dark_hair Posted November 13, 2010 Share Posted November 13, 2010 Please give me advice. I've been close friends with a guy from work for about 1.5 years. I have always had a crush on him and we have slowly become good friends to the point where we go out for drinks or dinner, mostly with others, sometimes alone. We have a lot in common and he is single. My friends who have seen us together were convinced he liked me, and people had even made comments to my friends asking what was going on between us. Here are some of the signs of interest that he has been showing - our legs have regularly touched under the table, he has told me many times how interesting I am, he has brought up many times how much we have in common, we have had very deep, personal conversations about our lives, I have touched him (hugs when saying goodbye, touch arms when talking, flirty touching when joking around) and he doesn't pull away, we have sat very close together with our legs touching a lot, etc. He is shy and awkward regarding women and hasn't dated for a long time. I also know that he is looking for a relationship/dating. Anyway, I finally got the courage to very casually ask if he ever thought about "us" as more than friends. After dropping this on him, he looked shocked as though it had NEVER occurred to him at all, and said that because we work together it is not possible. I'm confused, can guys really be this CLUELESS about sending and receiving signals? He isn't someone who is out of my league, where it would be foolish to even consider the possibility. I intend to remain his friend, but instead of going out of my way to see him and chat with him and flirt with him, I'll just be a bit more distant. I'm curious to get advice from people who have had a close friend express interest in them - were they flattered, shocked? Did their feelings ever change after the initial shock? Is it really possible to be close friends with the opposite sex and you both are single and the same age you NEVER consider the possibility that you could date them or that they might be interested? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dark_hair Posted November 13, 2010 Author Share Posted November 13, 2010 are there any guys out there who can give advice to me? Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted November 13, 2010 Share Posted November 13, 2010 I don't have any solutions. I think this guy should have made himself clear on this a lot sooner. What's he doing after all? Playing footsie is fooling around. How he could act shocked does not compute. Personally, I fell in love with a woman from work. I accepted whatever came. She loved me back and it was good until.....Thankfully, when we broke up, we also moved to different depatments in the same building but were still somewhat attached to each other. Sorry you're getting this 180. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dark_hair Posted November 14, 2010 Author Share Posted November 14, 2010 Thanks for the reply. Yes, there is something somewhat strange about it. But I'm just going to remain his friend, but much more distant. Sorry to hear about your office romance. Do you think it is possible for a guy to be that clueless or do you think he just changed his mind and then acted like it hadn't occurred to him? Link to post Share on other sites
AmyLee Posted November 14, 2010 Share Posted November 14, 2010 I'm sorry to hear about this. It seems to describe a situation I currently find myself in. However, the difference is that my guy admitted that he also had feelings for me (the extent of which he did not make clear) but didn't feel that he was in the right frame of mind to start a relationship. So why flirt and send signals? I'm at a loss as to how to explain the thought process behind his decision. Link to post Share on other sites
ducknrun Posted November 14, 2010 Share Posted November 14, 2010 Sounds likes he is interested. Men suck at expressing any kind of emotions good or bad. I know that might sound confusing but he reached for a valid excuse that you might not question. Let me explain what happened with me and maybe it might make sense. Met a girl in my college class and became friends (she was engaged) and I thought that would be good type of friend to have that was taken. Come to find out she wasn't happy for the longest time and it was ready to fall apart. Well we started hanging out with people and sometimes alone. I refrained from any physical contact between us (no hugs, holding hands or even crossing). After a while I got it out of here that she likes me and wanted more. I can't deny I had the same feeling but I hid behind the fact that I wanted to patch things up with up with my ex. She knew that from the start about me but yet I kept hanging out with here, she still wants so much more but all I can do is be friends. So I guess what I'm trying to find out is if your guy has been through something that is stopping him. Possibly a little scared of getting hurt again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dark_hair Posted November 14, 2010 Author Share Posted November 14, 2010 Thanks for the advice. So here is some more background information . . . Everything was going really well between the two of us regarding flirting, hanging out, teasing, going out of our way to talk, etc. Then about two weeks ago it just stopped and I have no idea why. I responded by giving him some distance, which he noticed because he asked about me to someone else and why he hadn't seen me a lot that week. We still saw each other around because of work, but it was more casual than before and was different than how it used to be. Then just 2 days ago we arrive at the present situation - which I described earlier, where I asked if he had ever thought of about "us" as more than friends. The reason why I decided to drop this on him up was because I felt like it was a way to get him to talk about whatever had been going on, and possibly why it had changed. I'm thinking that for some reason, which I will probably never know, he just changed his mind two weeks ago about me and then when I tried to talk to him he took the easy way out and just pretended like it had never occurred to him? What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Vasmana02 Posted November 21, 2010 Share Posted November 21, 2010 seems very confident , really good dude , i want to do so , but its really a difficult task !!! but your attempt encouraging me ...................................... Link to post Share on other sites
Goodstuff Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 He's just scared and doesnt know how to deal with u so he denies his feelings for u. If hes this afraid just move or youll be disappointed when he cant man up for u Link to post Share on other sites
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