Pregnant & feeling lonely

[lonleygirl]

Yes, it is a Saturday night and I'm sitting at home all alone. Pretty pathetic, huh?

 

To fill you in up to this point. A few months ago my social life was thriving. I was out all all the time, had many friends, and my phone never stopped ringing. That was until I found out I was pregnant.

 

Now, no one calls me to go out, or to even check to see how I'm doing. I have tried to take the inititive and call them, to chat or to see if they want to go out, but (as far as going out is concerned) they all say they are busy, ect. Meanwhile, just to keep myself busy, I have tried going out alone. I'll see a friend or two out every now and then and wonder why they didn't think to invite me. But, nontheless, still continue to be friendly and fun just as I always have.

 

I'm just wondering why things changed so much after I got pregnant. I can still hang out at the same places and do the same things as I always have (sans the alcohol). Heck, I would think they would want to hang out to have a guranteed designated driver! LOL Anyway, even though I haven't stopped living my life, I can't help but to feel very left out of the mix. I feel very lonely.

 

Do you think this pregnancy has scared everyone away? Why doesn't anyone call anymore? Any insight to this? Advice would greatly be appreciated.

[Darkangelism]

how old are you? It seems kinda bad of them to not support you. If any of my friends got pregneant i would be there for them a lot.

[lonelygrl]

I'm 28. Most of the people I hang out with are between the ages of 23 - 32 most ranging in their mid twenties. I have a variety of people that I hang out with. Some are single, some are married, some have kids, ect. I understand the ones with kids don't get to go out much, but my single friends have no excuse. Could it be they are embarrassed to be seen with me? I'm 6 months pregnant and really showing. Plus, I've gained almost 20 pounds. But, on the flipside, when I have been out alone and talking to people, I have recieved many compliments on the way I look. A lot of people said I have a glow to me and I have been called gorgeous a couple of time. So I don't think it is my looks, but who knows. I haven't changed as far as personality either. I don't know what it could be.

[Darkangelism]

Yeah the ones that are single have no excuse, less they are working a lot or something. They shouldnt be embarassed if they are, its not like somebody being pregnent is something new. At the very least come here often cause we will talk to you.

[beufddled11]

Maybe they've never known any single pregnant woman (I'm assuming you're single) and they find it awkward, and don't know what to say around you? (which is silly, really, but...)

 

Maybe they now see you as "just about a Mother"......and they find it hard now, to see you as the friend they used to party with?

 

There's tons of Message Boards online, for new/expecting moms, even single pregnant gals....maybe you could find some, start posting (sure you must have some questions about pregnancy/delivery?) and see if there's any gals who are local to you...might be nice to find someone who's also expecting in the next few months.....you'd have lots in common....ya know?

 

Unfortunately, sometimes it takes an event (such as pregnancy) to see who one's real friends are. I'm surprised that none of them call to at least see how you're feeling, to ask if you've got everything ready for the baby yet, to see if you need any help, etc.

[lonleygirl]

Unfortunately, sometimes it takes an event (such as pregnancy) to see who one's real friends are.

 

That is exactly what I was thinking. It really made me realize my friends from my "drinking buddies". Yes, I'm single. Most of my friends have a kid or know other single moms. It isn't that uncommon here. I'm just really questioning where I fit in now. It sucks because after the baby comes, I'm not going to be able to go out whenever I want. You would think my "friends" would want to spend as much time as they could with me know because I going to be dissapearing act for a while. Its crazy.

 

Thanks for the advise about the message boards. I'll look for them.

 

I think it would help and be less lonely if "dad" was in the picture. But he took off running as fast as he could. I feel deserted by him just as I do from the rest of my "friends". What's a girl to do? I never have gotten depressed like this before. I was always so happy-go-lucky. I'm not sure what to do with myself.

[befuddled11]

You know, a lot of pregnant women can experience some depression during their pregnancy....due to hormonal changes, maybe some fear of how they'll be as a parent, maybe fear of how greatly their life will change (less freedom) once the baby is born, fear of the baby not being born healthy, etc.

 

I've never had a baby, but I can imagine how overwhelming it must feel to have all this freedom for so many years, then knowing your whole life will change instantly. I think it would be so helpful if you could communicate with other expecting single moms.......so you can share your feelings and fears about things, and be a support to one another.

 

Here's a really good set of forums..the site is call the Pregnancy Lounge.....tons of message boards there, and there's one for Single pregnant moms, and one for Depression in Pregnancy, etc. Tons of great info. Here's the link to the index for all the various message boards:

 

http://www.pregnancylounge.com/index.php?sid=5f578a4f6e4d5baefa295e430b199e59

 

Maybe you could try, also, reaching out to some of your single friends......invite them over, invite them to help you do up your baby's room/nursery, or go with you to buy baby clothes and such...maybe they just feel "out of sorts" and not able to relate? I don't know. Sorry you're feeling so alone. Do you have any family for support???

[lonleygirl]

Thanks for the link. I'll check it out.

 

I have tried taking the inititive with my friends, but they all say they are busy now. Maybe they are. But, I'll see them out and wonder why they didn't call me to invite me. Even my "best" friend did this. I have reached out to her many times. Could it be that she is a little jealous? I don't know.

 

I do have a great support system as far as my family goes. I have been spending a lot of time with them. But, it still need adult friend time where I can be silly and obnoxious, too! LOL

 

I know it is hormones. I'm not really depressed. I'm happy with the pregnancy, but jsut having a very hard time adjusting to this new lifestlyle. You pretty much hit the nail on the head when you stated that I'm having fears/doubts about the lack of freedom, ect. I'll try reaching out to other single moms like you said. I think that will help. But, overall, I guess there isn't much I can do to make my social life better. Afterall, I can't force my friends to hang out with me. It jsut feels a little heartbreaking that they don't WANT to be there becuae I have always been there for them. I'm always the first one to offer help, and to be there when a friend is in need. It is frustrating that when I would like the support in return, everyone dissapears.

 

Thanks again!

[moimeme]

Are you attending prenatal classes? Are there any parenting groups or other similar groups you can join? I suspect that you'll be making a whole new bunch of friends now but with people in the same situation as you - new moms who'll be able to relate to you better than your drinking buddies or other pals could.

[meanon]

Could it be that they assumed you would not wish to join in the same actvities as usual now you are pregnant?

 

If not, forget them - you are best of without them. As a new mum you will make many friends in your position. The trials and pleasures of adjusting to parenthood make for intense, rewarding friendships. Enjoy.

[Pregnant lurker]

Maybe try to embrace this new experience more and don't worry about missing out what your party friends are up to, that's my advice. Go out to a big bookstore that serves coffee/tea, grab a book on babies and sit and read. Maybe you'll even meet someone. Another idea - water aerobics class.

 

Maybe your friends are concerned for your baby's health and they don't want to bring you along to a smoky bar (sorry if I misunderstood, but these sound more like party friends than real friends). I know last year I had a single friend who didn't seem to have any sense when it came to her pregnancy -- she'd be out partying till 3 am (sober, but still in a loud, noisy, smoky, full-of-drunks disco) and we were all kind of appalled.

 

Me, I'm 21 weeks along and I know I barely see my old friends anymore (although that actually happened when I got married - most of them are guys and it didn't seem right to keep hanging out with them.) I'm kind of caught up in other things...picking out names...stroller shopping...and anyhow I don't have any energy after 9 pm!

 

I am sorry you feel lonely, though. Well, look on the bright side -- that'll all change in June!

[Miz Determined]

[font=century gothic][/font][color=darkblue][/color]

HELLO LONELY GIRL. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM. THAT WAS THE WAY IT WAS WITH ME EXCEPT I STRAYED AWAY FROM OTHERS ON MY OWN. YOUR PREGNANCY PROBABLY IS THE REASON THEY STRAYED AWAY BUT LOOK AT IT THIS WAY; THEY WERE NOT YOUR FRIENDS IN THE FIRST PLACE. A FRIEND IS THERE THROUGH THE THICK AND THIN; GOOD AND BAD. THEREFORE, DON'T BE LONELY, IF POSSIBLE, EMAIL ME. WE CAN CHAT. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. THERE'S THE BABY YOU CAN TALK TO, THERE'S GOD. A JOURNAL WILL HELP ALSO. WRITE A JOURNAL TO YOURSELF; THAT HOPE ME A LOT. THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. NEVER. SOMEONE IS ALWAYS WATCHING OVER YOU.

 

FROM MIZ DETERMINED TO LONELY GIRL.

 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

 

MAY GOD BLESS.

[mstckh]

Cheer up its hard being single and pregnant. But look on the bright side of things you have a precious baby on the way. Things happen for a reason. It can be lonely when there is no friends to talk to or go out and have fun and be who you want to be. Maybe its time to find new friends. If they were your true friends they would still be there for you.

 

Understanding how you feel . Been there with by oldest son. Except for My true friend was there for me.

[jaisel]

When I read your posting it was as if I had read it myself. I am too sitting here on a Saturday nite. I guess things would feel better if my boyfriend made an attempt to stay home with me instead of heading out to the clubs as always. Do you ever feel like the pregnancy has made you feel like it's you against the world? I find myself talking to the baby because he's the only one that is with me no matter what. I know all pregnant women go through this...well most...i've read alot of postings online...(don't have much else to do...) ...especially if your a young woman. How old are you? I'm 24 and 6 months pregnant.

 

Jai

[brilo]

I feel for you ladies, i really do. Its tough to be in that situation and feel alone because you should never feel like that when pregnant. Real men wouldn't do you like that.

 

Why do people fool themselves to thinking its love what they've found when in reality its an immature a$$w40l3 they've found. Most "MEN" would love to be there for the SO when going through the process of having a baby. Most people i know are there unconditionally and give up there world for the SO. Ladies you need to quit turning the good ones away and being blinded by the thrill of chasing the one who really doesn't care. Good men are hide to find once one presents himself to you snatch him up because i guarantee there are only few left.