Serial OWs?

[Fraggles]

Is there such a thing as a serial OW?

 

I found out that the OW that was involved with my H, was also involved with a MM in the past. She told my H about it. Obviously the previous MM stayed with his W. She has a son but was never married. She moved from that city shortly after son was born. Leads me to think the son was probably from the MM.

 

So she comes here to our city, and boom, finds another MM!?!?

 

Are there women out there who only seek married men?

 

Who in the world would want to be involved with someone who is already taken? And as statistics show, RARELY does the man leave the wife for the OW.

 

I guess there are just some sick, screwed up women out there.

[befuddled11]

Yep, I've heard many times that there are just some women out there who prey on married men...that they intentionally seek them out, and very much want to have an affair. I think these serial OW have major problems with relationships, commitment, healthy intimacy, honesty, etc.......I think a lot of them get some kind of "high" from *getting* another woman's husband...the "Thrill of the chase".......it must boost their ego. Some might just only want a guy who's not really available.......because they have issues with commitment and having a normal relationship. I think serial OW are fairly screwed up. Course there's the OW who are just golddiggers who seek out wealthy MM, to see what they can get out of them.......and if the gravy train stops, they can always hold it over the guy's head with threats of telling his wife if he stops buying them fancy furs and shopping trips on Rodeo Drive.

[Fritz]

There was an interesting show on CNN Presents awhile back about infidelity and modern dating. One professional divorced woman on the show said she only dated married men or at least preferred them if I recall correctly. She was very open about it, thought marriage was crazy etc..

 

To me it seemed like her own marriage had been so bad as to color her judgement.

[dyermaker]

I'm not sure about married men in paticular, but there are women who are attracted to unavailable men.

[morrigan]

Both men and women who have a continuous history of being OM and OW don't seem to want to deal with the responsibilities of a full fledged relationship. Whether it's "I got 'em to cheat, I'm that special" or "I can have sex/romance perks without having to be involved with them full time", they need a barrier that gives them an excuse not to fully commit to someone.

[yes]

"I got 'em to cheat, I'm that special" or "I can have sex/romance perks without having to be involved with them full time"

---

 

i think these are precisely the two main reasons people get involved with married people. so it makes sense that OW/OM do it many times - their issues/views don't change, and MM/MW break off affairs because they're trying to save their marriage.

 

in fact, many OW/OM will run away (break up) if their married lover leaves his/her wife/husband!...

 

-yes

[Skittles]

.ok folks...I understand your anger at ows and oms....and yes there are women who have intimacy issues who date mm only.

 

But then there are the confused and lonely folks who get involved with unavailables because they are just that, confused, lonely, and have issues as well...who are not serial daters ..who are one time dealers.

 

These ladies are burned too...Not just the wives. ...but it is their fault for getting involved..Yes...they should have known better...True...Don't they have a conscience...maybe not.....Can't they control themselves...NO

 

Some of these ladies are addicted. The relationship is like a drug... No sympathy for the junkie...it is not asked of anyone.

 

I am not making excuses for them nor am I expecting anyone to forgive and forget...That is strictly up to the bs.

 

Plus it might be something to consider that ows or sows ( I find that word offensive and misogynist in reference to other human beings and I was cheated on myself) wouldn't exist without cheating husbands and vice versa...What role does the bs play...only she knows..

 

perhaps this response belongs in the rants section...or to some of you, who are still very angry at being a bs, anywhere but here.

 

 

I wish happy, healthy relationships for all.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Skittles

sows ( I find that word offensive and misogynist in reference to other human beings and I was cheated on myself)

what's it mean? why is it offensive? what's the s stand for?

[moimeme]

a poster suggested it as an acronym for 'Serial Other Women'

[yes]

oh yes, i fully agree that the OW/M often get hurt as well. and it's not necessarily their fault - MM/MW often lie about their marriage and the fact of them being married - often for a long time - long enough to get attached to them and all that jazz.

 

on the other hand, if one pays close attention, one can feel that the wo/man somehow isn't quite available (gee, b/c they're married!). so both parties are responsible, in the end.

 

2c,

-yes

[jester]

I wish happy, healthy relationships for all.

 

Why? And put LoveShack out of business.

 

If other women didn't exist, marrieds would have to invent them. Now we have the "serial" other woman--the sexual equivalent of the "serial killer." The SOW travels state to state commiting marital murder and mayhem wherever she goes. No marriage is safe. Fatal Attraction again and again and again.

 

This pathologizing of the other woman, especially the repeat offender, says much more about us than about her. Now, where's the family's pet bunny?

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by moimeme

a poster suggested it as an acronym for 'Serial Other Women'

And that's mysoginy?

[thankful1]

Love's Ever-Changing Face

 

by Curt Degenhart

 

Saw the above article and the first thought that came to mind that if viewed within the context of a marriage, the consensus would be yes, this is something to keep in mind, that relationships evolve and the people involved need to mindful that changes will occur however if applied to an affair, then there would be a view that it is because it is dying a natural death and everything should be done to hasten the process.

 

Maybe because it so aptly describes my experience with MM, I found the contents particularly touching. I am not sure if I will ever see him again and yet I am at peace.

 

There was a time when the thought of losing him made me question the sense of being with him in the first place but I am glad I followed my heart as now I have my memories of the time we were together.

 

To say that there are many single available men may be correct, but the figure drops significantly when consideration is given to whether they have the qualities to maintain a meaningful relationship.

 

I am not trying to justify being in an extramarital affair.

 

It is something I never thought I could do and having had the experience I am very self conscious about observing the correct boundaries with my other male friends especially when considering that affair did not start out based on a physical attraction but rather a friendship, it has made me more aware of inappropriate overtures.

 

Nevertheless being with MM was a very educational, for the most part happy experience for me and it has set a benchmark of what I expect from a life partner.

[morrigan]

I'm not demonizing people who continuously are the OM or OW, but they do have as much of a commitment issue as people in relationships who repeatedly have affairs. Affairs are a 50-50 responsibility.

[Skittles]

Originally posted by yes

oh yes, i fully agree that the OW/M often get hurt as well. and it's not necessarily their fault - MM/MW often lie about their marriage and the fact of them being married - often for a long time - long enough to get attached to them and all that jazz.

 

on the other hand, if one pays close attention, one can feel that the wo/man somehow isn't quite available (gee, b/c they're married!). so both parties are responsible, in the end.

 

2c,

-yes

 

 

yes....... all parties are responsible.

[Skittles]

Originally posted by dyermaker

And that's mysoginy?

 

 

 

misogyny

 

n : hatred of women [syn: misogynism]

 

 

 

 

........perhaps I am being too sensitive...calling the ow a "sow" is actually kinder than calling her a slut, whore skank etc..

 

why my reaction..If any folks had occasion to read any of my posts in the past I speak of a g/f who is foolishly and painfully involved with a mm..I have tried to intervene, to break this addiction but I have failed.

This ow who is not yet a sow, is an emotional mess..The relationship began when he mm joined an on-line SINGLES dating service.

 

He saw her 3 nights a week and on Sundays! said he had to work Saturdays...took 3 months for her to fall in love with him, then find out he was married.

He said he was in sales and traveled...she believed him because she wanted to.

 

WHy wasn't his wife" kicking his butt all over town" when he disappeared to see "Jesse"..Why wasn't he held accountable for his disappearance and actions...Because he lied to both woman..

 

Why can't she get over him and stop seeing him...You tell me.

 

 

All parties involved...all responsible

 

And yes I am personalizing this way too much.

[Skittles]

p.s. Fraggles...I am not overlooking your pain ..I am sorry for your ordeal and for all the betrayed wives who post or don't.

............When I walked in on my significant other with his ow, it made me question my self-worth for months later..I had to rebuild my self-esteem from bottom up.

[Fraggles]

Originally posted by Skittles

p.s. Fraggles...I am not overlooking your pain ..I am sorry for your ordeal and for all the betrayed wives who post or don't.

............When I walked in on my significant other with his ow, it made me question my self-worth for months later..I had to rebuild my self-esteem from bottom up.

 

 

Skittles -

I understand what you are saying. I do know there are plenty of women that do it once, make a bad choice once and learn from it. Fine, we are all human, we all make mistakes.

 

I was refering to serial OWs that have serious issues and need to be w/ married men. Yes I do know that an affair is 50/50. My H has half the blame and by god, I did not let him off the hook - meaning I did not blame it all on her.

 

As for the SOW comment - I do not hate women. And like you stated, I have called our SOW much worse things!! I don't even hate serial OWs. I don't hate anyone. In fact, pity is probably what I feel for women like that.

[kkat]

I can tell you there is absolutely no way I would ever get involved with a MM again. If I ever make it through the pain I'm going through with this relationship the last thing I'd do is go out with a MM.

 

It's funny, a guy I worked with for years called me to catch up. Back when MM and I lived together, we went to this guy's wedding and he and his wife used to come over to our place for barbeques and such. So, he called because he was going to be in the city and wanted to know if I'd like to have a drink. I am so gunshy that I actually assumed the worst - that he was trying to put a move on me, and I asked if his wife would be joining us. Luckily, he's a good sport, and he knows my story, so he took it in stride.

 

My point - there may be serial OW/OM out there - but I don't think the majority of the posters on LS fall into that category. I think most of us know we are in a bad situation that we didn't intend to get into, and wouldn't repeat it in the future, or advise it to others.