wonderwhy1 Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Ok we have been together for 5 months now. We moved in together like right away. She had just gotten out of a 3 years relationship just prior to us getting together. Her ex stopped talking to her alltogether and she was so glad he did. She didn't want him affecting us because she was with me now. Things moved quickly and it was amazing-we promised each other everything and to do it all right. Lately though we've been fighting bad!!! We even have a brand new apartment that we just moved into. So I had a funny feeling that she's has been talking to someone else-So I snooped (I know it's wrong but I did) and I can't believe what I read. Seems like her and her ex BF talk or email once or twice a week and have been for about a month now. So I'm going to try to say what she's said so here goes------She says she still loves and misses him and so does her dog and how she misses being at his house and having him hold her. Then she says she misses making love to him. Ok so heres the bad part-She then got REALLY sexual with him saying she dreams of sucking his whatever and all of this stuff. Then if that's not enough she told him that I'm emotionally abusive and she's done with me and I'm going to be out of the apartment soon. I do have a temper and have said things I should't have. I gues what I want to know is what does all of the things she said mean?? Does she really miss him and being with him or is she just trying make herself feel better because we fight all of the time?? I just don't know what to do and this whole situation isn't making it better. I feeling like I'm going to loose it. By the way he's older than us and has his own house. To me that sounds BORING. Her and I party all fo the time or did and have more fun...Can you guys please tell me what you think is happening here?? Link to post Share on other sites
LostInLimbo Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Put your shoes on the other foot, how would you see it? It maybe hard to see being on the inside, but its only been 5months and although you still have feelings for her, its time to get out while the getting is good.. What would have happened if you never looked (not saying its right) but it could have been 15 months when you found this out, not 5, in other words, the longer you wait the harder its going to be. You can give her the option of explaining, but would you trust the explanation? especially if she says sorry for whatever reason? at best you are now going to be wondering all the time who she is with, whats she is doing and so on...u wanna live like that? LiL Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Sounds like you were just the wild fling and now she misses the stability (IE what you see as boring) in her life. You two progressed way too quickly and now she's starting to see the real relationship and not the honeymoon phase beginning. Sounds like this one is destined for the scrap heap. You have a choice to end it, explain to her then end it, or wait for her to give you the ax. Link to post Share on other sites
durkadurka Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Rebound. Heh. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Sorry for your situation dude. Seems like you're the rebound guy. Have some dignity and ditch her before she ditches you. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Sorry for your situation dude. Seems like you're the rebound guy. Have some dignity and ditch her before she ditches you. That's the way it looks... Time to kick her to the curb... She ceased being your GF when she started talking to her ex and telling him how much she misses him and how much she wants to eff him. In situations like this it is always better for you to just walk away... Link to post Share on other sites
Trojan John Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 That's the way it looks... Time to kick her to the curb... She ceased being your GF when she started talking to her ex and telling him how much she misses him and how much she wants to eff him. In situations like this it is always better for you to just walk away... Don't walk. RUN. Well, maybe debaucherous sex first, then run. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Yeah, bang her first. Then, lay it out. Life lessons. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Don't walk. RUN. Well, maybe debaucherous sex first, then run. This. By "run", I mean move your stuff out into a new apartment the next day, while she's at work. That'll save you having a long drawn out pre-move conversation with somebody who clearly doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Salvage your dignity and self-esteem here, dude... you deserve better. Launch. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Yeah, bang her first. Then, lay it out. Life lessons. Good luck hahaha.... well played Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 (edited) 3 years is a long time to be with someone so she likely invested in him and that's hard to just get over quickly. Because you two aren't getting along, she's likely romantizing stuff in her head and missing her Ex. She's likely only thinking of their good times in contrast to the problems you two are having now. Leave now before any more time is wasted. You're hurt now and it's only been 5 months. Every day that passes will make it even harder and the pain deeper. Don't sign up for any more drama with this girl. Edited November 8, 2010 by cerridwen forgot comment Link to post Share on other sites
iamawesome Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 (edited) haha, I think I'm the "ex". In your situation. From the perspective of being the ex in a 3 year relationship after she rebounded, I can tell you that you are doomed. She's just using you for the sex to validate herself and once that wears off it's bye-bye. Edited November 9, 2010 by iamawesome Link to post Share on other sites
HalfStepDown Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 Leave now before any more time is wasted. You're hurt now and it's only been 5 months. Every day that passes will make it even harder and the pain deeper. Don't sign up for any more drama with this girl. Run Run RUN NOW!!!! Get out and get out and away fast! I was you! I did this and I STAYED in it!!! three years later, I was a mess!! Only to find out that she had been doing this with MANY other people! Over and over again! The relationship is DOOMED! You will ALWAYS and forEVER wonder!!! She will NEVER tell you the truth, only pieces to placate you and make you feel better. You will ALWAYS wonder and will NEVER know. It's a TERRIBLE cancer to have! Cut it off of you and get far away from it! You sound young. Go enjoy your life!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bestrong Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 Oh no! pack up your stuff and RUN FAST! Link to post Share on other sites
halemeno Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 What concerns me: 1. Reading her texts: straight-up invasion of privacy. I feel like this shows nothing but a lack of respect and trust. 2. She describes you as emotionally abusive: I am by no means accusing you of being emotionally abusive, since I don't know you, but the fact that she feels as if she is being emotionally abused is a clear indicator that something is wrong with the way your relationship is functioning. This requires an open and honest discussion on both your parts -- not necessarily to save your relationship, but to understand how you both feel you are being treated, why you both act the way you do, and how you can both change for the better. Also, your comment about "having a temper" worries me. Your partner should never be afraid of you. Link to post Share on other sites
strength-abounds Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 Oh no! pack up your stuff and RUN FAST! Nope. Pack HER s*** and put on the curb for when she gets home. Save face dude. Man up. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 1. Reading her texts: straight-up invasion of privacy. I feel like this shows nothing but a lack of respect and trust. Reading texts is only wrong if you don't find anything dodgy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Share Posted November 9, 2010 OK thank you everyone for your advice. If I may I would like to further the updates on events. She is being very very lovey with me now. I haven't said anything to her yet about what I found. Although I am uncomforatable I'm keeping cool. One of her friends the other day went to her exes work to have work done and was sitting with him in his office. I guess he "the ex" was texting someone the whole time. The reason I know this is because she told my girl that she saw him and what he was doing. Now after that all of the sudden she's plastered pics of us all over her facebook whereas there weren't any before (like on her profile pic)....I wonder why that all of the sudden???? I guess I'm just hoping that she's just playing a game with him-I know girls who have done this-it's been done to me by ex's of mine. The other thing to keep in mind is we literally just moved into the new place 2 weeks ago. That's some sort of commitment right there and I'm close with her family at this point. I've looked through her phone (can't help it) and she hasn't talked to him in 4 days-so maybe she went through what she had to go through and they are over??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Share Posted November 9, 2010 Another thing is all of the things in our new apartment are mine. She got rid of all of her stuff because mine was newer. So she really has nothing to take anywhere to. I am hoping she didn't change her FB profile pic (with us in it) on there to make him jealous or something-I just thought of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 I would never pick up my partner's phone and start going through it. In what way were you emotionally abusive? Now that you know she's been in contact with her ex and being sexually explicit with him via text, do you want to stay with her? If you do -- have a conversation. It's apparent both of you have trust issues and problems within your relationship. Tell her what you discovered and how. Then both of you determine if you want to work on the relationship given the breaches of trust. Lay out the parameters within which it must exist to be successful and stick to them. (i.e., you not going through her phone, you not being emotionally abusive, her not having contact with her ex.) Link to post Share on other sites
whatadeer26 Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 It is suspect that she decided to post pictures of the two of you right after that. WOMEN are vindictive and I hate FB. It is for attention whores (ie my ex). I really wish it was never opened to the general public and stayed just for college networking. You really need to talk to her. Confront her about what you saw. This conversation you are dreading is the consequence of invading her privacy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Share Posted November 9, 2010 I flipped out a few times over being jealous and the argument escalated to name calling (not nice words). It's just weird that she told him we are done-when she's giving me no indication of it at this point, but rather being super nice and taking me to dinner at her families house. I mean we've fake broken up a few times I suppose but it didn't stick and now we have a new place together Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 It is suspect that she decided to post pictures of the two of you right after that. WOMEN are vindictive and I hate FB. It is for attention whores (ie my ex). I really wish it was never opened to the general public and stayed just for college networking. You really need to talk to her. Confront her about what you saw. This conversation you are dreading is the consequence of invading her privacy. It is what you make it. I find it a very nice way to connect with my very large family via family photos, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Share Posted November 9, 2010 Do you guys think it's possible that she just had a temporary meltdown and sought him out to feel better. It's just the things she said were so detailed and intimate. I know girls eho are over their ex typically would never go there with an ex-which is why I'm freaking out!!! But her complete change in behavior toward me with being all loving or what not is now freaking me out too. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 Dude, I know you aren't this foolish. She is using you, then when she realized her option is looking elsewhere, she's back all over you. You are the back up plan, is that good enough for you? She made her display pic that to make him jealous FOR SURE. Get out, save yourself. She's a sneak and liar. Link to post Share on other sites
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