Childhood sexual Abuse

[Katie25]

This is my story....

 

I was about 6/7, and my brother 13/14. He molested me and I haven't been able to over come it all completely. I told my parents about 5 years later and I have brought the topic up many times. My Mothers responses have been "well it only happened once" and my Fathers response was "He was only a kid". Now being 25 I find it is affecting my relationships.

 

I still see my brother on a regular basis, where we act like nothing ever happened. My relationship with my Mother has been going down for years now. My Mother told my Brother that I told her and he gave me. No apology, he just said "I don't remember"

 

My relationship with my fiancee is the worst right now. He has an addiction to porn/stribclubs which I just found out this past year which has really affected us. But sometimes I get strange feelings during sex, it doesn't happen often but sometimes I feel like I am being molested by him. I love the kisses and the affection but when it comes to that area I am very sensitive to it.

 

I often feel like I am under attack when I am not and feel like people are out to get me. I don't trust anyone, I feel like everyone I know will stab me in the back and I feel like I am not listened to and ignored by everyone. I don't want to assume the worst in people anymore

 

I have SO much stress going on in my life and my past is affecting the decisions I am making in my future. I have no idea how to get over it. I have started to isolate myself from friends and family and I seem to be angry with everyone. I am not sure how much more I can handle before I have a breakdown.

[hoping2heal]

This is my story....

 

I was about 6/7, and my brother 13/14. He molested me and I haven't been able to over come it all completely. I told my parents about 5 years later and I have brought the topic up many times. My Mothers responses have been "well it only happened once" and my Fathers response was "He was only a kid". Now being 25 I find it is affecting my relationships.

 

I still see my brother on a regular basis, where we act like nothing ever happened. My relationship with my Mother has been going down for years now. My Mother told my Brother that I told her and he gave me. No apology, he just said "I don't remember"

 

My relationship with my fiancee is the worst right now. He has an addiction to porn/stribclubs which I just found out this past year which has really affected us. But sometimes I get strange feelings during sex, it doesn't happen often but sometimes I feel like I am being molested by him. I love the kisses and the affection but when it comes to that area I am very sensitive to it.

 

I often feel like I am under attack when I am not and feel like people are out to get me. I don't trust anyone, I feel like everyone I know will stab me in the back and I feel like I am not listened to and ignored by everyone. I don't want to assume the worst in people anymore

 

I have SO much stress going on in my life and my past is affecting the decisions I am making in my future. I have no idea how to get over it. I have started to isolate myself from friends and family and I seem to be angry with everyone. I am not sure how much more I can handle before I have a breakdown.

 

Hi Katie,

 

I am sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. It is not at all uncommon to carry these issues well into your adult life if they are not resolved. I too was a victim of childhood sexual abuse. I understand the feelings that can accompany it, the pain, the isolation, the fear, and the shame. I have been there. Unfortunately, I have come to realise that many who have been through childhood sexual abuse end up victimised time and time again. Your parents treating what happened to you as if it was no big deal, is a good example of this and I understand the wound it leaves. While I didn't get that response from my parents, one of my molesters, a cousin; I was very close with his mother and sister all of my life. When I came out about the sexual abuse, they wanted nothing to do with me.

 

Keep in mind, that he is the one who has been in and out of juvenille detention centers, jails, and prison ever since he was about 13. I was even told "Well, it happened a long time ago..he shouldn't have to be punished for this now." I felt like "Uh excuse me?" As if I were doing something to hurt HIM.

 

In the movies women tell about being sexually abused and they are met with support, sincerity, compassion, and understanding. While I firmly believe and will always advocate victims coming forth and reporting their abusers, I will tell you that I've learned more often times than not it is those of us who have been through this awful experience who are treated as though WE have done something wrong.

 

I always find it so heartbreaking when women and men who have been sexually abused cannot take comfort in their own immediate families.

 

I am sure you are starting to identify your fiance as a sexual predator because of the sex addiction. Even though sexual addiction does not realistically mean he is a sexual predator it is understandable why that would make you feel that way.

 

I think it is important Katie you get to heal. If having sex right now brings up uncomfortable feelings, then listen to what your psyche is telling you and refrain from sex for the time being. I strongly suggest getting into counselling or if you cannot afford that then please find a personal sexual abuse advocate to provide you with free counselling and support services.

 

What happened to you was very wrong and very hurtful and just because your brother was "a kid" when he molested you, does not make the trauma or pain you are suffering any less potent. Shame on anyone who tries to imply differently and please understand it is their own ignorance and likely denial that they speak this way. While it is okay to feel angry about it, you have to keep in mind that many approach the topic of sexual abuse with denial. Saying things like "he was just a kid" or "well it was done and over with a long time ago" etc etc..that is ALL their denial speaking.

 

Sexual abuse is very traumatizing subject, please understand I am not at all justifying your parents reaction; it was not right and it's horrible; but it is sadly what happens a lot of times. A parents love for their child can never be understood until you have children of your own, and to hear someone has violated them in such a terrible way is a shock to many people and the denial sets in so they can cope.

 

Please Katie, reach out and get some help so you can heal from your past abuse and move forward with your life. We tend define ourselves by our sexual abuse, it doesn't have to be that way in life but it will always feels that way until you heal.

[Trinity2]

Katie, Hoping says it all. That was a heartfelt message Hoping, thank you, it helped me too. You are a wonderful, caring person.

 

Katie, please hang in there and get some help if you can.

 

Your bother does remember BTW. The family just wants to brush it under the carpet. I would remove the carpet if I were you:)

[SouthernSunshine]

Don't know what's worse, the brother that molested you or the parents that refuse to see it. I've learned that friends can be more of a family than blood relatives. My mom told me I was having "bad dreams".. then confronted her husband in front of me in an irritated way like I was such a bother making up stories. I learned at the tender age of 6, that I couldn't even trust my mom, and she couldn't protect me.

 

Good luck to you Katie.

[Tiberius]

Well I cant really help you beyond words of enouragement. You need to seek the help of a professional to help you deal with your trauma, or you can block it out, rationally telling you that the warning signals your body gives you are false, but it does not sound like it makes getting kinky more enjoyable.