would also probably be very offended if, when they became pregnant, were requested to get the baby DNA tested by their husband.

 

To add to the lopsidedness, if a man has no suspicions and signs the fiscal death sentence birth certificate, his options are severely curtailed when, 2 years later, he realizes that the child doesn't really resemble any of his family. Even if he gets DNA tests then and proves he's not the father, it's usually impossible to back out at that point.

 

Nice.

 

Again, some man has to pay and any man will do in a pinch. Quote.

 

..................................

 

Have your own DNA test done after the baby is born and before you can be considered liable for child support. Then you can make the call as to if you throw wife and child out - or not.

 

So your wife is overnight in the hospital having the baby, you do not suspect anything, you sign the birth certificate in front of her holding your baby in the hospital room or you tell her I'm not signing until I get a dna test?

 

I think you just want to stir the pot here.

[112233]

Have your own DNA test done after the baby is born and before you can be considered liable for child support. Then you can make the call as to if you throw wife and her child out - or not.

 

Fixed that for ya.

 

So in that massive interval between live birth and signing a certificate of live birth, men should request and get a DNA test. Well I'll just have Mr. Spock whip out his tricorder and do that.

 

Any actual practical ideas or is this the best you can come up with?

[desertIslandCactus]

 

So your wife is overnight in the hospital having the baby, you do not suspect anything, you sign the birth certificate in front of her holding your baby in the hospital room or you tell her I'm not signing until I get a dna test?

 

I think you just want to stir the pot here.

 

Pot was stirred with the start of this thread. I just feel protective of children.

 

Also I am not an attorney, but don't think signing of a birth certificate would make a man liable for child support, if before certain period of time - child is proven to not be his.

[sally4sara]

Women who say "well you can ask for a DNA test" would also probably be very offended if, when they became pregnant, were requested to get the baby DNA tested by their husband.

 

It isn't a woman's fault if a guy with real doubts chooses not insulting her over seeking a DNA test.

 

More excuses for not taking control of your reproduction rights when they are available to you.

[michelangelo]

 

Pot was stirred with the start of this thread. I just feel protective of children.

 

Also I am not an attorney, but don't think signing of a birth certificate would make a man liable for child support, if before certain period of time - child is proven to not be his.

 

That would be an incorrect assumption in California for a married man. In fact, the signing of the birth certificate is irrelevant regarding fiscal responsibility.

[sally4sara]

Women who say "well you can ask for a DNA test" would also probably be very offended if, when they became pregnant, were requested to get the baby DNA tested by their husband.

 

Its really funny to think some man with real reason to doubt a kid was his would instead opt to avoid insulting her with all the "women love men who treat them like crap" threads on here and so many male LS posters chiming about how true it is.

 

So risk insulting her AND cover your behind - why wouldn't she adore you all the more for it?

[112233]

.... I am not an attorney, but don't think signing of a birth certificate would make a man liable for child support, if before certain period of time - child is proven to not be his.

 

Well I believe I'm entitled to have the USA defense dept budget for today transfered into my checking account, encumbrance free. Doesn't make either of us right, sadly. The birth certificate thing is hotly debated but in all court cases, it's not gone the way you imagine (and I suppose we both think) should be fair.

 

Sorry.

 

I was shocked to find this out too, it seems so wrong and counter intuitive.

[112233]

Its really funny to think some man with real reason to doubt a kid was his would instead opt to avoid insulting her with all the "women love men who treat them like crap" threads on here and so many male LS posters chiming about how true it is.

 

So risk insulting her AND cover your behind - why wouldn't she adore you all the more for it?

 

 

Just because some women dig that stuff doesn't mean I'd marry one. You're sort of grasping at straws here.

[TinaniT]

 

That's not even considering the fact a woman can actually opt out AFTER conception..

 

 

Abortion is not a birth control option. Hearing it talked about as "opting out" is seriously nauseating.

 

I could not get an abortion. My first child was a surprise, as I was on birth control pills, and did not miss one, and was not on antibiotics, etc. I was scared to death but I can tell you that not for one second was abortion an option. My responsibility was not to anyone except the life inside of me. If my then boyfriend had sulked I would have wondered why he wasn't considering the life he helped create, too. (and thank God it wasn't, looking at my son napping now!) I have known people who have had abortions and had long emotional consequences. I am still prochoice but for many of us women, for good reason, abortion is not a choice we can or will consider (which you should know before you sleep with somebody; You can make the choice then not to!)

 

There are options in birth control; none are as effective as abstinence; but everyone has condoms available and you should seriously reconsider sleeping with someone at all if you can't trust them to engage responsibly in the birth control method you are relying on.

 

 

Viewing abortion as a birth control option is disgusting.

 

 

 

 

In other points in the thread,

1. A woman claiming a man is the father of her child who is not is disgusting; and doing it for financial support is moreso, and I simply don't believe it happens as much as the OP seems to think. Maybe that is niave.

2. An OW who gets pregnant with her MM's child did it on purpose? Seriously ridiculous. I know (not from that type of situation) pregnancies one is trying to avoid happen and why would a anyone want a baby in that situation with all the complications?

3. An OW gets pregnant with the MM's baby-- the BW may not be responsible but the MM always is and has a moral obligation to the child as any father does. He shouldn't have slept with the woman if he wasn't prepared for all potential outcomes. I am not going to dissolve responsibility there. Easy enough to avoid the situation if you need - don't do it! The woman will have the "consequences" too - raising the child, and without the father living with her likely if he is married when it happens, so I'm not suggesting only one person has the choice not to do with it; but suggesting one is a "trap" is a tad silly... I don't think most are that coldly calculating, and if they are, don't take the poisoned bait.

 

4. Regardless, very sad for the child. Don't call a child a bastard. A child is NEVER responsible for parents decisions or mistakes.

 

5. Also, though it couldn't happen to me, if I raised a child for many years and found out they weren't biologically mine, I would be DAMN glad my name was on the birth certificate because it would guarantee me my rights to continue to see my child. If I raise a child, he is mine. Biological connection does not parenthood make. I'd be pissed if I could raise a child for several years and then have him taken away from me on a whim because I had no biological connection. I can't imagine the poor child who had both parents behave so disgustingly if one lied and the other thought it was an opportunity to no longer raise the child they have been raising.

[desertIslandCactus]

Well I believe I'm entitled to have the USA defense dept budget for today transfered into my checking account, encumbrance free. Doesn't make either of us right, sadly. The birth certificate thing is hotly debated but in all court cases, it's not gone the way you imagine (and I suppose we both think) should be fair.

 

Sorry.

 

I was shocked to find this out too, it seems so wrong and counter intuitive.

 

Most legal cases have a 'discovery' period of time.

[michelangelo]

Most legal cases have a 'discovery' period of time.

 

The marriage contract, at least in California, is what blows this theory.

 

There is a legal presumption of paternity for all babies born during the marriage. Completely irrelevant as to "true" parentage. Even when proved otherwise by dna testing.

[112233]

Most legal cases have a 'discovery' period of time.

 

I know you're imagining that it's unfair and can't be so, but in many States, including California, signing or not signing the CLB isn't even an issue. Men who were married to the mother and KNEW they were not the father have been sued for child support and lost.

 

The rationale usually goes on about how the bio dad is somehow unavailable and this must be done "for the good of the child", I know, it's odd, seems incredible, but look it up if you like.

[sally4sara]

Just because some women dig that stuff doesn't mean I'd marry one. You're sort of grasping at straws here.

 

It wasn't said for the sake of argument so much as it was for entertainment purposes.

[112233]

I could not get an abortion. ... I was scared to death but I can tell you that not for one second was abortion an option.

 

Truthfully it was of course an option. Just because it's not an option you would EVER choose does not make mean it was not an option that was available. I would never eat certain foods but if they're on the menu, then they're on the menu for me too, they are not unavailable, merely because I will never choose them.

[112233]

It wasn't said for the sake of argument so much as it was for entertainment purposes.

 

I admit, I did chuckle. Well played, miss.

[sally4sara]

I admit, I did chuckle. Well played, miss.

 

I know humor doesn't translate so well in text but cracking myself up is the most enjoyable way I've found to break up the mucus in my chest. Ahhh flu season!

 

And its Ms. to you. I'm married, a mom and no spring chicken anymore. Boy turns 13 years old this week.

 

It might surprise you to know he was conceived via his father duping me into motherhood by way of a purposefully sabotaged condom to try to keep me in a bad relationship to his alcoholic ass. I still had two periods after conceiving him so - wait for it - "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" (brought to you by the Discovery Channel) till I was about three months along.

 

So there you go, it isn't always the man getting railroaded into being a parent. It just happens that way more often due to women being the designated incubators of the human race.

 

Another point I'd like to add is that despite not wanting to be a mom and definitely not wanting to have a kid with my ex-husband, I am very glad to have such an awesome kid in my life. You might be surprised to know some seriously rewarding things come with being a part of a kid's life even if you didn't choose it at first.

[Woggle]

There was another thread a while back where women got mad at men who insisted on paternity tests. We can't win and we are not allowed to protect ourselves in their eyes. This is why automatic testing at birth if a woman wants any rights to support should be the norm.

[michelangelo]

You might be surprised to know some seriously rewarding things come with being a part of a kid's life even if you didn't choose it at first.

 

How would you feel if what he did was somehow impregnate you with someone else's fertilized egg?

 

but wait a few years before knowing it.

[112233]

There was another thread a while back where women got mad at men who insisted on paternity tests. We can't win and we are not allowed to protect ourselves in their eyes. This is why automatic testing at birth if a woman wants any rights to support should be the norm.

 

Oh wow now that's just too funny. You have any idea what terms I would search for?

[sally4sara]

How would you feel if what he did was somehow impregnate you with someone else's fertilized egg?

 

but wait a few years before knowing it.

 

Not sure how it is any different from what he did; it still resulted in having little choice in the matter AND hijacking my body for 42 weeks ending in 23 hours of labor. Be glad you can't be forced into going through birth cuz you're going to piss me off for trying to trivialize what I went though in comparison. Especially since I still have to go through the same 18 years a man would have to deal with. Parenthood isn't harder on men. So pardon me if I'm a not seeing the comparison of 42 weeks AND 18 years, when he still ended up useless in our marriage and wouldn't pay child support without garnishment being enacted.

 

I will say however, I am grateful he never told me what he did till well after I gave birth. I would have lost my mind.

[112233]

Not sure how it is any different from what he did; it still resulted in having little choice in the matter AND hijacking my body for 42 weeks ending in 23 hours of labor.

 

It's different because it's still your child even if it wasn't fully your choice.

[blueroses10]

It makes me furious, all right. For the child.

 

Speaking as a child born into a similar mess, OW getting pregnant by MM, its the child that suffers.

 

I remember meeting some relatives of my grandfather's once. In a general conversation we were having, as we were strangers, they mention my grandfather's name. I say, "that's my grandfather". They say they know the whole family and while I certainly favor them, they've never heard of me or my side of the family. I have to tell them I'm his "girlfriend's" grandchild.

 

They look....stunned, after they figured out what I meant by girlfriend. I was embarrassed and I hadn't done anything wrong. Imagine that, having to apologize just for existing to some people.

 

It sucks for the children born into these situations. It creates really awkward situations for the innocent children who did not deserve to be born into such drama. And I wasn't even directly born into the situation.

 

So would you rather you hadn't been born or are you grateful that something good came out of the affair?

[sally4sara]

It's different because it's still your child even if it wasn't fully your choice.

 

Have your body hijacked for 42 weeks and go through 23 hours of labor. Experience the person who did it to you walking out on you and the kid three years later to avoid sobering up and feel less guilty about sleep with yet another co-worker he was flirting with. Hear the person THEN tell you what they did to the condom. Add a dash of the same guy pulling said kid out of school and taking off with him to the other side of the U.S to live with his online GF of 2 months without discussing it with you. Get your kid back after a few weeks when his father's plan blows up and online granny GF kicks him out (and your son witnesses it). Then have to go through the courts to get the same guy who did all this to you garnished for child support (when his drunk ass has a job that is).

 

Then come back and tell me which is worse.

[112233]

Then come back and tell me which is worse.

 

I get it, you got a shabby deal. This isn't the "who got the sh*ttiest deal" contest thread, it's specifically about men being duped into supporting kids who are not theirs. I admit, some of the things I said were tangential but ultimately this thread is about people being tricked into raising kids that are not theirs, and those people are overwhelmingly gonna be fellas.

[sally4sara]

I get it, you got a shabby deal. This isn't the "who got the sh*ttiest deal" contest thread, it's specifically about men being duped into supporting kids who are not theirs. I admit, some of the things I said were tangential but ultimately this thread is about people being tricked into raising kids that are not theirs, and those people are overwhelmingly gonna be fellas.

 

Just trying to point out that complicated route to parenting isn't a male burden to bear.

 

Remember where some of your tax dollars are going and why. Ain't we all paying support to a kid that isn't ours already?

 

"I believe the children are our future; treat them well and let them lead the way..."

 

Sexual Chocolate! *drops the mic and walks away*