ex girlfriend contacted me on facebook after 2 years

[listen_to_me_please]

background:

complete nc 2.5 years

 

then girlfriend cheated on me and left then blamed me for everything.

messed up my emotional psyche.

never stopped thinking about her.

 

 

today i checked my facebook.

i had 2 new friend request(s)

1 of her best friend at 11:39pm

1 of ex girlfriend at 11:40pm

 

not sure what to do, my thoughts are to ignore them and keep moving on.

on one hand i would like to talk to her, on another hand, i know i can't have that type of person in my life plus i don't think i would ever allow myself to trust her. I am requesting advice based on experience.

[quankanne]

ugh ... it's never a good idea to bring an ex to your FB circle of friends, the potential for messiness is too great. Factor in the mind**** she provided during your relationship, and it goes from messy to downright foolish. Do you really want that can of worms to deal with?

 

a good rule of thumb to considering friend requests is whether that person is going to bring anything positive to your FB circle. Another is, "Would I spend time with this person in real-time?" If the answers are no, then you really don't need to be adding them as friends.

 

if it's about unanswered questions and the need to get stuff off your chest, seriously consider pouring your heart out in a letter ... and then burning it. Very cathartic and best of all, you don't have to deal with the person directly.

[Hhhh]

If she cheated on you, your right there is no future of a relationship that will lead to marriage but she could be looking to be friends

[listen_to_me_please]

Should I just send her a message and ask her "what do you want"or something along the lines of

"Hello XO"

"How can I help you today?"

 

I'm leaning more toward not responding and hitting ignore.....

I cannot in my mind justify any reason's for establishing a line of communications with this individual despite the feelings that may still linger within me after 2 and half years of no contact.

Edited November 12, 2010 by listen_to_me_please

[Jayerjay]

That's a tough one... if she cheated on you and screwed you up for a while then definitely there's clearly no future. If you are purely interested in opening up communication on a platonic level and aren't invested emotionally in it if you do then I don't see a problem with it... however, just based off the fact that you're on here says you still have some emotional scars from her.

 

I'd hit ignore. Curiosity killed the cat, best just to leave it be.

[alwayshoping]

I would ignore as its the right thing to do.

 

On the other hand i would get so curious. Maybe she was just drunk and did it as a joke? afterall both her and her mate added you in the same night! coincidence?

[tb24]

I think the fact that her friend did it first tells you something.

 

She was obviously talking to her friend about you, who then added you. She potentially added you for damage limitation about what her friend might say to you.

[quankanne]

deny the request, if it keeps popping up, block her. And her little friend, too, because girls like that aren't interested in what's going on with you, but have this morbid curiosity about how they still affect you. It's all a game, and it sounds like her friend is in on it.

 

just my 2 cents

[Nkognito]

Read this,

 

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/09/16/why-sluts-make-bad-wives/

 

Its pretty insightful stuff.

[listen_to_me_please]

Well I'm not sure what to do. I'm going to sleep on it for a couple of days and then decide. I don't think any good can come from re-establishing communications and what puzzles me is why contact me after all this time. I can only count on my own personal experiences and when I've left someone in the past, I always randomly contact them a few years later, those whom I was in love with but no longer had feelings for, purely for self-ish reason(s). Namely me being lonely or needing them for a piece of advice. I wonder if this is what is happening to me now.

Edited November 12, 2010 by listen_to_me_please

[quankanne]

I don't think any good can come from re-establishing communications

 

sounds like you already know your answer, dude. My thought is that she's fishing and hoping you'll take the bait. Don't give her the satisfaction, especially if you have moved on.

[kludge]

I might have some unique insight because I just contacted an ex on facebook last week after 3 years of NC.

 

We dated for about 3 years. Had a messy prolonged, on and off breakup. Took me a while to get over it. I contacted her for no other reason than just to see how she was doing. I just wanted to say hi. Surprisingly she was very nice and she even called me immediately. I didn't really want to talk to her on the phone so I kept it short. Don't plan on talking to her again.

 

So don't read too much into it. She probably just is lonely or curious.

[wicar1]

background:

complete nc 2.5 years

 

then girlfriend cheated on me and left then blamed me for everything.

messed up my emotional psyche.

never stopped thinking about her.

 

 

today i checked my facebook.

i had 2 new friend request(s)

1 of her best friend at 11:39pm

1 of ex girlfriend at 11:40pm

 

not sure what to do, my thoughts are to ignore them and keep moving on.

on one hand i would like to talk to her, on another hand, i know i can't have that type of person in my life plus i don't think i would ever allow myself to trust her. I am requesting advice based on experience.

 

If I were you I would ignore her and her friend.

 

I assume she's trying to comeback to you, probably she got dumped by someone and wants somewhere to go.

 

Never trust a cheater.. goodluck

[Hhhh]

if you really want to f-uck with her accept her friend and ignore her lolll it will make it look like you are interested in her friend and could careless about her

[listen_to_me_please]

if you really want to f-uck with her accept her friend and ignore her lolll it will make it look like you are interested in her friend and could careless about her

 

You know, I was thinking the exact same thing. Not necessarily to f with her but just to use the friend as a line of communication but I just can't get over the fact that she betrayed me, then strung me along and treated me as a fool.

Edited November 13, 2010 by listen_to_me_please

[SithLord]

if you really want to f-uck with her accept her friend and ignore her lolll it will make it look like you are interested in her friend and could careless about her

 

100% Agree with this move!!! I did this to my ex And I mess up her mind on that one!!! 100% works!! What's crazy is I friend requested her and I didn't even say nothing until she was liking my statuses etccc dropping clues

[dreamingoftigers]

Nah, just ignore it, invest no energy into it.

[listen_to_me_please]

I'm still pondering on my decision as to what to do. I mean I still rlemember. I doubt I will ever forget that breakup experience. I was so down. She just left, just like that. I couldn't believe it.

 

two and half years later, just when I am finally starting to forget, she goes and makes contact, and her best friend, I don't even know her.

 

I mean I'm in a way better place now and as a friend who knew both of us and knew the situtation said 'She was young. At the end of the day, your the man and she's the female. If you don't accept its like she knows she won and you still feel a way. Accept it, but not right away, wait 4-5 days, then be distant, real distant, like your having sex with alica keys, ciara type distant but don't be an *******, I know you, be real cool, make her work for it. You never know"

 

And other people are saying, why even go back there, just ignore it and keep moving on, its her lost. I know her. She was probably takling about me with her friend, I think thats the same friend who hooked her up with the other dude. I don't know for sure. I don't know anything, its almost like she was maintaining two different lives.

 

Friends warned me about "She's two face, be carefull" I never understood.

 

And now 2 and half years later, I moved to a whole new city, I thought about her everyday, every single day for the last 2 and half years. I took that breakup so badly. I didn't act crazy or anything, I just suffered alone, by myself, it messed up my business, I lost mostly everything I had, I took it really bad and now out of the blue, the friend and her makes contact. Her other friend is the one who told me she was cheating on me and had moved on which I found was odd due to the fact we had plans to go to Flordia the following week and I just had sex with her two days prior and it was so odd.

 

That night, I got my new place, we slept on the floor, she always stayed with me, She was acting really weird for months, I couldn't figure out what was her problem, then after sex, I look up at her, her face was so pretty, she smiled and I remember thinking to myself "She's still there" and I looked at her angrly, then I go to the bathroom and come back, she starts to cry "I feel like a whore, if I didn't need the money I wouldn't come over here, and we wouldn't have sex and I wouldn't be a whore" and I replied "baby, I love you, I am going to take care of you, your not a whore, you would help me for free"

 

She was organizing my paperwork for my business, I gave her money to do it because I knew she didn't have anything and I didn't want money to get involved in our relationship. I never gave her NOTHING, nothing prior to that, she stayed with me anyway, for a year, everyday, stuck to me like glue, then started to act really strange during the end, the last 4 or 5 months, acting strange, I never understood why but I figured it out.

 

I don't know, Its almost like she put me on hold but didn't leave, almost like she was hoping she wouldn't get caught, almost like she wanted to see what else was out there, almost like she went exploring and I wasn't suppose to find out and when it came to light, she started to cry "I wanted to tell you for so long" to which I just cursed her out, threw her out but she wouldn't quit, called me everyday for a week, crying, leaving voice mails, then texting me, then emailing me and I caved and then she just grew cocky and bold and its almost like she was acting like I had no say, its her life, everything just reveresed itself and I felt as if I did something wrong, it really messed up my head.

 

I couldn't take it anymore, I knew she wouldn't stop, she just wanted the money, she just wanted to breakup on a good note, but it was too late, I already knew the real deal. I just end all communication then suffered for the next year and half, moved back home with my mother, contiuned suffering, enterted into rebound relationships with quality females, all the while thinking about her.

 

Then I remained single for about a year, didn't let anyone in, not my sister, not my mother, not my brother, no one, just shut down to bascially every female in my life, just shut them all out until I was able to recover and now I realize my family was trying to help me but I didn't let them, I didn't know their motive, I treated my sister so bad, she tried for a long time to be my friend, I didn't allow it then my sister grew frustrated and I just put up my guards, didn't let her in, didn't talk to her, we lived in the same house, I didn't say one word to her, not to anyone, stayed in my room, by myself for a long time.

 

I'm just getting better now, moved to a new city, started over with nothing, no material possions, no car, no clothing, sleeping on a friends couch and now I have my life back, my apartment, a new vechile, clothing, furniture, the way it was before everything happended.

 

Now when I'm finally begining to feel a sense of normalcy she goes and hits me up, I'm making it bigger than it is actually but just the emmotional turmnoil that the relationship caused, the way it ended, the aftermath, at the time, it was a big burden on me, I use to wake up looking to the left of me, looking at a empty bed, my car, it smelled like her, I would find clothing everywhere, panties, tshirts, lipgloss, I threw it all out, I threw away all the pictures, everything, I had no reminders.

 

I would look at ther picture and stare at it for hours, think about the relationship for hours, what happen, what went wrong, what the hell is going on. I mean I was not in a good space at that time, it took so long to recover. I waited for her to contact me for so long.

 

Its like I was a fool. Those were not good times.

 

I wonder what she wants, I don't want to get hurt again, its like I am scared of her and then I go and check her wall, and it says something like "Everyone in my life is happy and healthy" which is the exact thing I said to her during our last conversation when I started to cry and tell her to be happy like she's letting me know she still remembers.

 

That girl is ****ing odd. I wish she would of never sent me that request, and why the hell her best friend sent one too, I don't even know her. She wouldn't contact me just to be face book friends, its not her style, she want something almost like she's testing the waters to see if I'm still interested.

 

Maybe I'm reading to much into it, why the hell did the friend request me, that makes no sense, I don't think she's worth it, I don't think I should spend anymore time discussing the issue, I don't think we should be friends, I don't think she ever loved me, I'm just going to pretend like I never met her, never knew her, never dated her, never loved her, erase her completely from memory, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, however long it takes.

 

I just still remember the affects that, that particular relationship had on my physce, my business, my mental well being, I don't know, Only girl I wanted to marry. It never got a chance to go to that second level. While with her, I was calm, I always felt at a peace. She made me calm. Her body was so warm. She was pretty. I could always feel her, its like we were connected on some other spiritual plain.

 

4 days ago, I was with my cousin, we were discussing the relationship, all of a sudden, it felt like she was in the car, like her pressence was there, and someone said "Its over now" and I looked back. No one was in the vechile, then I started realizing "She regrets her decision" and when I get home, look who contacts me. ODD i tell you.

[dreamingoftigers]

I'm still pondering on my decision as to what to do. I mean I still rlemember. I doubt I will ever forget that breakup experience. I was so down. She just left, just like that. I couldn't believe it.

 

two and half years later, just when I am finally starting to forget, she goes and makes contact, and her best friend, I don't even know her.

 

I mean I'm in a way better place now and as a friend who knew both of us and knew the situtation said 'She was young. At the end of the day, your the man and she's the female. If you don't accept its like she knows she won and you still feel a way. Accept it, but not right away, wait 4-5 days, then be distant, real distant, like your having sex with alica keys, ciara type distant but don't be an *******, I know you, be real cool, make her work for it. You never know"

 

And other people are saying, why even go back there, just ignore it and keep moving on, its her lost. I know her. She was probably takling about me with her friend, I think thats the same friend who hooked her up with the other dude. I don't know for sure. I don't know anything, its almost like she was maintaining two different lives.

 

Friends warned me about "She's two face, be carefull" I never understood.

 

And now 2 and half years later, I moved to a whole new city, I thought about her everyday, every single day for the last 2 and half years. I took that breakup so badly. I didn't act crazy or anything, I just suffered alone, by myself, it messed up my business, I lost mostly everything I had, I took it really bad and now out of the blue, the friend and her makes contact. Her other friend is the one who told me she was cheating on me and had moved on which I found was odd due to the fact we had plans to go to Flordia the following week and I just had sex with her two days prior and it was so odd.

 

That night, I got my new place, we slept on the floor, she always stayed with me, She was acting really weird for months, I couldn't figure out what was her problem, then after sex, I look up at her, her face was so pretty, she smiled and I remember thinking to myself "She's still there" and I looked at her angrly, then I go to the bathroom and come back, she starts to cry "I feel like a whore, if I didn't need the money I wouldn't come over here, and we wouldn't have sex and I wouldn't be a whore" and I replied "baby, I love you, I am going to take care of you, your not a whore, you would help me for free"

 

She was organizing my paperwork for my business, I gave her money to do it because I knew she didn't have anything and I didn't want money to get involved in our relationship. I never gave her NOTHING, nothing prior to that, she stayed with me anyway, for a year, everyday, stuck to me like glue, then started to act really strange during the end, the last 4 or 5 months, acting strange, I never understood why but I figured it out.

 

I don't know, Its almost like she put me on hold but didn't leave, almost like she was hoping she wouldn't get caught, almost like she wanted to see what else was out there, almost like she went exploring and I wasn't suppose to find out and when it came to light, she started to cry "I wanted to tell you for so long" to which I just cursed her out, threw her out but she wouldn't quit, called me everyday for a week, crying, leaving voice mails, then texting me, then emailing me and I caved and then she just grew cocky and bold and its almost like she was acting like I had no say, its her life, everything just reveresed itself and I felt as if I did something wrong, it really messed up my head.

 

I couldn't take it anymore, I knew she wouldn't stop, she just wanted the money, she just wanted to breakup on a good note, but it was too late, I already knew the real deal. I just end all communication then suffered for the next year and half, moved back home with my mother, contiuned suffering, enterted into rebound relationships with quality females, all the while thinking about her.

 

Then I remained single for about a year, didn't let anyone in, not my sister, not my mother, not my brother, no one, just shut down to bascially every female in my life, just shut them all out until I was able to recover and now I realize my family was trying to help me but I didn't let them, I didn't know their motive, I treated my sister so bad, she tried for a long time to be my friend, I didn't allow it then my sister grew frustrated and I just put up my guards, didn't let her in, didn't talk to her, we lived in the same house, I didn't say one word to her, not to anyone, stayed in my room, by myself for a long time.

 

I'm just getting better now, moved to a new city, started over with nothing, no material possions, no car, no clothing, sleeping on a friends couch and now I have my life back, my apartment, a new vechile, clothing, furniture, the way it was before everything happended.

 

Now when I'm finally begining to feel a sense of normalcy she goes and hits me up, I'm making it bigger than it is actually but just the emmotional turmnoil that the relationship caused, the way it ended, the aftermath, at the time, it was a big burden on me, I use to wake up looking to the left of me, looking at a empty bed, my car, it smelled like her, I would find clothing everywhere, panties, tshirts, lipgloss, I threw it all out, I threw away all the pictures, everything, I had no reminders.

 

I would look at ther picture and stare at it for hours, think about the relationship for hours, what happen, what went wrong, what the hell is going on. I mean I was not in a good space at that time, it took so long to recover. I waited for her to contact me for so long.

 

Its like I was a fool. Those were not good times.

 

I wonder what she wants, I don't want to get hurt again, its like I am scared of her and then I go and check her wall, and it says something like "Everyone in my life is happy and healthy" which is the exact thing I said to her during our last conversation when I started to cry and tell her to be happy like she's letting me know she still remembers.

 

That girl is ****ing odd. I wish she would of never sent me that request, and why the hell her best friend sent one too, I don't even know her. She wouldn't contact me just to be face book friends, its not her style, she want something almost like she's testing the waters to see if I'm still interested.

 

Maybe I'm reading to much into it, why the hell did the friend request me, that makes no sense, I don't think she's worth it, I don't think I should spend anymore time discussing the issue, I don't think we should be friends, I don't think she ever loved me, I'm just going to pretend like I never met her, never knew her, never dated her, never loved her, erase her completely from memory, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, however long it takes.

 

I just still remember the affects that, that particular relationship had on my physce, my business, my mental well being, I don't know, Only girl I wanted to marry. It never got a chance to go to that second level. While with her, I was calm, I always felt at a peace. She made me calm. Her body was so warm. She was pretty. I could always feel her, its like we were connected on some other spiritual plain.

 

4 days ago, I was with my cousin, we were discussing the relationship, all of a sudden, it felt like she was in the car, like her pressence was there, and someone said "Its over now" and I looked back. No one was in the vechile, then I started realizing "She regrets her decision" and when I get home, look who contacts me. ODD i tell you.

 

I was "haunted" by my ex too. One thing was often if I saw someone walking down the street about his height/hair colour my brain would convince me that it was him. The breakup was extremely messy, almost as messy as the relationship itself. He was the first memory that came up after EMDR. When I was first intimate with my husband (my current partner), it brought up a lot of feelings including that it felt like I had betrayed my ex. It was screwed up yes, I knew I hadn't but that didn't stop those feelings from surfacing, my ex and I were engaged and had been through a lot.

 

In the end though, it was best to stay the hell away from anything the triggered his memory. It fades, and it fades fast when you start to build something new with someone. And no, at first no one will compare to her. It is just way we are wired when we love that deep. It finally got to the point where you don't think of them almost at all. Then one day you do and the reaction is kind of like this: ew, wtf what I thinking? Why did I get so broken up over this person?

 

Knowing that she triggers you back to a very dark place, I would say seek out a counselor that does EMDR, they can sort the trauma out for you. The major reason I say that is because you isolated yourself from all females including your family. Signs of trauma. Aside from that just hit the damn ignore button or unfriend her or whatever. Who gives a rat's ass if she might *think* you have a feeling about it. She can piss off. Don't let yourself get into an emotional trainwreck every time you pop on fb.

[listen_to_me_please]

Well, I decided to ignore it. Despite the fact that I was happy with her and wuold of married her and probably never left her. I realized the female was not trustworthy. The past is the past and there is no need to go back there. On the other hand I know she would probably do it again, or maybe she changed, either way I won't be sucked back into her life or bring her into mine. Whats done is done and I learned a great deal about how to detect a whore of a girlfriend. I don't know if I'm making the right decision but she already hurt me once, I won't allow it to happen again. Its funny, I loved that girl. We were suppose to be rich by now, on a beach somewhere in the sun, in the sand enjoying life. I ended up suffering. But hey I'm back now, she contacted me 2.5 years later and well who knows she probably just wanted to talk. I guess I'm going to wonder what she wanted for a months until I forget.

Edited November 15, 2010 by listen_to_me_please

[listen_to_me_please]

I'm starting to wonder what my ex actually wanted. Maybe she just wanted to say hello. My perspective on that relationship is so distorted now. Prehaps its because I've matured or prehaps its because I am no longer emotionally invested.

Edited November 23, 2010 by listen_to_me_please

[DustySaltus]

I'm starting to wonder what my ex actually wanted. Maybe she just wanted to say hello. My perspective on that relationship is so distorted now. Prehaps its because I've matured or prehaps its because I am no longer emotionally invested.

 

I've just read through this thread and I just have to say that i'm really sorry for what you're going through. I was in your spot a little over a year ago. I moved to another country to be with her (I met her in the US) and we were engaged. But for some reason she always felt like I wasn't serious about the relationship and that I would leave her. Things went down hill and she kicked me out one morning. She kept the engagement ring and tried to get me fired from a job I had to crawl back to. She costs me tens of thousands of dollars and almost a year of internal pain, just processing everything in my head over and over and over again.

 

As far as your situation, I think she's taking a trip down memory lane because something didn't work out with someone else. Her friend sent the request first to try and gauge just how bitter you remain. If you still feel hurt you would surely ignmore both of their requests. You have to stop looking at her facebook page. I don't know if you're still friends or whatever but you need to cut her out of your life. You cannot waste anymore time dwelling on the past. Who does she think she is? If she had any remorse for what happened she would leave you be.....but she wants an ego boost. She wants to know that you don't hate her anymore. The opposite of LOVE is INDIFFERENCE. Do what's best for you, sometimes you just HAVE to be selfish. Silence is your best weapon here.

[aerogurl87]

Good for you on ignoring her. My ex and I had a really messy breakup/relationship that was full of so much betrayl it still boggles my mind how we stayed together. I cheated on him physically and he cheated on me emotionally and more than likely physically. Then he left me for someone else. I had a rebound guy a month after things ended, and they ended horribly with lots of cussing and hate in both our hearts. And even with my rebound guy I thought of my ex everyday. I did contact him and I wish I never had because ever since then he's been doing something every few months to try and get back in my head for whatever reason.

 

I've given up on trying to figure out his motives and I just moved on with my life. I suggest you do the same because although it's been 1.5 years since my ex and I ended our relationship, I know if I would've continued to let him pull me into his dark, twisted mind I would've ended up more screwed up in the head than I did. He's not worth it like your ex isn't worth it, not all the drama and pain that talking can bring. So let her go and ignore any contact she tries to make with you. That's what I've been trying to do with my ex, and when she does contact you and you want to just talk to her remember every horrible thing she did to you. Don't remember the good, because the good will cloud your thinking, but remember every horrible feeling she made you feel and what she put you through. It'll propel you to find greener pastures, forget her, and move on with your life for good.

[listen_to_me_please]

Well I suppose I have my answer. Curiosity killed the cat. Protect yourself. Be silent. Run forest, run and I'm definitely going to adhere to this philosophy.

 

That girl is crazy to think I would have any sort of contact with her after what she did. Maybe in a few years we can have a conversation.

 

She's one of those pratical types, "I'm single, maybe he still loves me, I need a man, its worth of a shot, I'll use him for now and leave him when I find someone better"

 

Nope, not going through that again. No No sister, find another sucker. Been there, done that. Over it (chick voice)

 

It shouldn't be much longer before I find someone else. NC 2 years 7 months and going strong!

 

I don't want to be hurt again + she's a whore & I doubt I would trust her but I suppose she had her reason(s), either way not my problem nor shall it ever be. She was nice though, I'm going to miss my friend. Maybe I'll see her again in the future when I'm married with kids and we can talk about the good old days.

 

Thanks for staying with me as long as you did, I'm sorry I hurt you but you are a whore, so hey, you reap what you sow.

I hope you find the right person for you and you were right about everything. I just didn't understand at the time and like you told me when we first starting dating, "The next time this happens, don't mess it up"

 

I won't...... I learned now....

Edited November 24, 2010 by listen_to_me_please

[neil1987]

wow seems like you really loved this girl. I was faced with the same situation not long ago where my ex randomly added me on facebook after 2 years of splitting. i however messaged her a couple of days later after thinking about it thouroughly asking why she added me after all this time, the response was that she just wanted to be a friend. it is very confusing and there is no real right/wrong answer on what to do other than do NOT play games because it never works in the long run. dont add her friend just to act cool.. dont go down to her level. your a man so act like one (no offence) ask her straight up the reasons for doing so.