Virgin Needing A Man's Perspective, But Ladies I Need Your Advice Too

[prncssweetie]

Hi there guys, how are all of you? Anyways here's my problem

I have been around these boards looking at the different topics and I have found some very interesting insights and information. Well, I have a couple of questions for everyone and anyone. You see the thing is, is that I'm a virgin (Gosh I can hear most of you laughing at me right now), but my boyfriend isn't. While I do plan on waiting until I'm married to have sex (or as I prefer to call it making love) I was wondering how some of you cope with the feelings of maybe thinking of being compared to a past lover(s) in your s.o's past.

 

Secondly, if you were plagued by these feelings how did you get over it? I'm not holding his past against him whatsoever. I guess what bothers me the most is that if I did decide to want to take things to the next level with him, I wouldn't want to try new positions or other forms of intimate experimentation b/c I'd feel 'well, he probably already did this with so and such at so and such a place...why would he bother wanting to do those things with me? If and when I'm able to over come these insecurities, I know that when I do have a sex life I want it to be wonderful and absolutely fun and spicy.

 

*Secondly guys if your girl was feeling the way that I do now, how would you feel and would there be anything you would do to alleviate such insecurities. Thank you all ahead of time for your input and advice I appreciate it very much.

 

*My bf has never ever compared me to past ex's nor has he pressured me into having sex...he respects my decision to wait.

[Jane Woe]

Since your boyfriend is supporting your decision to wait - you shouldn't fear about being compared to other women! He sounds like he loves you and sex is more than a physical thing. If you have the emotion of love to go with it - it's wonderful! I'm sure you'll surpass any experience that he's ever had! And he'll feel very special and grateful to you for letting him be your first and possible only!

 

Usually everyone's first sexual experience is a let down - because we're nervous or we expect something different - after awhile - you get comfortable with yourself - and it can be incredible. Hopefully you'll want to try different postions to satisfy yourself and him! Sex can get boring if its the same all the time - you'd discover this on your own in time!

 

Don't be insecure. Believe in yourself. You'll be fine!

J~W~

[Darkangelism]

Ain't no shame in being a virgin.

[swtnsexy]

I don't see why you think people would laugh at you for being a virgin. Anyways how old are you? It's just that I felt the same way with my bf and I would not think anyone would laugh.

 

you should be more proud.. And you shouldn't worry about the past. because if he wants to be would be with those girls instead of you. he's with you and you don't have to give him sex to stay with you that should already tell you something..

 

same situation with me and my bf. I was a virgin and I used to have the same insecurities. i waiting a long time before me and my bf did anything and he appreciates me more because of it. Your bf won't be able to compare you with his past because he is with you and thats all on his mind. And anyways, as I see it he's just more experienced and can mold me into what ever he wants me to be. if he wasn't experienced then i would worry because then neither of you would know what you would be doing. If he knows you're a virgin he knows you are inexperienced and he knows he will have to teach you and he will probably enjoy it alot. Women with more experience make men feel more insecure so let him teach you.

[Thinkalot]

I waited till I was 21 to have sex, and feel proud of the decision. You should feel proud too. Please try not to worry about comparisons! That is a trap (which I am climbing out of now) and can happen whether you are a virgin or not. Tell your guy your fears and he may be able to reassure you. Focus on the love between you. He won't be thinking of past lovers when he is making love to you! His mind will be on you only!! Sex between different people is always different. Your own experimentation will not mirror the experiences of another. So when the time is right for you, explore and experiment with joy.

[dyermaker]

If he didn't think you were worth waiting for, he wouldn't wait around for you.

[gaia]

I agree with everyone - he obviously cares for you way beyond just the physical attraction. When you do make love, the emotional involvement you have will make it a wonderful experience. Your feelings for each other are far more important than "technique".

[carla]

I would think that he would be more into the thought of him being your first and sharing something very special between the two of you, then anyone else he's ever had. I never think of someone from my past when I'm making love. The past is the past. Thinking of past parteners usually means thinking of bad experiences. So I'm not going to think of them when I'm in the middle of enjoying something very special with the one I love.

[faux]

Losing ones virginity in most cases is a clumsy and unfamiliar situation. It is something you have never done before. When you lose your virginity you will feel uncertain and you will feel slightly insecure if your partner is not a virgin. These things are natural and everyone must deal with them.

 

Do not lose sight of the fact that your boyfriend is waiting for you and doing so for a reason. You may in time find that most of your fears are unnecessary. No doubt he has considered that you are a virgin, and it does not seem to bother him.

[Errol]

There is no comparison. While the technicalities of sex remain the same, each individual brings something unique to them into the mix so it is always different. I had sex with someone before I met my spouse. Even with the same positions with my spouse, the love making was entirely different.

 

Good for you for waiting and good for him for not pressuring you.

[prncssweetie]

Thanks Everyone,

 

I appreciate all the advice and I've decided to talk to my bf about all of my fears!

[sweetbilly]

I don't know if my advice would actually count for anything, but here goes. Keep your virginity for your husband! when it comes right down to it, all men would like their wife to be a virgin when they get married. it says, I may not have known you but i knew you would come along some day, and i've saved this unreplaceable part of me for you. Because, even before I knew you, I loved you.

[Lefty]

While I appreciate your high moral fiber, I want to shed some light on "waiting".

I believe that a person should not wait until after the vows to make love. I did and found out too late that we were not compatible in that area.

 

I say don't have sex with men to find out if they are the "right one", but when you really feel that you have found the "right one" test all waters of the relationship. Sex is certainly not the most important part of being a couple, but it is important.

 

As far as your bf past...it's that...in the past, celebrate who he is and that he is with YOU now!

 

Good Luck

Lefty

[Mr X]

You know, that philosiphy sounds very familliar, but where have I heard it before? Your name wouldn't be Holly would it?

 

Mr X