Popcorn Update:I took him some tea and a card.

[LoveTNT]

Yup I did it. Dang I wonder what I would think of myself if I read all my posts and read all my grieving, rolllercoaster, persistant, madness.. hahaha

 

He was ignoring me through text today, yet again. oh wait he did reply to one text , when I asked him if he could talk to me and he replied, NO. Haha, so sad I just have to laugh. Of course. So I had a weak moment ( one of of few or many) and I got ready quick packed the teas up and card and drove to his place.

 

I sat in the parking lot outside his building,for about 15 minutes crying to my friend and she was like, babe go back home. F him. That is the closure you're getting. but as I explained to her why I was doing it etc... ( I know many of you are shaking your heads at me) she said do what you have to do. We talked some more and she said just come to my house and well eat something. So I pulled my car out and started to drive away. She then said to me, "Babe just leave him the teas and card if you really want that to be your closure." I had already paid the ticket for my parking in the lot, so I couldn't park back in there. I decided I would go up to his door and leave the stuff there. So I parked my car in another parking lot and headed up to his place. Standing in front of his door, I was nervous. I could hear his TV on. I was only going to drop the stuff off at the door, but I heard the tv. so I took a deep breath and knocked. I called his name quietly and he said what through the door. omg. So he opens the door and he's staring at me. I told him I had something for him and gave him the teas and card. He took them. I asked if I could talk to him. He let me in. We talked for 30 minutes. I was very calm and straight forward. I let him know that I love him etc.. don't want to get into all the details.

 

I eventually left, but the end result was calm and understanding. Deep down he loves me still, he's just hurt and says it's hard to trust me. He's going through a lot of things in life, I just want him to know that my love is real, because he has a hard time believing it.

 

He text me after I left. which meant a lot to me. he said, "Thank you for the tea and the wonderful card".

 

It was a really nice painting on the card that had a couple on a hammock drinking wine in a field of grass, I explained tin the card how the card reminded me of us and every other detail in the picture ( I had bought him a hammock for his roof top when he took me to cabo San Lucas last year).

 

I love him and I want to show him I've changed.

 

But if that's what my closure has to be than that's it.

 

What will be, will be.

 

Don't judge me. (hahaha I'm too much).

[rebeccajones]

Sounds really sweet. I'm wondering if he will understand and if it will work. Can love conquer all?

[Ajax]

I think you've crossed into the dark side. A lot of people thought showing up at his house the last time was stalkerish. Doing it twice, I'm going to have to agree with them.

 

Whether he loves you or not, it's time to give him the space he needs. Anything less is disrespectful. By constantly showing up and trying to convince him to take you bake you're trying to make a decision for him. In the end he'll resent you for it.

 

He knows you want him back, so if he decides to give you another chance he can come to you. Leave him alone now.

[WTRanger]

I respect your tenacity to make this work out. To show up at their door and to admit your faults takes ovaries the size of iron grapefruits, but there comes a time where that tenacity actually hurts the process. As it was so beautifully said by another LS member, "If you try and make it right, you will make it worse."

 

I really believe you are starting to tread into that territory. This guy does love you, but he's unsure of if he can trust again. He'd go back into this relationship just waiting for the other shoe to drop and that's not a healthy foundation. Show him you have truly changed by letting go for a while.

 

I suspect your loving intensity has always shown through be it in a good way or negative way. Prove to him you've changed by giving him some space.

[alwayshoping]

Sweetest thing ever!

 

He is seriously so lucky. I hope he takes you back.

 

But defo give him space until he get in touch with you.

 

Afterall you want him to make an effort also.

 

Plus you dont want it to get wierd. But you have done all that can be asked of you and wow. Im so impressed. I hope he realises what hes giving up so you can get back together!

 

Good luck x

[LoveTNT]

I post my updates whether I'm going to get black or white, bad or good, positive or negative feed back.

 

I don't think any of your feed backs are bad. I know what it looks like from the outside. It's been almost 4 months since I broke up with him and I've been over twice. The dark side? I understand what you are trying to say. Yes I get that oerwhelming feeling that I just need closure. But he even made a comment last night like, "you never went this far to do nice things before"... so I'm sure he doesn't see it as a complete psycho move.

 

I actually feel like more than ever I can let him be. Honestly I just wanted him to see that I mean well and that I believe love can conquer, obviously if he still loves me.

 

Anyhow, he obviously liked the things I brought him.

 

I'm not embarrassed nor feel completely stupid for the things I do. I own them. I'll learn.

 

 

But yes folks, it is about that time to let him think about what I've told him in person and it's his turn to reach out. I know he appreciated my calm peaceful energy. I was not dramatic. I feel like more than ever , last night I showed him how I'm truly changing for the good, whether you all believe it was a lame choice for me to go.

 

But thanks y'all.

[sacg]

Didnt you say this last time?

 

i think your getting a positive buzz when you see him, and after a little time, you panic and start over again.

[WTRanger]

"you never went this far to do nice things before"...

 

I think him saying that would be him trying to tell you that when you had him, you never really cared. You only care now when he's gone. So which one of you should he trust? Are you just buttering him up?

 

In my mind, that's what I'd be thinking anyways. Like the famous quote, "I fear the Greeks, even when bringing gifts".

 

The other big thing that continually hurts your progress is your own refusal to listen to him. He was clearly not wanting to respond to your text, so you push farther and ask him to talk. He clearly says NO, yet you take this as a sign to show up at his door. I hate to say it, but No means No. I think he's going to have a hard time truly believing you've changed until you actually show him you respect his boundaries. Right now, things are still on your schedule, your time line, your boundaries, your wishes.

 

You put him on the spot, then think it's progress. Of course he had to talk to you, you were at this door. What was he to do, slam it in your face? Of course he had to accept the gifts. Again, what was he to do?

[LoveTNT]

Good point Sac,

 

I notice this. But sometimes you do something more than once to finally get it. Look I'm being honest about what I've done, so I'm learning through all this. I can't lay it out all perfect. I can't lie about how great I've stuck with NC, if i have not.

 

This is the raw truth, this is my story.

 

I know it sounds repetitive (grown hog day, yipes) but honestly, I'm progressing, I know that, and that's all that matters. I've learned from it and continue too.

 

It's not like I'm this psycho ex at home under covers dying and letting go of everything.

 

I go to school, I work, I go out with my girls, I've lost weight,look good, dress nice, and feel good. I go to Bible studies, I run, I laugh, I appreciate - overall, I cry, I keep learning and grow through it all, I'm not perfect. Oh and I come to LS to know that I'm not alone in all this and it helps.

 

I was afraid that he was doing drugs, but it's it's not an excuse to go check on him and I'm not his mother nor can I fix him. ( He said no to that question)

 

he looked at me different yesterday, he actually understood me more than ever. I have not asked him once to get back together. I know it's going to take time, for whatever the outcome is, time is what it will take. he's not emotionally available, I know. I genuinely care.

 

Yesterday was different though, yesterday I let go a lot more. I know this, and that's what matters.

[LoveTNT]

I think him saying that would be him trying to tell you that when you had him, you never really cared. You only care now when he's gone. So which one of you should he trust? Are you just buttering him up?

 

In my mind, that's what I'd be thinking anyways. Like the famous quote, "I fear the Greeks, even when bringing gifts".

 

The other big thing that continually hurts your progress is your own refusal to listen to him. He was clearly not wanting to respond to your text, so you push farther and ask him to talk. He clearly says NO, yet you take this as a sign to show up at his door. I hate to say it, but No means No. I think he's going to have a hard time truly believing you've changed until you actually show him you respect his boundaries. Right now, things are still on your schedule, your time line, your boundaries, your wishes.

 

You put him on the spot, then think it's progress. Of course he had to talk to you, you were at this door. What was he to do, slam it in your face? Of course he had to accept the gifts. Again, what was he to do?

 

I'm learning, I'm getting it more than ever. I know over all, he understands that it's not because I don't care for him nor his feelings or choices. Yes it seems that way. Yesterday I could see that he understood more why I chose to come by. I can't completely let him go without him seeing that I am changing. Changing in the fact that I'm trying to put myself out there and show him I still care and not letting my pride over rule.

 

I am though, going to let him be. Yesterday I made it clear, that I've done all I could and maybe sometime in the future we'll meet again.