Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Share Posted November 9, 2010 I think what I may do is ask her in general if she's communicated with him, not say anything specific and see what she says. If it does start a fight and I'm sure it will I'll bet she'll be back in contact with him. If that's the case then I'll drop what I know on her...That will go to show that she wants him not me...You have to understand that I'm not stupid I just don't want to loose her-especially to him...She has stopped talking about our future together a while ago now so we'll see what happens I guess Link to post Share on other sites
ARISthess Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 I know your not stupid, thats why you realize that one way or another its going to end. No matter how much you don't want to lose her. Don't beat around the bush, go out like a man! Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Share Posted November 9, 2010 What if she denies talking to him??? What does that mean other than just lying in general-or gets defensive??? Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 What if she denies talking to him??? What does that mean other than just lying in general-or gets defensive??? I've followed your entire thread and all the comments. Your situation isn't about who's younger/older, that is very insignificant compared to the fact that she is being indecisive and deceptive. You ask, what if she denies talking to him? Then that speaks further of what honor and trust means in this relationship to her. You shouldn't worry about losing her to the ex or anyone else. She is not capable of being dedicated. No matter who she would "choose", she will always want to have options. Link to post Share on other sites
bestrong Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 What if she denies talking to him??? What does that mean other than just lying in general-or gets defensive??? Set your boundaries. If I were you, I would confront her, if she admits and apologise, I'd see what we can go from there. If she denies, I'd be mad cause she is humiliating me by thinking I am an idiot who she can do whatever she wants to me. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
SeriousBob12 Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 Wonderwhy, stop being obtuse and look at what's being presented to you. Honestly, with each post I read of yours I just wanted to jump through the computer and smack you. I'm not trying to be rude, but you're so in denial that it's kind of sad. First off, look at what you've told us. We're all neutral parties, only looking at the facts: you two fight a lot, jumped into moving with each other, and what you've found out through emails and texts is something no significant other wants to read, or even think about for that matter... Your problem is you keep trying to grasp for anything you've read on LS to prove your delusional world true. Breakups and Ex's aren't something you can predict into catagorized situations. It's not as simple as throwing a ball up in the air and knowing it will come back down. Some breakups turn into relationships again, others dont, some turn to **** buddies, some to friends, some to enemies, a lot to never speaking to that person again etc....they are not the same, the only thing you CAN look at is similarities in experiences. A lot of people offer advice based on that. You see it all the time "I dated this girl 2 years ago that did this and that just like your situation! This is what happened blah blah blah" I hate to say it but your situation is pretty straight forward. You can excuse it all you want. So what if she's putting fb photos up, so what if she's being lovey dubey, so what if she's.... You've found a lot of dirty laundry on her. I don't know how else to stress it. This girl is trouble. Why would you want to be with someone that even hinted at sexual relations with their ex? I know in your lala-land you look at it as "toying with her ex" but get a grip man, wake up and smell the coffee. This girl is NOT someone you should be with, let alone living with. Continue to deny it all you want, but for god sakes stop asking the same stupid questions over and over again. Deep down I think you even know that this girl is trouble and this rebound is over, you guys just haven't acted on it. You're better than that dude. Why subject yourself to BS like this? Kick this female dog out of your place, or you move out and get with someone that is worth your time. Learn from this, and start keeping your temper in check. I just can't fathom why you want to be with this girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Notsogood Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 +1 Great post Wonderwhy, stop being obtuse and look at what's being presented to you. Honestly, with each post I read of yours I just wanted to jump through the computer and smack you. I'm not trying to be rude, but you're so in denial that it's kind of sad. First off, look at what you've told us. We're all neutral parties, only looking at the facts: you two fight a lot, jumped into moving with each other, and what you've found out through emails and texts is something no significant other wants to read, or even think about for that matter... Your problem is you keep trying to grasp for anything you've read on LS to prove your delusional world true. Breakups and Ex's aren't something you can predict into catagorized situations. It's not as simple as throwing a ball up in the air and knowing it will come back down. Some breakups turn into relationships again, others dont, some turn to **** buddies, some to friends, some to enemies, a lot to never speaking to that person again etc....they are not the same, the only thing you CAN look at is similarities in experiences. A lot of people offer advice based on that. You see it all the time "I dated this girl 2 years ago that did this and that just like your situation! This is what happened blah blah blah" I hate to say it but your situation is pretty straight forward. You can excuse it all you want. So what if she's putting fb photos up, so what if she's being lovey dubey, so what if she's.... You've found a lot of dirty laundry on her. I don't know how else to stress it. This girl is trouble. Why would you want to be with someone that even hinted at sexual relations with their ex? I know in your lala-land you look at it as "toying with her ex" but get a grip man, wake up and smell the coffee. This girl is NOT someone you should be with, let alone living with. Continue to deny it all you want, but for god sakes stop asking the same stupid questions over and over again. Deep down I think you even know that this girl is trouble and this rebound is over, you guys just haven't acted on it. You're better than that dude. Why subject yourself to BS like this? Kick this female dog out of your place, or you move out and get with someone that is worth your time. Learn from this, and start keeping your temper in check. I just can't fathom why you want to be with this girl. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 For starters man you should never have moved in with a girl that you have only been dating 5 months. Five months is not as long as you think especially with a girl that just got out of a long term relationship. You are most likely a rebound and she still loves her ex. He dumped her and I can assure you she still loves him Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 10, 2010 Author Share Posted November 10, 2010 Ook I talked to her last night. We did fight not because I told her what I know-I didn't, but because of what I know was getting pissed. So I didn't tell her but what I did ask her was if she had been communictaing with him. She admitted that she had and then I asked about what she said that he is having a hard time with the breakup and she was being there for him because she felt bad for him. Then she said she's sooo lucky to be in love with me!!!! so part of which she told me is a lie. Well anyway not to get admonished by everyone again but guess what-She emailed him again this morning. What she said was she probably needs surgery-first I've heard of that-you would think I would know. He responded-OUCH...So this is probably a new way of getting his attention, this time through the sympathy card. I should have named this thread "The day of denial" Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 10, 2010 Author Share Posted November 10, 2010 I guess what I wanted to hear from people is flat out-that she does want him back and doesn't want me...I like most of my exes (well the 2 I have I do) but I just wouldn't go there with any of them because I just don't feel like that toward them anymore......With what she said does she??? Link to post Share on other sites
SeriousBob12 Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 Man, who cares. Stop with the what if's or why's and start with "it doesn't matter." She flat out lied to you. Was there for him? Yeah maybe if he needed a little sexting consoling... You've gotten PLENTY of awesome responses in this thread, much more than most people get. Either act on it or stop asking the same mundane questions over and over again. Move on dude, that's all there is to do. Unless of course you like to subject yourself to an emotional sucker-punch that isn't far off down the road... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 All these nuances are really good information. Here you can learn the mechanics of how people deceive. In the realm of life, this is but one experience. Make it a good one BTW, it doesn't matter how she feels about him. The relevant part is how she is deceiving you. Focus on that. Examine the nuances. Grow from the experience. When you're finished, erase her. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 10, 2010 Author Share Posted November 10, 2010 I apologize to everyone for asking the same things. It's all so much to take in a day or two and was hoping there was a silver lining that someone would know about and could tell me. I have gotten from what I can see a lot more advice and perspective then most get and I'm thankful for that. I guess what's confusing for me is I read too many threads on here and some people situations go for the better and some go for the worse. I was hoping mine was heading or going to head for the worse. If and when I go I don't even think i"ll tell her i'm leaving-Maybe I'll just leave her this website address and my username and password-That'll should give her plenty of perspective as to why I'm not there...I just pray I'm not missing something here Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 Come on dude grow some balls and ditch the b!tch. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 OP, I'll share another little tidbit of life experience with you..... A woman like you're currently with, a woman who can string two guys along and deceive either or both of them, she is on a plane of care and competence you can only aspire to be. You will *never* be able to compete with her in the realm of manipulation and deception and 'caring less'. You frankly don't have the tools. She was genetically engineered and socialized to have that ability and, if necessary or by choice, use it. You have fists and testosterone. Fugetabout trying to 'trap' her into the truth. She will use *anything* you say or do, as the LEO's always say, 'against you'. Just learn what you can and leave. Anything else is a waste of your time and emotion. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueMoonshine Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 (edited) OP is going to get burnt big time, unfortunately. Lots of awesome advice given....I would follow it. This girl is a liar, manipulator and not someone you want in your life. PS...awesome post SeriousBob. Edited November 10, 2010 by BlueMoonshine Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 11, 2010 Share Posted November 11, 2010 Ok we have been together for 5 months now. We moved in together like right away. She had just gotten out of a 3 years relationship just prior to us getting together. Her ex stopped talking to her alltogether and she was so glad he did. She didn't want him affecting us because she was with me now. Things moved quickly and it was amazing-we promised each other everything and to do it all right. Lately though we've been fighting bad!!! We even have a brand new apartment that we just moved into. It's best this relationship ends, it started off way too quickly, you two moved in too fast and she had no time to deal with the loss/breakup of her ex boyfriend before she jumped into a relationship with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 11, 2010 Author Share Posted November 11, 2010 I just found a thread about this guy who's girl of 3 years left him and got a new guy right away.......I told them not to worry too much if they play their cards rigth Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted November 11, 2010 Share Posted November 11, 2010 I just found a thread about this guy who's girl of 3 years left him and got a new guy right away.......I told them not to worry too much if they play their cards rigth Why, so he can be in the same spot as you? Getting obviously and without a doubt played by the girl, yet refusing to even believe it. Accepting that your version of La-La Land where a girl can have openly sexual email and text chats with her ex is a sign that she really loves you. Even worse, you are refusing to confront her on it. You have 7 pages of people telling you to confront her on this. Do me a favor. Put your hand down the front of your pants. Feel those orb-like things dangling? Those are your testicles, I suggest you use them. You have the stones to invade her privacy but not the stones to act on what you find. If you can't face what you find, don't go snooping around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 11, 2010 Author Share Posted November 11, 2010 Yeah I know that...It was just a lot to take in all of the sudden...Plus what I wanted to know was if she was meaning what she said to him or not. If everything she said to him was BS then all of this becomes less important...After all bottom line is she's still with me here-not HIM Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 11, 2010 Share Posted November 11, 2010 If everything she said to him was BS then all of this becomes less important. No it doesn't. She said inappropriate things to another man and treated you like turd. End of story. Dump her. But we've told you at least 100 times now, so I guess there's not much point saying it again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 11, 2010 Author Share Posted November 11, 2010 I know she did. I also said it been 5 months and we live together now. After 5 months I would think realistically she doesn't think of him that often plus if she walked away from me she would be walking away from all of our friends and a lot of partying and fun...She would probably just get bored of being at his house or something-like I said he owns his own house, we don't-it's more fun at the apartment...All he his is Mister stabilty Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted November 11, 2010 Share Posted November 11, 2010 I know she did. I also said it been 5 months and we live together now. After 5 months I would think realistically she doesn't think of him that often plus if she walked away from me she would be walking away from all of our friends and a lot of partying and fun...She would probably just get bored of being at his house or something-like I said he owns his own house, we don't-it's more fun at the apartment...All he his is Mister stabilty Why are you even here? Why did you ask for advice? You clearly are lost up your own ass of denial. She doesn't think of him, you are right. She thinks about his raging boner in her mouth. Yeah, that's not so bad at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 11, 2010 Author Share Posted November 11, 2010 That's kinda rough. I sort of calmed down from the shock and realized that yes she screwed up-but hasn't done anything with him...It's just words. I could say those things to any of my exes and it wouldn't neccisarily mean anything...I thought about it and if I said something like that I'd just be screwing with them. It's just words-I mean I've had exes contact me after some time and the conversation never went like that because them and I were in another elationship with other people-sort of like me and my girl are now Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 11, 2010 Share Posted November 11, 2010 I sort of calmed down from the shock and realized that yes she screwed up-but hasn't done anything with him...It's just words. If there's feelings behind the words, it's not just cheating and deception, it's an affair. You have no way of *ever* knowing how she feels. BTDT, no sex, just words; sex not required but, oops, she has had sex with him in the past. Slippery slope. Be wary of rationalization. Link to post Share on other sites
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