Love/Race Issue

[tykira]

Ok, this is my personal issue. I've always been into white guys (I'm black btw) but I realize the issues that come with it.

 

1.) White guys are not generally attracted to black women

 

2.) Explaining to your kids about both their parents' cultures.

 

3.) The hatred from the world seeing you as an interracial couple

 

My father terrorized me as a child, causing our relationship to crash and burn to the ground. He never raised or celebrated me as a girl, so I rarely ever know what fatherly love is. I've also had a lot of bad connections with black guys too growing up because most of them were bullies or just wanted sex from me. Black guys growing up either wanted to be with white girls or apparently more attractive black girls or girls who have 'important' people as parents (Pastors, Doctors, etc.) Not to mention the TV shows that demonizes black people as a whole didn't exactly help either. So all that said, I've never been attracted to a black man, except for one but ended up getting dumped.

 

Anyway, my point is I've never been into black guys and always been into white guys. But white guys don't seem to be working out, especially with all the interracial crap I'll have to put up with. What can I do to learn how to be into black guys?

[tb24]

Well I'd say don't worry so much about finding a "black guy" or a "white guy". Find someone who cares about you. Don't let the colour of their skin stand in the way!

 

You say "black guys too growing up because most of them were bullies or just wanted sex from me". This is a bit of a generalisation isnt it? I'm sure if you'd grown up around white guys it would have been the same. Us guys are all the same, black or white. As teenagers we're pretty much all sex craving idiots

 

Anyway I think you're putting too much emphasis on skin colour and not enough on what you're actually looking for in a man.

 

"The hatred from the world seeing you as an interracial couple".

 

I've never been in an interracial relationship but wow.. is that still the case? It's 2010. Can't people grow up? Where are you from? Perhaps that has a bearing i guess. I see lots of interracial couples around... though I couldn't comment on whether the world "hates" them, but they seem as happy as any other couple i see.

Edited November 12, 2010 by tb24

[Feelin Frisky]

Truth: I've been with more woman of color than "white". So, I'm not too eager to tell you how to go back to black. One less for me.

[112233]

White guys are not generally attracted to black women

 

Depends on the woman. I think Kandyce McClure was gods gift in her prime.

[pureinheart]

Ok, this is my personal issue. I've always been into white guys (I'm black btw) but I realize the issues that come with it.

 

1.) White guys are not generally attracted to black women

 

2.) Explaining to your kids about both their parents' cultures.

 

3.) The hatred from the world seeing you as an interracial couple

 

My father terrorized me as a child, causing our relationship to crash and burn to the ground. He never raised or celebrated me as a girl, so I rarely ever know what fatherly love is. I've also had a lot of bad connections with black guys too growing up because most of them were bullies or just wanted sex from me. Black guys growing up either wanted to be with white girls or apparently more attractive black girls or girls who have 'important' people as parents (Pastors, Doctors, etc.) Not to mention the TV shows that demonizes black people as a whole didn't exactly help either. So all that said, I've never been attracted to a black man, except for one but ended up getting dumped.

 

Anyway, my point is I've never been into black guys and always been into white guys. But white guys don't seem to be working out, especially with all the interracial crap I'll have to put up with. What can I do to learn how to be into black guys?

 

My GodMother has never been into black guys either for priddy much the same reasons you have, and she is just attracted to hispanic and white guys primarliy...just a preference for her.

 

Where I live all races are attracted to all races, in your case many white guys are very much attracted to black women and there is never a racial issue (to my knowledge). I guess this is why I had such a hard time in other parts of the US, way too much racial tension...

 

Wow, in bold, I am so very sorry...you should be with who you want IMO...((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

[Woggle]

I have actually been seing more white man/black woman couples so there are plenty of white guys who are into black women.

 

At the same time don't white guys just because of your father. His race has nothing to do with the way he is. There are plenty of white people who are horribly abusive to their family as well and if you are dating white men for that reason then chances are it will not work out.

[hadess07]

hope it helps

http://datingandgirls.blogspot.com/2010/11/expert-interracial-dating-advice.html

[Green]

Ok, this is my personal issue. I've always been into white guys (I'm black btw) but I realize the issues that come with it.

 

1.) White guys are not generally attracted to black women

 

2.) Explaining to your kids about both their parents' cultures.

 

3.) The hatred from the world seeing you as an interracial couple

 

My father terrorized me as a child, causing our relationship to crash and burn to the ground. He never raised or celebrated me as a girl, so I rarely ever know what fatherly love is. I've also had a lot of bad connections with black guys too growing up because most of them were bullies or just wanted sex from me. Black guys growing up either wanted to be with white girls or apparently more attractive black girls or girls who have 'important' people as parents (Pastors, Doctors, etc.) Not to mention the TV shows that demonizes black people as a whole didn't exactly help either. So all that said, I've never been attracted to a black man, except for one but ended up getting dumped.

 

Anyway, my point is I've never been into black guys and always been into white guys. But white guys don't seem to be working out, especially with all the interracial crap I'll have to put up with. What can I do to learn how to be into black guys?

 

You sound like you have some issues you need to work out with MEN in general based on the bad relationship you had with your father.

 

If it makes you feel better my friend who is a good looking tall whie guy, kinda looks like a blond haired blue eyed surfer dude type. He only likes to date black girls. So there you have it. I personaly have nothing against dating a good looking black girl its just it never happened and I usualy do find myself attracted to mostly white girls but there are definetly some good looking black girls too.

[tykira]

Thanks so much for all your replies!

 

@tb24 Don't worry, I wasn't trying to generalize ALL black guys or all guys as a whole, just some the ones I've grown up with in elementary and middle school is all.

 

@Feelin Freaky xD LOL!

 

@112233 Hmm, never heard of Kandyce McClure

 

@pureinheart You may be right, maybe it's the environment I'm in that may have too much racial tension? or maybe it's just my father's nasty additude >.>

 

@Woggle You're absolutely right! It's never a good idea to date outside of your race based on anything outside your good intentions. Although my dad failed to raise me to love a black man such as himself and just because I've had a couple of bad experiences with black guys from my past, it doesn't mean I generally HATE all black men! In fact there are a lot of awesome black guys out there that I haven't even met yet that I'd like to meet and connect with someday :-) It's just that white guys have always been my preference, it has absolutely nothing to do with any bad or stuck up feelings towards my own race whatsoever.

 

@hadess07 Thanks so much, hadess! :-)

 

@Green You're right, I do still have issues towards my dad. I wish I could work something out with him if only he's willing to cooperate with me :-( All I can do is pray about it.

 

xD your friend sounds pretty nice. I rarely think that blonde guys would ever be interested in black girls, let alone date them! But then again, maybe it's the environment i dunno and that's cool too, be attracted to whomever your heart draws you too!^^ Otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation lol

[BlackLovely]

Ok, this is my personal issue. I've always been into white guys (I'm black btw) but I realize the issues that come with it.

 

1.) White guys are not generally attracted to black women

 

2.) Explaining to your kids about both their parents' cultures.

 

3.) The hatred from the world seeing you as an interracial couple

 

My father terrorized me as a child, causing our relationship to crash and burn to the ground. He never raised or celebrated me as a girl, so I rarely ever know what fatherly love is. I've also had a lot of bad connections with black guys too growing up because most of them were bullies or just wanted sex from me. Black guys growing up either wanted to be with white girls or apparently more attractive black girls or girls who have 'important' people as parents (Pastors, Doctors, etc.) Not to mention the TV shows that demonizes black people as a whole didn't exactly help either. So all that said, I've never been attracted to a black man, except for one but ended up getting dumped.

 

Anyway, my point is I've never been into black guys and always been into white guys. But white guys don't seem to be working out, especially with all the interracial crap I'll have to put up with. What can I do to learn how to be into black guys?

 

*hug* My husband and I have had blacks whisper about us in public. It's ridiculous.

I have much sympathy, for the way bad experiences with black men, can scar a young black woman for life. I have also been bullied by black men, as well as abused sexually. It's tragic that my own black men scare me. IMO, many black men have a lot to learn about romance and kindness.

None of this makes white men perfect. Some of them simply see black women as forbidden sexual conquests and nothing more. Others will be afraid to date a black woman, for fear of angry reactions.

It has been my experience, that white men have treated me much better. However, this doesn't mean all black men are cruel.

 

Sweetie, go for what you feel comfortable with! Don't let small minded racists ruin your fun with sexy white guys. One of my best friends, who is also a black woman with Jamaican parents, was out with me last night. She drooled over this FINE white dude, and she only dates black men

I look at the Lovings as an inspiration. They were the mixed couple who fought against a law prohibiting blacks and whites marrying.

Stay strong and be a proud black woman. There are a lot of decent, handsome white men who love black ladies, for the right reasons. It's much more common and accepted in Canada, especially in Toronto where there are more visible minorities than whites.

It's a Conservative nightmare up in the north! LOL

[luvnpain]

Your mentality about the races doesn't seem to set you up for good results, but I do want to know something. Beyond the race thing, what attracts you to a man? Just based on how you say black men did this and that, I just want to start with why you were attracted to these bad men in the first place?

[tigressA]

Color is only just that--color. There are many good and bad people of all races and cultures. You should be focusing on a man's internal qualities. Discern what you need/want from a man who you feel would be worthy of being in a relationship with you, and then go by that while dating.

[tb24]

I look at the Lovings as an inspiration. They were the mixed couple who fought against a law prohibiting blacks and whites marrying.

 

I just looked them up. Firstly, what an apt name. I can't believe they had to go through so much just to be together. It just seems so wrong that the law got involved!

 

Maybe I understand your thoughts more now tykira and BlackLovely. Here in merry old England, ignoring the odd bigot, the laws haven't ever been quite so hateful as far as I know... though I haven't looked them up so it might just be wishful thinking on my part.

 

*hug* My husband and I have had blacks whisper about us in public. It's ridiculous.

 

This makes zero sense to me. I'm not for a second suggesting it doesn't happen and forgive me for being callous, but I'd kinda thought that after being oppressed for hundreds of years due to the colour of their skin black people might be better equipped to realise that colour is pretty meaningless and be able to look past the colour of someone's skin. Again probably just me being idealistic. Why cant we all just get along?

Edited November 13, 2010 by tb24

[sunjay]

YES REALLY IT WILL BECAME AN VERY BIG ISSUE AND IT IS MOST DANGEROUS ISSUE.

________________________________________________

Budget Hotels In kanyakumari | Kanyakumari Budget Accommodation | Kanyakumari Tourism

[Yvelysse]

Ok, this is my personal issue. What can I do to learn how to be into black guys?

 

Sweetheart just be yourself!

 

male attraction is cross cultural etal.

 

I'm a white colored Hispanic female. Very large frame and IMHO extremely fat (not to be confused with Phat).

 

I have attracted all colors and kinds of males. As white as I am I have only recently had involvement with a white male! Most have been Hispanic (mexican if you will). The freaky part is because of my height and size, lawl , I should be anathema to most males. (I'm also taller that the american average for a woman, and yes for the curious I was born female. My Female cousin several years older than me is 6 ft)

 

People in general look beyond my flaws to my personality and I'm golden. Took me too many years to figure out People just like me for me. Please don't walk that lonely path, accept who you are and let it show sweety!

 

Many may dislike my next comment, but I am of the opinion all humans are ONE race. Granted culturally there are differences but that can be overcome.

 

In my house I have to races, Human and Feline.... and yes these twain will never be more than the platonic love of girl to cat.... ever.

[Feelin Frisky]

... but I'd kinda thought that after being oppressed for hundreds of years due to the colour of their skin black people might be better equipped to realise that colour is pretty meaningless and be able to look past the colour of someone's skin. Again probably just me being idealistic. Why cant we all just get along?

 

Pregudice happens faster than reason. No one goes around considering all aspects of ancestry before making a conscious choice to expres something of a matter which is usually none of their business to start with. As a white man in a realtionship with a balck woman I found more liberal expression of bigotry from blacks than whites. I remeber taking her home after a date once and we embraced just before we'd part for the night. A group of African American men and women in their 20's found it necessary to laugh and say "oh shi+" at us with not the slightest consideration of manners. This and other permuations of it happened a lot but I don't know if it's a coincidence or not but the black offending parties seemed to act as if we weren't people with feelings, just some objects for their amuzement.

[ColdFox]

I know that there are different expectations and tensions for black/white interracial couples, especially in some parts of the world. But I can tell you that I was in an interracial marriage with a Latino man, and never had any problems due to race, other than his parents at first being a little disappointed because I was white. They got over it quick and came to love me a lot. We never faced hatred from the public, we were always told what a handsome couple we were. My son is being raised bilingual and learning as much about his father's heritage/culture as I can teach him, and so far he is enjoying it all. When he is older he will get to spend summers with family in South America.

I know of a few white man/black woman couples, I have never thought they were anything strange. Maybe it is partly your area? I don't know if you can change your preference, although exposing yourself more to other cultures/races on a very regular basis will relax your fears and naturally bring you into contact with more attractive men of all types which might help, if you really want to try to change your preferences. But I think it is better that you stand your ground and expect the world to meet your standards of decency, although not easier.

[thatsonlyme]

I've never had any personal experience with a person of a different race, but I'd definitely love to try!

However, my ex girlfriend had different nationality, culture and native language and that was the best experience of my life! I do not even want to date girls from my native country anymore, it's just boring! I'm definitely looking for another one of a kind experience to enrich my life!

 

People tend to stick with their own race/nation by default and that could be the source of your issues. White man are may be hesitant to approach you because they simply assume you're not into them.

[tykira]

People tend to stick with their own race/nation by default and that could be the source of your issues. White man are may be hesitant to approach you because they simply assume you're not into them.

 

I don't see why since I would sometimes give secret glances and stuff to try to get one's attention. Of course I wouldn't fully go 'all out' on my affection and attraction towards someone I like because 1.) I don't want to cause any unnecessary 'tensions' and 2.) Fear of rejection or unrequited feelings.

[tykira]

I know that there are different expectations and tensions for black/white interracial couples, especially in some parts of the world. But I can tell you that I was in an interracial marriage with a Latino man, and never had any problems due to race, other than his parents at first being a little disappointed because I was white. They got over it quick and came to love me a lot. We never faced hatred from the public, we were always told what a handsome couple we were. My son is being raised bilingual and learning as much about his father's heritage/culture as I can teach him, and so far he is enjoying it all. When he is older he will get to spend summers with family in South America.

I know of a few white man/black woman couples, I have never thought they were anything strange. Maybe it is partly your area? I don't know if you can change your preference, although exposing yourself more to other cultures/races on a very regular basis will relax your fears and naturally bring you into contact with more attractive men of all types which might help, if you really want to try to change your preferences. But I think it is better that you stand your ground and expect the world to meet your standards of decency, although not easier.

 

You're right, sounds like a great idea! :-) I should probably expose myself to all types of guys and see where that takes me with my options.

[tykira]

Your mentality about the races doesn't seem to set you up for good results, but I do want to know something. Beyond the race thing, what attracts you to a man? Just based on how you say black men did this and that, I just want to start with why you were attracted to these bad men in the first place?

 

I am a sucker for sweethearts, I'll tell u that much! :-) Great hygiene, soft spoken, thoughtful, patient, AND sensitive to other's feelings! My father wasn't exactly the sweetest fruit in the bunch, so I look for someone who is an exact opposite. My dad wouldn't hug me or console me because he's too busy pushing me away. I rarely ever have close guy friends, and some dudes I meet would want a one-time hook up and leave. I wanted a man who could hug and console me, but I know I shouldn't use a guy to fill the hole my dad made in my soul. I guess I attract 'seasonal' men because somehow they can sense that I'm looking for something 'physical' rather than a relationship.

[StalledGirl]

I'm the opposite as I tend to attract white men but living in a country where white people are the majority (I think it's currently 92% white here) means it's more likely to date "interracially".

I don't think the racial background of parents matters as one of my parents is mixed race but maybe its a bigger issue in America? It's a cliche but love doesn't see colour so try not to worry!

[cutecatch]

Race shouldn't matter but it sounds like you have deeper issues try counseling to deal with it and you will see once you are truly happy with yourself everything will fall into place

[112233]

@112233 Hmm, never heard of Kandyce McClure

 

Very pretty woman.

[TG4MJ]

I'm half white and I find many black women very attractive. The only thing I've noticed about white guys is they are kind of weird about curves. Not generalizing but the white men I've known literally view any woman who is naturally well endowed either up top or on the bottom as "fat" (one guy I worked with even went as far as to label Beyonce Knowles and Nicky Manaj as "effing porkers" simply cuz of their heinies, it's weird). Just remember this saying, "Different strokes, for different folks".