Love/Race Issue

[Feelin Frisky]

I'm half white and I find many black women very attractive. The only thing I've noticed about white guys is they are kind of weird about curves. Not generalizing but the white men I've known literally view any woman who is naturally well endowed either up top or on the bottom as "fat" (one guy I worked with even went as far as to label Beyonce Knowles and Nicky Manaj as "effing porkers" simply cuz of their heinies, it's weird). Just remember this saying, "Different strokes, for different folks".

Stupidity knows no racial divide. One, they are not "fat" and two, it really makes a person sound dumb for having to say that--especially about women who are so freaking beautiful. Plus, the bigger the cushion the better the pushin'.

[TG4MJ]

Ha! yeah man, he was pretty weird, the concensus of him and other guys like him was that if a woman had a big booty or big legs then automatically she's out of shape, she needs to go on a diet, shes fat and gross, she's a porker, etc etc. I don't know man, it was just really weird to me that a man could be so repulsed by curves, but once again, diff strokes for diff folks.

[112233]

Ha! yeah man, he was pretty weird, the concensus of him and other guys like him was that if a woman had a big booty or big legs then automatically she's out of shape, she needs to go on a diet, shes fat and gross, she's a porker ....

 

Beyonce is one thing, women who people call "curvy" are often something else. Most women who self describe as curvy are in fact porkers. Beyonce is not.

[TG4MJ]

Well technically that's not entirely true. My gf prefers the term "curvy" over words like "chubby" or "thick" and let me tell you she ain't no porker. If I may ask what is YOUR idea of curvy ? To me it's a woman with an abundance of T&A (which my gf has). In all fairness when women have that much shape on them they usually will have a few extra lbs on them elsewhere on their body but as long as everything is well proportioned it's all good, at least to me.

[Mrlonelyone]

My personal experience with interracial dating has been a more intense one. More like something one would expect in the antebellum south than 21st century America. Basically I was treated by her as a secret lover a dirty thing she would do and not tell much about. I would like to tell you about how we overcame the challenges to live happily ever after but what can I say. That didn't happen.

 

No reason for you not to try though. Just be strong and have faith in each other above all others.

[Butterflying]

I can totally relate to your question. The exact things happened to me growing up. Instead of generalizing as someone mentioned, I'll give examples.

 

A white boy had a crush on me in the 6th grade. He tried to share lunch with me one day and was ridiculed by some other kids so he got up and left me alone. Another day, this same kid gave me a lollipop during recess. Once again, other kids made fun of him. Eventually, he stopped trying to woo me. But he would still look at me and smile or blow kisses when nobody was looking. I liked him too but I never let him know because I didn't want kids making fun of me like they made fun of him.

 

A black boy had a crush on me in high school. To express his attraction he made fun of me, hit me, knocked books out of my hand in the hallway. When other boys tried to talk to me (black or white) he would beat them up. It got to the point where no guys would talk to me because they were afraid of this one guy whome everyone SWORE he liked me. This totally messed up my ideal of what it means to like someone. I wondered if he really liked me, why was he so mean to me.

 

As an adult, I've had serious relationships with three black men, all three of them were verbally and physically abusive. This led me to believe "all black men are busive." That is until I met one black guy who wasn't. Unfortunately, that one black guy was married and couldn't be with me in a romantic way.

 

I've shared all this to say, focus on the things you desire in a man. Don't worry about race because in the end, race is only a minor aspect of a loving relationship. People make a huge mistake in love when they allow other people's opinions to dictate who they choose. For all I know, that white guy and me could have been soul mates when we were kids. Now we'll never know because neither of us were brave enough to endure being ridiculed by others.

[Butterflying]

Pregudice happens faster than reason. No one goes around considering all aspects of ancestry before making a conscious choice to expres something of a matter which is usually none of their business to start with. As a white man in a realtionship with a balck woman I found more liberal expression of bigotry from blacks than whites. I remeber taking her home after a date once and we embraced just before we'd part for the night. A group of African American men and women in their 20's found it necessary to laugh and say "oh shi+" at us with not the slightest consideration of manners. This and other permuations of it happened a lot but I don't know if it's a coincidence or not but the black offending parties seemed to act as if we weren't people with feelings, just some objects for their amuzement.

I agree, this has been my experience as well. The white men I've dated, their friends and families were much more accepting of me than my black friends and family. And ALL the negativity in public came from immature black people who showed no regard to our feelings. From experience, if white people had a problem with us, they simply avoided us, maybe even ignored us. White people didn't say rude things out loud, or laugh, or make us feel insecure. Again, I'm not generalizing, just speaking from experience. I know all races of people can be cruel at times. It just hasn't happened to me in these situations.

[112233]

My gf prefers the term "curvy" over words like "chubby" or "thick" ....

 

Of course she does.

[tykira]

Race shouldn't matter but it sounds like you have deeper issues try counseling to deal with it and you will see once you are truly happy with yourself everything will fall into place

 

I've been looking for the right counseling services for quite a while now, and most of them require a lot of money to attend or traveling far away to different states. I do the very best I can NOT to include racial issues when it comes to dating, but I guess in my area nobody's available.

[tykira]

I've shared all this to say, focus on the things you desire in a man. Don't worry about race because in the end, race is only a minor aspect of a loving relationship. People make a huge mistake in love when they allow other people's opinions to dictate who they choose. For all I know, that white guy and me could have been soul mates when we were kids. Now we'll never know because neither of us were brave enough to endure being ridiculed by others.

 

I absolutely agree with ya! It's just that basically white guys have always been my preference. But if it's just not going to happen, then I'll have to stop looking and hope that someone else (Italian, Spanish, Black, etc) would find me and be interested.

[Miserable Mike]

To hell with what other people think, do whats right for you, don't ever let anyones opinion influence what makes you happy, ever! The right guy will come along and it doesn't matter what color his skin is, the right one is the right one. Every one has character preferences such as hair color, body shape, eye color, but don't base your search for a man on all the black men you grew up around where bullies and all they wanted was sex, because white guys can be just as big of a jackass as a black man. You sound like an intelligent young women, whatever choice you make do it for the right reasons and not because thats what you think society wants. I truly wish this country would move past this race issue, I really do.

 

I wish you well and I hope you find the man of your dreams.