for tony re: garding

[wilma]

tony, i was hoping for a more detailed response. do you have one? from wilma's post about freds post. thanx

[Tony T]

I have read your post a number of times and am really not sure what you are looking for. Break it up into several posts of a few paragraphs each and ask specific questions. Your original post is wordy and requires more of a book review than an opinion (don't mean that as an insult, just an observation). I certainly want to help but I need to know exactly what you want.

 

It sounded like you desired a general comment on the direction things are going in your life and I did that. Otherwise, be specific in what you need from us here and all will be happy to oblige.

[Taressa]

Hi Wilma,

 

You've taken some giant steps toward improving yourself and your relationships. Congratulations on seeing a need and taking action on it.

 

It's admirable that you've been able to improve your actions toward your boyfriend but it sounds like instead of resolving the conflict you're merely controlling your response... the things unsaid will build up inside you and make it out in the way of an attack of some type. Your boyfriend may be feeling the things you leave unsaid; we tend to find some way to express our disapproval - - a frown, an exasperated breath. The problem and anger inside you will find some way out.

 

There are a lot of issues you have going on and I would suggest some visits with a professional counselor. Reading can be fine but it sounds like you are having trouble recognizing the problem. A psychologist is trained to help you find where to look for the source of the problem. You're attracted to men with some serious deficiencies, that calls for some serious counter-action.

 

It may help you and Fred to take a breather from the relationship while you work things out. From a distance he'll be more likely to see the improvements that will come to you. From a distance you will be more able to detach yourself from this and past relationships to learn more of what you desire and expect.

 

Press on in your self-improvement. There is peace to be had in facing down on demons.

[wilma]

teressa, hi this is wilma, i see exactly what you are saying and i never saw that before. even tho i think i am doing something good by thinking about it,i still think about it inside myself even tho i don't say anything. i do analyze what i feel and think and i guess it helps but i know it builds up in me and after a while it does find it's way out. thank you for that insight. and i thought i was doing so good. i am going to see what i can do about counseling again. you gave me more to think about tho when i am thinking about what i am thinking. you know what i mean. thanx.........glad to see you back if only briefly and i am so very happy you have someone helping you on your end with that jerk. i hope it all works out for you. thank you........wilma

Hi Wilma, You've taken some giant steps toward improving yourself and your relationships. Congratulations on seeing a need and taking action on it. It's admirable that you've been able to improve your actions toward your boyfriend but it sounds like instead of resolving the conflict you're merely controlling your response... the things unsaid will build up inside you and make it out in the way of an attack of some type. Your boyfriend may be feeling the things you leave unsaid; we tend to find some way to express our disapproval - - a frown, an exasperated breath. The problem and anger inside you will find some way out. There are a lot of issues you have going on and I would suggest some visits with a professional counselor. Reading can be fine but it sounds like you are having trouble recognizing the problem. A psychologist is trained to help you find where to look for the source of the problem. You're attracted to men with some serious deficiencies, that calls for some serious counter-action. It may help you and Fred to take a breather from the relationship while you work things out. From a distance he'll be more likely to see the improvements that will come to you. From a distance you will be more able to detach yourself from this and past relationships to learn more of what you desire and expect. Press on in your self-improvement. There is peace to be had in facing down on demons.