Are there any genuine men out there?

[just_some_guy]

W.O.W.,

 

Honey, slow down.

 

Just go out on dates. Dates are fun. Dates are not about hopping in the sack quickly. Dates are not about jumping into an exclusive relationship. Dates are not about ascertaining that the other is only interested in a long-term relationship.

 

So, put it out there, "I want to date. I want to date multiple people. I don't have sex outside of exclusive relationships."

 

Then go on dates. Have fun, do interesting things. Go dutch. If someone is particularly interesting, go on more dates with him. If he is really interesting to you and you to him, then make it "seeing someone." Once you are "seeing someone" that implies exclusivity.

[Steadfast]

This thread is a sad commentary on the state of relationships. Especially in the US and the UK I think, because of the wide open media exposure.

 

Modern social-theology has driven a wedge between men and women, destroying family values and its importance. For men, we're bombarded by information about what women 'want'...ranging from equality to the desire for a 'real' man. This eats away at man's natural desire to protect and woman's natural instinct to nurture. No matter what, women seek stability but crave excitement and drama. For many men the 'public lady/private whore' is desirable, but this eventually erodes respect and attraction.

 

The truth is, most women want what they can't have. Only those with the strongest of constitution are able to withstand the incredible peer pressure they'll likely to face. This sense of entitlement is the poison that takes over a woman's mind and destroys lives. Most only realize this when it's too late. The same can be said for men, but we're simpler; we like having our women and our fun. Many take that too far, including other women in as masculine enrichment. These selfish fools for the most part are momma's boys who've been told their whole lives they're the center of the world.

 

For me, and men like me, the stark reality is that we are not. The only course to left to take is to be ourselves and if that isn't good enough...then it isn't good enough. I'm not a bad boy, but I have realized that I do not need a woman to make me happy. My faith, livelihood and my children sustain my joy now. I have a wonderful women in my life and I do appreciate her, but no matter how good it is, there are no guarantees. This generation is incapable of making good on promises and thus, we have 'evolved' into not believing them. Betrayal is now justified as 'growth' and lying is dismissed as confusion. All passed off as the fault of someone else.

 

Best to stand on your own feet and do some real good. Expect nothing in return for your good deeds. Do them for the betterment of those around you. Alone or in a relationship, it's best not to stray too far from yourself.

[willowthewisp]

I have to be honest, some of the replies on this thread have had me in tears this evening. I find it so sad and it makes me feel so hopeless that this is what it has come to, men who have been abused by callous women who can no longer see that there are decent women out there.

 

I can honsetly say, I have never gone for exictment, bad boys and all that crap. I was with my X from highschool and I cherished him. Of course we had our ups and downs, but I was loyal to that man in body and mind alawys and I loved him and cherished him and thanked God for him every day. He abandoned me with no warning and according to my IC for no good reason. I would have done anything for that man and he leaves me and runs out gets a rebound and moves in a younger women and proposes to her in less than a year.

 

The first time I decide to put myself out there and I get a sex addict who is on a swingers/meet up for sex site as well as presenting himself as being an honest guy looking for someone to settle down with and have a family.

 

My trust is gone, first my X, his family who have known me for since I was a kid have never even contacted me to see if I'm OK, not even a holiday card, then the friends who sent the malious e-mail, then another friend who set out to deliberately pull a guy she knew I liked on a night out and now an outright liar.

 

I'm at the end of my tether, truly I am, I don't know if I honestly want to continue in this world, it's all so bloody hopeless.....what is a world without love?

 

I don't blame you guys for feeling how you do, it's just the reverse of how I am feeling about men, how very sad for all of us.

 

Woggle and Steadfast thank you, you are my sliver of hope.

[Steadfast]

My point Willow is as people, our value is not measured by our success in relationships. While it's true many of us could have made better choices, what we're ultimately guilty of is believing the promises of others. We adhere to the 'Golden Rule' and expect no more than we ourselves are willing to give. When these people are betrayed, they're overwhelmed. Few things are harder to overcome than receiving unjustified punishment.

 

But when it happens -and it will- it's time to trust the cliches'. What doesn't kill you does make you stronger. When the going gets tough, the tough really do get going. Anyone can be happy and content when the sun's out, it's how we deal with those cloudy days that shows our true character.

 

You're putting to much pressure on yourself. Let it heal. The mind recovers quickly, aided by resentment and disappointment but the heart has its own timetable. When you can view your old relationship as a learning experience (and yes, you'll always remember it was painful) you'll be closer to meeting new people. The additional burden of walking across the dating minefield while dealing with feelings about your ex is too much for anyone to manage. Your timetable is unique, and you've got to have your ducks lined up to manage the dating scene because it's brutal. Still, among all those lumps of coal are a few diamonds. Be patient and kind to yourself! You won't be able to spot them if your mired in sorrow. You're the key!

[willowthewisp]

My point Willow is as people, our value is not measured by our success in relationships. While it's true many of us could have made better choices, what we're ultimately guilty of is believing the promises of others. We adhere to the 'Golden Rule' and expect no more than we ourselves are willing to give. When these people are betrayed, they're overwhelmed. Few things are harder to overcome than receiving unjustified punishment.

 

But when it happens -and it will- it's time to trust the cliches'. What doesn't kill you does make you stronger. When the going gets tough, the tough really do get going. Anyone can be happy and content when the sun's out, it's how we deal with those cloudy days that shows our true character.

 

You're putting to much pressure on yourself. Let it heal. The mind recovers quickly, aided by resentment and disappointment but the heart has its own timetable. When you can view your old relationship as a learning experience (and yes, you'll always remember it was painful) you'll be closer to meeting new people. The additional burden of walking across the dating minefield while dealing with feelings about your ex is too much for anyone to manage. Your timetable is unique, and you've got to have your ducks lined up to manage the dating scene because it's brutal. Still, among all those lumps of coal are a few diamonds. Be patient and kind to yourself! You won't be able to spot them if your mired in sorrow. You're the key!

 

When will I get over my X? I don't want to grieve anymore (why is there no crying smiley on this site?).....

[Woggle]

There is a light at the end of the tunnel because even though my first put me through the ringer I actually found a great woman and we are happily married. It is a struggle getting over my trust issues but that is not her fault. It sucks that a woman like you has to get played while you see women who treat their men like garbage get treated like queens. Maybe your life can turn out like mine one day.

[trippi1432]

Wait...stop! Hold the phone!!! Willow - you took a step out there, one bad apple does not spoil the bunch! I give you kudos for finding out that he was on a swinger's site...good for you. You made the right decision and didn't compromise your beliefs, that's strength.

 

I've definitely seen this thread take a turn....men hurt, women hurt...we all have been there. The dating scene is extremely hard, getting to know someone and what they value without the topic of sexual compatibility coming up...very much a challenge because it is a necessary part of the relationship equivalent.

 

Willow, you have every right to exercise your boundaries and to state your beliefs and values up front; however, having said this, you shouldn't feel victimized in having those. You have only just started dipping your toe in the water and yes, that is a scary place to be sometimes, but there is someone out there just for you. No reason to give up looking, but being realistic that the question of sex will come up is a part of the total compatible relationship equation is acceptable. If a man comes on too strong in that area, then by all means, exercise your boundary and move on to find someone else more compatible, that is your right. We all deserve to find our own happiness and that is defined by us and our standards.

Edited November 15, 2010 by trippi1432

[skydiveaddict]

Hi all,

 

Seriously, I have a question for the men out there. Are any of you actually interested in an adult relationship based on respect and love

 

 

Yes, but most of us live in Denver.

[Steadfast]

 

When will I get over my X? I don't want to grieve anymore (why is there no crying smiley on this site?).....

 

 

No one can answer that willow, not even you. You'll probably never forget him completely, but as other things occur in your life you'll think of him less and less. This happens in small increments; not overnight.

 

The grieving process is often followed by depression, but you have to understand how the mind works. When your heart catches up with the reason of your mind, you'll begin to feel more indifferent. And stronger.

 

Just be sure that you're not holding on to it. Many people actually feel tremendous guilt trying to move on, and some even experience a nagging sense they're cheating. If that's happening, you're just not ready to date.

 

A crying smiley? This little guy is laughing but it looks the same to me-

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

I've been in a commited relationship viturally all of my adult life... 18 years with one woman, she is my only sexual partner in my entire life & sex is aand always has been a VERY strong part of our relationship.

 

I feel quite strongly that if I was unexpectedly in the dating market today, in my late 30's, I would have a totally different approach than the conventional male. I would specify very early in the relationship (right up front in my personal ad if I was on a dating site), that I would not be interested in sex for a minimum of 2-3 months of dating, if not longer. Though I wish I would say I could wait until marriage... that ain't likely to happen. I would expect complete STD testing to occur on both sides before becoming sexually intimate.

 

I feel both males and females 'give themselves away' way too easily in this day and age...

 

I suppose it's easier said than done and I might have a harder time sticking to the above if I was actually in that situation, one of those 'easier said than done' statements. Truly, I would like to know that the woman I am pursuing has very high self standards and expectations also...

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

I'm at the end of my tether, truly I am, I don't know if I honestly want to continue in this world, it's all so bloody hopeless.....what is a world without love?

 

Willow, there is always hope.

 

Love is the most basic need for all of us. The right man will come to you in due time...

[sumdude]

Willow, it's not easy getting back into dating after a divorce. You're still hurting a bit from how your ex just threw it all away and just your luck the first guy you ran into was a total schmuck. The good news is that you caught on long before you really invested that much into it. Give yourself some kudos for that. But keep in mind that just because the first apple that fell from the tree was rotten doesn't mean you won't find a good one some day. You don't know when that will happen but you have to keep your mind open to the idea. You'll probably have to meet and date a few before a real relationship blossoms.

[NoLongerSad]

W.O.W.:

 

 

"Genuine men" want to have sex with the women they date.

 

That doesn't mean immediately, necessarily.

 

But you're a 35 year old woman. Why would a healthy genuine man NOT want to have sex with you? If he didn't want to have sex with you, he wouldn't be dating you in the first place. EVERY MAN you will date WANTS TO HAVE SEX with you. EVERY MAN you date will regard having sex with you as A PRIMARY MOTIVATION for being in a relationship with you. Yes, they may ALSO want a relationship with you, but there has to be SEX.

 

Furthermore, if you are not particularly interested in having sex with a man, THEN DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME DATING THE GUY.

 

You don't have to love a man, or even like a man, to NOT have sex with him.

 

I love how so many women view sex as somehow NOT central to a healthy, mature, adult relationship.

 

Wrong. You can't wait to have sex until you've established a healthy, mature, loving relationship, because until you do have sex, then you don't have such a relationship. Sex is a necessary but not sufficient condition.

 

If you don't like having sex, or you don't like the guy you're with, enough that you're wanting to have it with him after the first few dates, then be honest about it and cut him loose. Let him try to find a woman who is not so hung up on the issue of sex.

 

Let me repeat it, since everyone else was avoiding the issue: Genuine men want to have sex with you--as soon as they can, as often as they can.

 

You seem to be distressed by the notion that many men, most men, maybe all men, who want to go out with you are doing so because they want to have sex with you.

 

But that's what genuine men do. They may have more subtle approaches then txting guy, they may be more patient, but they ALL want to have sex with you JUST AS MUCH as txting guy did. Maybe more as a matter of fact since txting guy just sounded like he was goofing around with you.

[willowthewisp]

There is a light at the end of the tunnel because even though my first put me through the ringer I actually found a great woman and we are happily married. It is a struggle getting over my trust issues but that is not her fault. It sucks that a woman like you has to get played while you see women who treat their men like garbage get treated like queens. Maybe your life can turn out like mine one day.

 

I really hope so Woggle it feels so hopeless right now.

 

No one can answer that willow, not even you. You'll probably never forget him completely, but as other things occur in your life you'll think of him less and less. This happens in small increments; not overnight.

 

The grieving process is often followed by depression, but you have to understand how the mind works. When your heart catches up with the reason of your mind, you'll begin to feel more indifferent. And stronger.

 

Just be sure that you're not holding on to it. Many people actually feel tremendous guilt trying to move on, and some even experience a nagging sense they're cheating. If that's happening, you're just not ready to date.

 

A crying smiley? This little guy is laughing but it looks the same to me-

 

Hi Steadfast, I don't feel gulity or like I'm cheating at all. My IC told me a couple of weeks ago that I display signs of having been subjected to domestic abuse bc I have been self blaming and turning my anger that should be directed at the dispicable way my X treated me inwards. It's weird bc I thought I was starting to feel angry with him but it's not anger how I have ever experienced it before, I feel something but it's hard to explain, it's like pure pain and hurt in my chest but I want to tell him he did me wrong. It's not anger exactly. I'm so confused, I don't even know what I am feeling anymore.

 

I've been in a commited relationship viturally all of my adult life... 18 years with one woman, she is my only sexual partner in my entire life & sex is aand always has been a VERY strong part of our relationship.

 

I feel quite strongly that if I was unexpectedly in the dating market today, in my late 30's, I would have a totally different approach than the conventional male. I would specify very early in the relationship (right up front in my personal ad if I was on a dating site), that I would not be interested in sex for a minimum of 2-3 months of dating, if not longer. Though I wish I would say I could wait until marriage... that ain't likely to happen. I would expect complete STD testing to occur on both sides before becoming sexually intimate.

 

I feel both males and females 'give themselves away' way too easily in this day and age...

 

I suppose it's easier said than done and I might have a harder time sticking to the above if I was actually in that situation, one of those 'easier said than done' statements. Truly, I would like to know that the woman I am pursuing has very high self standards and expectations also...

 

Thank you for posting to me, we are very similar, my X was the only man I have ever slept with as well, nearly 20 years together. I realise there are men out there that totally disagree with my perspective but there are others like you, I will not compromise what I need and feel bc someone disagrees with me and beleives me to have a problem bc I happen to have a different opinion to them.

 

For me, sex is more than a physical act and it is not something I can do until there is an intimate emotional connection between us, sex is an important part of a relationship but for me it is something shared between two people who love each other and are committed to each other and it deepens that love and commitment, not the other way round.

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

For me, sex is more than a physical act and it is not something I can do until there is an intimate emotional connection between us, sex is an important part of a relationship but for me it is something shared between two people who love each other and are committed to each other and it deepens that love and commitment, not the other way round.

 

I am sure that the right guy will be glad to wait for the opportunity to be sexually intimate with you... No need to compromise for anyone. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes those reasons are not clear at the time. Sometimes they never quite make sense. But it all happens for a reason.

[iheartboobs]

W.O.W.:

 

 

"Genuine men" want to have sex with the women they date.

 

That doesn't mean immediately, necessarily.

 

But you're a 35 year old woman. Why would a healthy genuine man NOT want to have sex with you? If he didn't want to have sex with you, he wouldn't be dating you in the first place. EVERY MAN you will date WANTS TO HAVE SEX with you. EVERY MAN you date will regard having sex with you as A PRIMARY MOTIVATION for being in a relationship with you. Yes, they may ALSO want a relationship with you, but there has to be SEX.

 

Furthermore, if you are not particularly interested in having sex with a man, THEN DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME DATING THE GUY.

 

You don't have to love a man, or even like a man, to NOT have sex with him.

 

I love how so many women view sex as somehow NOT central to a healthy, mature, adult relationship.

 

Wrong. You can't wait to have sex until you've established a healthy, mature, loving relationship, because until you do have sex, then you don't have such a relationship. Sex is a necessary but not sufficient condition.

 

If you don't like having sex, or you don't like the guy you're with, enough that you're wanting to have it with him after the first few dates, then be honest about it and cut him loose. Let him try to find a woman who is not so hung up on the issue of sex.

 

Let me repeat it, since everyone else was avoiding the issue: Genuine men want to have sex with you--as soon as they can, as often as they can.

 

You seem to be distressed by the notion that many men, most men, maybe all men, who want to go out with you are doing so because they want to have sex with you.

 

But that's what genuine men do. They may have more subtle approaches then txting guy, they may be more patient, but they ALL want to have sex with you JUST AS MUCH as txting guy did. Maybe more as a matter of fact since txting guy just sounded like he was goofing around with you.

 

I'm gonna have to go ahead and have to agree with this.

 

When I meet a woman, the first thing I ask myself is "do I want to have sex with her"... that doesn't mean I have any intention of bending her over the dinner table right there in the restaurant, but if the answer is "no" then I'm uninterested in anything past a purely platonic relationship. So... yeah, if (hypothetically) I called you to ask you out on a date, it's because I want to have sex with you eventually.

 

I can understand you not wanting just sex, or to move into anything too fast... but if you want a man to be interested in you, that means he's going to want to have sex. That doesn't mean you have to give it to him before you're ready, or that he's not willing to wait for you. Just because a man wants to have sex with you doesn't make him a creep... especially if you've been dating a little while. Texting "srsly take ur clothes off lol" wasn't the most tactful way to go about it, but he was probably just testing the waters to see if you were ever going to want to have sex.

 

I mean, sex may not be the most important part of a relationship, but it is important. I couldn't be with a woman who didn't want to have sex with me. I hardly think that makes me any less genuine.

[willowthewisp]

Gees IHB, do you really think that I DON'T want to have sex with a man I find attractive? Of course I do, I'm human I have a libido! What I am saying is that I don't want to just act on those physical feelings alone bc sex means more to me than that. I wouldn't feel comfortable and frankly I wouldn't find it enjoyable to have sex if there was no emotional connection between me and a man. Of course you're not going to date someone past plantonic if you don't find them sexually attractive, that doesn't mean I have to act on it. If I ******* every guy I found attractive I'd never get out of bed!

 

As for the sexting guy, he's on a swingers, extra marital affairs site asking people to text him dirty talk so he can get off on it. He was testing to see if I'd ever have sex with him huh? I HAD'NT EVEN MET THE GUY! Besides which I made it real clear to him that I like sex but in the context of a healthy, loving, committed relationship. He wasn't willing to wait (bc he is just looking to get off on dirty texting), it's his loss! I'm no prude, I intiate which some of my female freinds tell me they have never done. I'm not a sexually closed person with the right man whom I love and who loves me and respects me as more than a damm sex object.

 

On the way to work this morning I witnessed the immediate aftermath of a man who had just thrown himself out of a third story window, in a body bag, blood spilled all over the pavement and road. At work today I had a client who is homeless and one whose kids were just taken away by social services bc her ******* stbx called them for no reason. Can you imagine? How distressing for a mother. How terrifying for those children. There is more to life than this ****, sex IS important but not to the exclusion of a bond, a life long commitment to love someone. It's not the bloody be all and end all.

 

I'm not getting at you personally, it's been a tough day and well I've had it, I'm sat here crying all the time and wondering how the hell I will go on.

Edited November 16, 2010 by willowthewisp

[iheartboobs]

You can yell at me if you want, I've been fussed at more than a few times by women in my life. Doesn't bother me.

 

Didn't realize you'd never actually been out with the sexter... it's been a few days since I've read your initial post and was going off of memory. My bad. So, yeah, bad example, that guy was a creep.

 

You just seem to be going off on men because we like and want sex. I enjoy sex as part of a healthy and loving relationship. I also simply enjoy sex. I think it's rude to ask a girl if she'd be interested in casual sex with me, and I'd never do it... but when a girl makes it clear to me that's what she wants, I pretty well never turn her down (assuming, of course, that I'm available and interested). I really don't see how that makes me not a "genuine" man.

 

Buck up, there are men who are interested in more than just sex. Maybe you're just going to the wrong places to meet those men. Young guys at college are having the time of their lives and aren't particularly interested in immedietely settling down, as a rule. Try church or sports instead of school or bars... if you're looking online, try a site like eHarmony with a reputation for finding love instead of dates so, at least, you'll know the men you meet will be looking for the same thing you are.

Edited November 16, 2010 by iheartboobs

[willowthewisp]

You can yell at me if you want, I've been fussed at more than a few times by women in my life. Doesn't bother me.

 

Didn't realize you'd never actually been out with the sexter... it's been a few days since I've read your initial post and was going off of memory. My bad. So, yeah, bad example, that guy was a creep.

 

You just seem to be going off on men because we like and want sex. I enjoy sex as part of a healthy and loving relationship. I also simply enjoy sex. I think it's rude to ask a girl if she'd be interested in casual sex with me, and I'd never do it... but when a girl makes it clear to me that's what she wants, I pretty well never turn her down (assuming, of course, that I'm available and interested). I really don't see how that makes me not a "genuine" man.

 

When did I say that a man wanting casual sex with a women wanting casual sex makes him not a "genuine" man as you put it? What I said was that a man decieving a women into thinking he wants to find someone to settle down with and have a family and a long term committed relationship when in fact he really wants to use a women, who has made her intentions clear, for dirty sex texting is not a genuine man.

 

Also, I was not shouting at you, just out of frustration to the void at large.

[iheartboobs]

What I said was that a man decieving a women into thinking he wants to find someone to settle down with and have a family and a long term committed relationship when in fact he really wants to use a women, who has made her intentions clear, for dirty sex texting is not a genuine man.

 

Fair enough, then. I can't argue with that.

[willowthewisp]

I am sure that the right guy will be glad to wait for the opportunity to be sexually intimate with you... No need to compromise for anyone. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes those reasons are not clear at the time. Sometimes they never quite make sense. But it all happens for a reason.

 

Thank you again for posting, it's good to know there are men like you out there. Now if only I could find one.....

[2.50 a gallon]

Willow

 

"Take your clothes off and get into bed", I have no doubt that this guy is a player and has used the line before.

 

It is good that you figured it out and did a follow through and now you know. Mark it down as a learning experience.

 

Yes you know that there are great guys our there looking for someone such as yourself. There is a good chance that they are wounded too, and leery of coming forward.

 

I also agree with She not in love with me, there are reason most times we never recognize them.

 

In my case, I was a player, almost confirmed bachelor, finally met the right lady, took my vows, moved a thousand miles away to start a new life, and then quickly broke up. I kind of have an idea what the break up, but the moving I am sure of.

 

I was a college drop out, a journeyman factory worker. Six months after the break up, I am driving by a local large famous university about an hour away from my apartment when I get the urge to just drive through the campus as I have been told that it is beautiful. I then found a place to park and went for a walk, when I am about a half mile away from my car a large heavy rainstorm caught me unaware and I was forced to seek shelter in the graduate library. With nothing better to do I went to the history section and randomly took down an old book circa 1880. Within minutes I find the answer to a historical question that had remained unanswered since the turn of the century.

 

I am one of the lucky few who can really say that they have experienced an epiphany, as in the seconds that followed my rush, I came to realize that I could add to the knowledge of man. That my true calling in life was historical research. It had never occured to me that I might write something other than a letter to one of my relatives. As it turns out I have a knack for finding and seeing things that others have missed. At the time this happened I was in my mid 30's, I hadn't been in a library in over a dozen years, did not even own a library card, and now I have self published several small historical booklets and written several articles. Somehow it was fated that I was the one to find that little tidbit, as over the years, hundreds if not thousand had looked through that journal and never noticed that little squib of information.

 

I know realize that it was no accident or a coincidence that I found my way to the library that day.

 

Also upon looking back I can site similar tales for the 3 great loves that I have experienced in my life, my former fiance, my XW and my current GF. In each of our first meetings, they came out of the blue when I least expected it.

 

What I am trying to say, is you have made the first step and opened your heart to the possiblity of dating again. You are not likely to find what you are looking for right away. Nature abhors a vacuum, and nature will steer you on the right path when she thinks that it is time for you to meet.

 

Expect the unexpected when you least expect it.

[goingstrong]

Willow,

 

I think the conversation has steered away from the title of your OP.

 

Are there any genuine men out there?

 

To answer your OP, yes there are, but the odds are slim that you will find them online. For every genuine man online, there are 10 posers. Get out there and get involved and stay the hell way from the unholy crap that comes off of the internet.

[Crow9726]

I just finished reading this post from the beginning...and have this to say.

 

I think the OP overreacted to the text. It's obvious...even to a genuine man like me...that he was flirting. A man wants to feel wanted and needed just as much as a woman does. If there is no chemistry...no sexual tension...no flirting and come-ons...then what's the use. He can find companionship with his friends and family. Instead of cutting him off...she could have joked some with him while still maintaining boundaries. Telling him to go away was counter-productive...smells of massive insecurities...and tells me that the OP is nowhere near ready to interract with a man...genuine or not.

 

It was pointed out that texting leaves much to be deciphered. I definitely agree and am a big believer in having actual phone conversations and face to face talks. Texts are...well...confusing at best. When you told him to never contact you again he obviously followed your advice. I can't blame him.

 

You found out he is on other sites as well trolling for sex. Well...since he was talking to you but not getting a sexual vibe...and since men are sexual creatures to their very core (for the most part)...perhaps he is lonely and nows feels rejected by you...so is looking for physical affection and gratification (playing the devil's advocate here).

 

Men as a rule aren't going to wait until marriage for sex...not in real life and not at the age of the OP and her preferred dating pool. I'm not the only one who has been disappointed in the sexual nature of a relationship...and no matter how good the rest of it is...if the sex ain't good the relationship is doomed to fail.

 

Perhaps online dating is not the way for the OP to go. Since she is looking for Christian values...although she has backslid by her own admission and lost her faith...singles groups through various churches should be an option.

 

In any event...many of the posts on this thread are damning the man involved. He could honestly be looking for a relationship and was testing the waters with her. If she can't even joke in a sexual manner...then no matter what her future openness in the bedroom may promise...a genuine man isn't interested in a woman being a "cold fish".

 

Loosen up OP...change your approach and mindset or get out of the game. Because at this stage of your life...that's all it is...a numbers game...a mating game...and nothing you can say or do will change that.

 

Just my opinion...and for what it's worth...opinions are like *********s. Everybody's got one and they all stink.

[blizzard]

Willowisp I haven't had a chance to read through all of the posts.

 

I am on my way to divorce and I the thought of dating weighs heavily on mind. I am lonely. I will be lonely. But I don't want to date. Does that make sense?

 

I have been married for 10yrs. We dated for 6 yrs prior to marriage. Online dating, texting, fbing wasn't available. Now it's widespread and as common as you change you underwear. So lets say I did meet someone in person...my fear is that during our date that he is going to /txt/fbing another woman under the table or in the restroom. Or he can't wait until he gets to his car to pull out his phone talk "noise" to someone else.

 

I just don't trust our generation and dating. Technology makes it impossible. So many ppl are hooked on it. How do you trust?