"You'll find it when you least expect it"

[EricaH329]

I've never understood this theory. It's usually said when a person is looking too hard for love. When it's said, they are implying that you stop looking, and you'll find it. But what I don't get, is if you 'find' it, then that implies you were looking for it.

 

Aside from that, say you do become comfortable being alone, you tend to give off a vibe that shows it. Sort of like an unapproachable vibe. You are doing your own thing and you are happy with it.

 

So, i'm assuming, what they should really say is, "Become comfortable with being by yourself, and then start looking for love." But even then, it's expected, isn't it?!

 

I don't know why i'm rambling on about this. Perhaps because i've heard it been said a lot over the last few days and it really got me thinking about the meaning of it.

[nycgirl6]

Exactly!

[fun2bewith]

For sure! I agree! How could you find something if you were not looking for it...

I think everyone is looking for something to do with love...Everyone wants a story of hope, happiness and inspiration...Maybe when you are not actively searching for love anymore and you find it, it might have been a delayed result from previous searching’s.

[thatsonlyme]

IN my case the theory proved absolutely correct, every time. I loved 3 times in my life, every time it was better and stronger. every time it came into my life unexpectedly. Lat time it happened it was almost unreal. I met my ex at some pool party shortly after arriving to US. I didn't know anybody there, it was organized by the organization that brought me here. She caught my eye immediately. She was supposed to move out of state and I remember thinking "too bad we won't have time to get to know each other". Few weeks later due to some unexpected changes she moved into my neighborhood, walking distance from my house, found my phone number through the same organization and called me. I couldn't believe it was happening. We started as friends, had no intentions to take it to another level at the time, but it just happened! The most amazing 5 years of my life followed by the worst pain I'd ever experienced.

 

I believe this only applies to LOVE though. In order to have occasional flings or just to get laid you have to keep looking

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I've never understood this theory. It's usually said when a person is looking too hard for love. When it's said, they are implying that you stop looking, and you'll find it. But what I don't get, is if you 'find' it, then that implies you were looking for it.

 

Aside from that, say you do become comfortable being alone, you tend to give off a vibe that shows it. Sort of like an unapproachable vibe. You are doing your own thing and you are happy with it.

 

So, i'm assuming, what they should really say is, "Become comfortable with being by yourself, and then start looking for love." But even then, it's expected, isn't it?!

 

I don't know why i'm rambling on about this. Perhaps because i've heard it been said a lot over the last few days and it really got me thinking about the meaning of it.

 

 

There is something under the surface about this, along the lines of somebody who says:

 

"How come every time I misplace something and try to find it, it's always in the last place I looked?"

 

Perhaps the less you 'press' about finding a long-term lover, the more likely it is you will find one.

 

It likely stands to reason that the less you are frustrated about your job, the more likely it is that you will find a long-term lover under those conditions as well.

 

Besides, the (foxy redheaded woman who is so sought-after at LS) is probably more likely to encounter a grand *keeper* at times when her life is so busy she doesn't have time to think about seeking a lover, than she is when doing nothing more than sitting home and pining away for one all the time.

 

(wish I knew exactly how many posts I have at LS, so I could put a 'marker' here when celebrating this one on one of your threads)

 

 

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Edited November 14, 2010 by SincereOnlineGuy
a thousand and sixty-eight

[skydiveaddict]

I've never understood this theory. .

 

 

I haven't either and I don't believe it for one second.

[EricaH329]

There is something under the surface about this, along the lines of somebody who says:

 

"How come every time I misplace something and try to find it, it's always in the last place I looked?"

 

Perhaps the less you 'press' about finding a long-term lover, the more likely it is you will find one.

 

It likely stands to reason that the less you are frustrated about your job, the more likely it is that you will find a long-term lover under those conditions as well.

 

Besides, the (foxy redheaded woman who is so sought-after at LS) is probably more likely to encounter a grand *keeper* at times when her life is so busy she doesn't have time to think about seeking a lover, than she is when doing nothing more than sitting home and pining away for one all the time.

 

(wish I knew exactly how many posts I have at LS, so I could put a 'marker' here when celebrating this one on one of your threads)

 

 

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I hardly believe i'm being sought-after, but that's very sweet of you to say I'm actually not looking for love in any way shape or form at the moment. Haven't been for quite some time. I'm enjoying this new found sense of love I have for myself. I can only take one great love at a time

 

I was just venting my thoughts about this particular saying.

[musemaj11]

It simply means that you should just get on with your life instead of obsessing over finding THE ONE.

 

Most people found their spouses through work, school, social gatherings, friends, etc. As long as you meet a lot of people, its impossible not to find someone.

[EricaH329]

When my friends have said this, I have joked, "but I NEVER expect it!"...hoping and expecting are different things! Lol. I never proved this theory to be true in the slightest, because times when I WAS happy being alone and not looking on purpose, really nothing ever happened...

 

Exactly! And this brings me to another topic, that in my experience when you aren't looking and don't care to be in a relationship because you are happy being alone, you give off that vibe.

 

I've noticed that since I haven't been looking at all, and have been happy being by myself, I haven't been getting approached as much. Although, that could be chalked up to the fact that I don't put myself in those types of situations.

 

but I found my current BF online, so that's clearly "looking" for it right there...maybe in the days before we had internet dating, this phrase might have proved to be true more often...

 

That's a really good point!

 

But I think if we asked MOST couples about when they met, that they would say it was "sudden" or not expected...

 

Isn't that how we meet everyone in our life, though? I believe the same could easily be said about a friend or an acquaintance, but since a 'lover' has more of an impact on a person, those situations tend to stand out more often than a normal friend would.

[threebyfate]

My interpretation of that old cliche is that it's referring to desperation, which has a stench of its own. Desperation isn't people specific. It's looking for a partner, any partner to "complete" what's lacking inside.

 

When people are desperate, they try to force relationships with others and most often, will take a lot of relationship grief from any partner who's willing to be with them.

 

The recipe for a doormat.

 

IMO, people should be open to relationship possibilities but not try so hard to make them happen, to the degree that they get stressed out when incapable of controlling the outcome.

 

As far as my experiences, pretty much every dating, relationship or marriage situation has been when I wasn't actively looking but open to relationships. In other words, unexpected.

[EricaH329]

All true. And I do believe that independence gives off a vibe that makes us unapproachable. Back in my days when I was lovin life as a single gal, my guy friends would say that I was intimidating/unapproachable because I looked happy enough as I was...I guess guys tend to feel the rejection is more likely because of this. But they also don't want to approach someone who looks boring or unhappy of course, so I never understood where the perfect medium is supposed to be, but I guess there is one somewhere...

 

I smell a new thread topic here You make a very good point... where is the medium?