Are there any genuine men out there?

[willowthewisp]

I think you're just over analyzing and over thinking. You can have sex on a first date or 6 months into a relationship and it will not guarantee the outcome. instead of being afraid and focused on finding the "right one", you should enjoy yourself and let the things take its course.

Maybe the first person you date will not be the right one, but you will never know if you don't try. Instead of thinking that all guys want only sex, try to relax and give that person a chance.

 

I think having sex early in a relationship is important, and this is coming from a guy who's fully committed when I find a person I care about. I think it's really important for 2 people to be sexually compatible. If you wait 6 months to have sex with someone, you could be wasting your time because if you're not sexually compatible it's not going to work. If you have sex in early stages of a relationship, you have a chance to see if you guys match before you become committed.

 

My last relationship started out as a fling, we were friends and ended up hooking up. Sex was great and it started bringing us closer together. It was followed by 5 years of amazing relationship which unfortunately ended because of issues not related to our relationship. She started having emotional problems and needed a fresh dose of dopamine to deal with it. Wrong people, drugs and too much alcohol, she decided to leave.

My point is, as a guy i fell deeply in love with woman who initiated sex on our second date!

 

it's all about what you have to offer besides sex. for men, sex is a physical pleasure first and it doesn't necessarily mean commitment, but without sex commitment is impossible IMHO. I wouldn't want to wait until we exchange "i love you's" to have sex. And I definitely wouldn't want to be with a woman who's afraid of sex! not at this age anyway. I'm 31 now.

 

Good luck

 

Well, that's your opinion. I disagree. There are plenty of Christians in the world who also disagree, no sex before marriage. All this stuff about being sexually compatibile is similar to when people say they must live together before marraige in case they can't, aren't compatibile. If you treat a relationship as a trial run, it will be a trial run, if you marry and accept that a good healthy marriage will take work and compromise then you start out as you mean to go on, working it out together.

 

I'm not afraid of sex and I am no prude in the bedroom but for me sex is an emotional act not just physical. Personally I think I'm worth the wait, if the guy doesn't agree, well then he's not the right guy for me and it's his loss because I am a pretty great catch (no I'm not up myself of big headed) but I have a fantasic well paid profession, I'm loyal, comitted, honest, passionate and would never cheat, I'm tall, slim, brunette and not bad looking and I want the man that I am with to be satisfied and happy in every way, including sexually.

[willowthewisp]

OP, how do you feel about that? Remember, how you process the words is a *choice*. This poster has shared a relevant perspective, one which *many* men have. Let's assume you disagree with it. How do you process that?

 

There is value in seeing the 'see her/him, f*ck her/him, love her/him, marry her/him' perspective, and all its intermediate levels. It's how many men and women operate, without obvious thought or introspection. It's valid and healthy for them. Is it valid and healthy for you? Does it fit with your psyche? Can you accept that you're different, if applicable, and that your perspective is equally valid and healthy? Are you ? Are they ? Are you and they something else? How do you feel about that?

 

Pay the receptionist on the way out. It's time for me to do some welding. Take care

 

Well I think I answered that, we cross posted, my opinion is just as valid as his, I have enough self esteem to know my own value and I am entitled to my opinion just like he is. I am also entitled to live my life how I choose and to date people with a similar outlook.

[hopesndreams]

Well, that's your opinion. I disagree. There are plenty of Christians in the world who also disagree, no sex before marriage. All this stuff about being sexually compatibile is similar to when people say they must live together before marraige in case they can't, aren't compatibile. If you treat a relationship as a trial run, it will be a trial run, if you marry and accept that a good healthy marriage will take work and compromise then you start out as you mean to go on, working it out together.

 

I'm not afraid of sex and I am no prude in the bedroom but for me sex is an emotional act not just physical. Personally I think I'm worth the wait, if the guy doesn't agree, well then he's not the right guy for me and it's his loss because I am a pretty great catch (no I'm not up myself of big headed) but I have a fantasic well paid profession, I'm loyal, comitted, honest, passionate and would never cheat, I'm tall, slim, brunette and not bad looking and I want the man that I am with to be satisfied and happy in every way, including sexually.

 

You have a Christian attitude about sex. Seek other Christians that feel the same. There are MANY out there even though it doesn't seem like it. Stick to your principles and don't ever be swayed.

 

Am curious, was this latest guy a Christian?

[hopesndreams]

Well I think I answered that, we cross posted, my opinion is just as valid as his, I have enough self esteem to know my own value and I am entitled to my opinion just like he is. I am also entitled to live my life how I choose and to date people with a similar outlook.

 

BINGO!

[willowthewisp]

You have a Christian attitude about sex. Seek other Christians that feel the same. There are MANY out there even though it doesn't seem like it. Stick to your principles and don't ever be swayed.

 

Am curious, was this latest guy a Christian?

 

No his profile said unreligious, mine said C of E. I would love to date a Christian H&D unfortunately I lost my faith about 4 years ago and have not been able to find it again. After all the pain I have been though in the last 2 years I have been unable to beleive that a God exisits. I wish I could find my faith again, life would be better, but I can't.

 

Unfortunealy Christian men don't really want to date Atheisits and it seems a lot of men think like the above poster, those that have a similar view to me are few and far between I suspect?

[fltc]

Personally, I think the problem is texting, it's way too remote and devoid of feelings and/or emotions.

 

I'd try for a face to face meeting with anyone that interested me, probably at a neutral place such as a coffee shop, etc. and should be at noon so there is no suggestion of anything other than a first 'get acquainted' meeting.

 

You can ask the questions you need to ask and evaluate the answers much better than you can by texting or emailing and you can disengage with a "gotta get back to work, now."

 

I hope this helps some but it may be just me, I have an aversion to texting and have it blocked on my phone and at my carrier's website.

 

PS. There ARE good guys out there, don't let one jerk stop your search!

 

PPS. I'm a good guy but She Who Must Be Obeyed won't let me date.

[hopesndreams]

No his profile said unreligious, mine said C of E. I would love to date a Christian H&D unfortunately I lost my faith about 4 years ago and have not been able to find it again. After all the pain I have been though in the last 2 years I have been unable to beleive that a God exisits. I wish I could find my faith again, life would be better, but I can't.

 

Unfortunealy Christian men don't really want to date Atheisits and it seems a lot of men think like the above poster, those that have a similar view to me are few and far between I suspect?

 

That's a question for the atheists out there and those non-religious.

 

As a Christian myself, I would never entertain the thought of having a relationship with someone who doesn't believe in God. So, you are right on that score.

[willowthewisp]

That's a question for the atheists out there and those non-religious.

 

As a Christian myself, I would never entertain the thought of having a relationship with someone who doesn't believe in God. So, you are right on that score.

 

Exactly H&D and when I had faith I wouldn't have wanted to be with someone who didn't either ( I beleived my X to be Christian, but turned out that he is not, but that's a whole other story).

 

Urgh, what am I am going to do? It all seems so hopeless.

[scaredandalone1223]

After taking a really hard, really long overdue, look in the mirror over the last few weeks what I find most difficult is realizing I had one of those genuine guys and was willing to throw it away for my own selfish desires. I had a man who put providing for his family as his top priority, a man who never looked at other women, despite I was his first and only relationship, a man who just wanted time with his family over a night on the town w/ drinks and friends. I thought I needed more. I wanted to measure life by the things I did, where he wanted to measure life by leaving a legacy of honor where his family was concerned. There are good, honest, genuine men out there one of which loved me with his whole heart and I'm left picking up the pieces because I recognized it too late. Sothey are out there and when you do find one DO NOT take them for granted!

[2.50 a gallon]

How many here have noticed the irony between this thread and Tojaz's, "Nice Guys Finish Last"

 

I submit the idea that instead of complaining about this guy maybe you should point your finger at your fellow females.

 

I learned very early that to be a nice guy was to be dumped on. I truly wanted to be a nice guy, even wrote poetry, but for my survival I had to kill the inner poet, as this came off as wimpy.

 

I adopted the idea that "Ladies Love Outlaws" and my love life took off. The less I cared the more they cared and chased me.

 

Thirty years ago I had a large group of friends. Of the males, about a quarter of they were nice guys with great jobs, but they were quiet, and were giving up on finding that special someone as they reached their 30's. I still have Christmas card contacts with some of the old group, sadly over half have divorced, many were like S&A1223's H, and some never remarried. They became Woggles and never trusted again. Of the guys who had not married, most never did.

 

Like I said they were quiet, just wanted to have a quiet life and would have treated that special someone as a queen, would have provided them a great family life and kids. But being quiet and not dominat, they were not seen by women as being relationship worthy.

Edited November 14, 2010 by 2.50 a gallon

[Woggle]

How many here have noticed the irony between this thread and Tojaz's, "Nice Guys Finish Last"

 

I submit the idea that instead of complaining about this guy maybe you should point your finger at your fellow females.

 

I learned very early that to be a nice guy was to be dumped on. I truly wanted to be a nice guy, even wrote poetry, but for my survival I had to kill the inner poet, as this came off as wimpy.

 

I adopted the idea that "Ladies Love Outlaws" and my love life took off. The less I cared the more they cared and chased me.

 

Thirty years ago I had a large group of friends. Of the males, about a quarter of they were nice guys with great jobs, but they were quiet, and were giving up on finding that special someone as they reached their 30's. I still have Christmas card contacts with some of the old group, sadly over half have divorced, many were like S&A1223's H, and some never remarried. They became Woggles and never trusted again. Of the guys who had not married, most never did.

 

Like I said they were quiet, just wanted to have a quiet life and would have treated that special someone as a queen, would have provided them a great family life and kids. But being quiet and not dominat, they were not seen by women as being relationship worthy.

 

Sadly this is all too common. Praise to the women who truly can appreciate a good but sadly there are not enough of them. I am glad that that scareandalone can realize her mistakes and maybe she can warn other women not to throw it away for some jerk.

[Mad Max]

There are many genuine men. Unfortunately, many women label them as "weak" or "boring". Many women wouldn't know a good guy if he was right in front of them.

[willowthewisp]

How many here have noticed the irony between this thread and Tojaz's, "Nice Guys Finish Last"

 

I submit the idea that instead of complaining about this guy maybe you should point your finger at your fellow females.

 

I learned very early that to be a nice guy was to be dumped on. I truly wanted to be a nice guy, even wrote poetry, but for my survival I had to kill the inner poet, as this came off as wimpy.

 

I adopted the idea that "Ladies Love Outlaws" and my love life took off. The less I cared the more they cared and chased me.

 

Thirty years ago I had a large group of friends. Of the males, about a quarter of they were nice guys with great jobs, but they were quiet, and were giving up on finding that special someone as they reached their 30's. I still have Christmas card contacts with some of the old group, sadly over half have divorced, many were like S&A1223's H, and some never remarried. They became Woggles and never trusted again. Of the guys who had not married, most never did.

 

Like I said they were quiet, just wanted to have a quiet life and would have treated that special someone as a queen, would have provided them a great family life and kids. But being quiet and not dominat, they were not seen by women as being relationship worthy.

 

 

Good point Galleon, but when a lady makes it clear that they are not like these other women, that actually they are stright forward and honest and wanting a sensitive, caring man, then surely this guy should stop what he was doing and either be honest or cut contact?

 

What gets me most about it is that he has plenty of options avialable if that's what he is looking for, there are plenty of "intimate encounter" profiles on the site I was on, why waste a the time of a women who is clearly not up for that, when he can just go stright to them? It's like some can of weird power trip or something.

[willowthewisp]

After taking a really hard, really long overdue, look in the mirror over the last few weeks what I find most difficult is realizing I had one of those genuine guys and was willing to throw it away for my own selfish desires. I had a man who put providing for his family as his top priority, a man who never looked at other women, despite I was his first and only relationship, a man who just wanted time with his family over a night on the town w/ drinks and friends. I thought I needed more. I wanted to measure life by the things I did, where he wanted to measure life by leaving a legacy of honor where his family was concerned. There are good, honest, genuine men out there one of which loved me with his whole heart and I'm left picking up the pieces because I recognized it too late. Sothey are out there and when you do find one DO NOT take them for granted!

 

Scaredandalone,

 

I have read your thread and I would hold of on blaming yourself for mow until after you two start MC next week. I really hope that I am wrong but I would not be surprised to see posting on here in the near future that your husband is having an affair with this "friend", perhaps you were unhappy because you were picking up on this and responded, pefect for him, he gets to leave and look like the one wronged. We shall see though, I sincerly hope I am wrong.

[scaredandalone1223]

I have learned to 'never say never' but I strongly believe when he moved out he had never cheated on me. Our trust was our rock and carried more weight during our hard times than anyone else could ever understand. I firmly believe he felt as I did that not only could we not cheat because of what it would do to each other, but the fact it would destroy ourselves from within. I do worry now, I worry about an EA because of the distance between us. I also know that when I did what I did he saw that as a break in trust and that is what got us here. It was not a break in trust as far as an affair, but a break in trust that I wasn't there when he needed me. Since we had that as our foundation that is why it has been so hard for him to overcome. I told him to leave, I told him it was over. I REGRET that more than any post could possibly portray. His leaving opened my eyes to how much I LOVED and VALUED him, but it opened his eyes on how much I had let him down through the years. So I made my bed and now I'm left to be the one to lie in it...ALONE! You know the saying 'careful what you wish you may regret it, careful what you wish you just might get it'....I'm living that day in and day out now!

[willowthewisp]

Well, I just thought I would put his username into an internet search engine and found he's on a sex dating site looking for e-mail/chat.

 

So he was just playing me to get what he wanted, what an absolute *******.

 

Do I text him and tell him I know and that he's a ******, no probably not a good idea hey?

[Darth Vader]

Well, I just thought I would put his username into an internet search engine and found he's on a sex dating site looking for e-mail/chat.

 

So he was just playing me to get what he wanted, what an absolute *******.

 

Do I text him and tell him I know and that he's a ******, no probably not a good idea hey?

 

 

Nope, not a soul out there!:lmao: J/K! I couldn't resist!

 

 

The thing is about true "Nice Guys" that also goes for Nice, or rather "Good Girls" is they don't ever go to bars, and I mean NEVER! There's nothing but a bunch of drunk horny people in there looking for a quicky good time(I say this under the assumption, as I've never been to one, but I know someone who has.). Anyway, they don't go to parties, are usually quite and keep to themselves(not the psychotic maniacs you hear about), attend Church, well, you get the point.

Edited November 14, 2010 by Darth Vader

[Mad Max]

The thing is about true "Nice Guys" that also goes for Nice, or rather "Good Girls" is they don't ever go to bars, and I mean NEVER!

 

 

I don't go to bars or clubs. But I consider myself to be a good guy, not a nice guy. I'm not a pushover.

[112233]

At this point I'm not going to invest in someone emotionally unless I know she's good in bed.

[skydiveaddict]

There are many genuine men. Unfortunately, many women label them as "weak" or "boring". Many women wouldn't know a good guy if he was right in front of them.

 

 

True words

[Darth Vader]

There are many genuine men. Unfortunately, many women label them as "weak" or "boring". Many women wouldn't know a good guy if he was right in front of them.

 

 

That's true! Many women these days consider "Nice Guys" as weak and boring! What a Paradox! Just goes to show you, these women don't know what they want!

[Mad Max]

That's true! Many women these days consider "Nice Guys" as weak and boring! What a Paradox! Just goes to show you, these women don't know what they want!

 

 

It shows one of two things:

 

 

1)They're full of sh*t when it comes to what they want

 

2)They're piss poor at communicating their wants and desires

[Darth Vader]

It shows one of two things:

 

 

1)They're full of sh*t when it comes to what they want

 

2)They're piss poor at communicating their wants and desires

 

 

Or 3) They're playing mind games to screw with our heads, no wonder men don't want marriage anymore! Then you hear all of this crap "where did all of the good men go to"!? Just crap talk! Then they wonder why men are angry with women, well DUH!

[Steadfast]

This thread is a sad commentary on the state of relationships. Especially in the US and the UK I think, because of the wide open media exposure.

 

Modern social-theology has driven a wedge between men and women, destroying family values and its importance. For men, we're bombarded by information about what women 'want'...ranging from equality to the desire for a 'real' man. This eats away at man's natural desire to protect and woman's natural instinct to nurture. No matter what, women seek stability but crave excitement and drama. For many men the 'public lady/private whore' is desirable, but this eventually erodes respect and attraction.

 

The truth is, most women want what they can't have. Only those with the strongest of constitution are able to withstand the incredible peer pressure they'll likely to face. This sense of entitlement is the poison that takes over a woman's mind and destroys lives. Most only realize this when it's too late. The same can be said for men, but we're simpler; we like having our women and our fun. Many take that too far, including other women in as masculine enrichment. These selfish fools for the most part are momma's boys who've been told their whole lives they're the center of the world.

 

For me, and men like me, the stark reality is that we are not. The only course left is to be ourselves and if that isn't good enough...then it isn't good enough. I'm not a bad boy, but I have realized that I do not need a woman to make me happy. My faith, livelihood and my children will sustain my joy. I have a wonderful women in my life and I do appreciate her, but no matter how good it is, there are no guarantees. This generation is incapable of making good on promises and thus, we have 'evolved' into not believing them. Betrayal is now justified as 'growth' and lying is dismissed as confusion. All passed off as the fault of someone else.

 

Best to stand on your own feet and do some real good. Expect nothing is return for your good deeds. Do them for the betterment of those around you. Alone or in a relationship, it's best not to stray too far from yourself.

Edited November 15, 2010 by Steadfast

[Woggle]

Good point Galleon, but when a lady makes it clear that they are not like these other women, that actually they are stright forward and honest and wanting a sensitive, caring man, then surely this guy should stop what he was doing and either be honest or cut contact?

 

What gets me most about it is that he has plenty of options avialable if that's what he is looking for, there are plenty of "intimate encounter" profiles on the site I was on, why waste a the time of a women who is clearly not up for that, when he can just go stright to them? It's like some can of weird power trip or something.

 

Yes he should and it is sad that so many innocent people of both genders are caught in the crossfire of the battle of the sexes these days. As with any war it seems that innocent people suffer the worst.