Remaining friends after rejection?

[something85]

I'm sure this question has been asked a million times, so here's to a million and one.

 

Recently, I took a trip with a friend of mine. What started out as just an online friendship became the real deal, and we spent the week together attending a convention nearly a month ago. I've always liked her but not always in a romantic way. It all changed once I met her. To fast forward a little bit, I had the time of my life with her, and I wanted more. I finally got the courage to tell her, but she didn't feel the same way.

 

I still care about her, and I still want to be friends. I've already told her both of these things, but the problem is with me. I can't let it go. I'm afraid my inability to let go and let the door remain closed will eventually ruin our friendship. I'm afraid that since I can't let this fantasy go that I'll eventually become bitter and resentful, mostly at myself and that I'll eventually take it out on her. That isn't fair, or right. I was open and honest with her about how I felt, and she did the same. No strings, no games, just open and honest communication. Yet, I can't accept it. I don't know why.

 

I'm not sure what exactly I'm looking for here.. just needing to vent? I just wish there was just magic switch that would let me feel better about this situation. It's just that.. it's been about two weeks now since I told her, and I still feel the same way: dejected. I tried going out with friends to hang out and just try to meet someone else, but it didn't help at all. I guess what I'm looking for is any kind of suggestion about how to proceed from here.

[Teknoe]

I just wish there was just magic switch that would let me feel better about this situation. I guess what I'm looking for is any kind of suggestion about how to proceed from here.

 

 

Been there done that. I'll tell you from experience what has worked for me. First of all, there's no greater "cure" than the passing of time. It's cliche but it's true: time heals all wounds, especially little ones like rejection. Wait til you're married 20 years and the love of your life cheats on you and walks out unexpectedly one cold December evening. That's rough. Now this? This is child's play. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt, but let's keep PERSPECTIVE here. Yes, your wish was denied and yes, now the friendship is all weird, but on a list of top 100 things that could go wrong, I dare say it wouldn't even crack the top 50.

 

Having said that, the other thing that worked for me was praying. I don't know if you're religious or anything or if you believe in (a) God, but talking about it and praying about it helped me a lot. After all, it is said in Matthew 5:4 "If you mourn, you will be comforted."

 

I remember a good friend rejecting me on my birthday one time. I thought it was over. I picked up a Bible and happened to read Matthew 5:4, so I did just what it told me. I took the rest of my Birthday to mourn.

 

Oddly enough, the next morning I woke up with amazing clarity and was comforted. Just as the Bible promised me.

 

I don't know if any of this helps or will help you, but you asked for suggestions. Nothing like time, perspective, prayer and oh, setting and working toward manageable goals. I wish you well. I've been there, done that. You'll pull through. God bless.

[funinTibet]

Pull away a bit and let time heal all the wounds. Everything happens for the good. If the lady does not feel toward you as you feel toward her, then it is no use getting into a relationship. Simultaneously, if you feel you cannot continue friendship without feeling bitter, be honest about it, tell her, and let go of the relationship. As time passes, you will forget everything.

[tlind]

Been there...last year the same situation happened to me...but the rejection was partially due to my own fault and a lot of miscommunication between myself, her, and two other people. A year and a half later it still hurts, but nowhere near as bad as when it happened... time in it's cruel, slow ways does heal, at least the distancing of yourself from the situation. She was my best friends sister that I've known for close to 15 years. We haven't spoken since it happened and I do hold bitterness towards the people involved, mainly myself because I was and still am confused by everything that happened.

 

I'm also trying very hard to learn from that experience, see the error of my ways, look at all perspectives and move on. I do hold out hope that one day we can become friends again, but I'm not fixated on it as I once was, if it happens it happens.

 

So I can't say for sure if you can or not, but distancing yourself from her while you hold anger or bitterness is the best thing for the both of you right now. When you can get over it, and you will - then you can revisit being friends, if the friendship is that important to you.

[tlind]

Until all romantic feelings are gone...it's impossible. You'll always want more then the other person can give you. It's best to cut off all contact until there are no more feelings other then genuine friendship.

 

P.S. Didn't realize I posted on this already, haha...my bad!

[hART]

I read this post, because I have a similar situation, but more complicated.

I agree once the romance is gone it will work out. It took about a year for me to get over my ex of ten years. It will work out.

[exoduse22]

Been there done that. I'll tell you from experience what has worked for me. First of all, there's no greater "cure" than the passing of time. It's cliche but it's true: time heals all wounds, especially little ones like rejection. Wait til you're married 20 years and the love of your life cheats on you and walks out unexpectedly one cold December evening. That's rough. Now this? This is child's play. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt, but let's keep PERSPECTIVE here. Yes, your wish was denied and yes, now the friendship is all weird, but on a list of top 100 things that could go wrong, I dare say it wouldn't even crack the top 50.

 

Having said that, the other thing that worked for me was praying. I don't know if you're religious or anything or if you believe in (a) God, but talking about it and praying about it helped me a lot. After all, it is said in Matthew 5:4 "If you mourn, you will be comforted."

 

I remember a good friend rejecting me on my birthday one time. I thought it was over. I picked up a Bible and happened to read Matthew 5:4, so I did just what it told me. I took the rest of my Birthday to mourn.

 

Oddly enough, the next morning I woke up with amazing clarity and was comforted. Just as the Bible promised me.

 

I don't know if any of this helps or will help you, but you asked for suggestions. Nothing like time, perspective, prayer and oh, setting and working toward manageable goals. I wish you well. I've been there, done that. You'll pull through. God bless.

 

Yeah I agree I don't really believe there is a God actually its just that following God is kind of a guide to life

[Ometeotl]

I'm sure this question has been asked a million times, so here's to a million and one.

 

Recently, I took a trip with a friend of mine. What started out as just an online friendship became the real deal, and we spent the week together attending a convention nearly a month ago. I've always liked her but not always in a romantic way. It all changed once I met her. To fast forward a little bit, I had the time of my life with her, and I wanted more. I finally got the courage to tell her, but she didn't feel the same way.

 

I still care about her, and I still want to be friends. I've already told her both of these things, but the problem is with me. I can't let it go. I'm afraid my inability to let go and let the door remain closed will eventually ruin our friendship. I'm afraid that since I can't let this fantasy go that I'll eventually become bitter and resentful, mostly at myself and that I'll eventually take it out on her. That isn't fair, or right. I was open and honest with her about how I felt, and she did the same. No strings, no games, just open and honest communication. Yet, I can't accept it. I don't know why.

 

I'm not sure what exactly I'm looking for here.. just needing to vent? I just wish there was just magic switch that would let me feel better about this situation. It's just that.. it's been about two weeks now since I told her, and I still feel the same way: dejected. I tried going out with friends to hang out and just try to meet someone else, but it didn't help at all. I guess what I'm looking for is any kind of suggestion about how to proceed from here.

 

Well, think you have to realize, feelings always change.

 

Think about it like this, you wont always feel this way, not even if you had her.

 

Plus, she wont always feel this way about you, even if she says so.

 

My approach to these cirumstance has always been, limited interned contact until there is none. Phone conversations are much better, that you can gage how she is actually feeling. Reading words as the main source of communication will likely lead to many casual conversations that will only stoke and re-stoke that flame in your heart.

 

My advice

 

Phone calls and hanging out= Good

Texting and chatting= Bad

 

Try it out!

 

Always be aware, that a woman will note every which way you act in a situation, so lead with an ethical mind, looking for whats best in the relationship, not just whats best for you.

 

You see, since the problem is bigger than yourself the solution has to be equally bigger than yourself, I say try something creative and spontaneous, like go on a long walk in the dead of winter, take winter by the balls!

 

Paint, yoga, ride a bus for no good reason at all! The possibilities are absolutely endless, and the future of this relationship will be be brighter, if you are are being a neat and fun person, she may very well want a piece of that!

[michaljetson]

Mr . I read all your matter And I came to know that you are in love with her . And you Cant live with out her . So tell her about your feelings .

[Template]

Mr . I read all your matter And I came to know that you are in love with her . And you Cant live with out her . So tell her about your feelings .

 

Ummm... he DID

I finally got the courage to tell her, but she didn't feel the same way.

 

I still care about her, and I still want to be friends. I've already told her both of these things, but the problem is with me.

 

[fiat500]

both my exes started off as friends who had a crush on me who I had no interest in whatsoever.

 

they sounded like you.

 

we were great friends.

 

they were persistent and finally won my heart.

 

only to smash it to pieces a little bit later on. they left never to contact me again.

 

the lesson I learned: never give guys like you a chance ever again.

 

merry christmas.

 

I know I sound bitter, just trying to give you a different perspective on things. I know it's easy to hold some kind of resentment for not being given a chance, but in my case, whenever something like this would happen where a guy tells me he liked me and I didn't feel the same way, I would always give them an opportunity eventually and they've always ended up ripping out my heart and crapping on it.

 

 

okay real advice:

 

take some time to yourself to cool off. Do you talk to her on a regular basis? If not, then your feelings for her will eventually wane. it's a natural course. don't go out of your way to contact her, just let her do all the initial contacting herself. this is how my recent ex captured my heart. Don't get your hopes up though.

[IfiKnewThen]

i have been in a few areas on this forum but never came to friendship..but now i have a problem..and need advise but will post later down the road when i get a chance. and i have to say i hope i get my advise from this group in here. you all have the best answers EVER and as i was reading this can relate to all of you.

 

1st..teknoe. OMG i was grieving so much over the last couple of days (still am) and i thought of that bible passage. i am in mourning alright and am waiting hoping and praying for comfort. so that is good advise.

 

quote: Wait til you're married 20 years and the love of your life cheats on you and walks out unexpectedly one cold December evening.

 

i didnt mean to chuckle over this because its no chuckling matter. but its so darn true...and i am feeling many cold december mornings. ...i think God brought me over to the friends side of the forum (i hope)

 

again this is true. he does care about her or love her...but thank goodness not years and years into it so to speak.

 

hart

quote It took about a year for me to get over my ex of ten years. It will work out. sighs i have been friends with someone for 10 years..but this is NOT my thread... but its nice to know and share with somethings 85 that theres a light at the end of the tunnel..should it not work out.

 

 

fiat500 OMG!!! OMG!! this is soooooooo sooooo true. quote: both my exes started off as friends who had a crush on me who I had no interest in whatsoever.

 

they sounded like you.

 

we were great friends.

 

they were persistent and finally won my heart.

 

only to smash it to pieces a little bit later on. they left never to contact me again.

 

the lesson I learned: never give guys like you a chance ever again.

 

merry christmas.

 

i am really depressed right now but i almost laughed out loud there for a second. this SAME thing happened to me. guys i wasnt initially interested in and thought of as ONLY friends...and they got to me. being so nice and good and "friendly"...us woman are drawn to that a lot. anyway it like you give them a chance and then BAM years later they end up being the biggest heartbreakers of them all. so honestly something85 i think you have a a realistic chance it could turn around for you. hence all the other advise is good then to run in the other direction.

[IfiKnewThen]

i have been in a few areas on this forum but never came to friendship..but now i have a problem..and need advise but will post later down the road when i get a chance. and i have to say i hope i get my advise from this group in here. you all have the best answers EVER and as i was reading this can relate to all of you.

 

1st..teknoe. OMG i was grieving so much over the last couple of days (still am) and i thought of that bible passage. i am in mourning alright and am waiting hoping and praying for comfort. so that is good advise.

 

quote: Wait til you're married 20 years and the love of your life cheats on you and walks out unexpectedly one cold December evening.

 

i didnt mean to chuckle over this because its no chuckling matter. but its so darn true...and i am feeling many cold december mornings. ...i think God brought me over to the friends side of the forum (i hope)

 

again this is true. he does care about her or love her...but thank goodness not years and years into it so to speak.

 

hart

quote It took about a year for me to get over my ex of ten years. It will work out. sighs i have been friends with someone for 10 years..but this is NOT my thread... but its nice to know and share with somethings 85 that theres a light at the end of the tunnel..should it not work out.

 

 

fiat500 OMG!!! OMG!! this is soooooooo sooooo true. quote: both my exes started off as friends who had a crush on me who I had no interest in whatsoever.

 

they sounded like you.

 

we were great friends.

 

they were persistent and finally won my heart.

 

only to smash it to pieces a little bit later on. they left never to contact me again.

 

the lesson I learned: never give guys like you a chance ever again.

 

merry christmas.

 

i am really depressed right now but i almost laughed out loud there for a second. this SAME thing happened to me. guys i wasnt initially interested in and thought of as ONLY friends...and they got to me. being so nice and good and "friendly"...us woman are drawn to that a lot. anyway it like you give them a chance and then BAM years later they end up being the biggest heartbreakers of them all. so honestly something85 i think you have a a realistic chance it could turn around for you. hence all the other advise is good then to run in the other direction.

 

you might up ending up breaking her heart

 

 

seriously its not always possible but you can get her attracted to you thru the friendship. oh yeah and did i meantion my daughter wasnt initally attracted to her "friend" and he got her real interested and they moved in together fell in love and all. then he riped her heart out and she moved out this cold november. happy holidays.

[IfiKnewThen]

yikes this pc made the post go out too soon. i finished writing what i wanted to say in the second post. sorry there

[Eddie Edirol]

You obviously want to be in a relationship, so you need to stop talking to her altogether, or you wont work on finding a women who actually is attracted to you. Get yourself a local girlfriend now, and you wont care about this "friend" when youre already involved.

[fiat500]

i have been in a few areas on this forum but never came to friendship..but now i have a problem..and need advise but will post later down the road when i get a chance. and i have to say i hope i get my advise from this group in here. you all have the best answers EVER and as i was reading this can relate to all of you.

 

1st..teknoe. OMG i was grieving so much over the last couple of days (still am) and i thought of that bible passage. i am in mourning alright and am waiting hoping and praying for comfort. so that is good advise.

 

quote: Wait til you're married 20 years and the love of your life cheats on you and walks out unexpectedly one cold December evening.

 

i didnt mean to chuckle over this because its no chuckling matter. but its so darn true...and i am feeling many cold december mornings. ...i think God brought me over to the friends side of the forum (i hope)

 

again this is true. he does care about her or love her...but thank goodness not years and years into it so to speak.

 

hart

quote It took about a year for me to get over my ex of ten years. It will work out. sighs i have been friends with someone for 10 years..but this is NOT my thread... but its nice to know and share with somethings 85 that theres a light at the end of the tunnel..should it not work out.

 

 

fiat500 OMG!!! OMG!! this is soooooooo sooooo true. quote: both my exes started off as friends who had a crush on me who I had no interest in whatsoever.

 

they sounded like you.

 

we were great friends.

 

they were persistent and finally won my heart.

 

only to smash it to pieces a little bit later on. they left never to contact me again.

 

the lesson I learned: never give guys like you a chance ever again.

 

merry christmas.

 

i am really depressed right now but i almost laughed out loud there for a second. this SAME thing happened to me. guys i wasnt initially interested in and thought of as ONLY friends...and they got to me. being so nice and good and "friendly"...us woman are drawn to that a lot. anyway it like you give them a chance and then BAM years later they end up being the biggest heartbreakers of them all. so honestly something85 i think you have a a realistic chance it could turn around for you. hence all the other advise is good then to run in the other direction.

 

Hi IfiKnewThen. We should start a club