stepmomgoingnuts Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 I'm going nuts...I'm married to the dearest man in the world who is a wonderful step parent to my 2 children from my previous marriage. We also have two little ones together. My problem is his two older children (14 and 17) will only spend time with him when they want money or he is taking them shopping or to the movies- otherwise they won't come over. He is heartbroken- but continues to try to have a relationship with them. I'm so sad for him- and so frustrated because the rare times they are with us they constantly whine and ask for money and put guilt trips on him about paying for special vacation trips for them or buying them things. It's painful- and affects the whole family. To make things even more fun- they refuse to eat anything but junk food (pringles and ramen)- REFUSE. Not even a hot dog or plain hamburger- or even a plain grilled sandwich- REFUSE. - saying "we're picky." I'm not a health nut- but raise my children to have manners and not get up from the dinner table, get pringles- then sit on the couch and text. My husband is scared that if we push at them they won't come over at all- and that's turning out to be the case...we're both heartbroken- help!
sally4sara Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 This has two things going on I think. One; their getting older and hanging out with the parents becomes less and less interesting to them. Two; these kids have been poorly raised and your husband has part of the blame for that. He's in a tough spot since its been allowed to continue to the ages they are now. If he tries to rear them better, they will want to come over even less. The only thing I'd do is stop indulging them and falling for the guilt trips. Its doing nothing good for anyone. And enforce better eating habits. Talk to their mom about doing the same and what indulging them is causing. Imagine these kids as adults! If you can't get her on board with it too, its still best to set better standards. They will either come around or not. But you don't want your younger kids learning these habits if you don't enjoy them out of the older ones already.
DaisyLeigh Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 What the hell will he lose, really? They are both spoiled ass brats anyway.
karaann07 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 What the hell will he lose, really? They are both spoiled ass brats anyway. Ha ha ha. True. But they are HIS spoiled ass brats... so, he loves them! To the OP, you are an admirable woman, because I would be pretty hateful about the situation, and you don't sound that way at all. Is there a custody arrangement? The fact is, the 17 year old probably couldn't care less about any of you... He/she is 17, man! Way too cool for you! I wouldn't take it personally. And similar story with the 14 year old. They're getting older, wanting to do MUCH less with parents. But NOBODY is doing them any favors by not enforcing the rules. If there is a custody arrangement, it really doesn't matter whether or not they WANT to come over... they kind of have to!
DaisyLeigh Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Ha ha ha. True. But they are HIS spoiled ass brats... so, he loves them! To the OP, you are an admirable woman, because I would be pretty hateful about the situation, and you don't sound that way at all. Is there a custody arrangement? The fact is, the 17 year old probably couldn't care less about any of you... He/she is 17, man! Way too cool for you! I wouldn't take it personally. And similar story with the 14 year old. They're getting older, wanting to do MUCH less with parents. But NOBODY is doing them any favors by not enforcing the rules. If there is a custody arrangement, it really doesn't matter whether or not they WANT to come over... they kind of have to! I know that he loves them. Of course he does. But their behavior is shameful and disgusting. Even as a teen, although I was never perfect, I still respected my parents and grandparents. I did not whine for money and expect everything handed to me and have to be bribed to see people. Truthfully, what does he have to lose?
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