K.J Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Hi again, I have posted here in the past and felt it was wonderful to have the responces from people so here I go again, My other post was "child hurting cuz dad is doing drugs". I did end up moving to my home town with her and it was around this time that he took off again and never had any contact for about 10 months. Problem is my daughter who is now 12 is going into the hospital for a spinal fusion at the end of the month, it is a 2 part surgery so she will be in there for a few week at least. He has found out and is plannign to be here for this, PROBLEM I can not stand him, I want to do anything to help my daughter eaze her fears and this is one thing that has made her happy, knowing that he is going ot fly here. How can I talk to someone that has hurt myself by not helping pay her her at all and not being there for her. If he calls here I can not even answer the phone cuz I can not stand his voice. He acts like he did nothing wrong at all and that it is my problem cuz i moved away from him. he said he was going ot stay the whole time that she is in the hospital.... Anyone know how to be nice when they can not stand the sight of another person? I have never had to deal with this type of situation so therefore I have no clue what to do, Thanking everyone in advance!!!! K.J Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Remember that it makes your daughter happy. Make yourself be polite; you'll be the better person and can be proud of yourself for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Jane Woe Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Since your daughter is going through a lot right now - emotionally and physically - and the thought that her father will be there for her during this is more important than how you feel about him right now. He sounds like a jerk to not have contact with you or his daughter for the past 10 months, but if he's willing to be around during this crucial time, let him. Put your feelings aside for this. Watch what you say in front of your daughter - if the two of you are together (in the hospital) and out of your daughter's hearing - say whatever you want! Be strong for her. Being a kid is tough enough and now she needs support from wherever she can get it. Try to keep a poker face when the two of you are together. Try to work as a team in front of her. You don't have to like him or forgive him. Just keep your daughter in the forefront of your mind. She is what is important right now. Be strong for her. Hope this helps. J~W~ Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 I find I'm okay as long as I ONLY talk about the kids. The moment the conversation veers off to another topic (like our past or things I feel are none of his business), I have trouble controlling my emotions (mostly anger) and my tongue. Stick to talk about your daughter, try not to dredge up the past and don't spend time with him alone if you can help it. You are already under enough stress with her surgery, with emotions running high already you might say something you regret. Link to post Share on other sites
K.J Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 I do not have these bad feelings towards him for no other reason that he does not ever except responsabilty for her, He makes it sound and look like anything he has ever done wrong was because of my doing, He does not help out what so ever, not even 5$ a month. This is why I get worried about it, I know that i would never say this stuff in front of her because she is my number 1 concern. What he did in the past is the past whatever but he has to start owning what he has done wrong and stop blaming everyone else for his actions. This is why I can not stand the sight of him. I also found out that he was just out again doing drugs, He makes the word anger inside of me like no other ever has... Thank you to all that replyed I appreacate it alot. I will zipper my mouth when he is here... Link to post Share on other sites
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